« PreviousContinue »
for the purpose of destroying each other, “ That is much to the purpose,” and the others to witness the action; answered the other; “What would it perhaps the most simple way of express- have been had I lodged it in your brain ?” ing what is termed “an affair of ho- “So much the worse for you, if you
As two of these four were are awkward.” seriously determined each to blow out “ So much the worse for you, if you the other's brains, they hired from the parry so well.” gunsmith a superb pair of pistols, in “ Indeed! So I am to pay for the such admirable condition, that it was pleasure of having come within an ace really a pleasure for gentlemen of honour of getting my skull cracked.” to split skulls with such weapons.
Ar- • And I am to pay for your pleasure rived at the wood, the ground was at finding yourself in life and unchosen, a beautiful downy turf, fresh, scathed.” shady, and inviting; in fact, such as two “ Pleasure or not, I defy you to lay it twilight lovers might have selected as a to my charge. place of rendezvous.
" That is what we must see.” “ There, let's make haste," exclaimed one,“ here's the spot. We wait but for “ This very minute." these gentlemen to hand us our instru- “ With all my heart.” ments, and then we commence with the And snatching a pair of foils, they ball.”
rushed like madmen to the door; the “ But for all that,” ventured one of one who had damaged the pistol, was the seconds
especially delighted to take his revenge. “I shall be sure to leave my bones But the poor d-1 was far from possesshere rather than make an apology:", ing a lucky hand that morning. At the
“ So much the better,” replied his first pass he himself was run through. adversary. “ For rest assured I would " You are a dead man!” exclaimed not accept of one."
the other, passing his sword through the They received each a loaded pistol. body. The first who fired, made the hat of his “'T is possible," murmured he, as he antagonist fly from his head.
fell; “but for all that, it is not I who “ The aim was too high,” said he will pay for the pistol, J. G. W. lowering very coolly his pistol, the buttend of which, by way of parade, he
PLAYING TRICKS. placed over his eyes.
(Translated from the French). “ Thank you," replied the other, and in his turn let fly.
A circumstance occurred about this time “Ah! oh!” exclaimed his adversary, in the neighbourhood of Montivilliers, receding a step: “ You don't profit which I do not think useless to relate to amiss by the advice which one gives you, were it only to forwarn you against you.
certain pastimes with which people of The fact was that the ball had shatter- bad taste sometimes amuse themselves in ed the stock of the pistol, which he held this country. I speak of those kinds of in his hand, and but for his lucky idea, diversions which consist of playing tricks. would have drilled a hole in his head. A young member of parliament from
“ Enough, enough,” said the seconds. Normandy, named M. de Martainville, Willing or unwilling they were recon- (newly married), had assembled in his ciled somewhat in the same way that an chateau about twenty persons who had axle-tree is repaired, which has given intended to pass the holidays there, and way on the road; the first jolt upsets the among the number were several officers carriage.
of the neighbouring garrisons. They then returned to the gunsmith's They pierced the walls and floors to to restore the arms which they had bor. attach threads to your curtains and rowed.
coverlids; they dug holes concealed be« The d-1!” exclaimed the man, neath the grass, to cause the overthrow “ there is no question here but some of rider and steed; they put salt in your head has escaped beautifully! But who coffee, pepper in your tobacco, and cois to pay me for the damage ?”
loquintida at the edge of your goblet. “'Twould be droll were it I,” said he Burgundy pitch in your linen, and chopwho broke the pistol.
ped horsehair in the sheets of your bed. " But not so droll either,” answered You may imagine that there were frogs the one who had escaped. “ It was not and crabs in every bed in the castle. I who lodged the ball in the stock.” That is a fundamental idea in these pro
vincial mystifications, and they tell me gratitude that I owe him does not preit is the first thought which enters the vent me from saying that he was a vilminds of these charming country wags. lanous, little, yellow rascal. He was to No one could go to visit the young cou- be disguised as an old woman; a young ple without finding himself assailed by officer intended to dress himself as a all this vulgar fun of snares and imper. waiting-woman; and, above all things, tinent jokes, which made their castle a they had taken great care to conceal the rock and a shoal for all the neighbouring preparations of these disguises, which nobility.
were only known to two or three perLe Martainville and his lady expected sons; but they were divulged by the atMadame Herault de Sechelles to visit tendant of a dandy in the society. Imthem, the widow of the intendant of mediately art was opposed to art, and Alençon, who was going to the waters arrangements were made to mystify the of Barege by short journeys, and they mystifiers. Thus, while they were waithad invited her to rest several days at ing to receive the masqueraders with Martainville. It is as well to mention buffets and abuse in the best possible that she was recovering from an inflam- manner, lo! the real Intendante arrived. mation of the lungs—that she had an They precipitated themselves on her like income of sixty thousand livres, and the an avalanche, tore her furbelowed gown, Martainvilles were her principal heirs. her stiffened collar, her cap, her wig, and She was an old femme de robe, infinitely finally treated her in such a cruel manfastidious and whimsical, and exacting ner, that the thing is horrible to think to an excess--one of those real intendantes of. The poor lady was so suddenly who are flattered by the society of a small seized, that she could neither cry out town, and who never take the trouble nor utter a single word, but in their exto turn up the cards at reversis; alluding clamations she heard the most perfidious to which, Cardinal de Fleury used to say revelations. “ Vile ostrich! tiresome to the young king, when he played woman! old dowager! ah, you are gothoughtlessly, “ Madame L'Intendante, ing to the waters to make your heirs it is your turn to turn up the cards." languish, are you? Here are mineral
“ Ah!” said the Martainvilles to all waters—here are baths!” and kicks and their flocks of starlings and crows, cuffs, and pailfulls of pump water fell more follies during the stay of Aunt de on her amidst the most frightful tumult. Sechelles. Be wise and serious, gentle- After a quarter of an hour of such treatmen and ladies, and do not forget that ment, she had fallen beneath the blows she is a rich relation."
and remained prostrate on the pavement They had removed, I don't know what of the hall, when they perceived that lady president, to reserve the best room she shewed no signs of life. Lights were for this illustrious valetudinarian, and brought,and theybeheld not the little Clerplaced all the most commodious furniture mont, but the poor old lady almost dead. in the chamber destined for her, as well Every one fled from the castle except as all the most charming Chinese orna- the relations, who tore their hair, and ments and porcelaines de Saxe in the could not come into her presence withhouse. Care was taken to keep a fine out feeling the deepest horror! She poutarde au gros sel, with pigeons bouillis died the third day, and as she had made a l'orge mondée, and cailles au laitues, no will, it was found that the fortune without counting fresh eggs in cold was naturally to devolve to the Martainwater, and Alicant wine in warm. In villes. They were thus compromised in short, the kitchen and whole household the public opinion to such a degree, that of Martainville had been kept under the dreadful mistake was judicially inarms for more than eight days, and quired into, and M. de Martainville Madame L'Intendante did not arrive! was obliged to appear in his defence. The family began to be uneasy, and the As he was full of honour, and his guests were impatient.
wife was delicacy itself, they would touch You must know that the master of the absolutely nothing of the inheritance, house had never seen his wife's aunt, and which they gave up to the collateral she had not herself seen her old relation heirs. Soon after they sold the fine since the age of five or six years, from manor of Martainville, and even changwhich originated the idea of playing ed their name to that of their barony them a trick. Among this facetious of which the family still bear. troop, was a little Mr. Clermont D'Am- Madame de Maintenon said, that good boise, who, be it said in passing, wished taste implies good sense, and that is the to marry me some years after, but the moral of this anecdote. J. G. W.
London in the Sirteenth Century. called a fardin (farthing), which is the half
of a tournoys, a half-penny; another coin The following singular account of the is the gros (groat); the next sixpence, manners of our ancestors is taken from the other chelin (shilling). The men an extremely curious book, printed in are tall, red-haired, and upright; and Paris in 1558, and written by a French- commonly they are of white complexions, man of the name of Perlin, who came for they are towards the north. The over to England in the suite of the French women are esteemed the most beautiful ambassador, who resided here at the in the world, and are as white as alabaslatter end of the reign of Edward VI. ter, and do not even displease the This work, which is very rare, is a small Italians, the Flemings, or the Germans; duodecimo, and is entitled, “ Descrip- they are joyous, courteous, and kind. tion des Royaulmes d'Angleterre et The English are very joyous one with d'Escosse, composé par Maistre Estienne another, and are very fond of music, for Perlin;" and it is dedicated to the there is no church, however small, in Duchess de Berri, the sister of Henry which they do not sing music. They II., then king of France. This work are also great drunkards : for if an Engcontains some singular historical anec- lishman wishes to treat you, he will say dotes respecting the accession of Mary to his own language, “ Vis dring a quarta the throne, which we do not recollect to vim vim Gasquoine, vim Lespaignol, have met with elsewhere; and also an vim Malvoysey;" that is to say, come account of her public entrance into Lon- and drink a quart of Gascony wine, or don. It likewise gives some details re- Spanish wine, or Malmsey wine : in specting the execution of the Duke of drinking and in eating they will say, Northumberland, and other partisans of more than a hundred times, “ drind Lady Jane Grey. From the extracts' iou ; that is to say, I drink to you : and which we give, it will be obvious that the you answer in their language, “eplaigiu," French formerly possessed that happy which is to say, I pledge you. facility of mis-spelling our proper names thank them, you say to them, in their which they are celebrated for in the pre- language, “ God tanque artelay;" that is sent day ; indeed, in this respect they so to say, I thank you with all my heart. metamorphose classical names, as fre- When you drink with them you swear quently to render the application dubious by your life or death that you will drink -an unpardonable liberty.
all that you have in your cup, and you « The inhabitants of this place (Lon. say, “ Bigod sol drind iou agoud oin.” don) are fond of good cheer, and are I will drink your good wine. Observe, given to banquetting; you see many if you please, that in this country, they rich taverns, and the tavern-keepers have commonly use vessels of silver when they ordinarily full houses, and possess much drink wine, and you will ordinarily say silver : from this you may believe that at table, “good cheer.” The servants the country is very rich. The persons wait upon their masters with uncovered engaged in trade or handicraft gain more heads, and lean their caps on the buffets: in this place in a week than those in Ger- it is necessary to mark that in this kingmany or Spain do in a month. For you dom, so excellent in other respects, there may see the hat-makers and joiners, and is no order. The people are rough, and other artisans, commonly playing at ball are enemies to good manners, and also for a crown piece, which is hardly to be to letters. They know not what is due seen in any other place, and more par- to God; and what St. Paul said to ticularly so on a working day. And another people applies to them: “Be not then to see them making good cheer carried away by every wind of doctrine, every day in the taverns, on rabbits, but be constant and continue in what leverets, and all other viands.
In this country the tives of France, chiefly to be met with in shops of all the trades-people are open, this country, are Normans, of the dis- as those of the barbers in France, and trict of Caux, who have become natural- have also large openings of glass for the ized English: these are very bad and ill- workshops and upper chambers, and this spoken, and worse than any of the English, is the case with the shops of the tradesand they never speak from their hearts(i.e. people in all the towns." with sincerity). Fish is in great plenty The extreme severity of our criminal here, as well as beer. I have purchased laws in those days did not escape the nine plaice for a denier, which is called a well-merited censure of the author of this peni (penny). In this country there are work, for he says: “In this country you several kinds of money, the smallest is will not meet with many great lords, the
heads of whose near relatives have not been them by force to his lips, bathed them in cut off. Truly I would love better to be a shower of tears, that streamed from his (with reverence to my reader be it spoken) beautiful eyes; which extraordinary emoa swineherd, and preserve my head: fortion so excited the feminine sympathy of this evil falls heavily on the heads of Teodoro, that she could not help ming
You here see noblemen in ling her tears with those of the weeping great pomp and magnificence for a time, youth, and thereby betraying her own and almost on the turn of the you sex, had the other been calm enough to see them under the axe of the executioner. have observed her. However, when she On this account they have a proverb had withdrawn her hands, with some which says, that there have been many, gentle violence, from the lips of the who, if they had remained humble and in youth, she waited attentively for his low estate, or in exile, would have lived answer, and at length, after fetching securely, and without constraint; but, several deep sighs, he said, being exalted, and made great lords, they
« I neither will nor can deny to you, fell into peril and confusion. This cer- sir, that your suspicion is correct. tainly has been as much the case in this a woman, and the most unfortunate that country as in any kingdom in the world.” was ever of woman born ; and since the
After contrasting the happy state of kindness which you have done me, and the France in this respect as compared to offers of service which you make, oblige England, he proceeds
me to do what you request, hearken to me, « In England the administration of and I will tell you who I am, if, indeed, justice is very severe ; for a man for almost you are not already wearied by hearing nothing may be put to death : whilst in of misfortunes in which you have no France they would condemn a man for part.” an offence to be whipped, they would “I always feel an interest in them,” certainly in England sentence him to replied Teodoro; “ but in the present indeath. True it is, they have but two stance, my interest is at least equalled kinds of punishment, namely, hanging by the pain which I feel at their being and beheading; and the malefactors have yours, which begin to affect me as if they as much inducement to commit great were my own." crimes as minor crimes, which ought not With these words, again embracing her, to be the case. The practice is better and repeating her honorable assurances, in France, for there, there are several the disguised damsel, now somewhat more punishments, according to the demerit of tranquil, gave her true history as the offender. In this island they have follows :neither the wheel nor any other kind of “ As to which is my native place, I torture, They always put, therefore, have told you the truth, but as to who criminals to death by hanging them are my parents, I have not ; for Don without the town on gibbets of wood, Sancho is not my father, but my uncle. but the nobles are beheaded in London, His brother, Don Enrique, is my father, to excite the terror of the people.". and I am that unfortunate daughter of Morning Chronicle. his whom your brother has said to be so
much celebrated for beauty, the mistake
of which appears in the little beauty THE RIVAL LADIES:
which I can boast of. My name is AN ANDALUSIAN TALE,
Leocadia : the occasion of my assuming this garb you will presently hear. Two
leagues from our town is one of the rich(For the Parlerre).
est and noblest in Andalusia, in which
there resides a gentleman of high condiCHAPTER III.
tion, who derives his origin from the
noble and eminent Genoese family of Women are angels, wooing ;
Adorno. This gentleman has a son, Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing: who, unless the fame of his attractions, That she beloved knows nought that knows nut like that of mine, far exceeds the truth,
is one of the most handsome and accomMen prize the thing ungained more than it is. TROILUS and CRESSIDA. plished of men.
“ This young gentleman, owing to the The youth had been listening with great proximity of the places, and to his being, attention to all that Teodoro had said to like my father, fond of field sports, used him; and as soon as she had ceased semetimes to come to our house, and re. speaking, before he said a word in an- main there five or six days, the whole of swer, he took her hands, and pressing which, and even part of the nights, he
FROM THE MISCELLANEOUS WORKS OF
and my father passed in the field. what then?-did he enter your chamber? Nevertheless, in these visits, fortune, or did he ?—what did he do ?-did he love, or my imprudence, found occasion confirm the bond afresh ?—was he satisto cast me down from the height of my fied with his interview ?—was your virtuous thoughts to the fallen state in father made acquainted with it ?-or which you now behold me. For having what was the end of so sage and modest observed, with bolder eyes than was a beginning ?” becoming in a modest young woman, the “ The end,” said Leocadia,“ was, genteel figure and pleasing manners of that I was reduced to the distress in Marco Antonio; and considering his good which you see me—he did not keep his birth and the good fortune which he ex- appointment—he never came at all.” pected from his father, it seemed to me Teodoro now began to draw her that if I could obtain him for a husband, breath more freely, and to recover her it would be the greatest happiness that spirits, which were rapidly failing her, I could possibly desire. Possessed by this under the influence of that terrestrial fury, idea, I began to look at him with more jealousy, who had nearly overpowered solicitude, and, as I suppose it must have her patience and taken entire possession been, with less discretion, for it did not of her ; but though somewhat relieved, long remain a 'secret to him, nor did the still it was with anxiety and agitation traitor either seek or need any other clue that she listened to the sequel of Leoto possess himself of the secret of my cadia's story, who thus continued :breast, and rob' me of
dearest “ Not only he did not come, but in a hopes.
week I learned for certain that he had « But, sir, I know not why I should absented himself from his town, and relate to you all the minute particulars taken from her home a young lady of of my love affairs, since they are so little the same place, the daughter of a gentle. to the purpose : I should rather tell you man of rank, named Teodosia, of extraat once, what my lover with many ordinary wit and beauty: her parents solicitations obtained from me, which being of such consequence, the news of was, that, having given me his word, her elopement soon reached our town, under what appeared to me to be great, and found its way to my ears, and with firm, and religious adjurations, to be my it the terrible shaft of jealousy pierced husband, I surrendered myself entirely my heart and fired my soul, so that to his disposal ; but not yet feeling both my patience and my prudence at myself assured by his vows and protes- once deserted me. Oh! unfortunate tations, in order to prevent them from girl that I am, how did I figure to proving no more than idle breath, I made myself Teodosia more beautiful than the him write them in a paper signed with sun, and more witty than wit itself, and his name,' and drawn up in terms 'so above all, more fortunate than my unforexplicit, that it removed all my doubts. tunate self ! Then I read over the Having received this instrument, I made terms of the bond, and found them good arrangements for his coming on and valid ; but although my hopes clung certain night from his own place to to them as to something sacred, yet ours, and by scaling a garden wall, when I thought of the suspicious comentering secretly into my chamber. The pany which Marco Antonio had taken night which I so much desired, at length with him, they all fell to the ground. I arrived."
struck my face, I tore my hair, I cursed Up to this point of the narration, my fate, and was vexed that the unavoidTeodoro had remained silent, listening able presence of my father prevented in breathless anxiety to the words of me from inflicting this penance on Leocadia, every one of which went to myself at all hours. her heart, especially when she heard the “ At length, that I might be at liberty name of Marco Antonio, and considered to complain without restraint, or, which the extraordinary beauty and great re- is most likely, to end my miserable being, solution of Leocadia, together with her I resolved to quit my father's house. mental accomplishments, which plainly And, as it should seem that when any bad appeared in her mode of telling the thought is to be put in execution, opporstory. But when she came to the tunity is ready to smooth all difficulties words “The night which I so much de- and remove all obstacles, I ventured to sired at length arrived,' Teodoro lost all steal the clothes belonging to a page of patience, and, unable to contain herself my father's, and from my father himself any longer, took the words out of her a considerable sum of money ; and one mouth, saying, almost breathless— Well, night, under cover of the darkness, I left and when that happy night arrived my home and travelled some leagues,