-for I know one, a most accomplish'd lady, who reads nothing but the play-bills-and then again, you look fo mild-fo contented-so healthy. I dare fay now, you have no fits.

Honoria. (Smiling.) Fits!-Never.

Henry. What a bleffing!-But if you had a lover, and that lover patted your lap-dog, I hope you'd turn the little ugly French moniter out of the house, Honoria.

Honoria. Do you?-Now I fhould like the little animal the better, and more carefs it, fince my lover prais'd it.

Henry. 'Gad! that never ftruck me-and you are fuch a charming-fafcinating

Sapling. (without.)-"What's life without paf fion -fweet paffion of love?" (inging.)

Henry. 'Sdeath! what love-fick blockhead's this, to interrupt us?

Honoria. Why! don't you know your own uncle?

Henry. That!-that foppifh, capering little fellow my uncle!

Honoria. Yes:-the fimple country 'fquire is converted into a modern fine gentleman, and, inflead of farming and hunting, he devotes his whole time to fashion and frivolity.Such is the influence of his town-bred wife!

Enter SAPLING, foppishly dreffed, humming tune, Strutting, &c.

Sapling. Ah, Henry!-How are you, Henry? Henry. Sir, I give you joy-not only of marrying a baronet's cousin, but of your improv'd style of drefs and addrefs, Sir!

Sapling. Why, yes: I've got on-thanks to my darling wife and her fashionable leffons-you perceive I'm almoft finish'd.

Henry.

Henry. Almoft!-it ftrikes me you are quite finish'd!

Sapling. No-there's ftill room for improvement for last night at Lady Squeeze's route, I fhew'd the most barbarous ignorance-my wife told me if I play'd at cards, I must pay for them -very well!-fo far I did right-1 pop'd down my half crown for card money-but, as luck would have it, a man came round with cakes and lemonade, and, thinks I, if Lady Squeeze can't afford to pay for one thing, of courfe the can't for another, and fo, Ecod-I pop'd down half a crown for them alfo.

Henry. And I fhould have done the fame-they can get nothing by cakes and lemonade-but I thought they got enough by cards without charging their friends for them.-Well!-and the farm-houfe, Honoria? Is the old farm-house as much beautified as its owner?

Honoria. Quite.-Isn't it, guardian?

Sapling. (with a fatisfactory fmile.) Yes:-the barn is turn'd into a ball-room-the pigeon-house over it into a billiard-room-the calf-houfe near it, into a concert-room-and the house for cows and horn'd cattle, into a ftate bed-room for me and Mrs. Sapling. Then the parlour is fo enlarg❜ddo you know, it will now fup a hundred enemies? Henry. Enemies!-You mean friends.

Sapling. No-I don't-I mean enemies-to be fure I thought as you did, and so I told Mrs. Sapling. Says I, "Now's the time, my life, to be reveng'd on your enemies-mortify them, by not afking them."-"No," fays fhe, "I'il mortify "them by afking them!-the delight of vifiting "people is to vex each other, and my fuperior "rooms will goad them to the foul!-Oh, yes ;~ "and for friends, Mr. Sapling-never enlarge

"your

et your parlour on their account-a clofet will at any time hold them!"-But with all this, marriage has one inconvenience-(Takes Henry afide). I've been obliged to give up hunting, Henry. Henry. Give up hunting, fir!

Sapling. Yes:-Mrs. Sapling's late husband ftupidly broke his neck by it; and now, if I were to ride and risk mine-poor foul!-you can easily enter into her feelings, Henry. (In a melancholy tone.)

Henry. (alfo in a melancholy tone.) I can, fir:Your estate is an annuity, and if you fall, the whole falls with you.

Sapling. No, fir-that's not her motive-'tis pure unbounded love, fir-and therefore I've conceal'd my paffion for horfes, and parted with them all-all but my favourite hunter Arabella-I keep her privately from gratitude-but hufh!-here's my wife's friend Mr. Privilege!-not a word of it to him, for they tell one another every thing.

Henry. Indeed-and you not jealous?

Sapling. Jealous!-that's very well-look who you're talking to; and know, that handsome people are never jealous-befides it's out-it isn't in fa

fhion!

Enter PRIVILEGE through the Park Gates.

Privilege. Oh, my dear fir-you'll be so fascinated our charming Mrs. Sapling has compofed fuch a grand duet for to-night's fête-and I'm to fing the principal part, and you and Mifs Honoria are to come and hear it rehears'd.

Sapling. And you alfo, Henry-and, to oblige you as a stranger, the fhall play all her other mufical compofitions-her firft part of the effay on man-half Clariffa Harlowe-and the whole of two German oratorios.

Privilege. Aye: and all my love verfes to Ho

B

noria ;

noria;-who, by the bye, Sapling, I've at last made up my mind to marry.—I have, upon my foul, Ma'am this morning I got my own confent, and as to asking yours, or any body's elfe, that's quite unneceffary-becaufe, you know, I'm a privileg'd man.

Henry. A privileg'd man, fir!

Privilege. Yes, fir; if you or any common jogtrot person were to propofe in this manner,-or make love to married ladies, and run away with them or borrow money, and not pay it-you'd ftand a good chance of being scouted, kick'd, and hang'd for it :-but if I do these things, every body laughs and exclaims-" don't mind him-he's a privileg'd man!"-now, fir, do you comprehend?

Henry. I do, fir-every body laughs at you, and nobody minds you-I hope, uncle, that's your opi nion; but unluckily, I can't ftay to hear that, or the mufic now-no-firft let me vifit poor St. Orme.

Honoria. St. Orme !-you know him then?
Henry. Intimately.

Honoria. I knew his wife, and therefore feel for him. If that is your engagement, we must spare you; but foon return-you fee, I need your friendfhip alfo.

Privilege. Very likely but I wouldn't advise the gentleman to think of marrying you, or indeed any body-because now-a-days wives are fuch expenfive articles, that none can afford them but privileg❜d men. But come, Sapling, we forget the duet, and your wife will be quite jealous at my ftaying.

Sapling. Jealous at your ! Oh! it's all right-I'm not suspicious-no-fo fond a partner and fo true a friend, may play duets as often as

they

they please. You fee, Mr. Annuity! (to Henry)this is Honoria's husband!

Exeunt.-Honoria between SAPLING and
PRIVILEGE, and looking back at HENRY
-PRIVILEGE ftrutting and fmiling con-
temptuously on HENRY.

Henry. (looking after Honoria.) 'Sdeath! can fhe endure one moment fuch a flutterer? If fhe does, I'll chop him into meffes. I'll-but hold-holdwhere's her ladyship all this time ?-the tender, the accomplish'd-Zounds! I wonder whether there ever was fuch a thing as a man loving two women at the fame time?-I'm afraid not.

And if there was, could any man ever manage two women at the fame time?-there's certainly no living inftance-fo, farewell Honoria-farewell, thou dear bewitchingOh, damme-what fignifies talking here-fhe can't hear me at this diftancefo every body fees going after her is no fault of mine again. [Exit through the Park Gates.

END OF THE FIRST ACT.