letter of recommendation from your friend, Robert Whimmy of Devonshire, who informs me we are coufins. You know facetious Bob, Sir? Tom. Know him! yes; and, by that fmiling, fmirking countenance, I know you to be one of his comical choice fpirits-but, coufins! I doubt about coufins. Poft Obit. Don't-pray don't-Your's is a very un-. common name, and my mother-but, with fubmiffion, the letter will explain-only Bob has fuch a regard for poor Peter Poft Obit, that you mustn't believe all. Tom (fnatching letter, and opening it.) Poft Obit! here's luck! (Afide.)-" Dear Tom"-(reading letter.) Poft Obit. Softly-to yourfelf. if you please I'm too modeft to hear my own praifes. (turning away his bead.) Tom. (turning away also, and reading the letter.)— "Dear Tom-The bearer, Peter Poft Obit, is fuch "a notorious legacy hunter, and has fo perfecuted me "to give him letters to opulent people in London, that, "at once, to punish and get rid of him, I have recom"mended him to you. His mother's name being Tick, "I have easily convinc'd him you are coufins; and have "alfo told him you are lord of a great castle in the north "-have bad health; and in confequence of a quarrel "with your other relations, will, very probably, felect "him for your heir. Adieu! And by making as much "of the credulous old blockhead as you can, you will "oblige, ever truly yours, R. Whimmy." (Here they both turn round, and bow to each other.) Oh, oh, I fee it now. My dear, dear Coufin, (Shaking his band.) Poft Obit. That's right-You fee I'm a true Tick. Tom. I do and to use Bob's words, upon my honour, I'll make as much of you as I can. (haking hands with him.) To be fure, I've no house in town to invite you to at prefent only elegant lodgings. But if you'll take a trip to the caftle, I'll give you fuch a reception -fuch dinners-fuch wine-fuch beds-and, then, fancy (counts with his fingers) fix fervants out of livery-feven chambermaids-thirty horfes-eight poft chaifes. Poft Obit. Eight poft-chaifes- -blefs my foul! and how many coaches? Tom. None. I've done with flies and dillies, and flapbangs, and that is, I mean, I always travel in my own carriage.-But it grows late, and I'm an invalid, you know, and particularly ordered by my physician to avoid the night-air- -So, with your leave, we'll talk further in your house. (taking his arm.) Poft Obit. Come along-and don't-don't now, fret about your ungrateful relations. Tom. No, Sir-There is fuch a thing as a will; and if I can find a refpectable-but I feel flying pains, particularly in my back and my fhoulder. Poft Obit. What! are you fubject to attacks in the fhoulder ? Tom. Continually and chiefly in the open air. So, allons—and, as wine is the best restorative, over a bottle we'll drink Bob's health. Poft Obit. So we will, coufin. Tom. And fuccefs to our better acquaintance. Poft Obit. So we will, coufin. Tom. And confufion to all graceless relations. no flaw or difappointment here! Huzza! there'll be [Exeunt into the boufe. END OF THE THIRD ACT. ACT IV. SCENE I.-Outfide of Poft Obit's Houfe.-Night.-Stage Somewhat darkened. Enter Dr. Infallible and Edward, meeting. Doctor. with? DEATH! I fhall lose the battle. Well, Edward. None, Sir:-Mr. Poft Obit's doors are not only shut against you, but against your fervants. Doctor. Ay, ay; at prefent the enemy carries all before him; for juft now, when I met the old legacy hunter, and told him Mr. Tick was owner of the caftle on the north road, he faid he knew he was owner of the caftle, and that made him fo fond of him. And when I added that he was over head and ears in debt, he fairly laugh'd in my face, and exclaimed, "Good evening, Mr. Hocus Pocus.' Edward. Dotard! But don't, Sir, don't yield fa eafily. Door. Yield! No-I'll fhew him I'm indeed an Alexander.-Hark ye! half meafures never yet obtain'd a victory and, therefore, at once to strike the grand decifive blow-this night I'll carry off Georgiana. Edward. That's right-but how will you fecure her? You can't get infide the houfe, you know. Doctor. No-but by making ufe of my antagonist's name, I may get her outfide of the house, you knowyou comprehend? -Edward. I do, Sir-you'll pafs for Mr. Tick. Doctor. Doctor. Yes-he has often borrowed my name-now I'll borrow his-and then, Edward Edward. And then, Sir, you'll bear her off in triumph.-Let's about it inftantly. Doctor. Stay-we must first make preparations. Go order horfes and affiftants to be ready to convey her to my lone villa on the Downs, and then return to the enterprize. Come-Oh! there's an end of Leonard and his champion-And for you, Miss Georgiana, once in my power, I'll ferve you as I ferve my patients-death alone fhall part us. [Exeunt. Enter Tom Tick and Georgiana from the House. Tom. Huzza! The victory is mine. Georgiana. Oh! I'm moft grateful. Till you arrived, my guardian was inexorable-I had no hope of gaining his confent, and Leonard was for ever loft to me.- -But now Tom. But now, thanks to Bob Whimmy, I'm your guardian. I'm to nominate your hufband-and don't be afraid of my choofing Tom Tick. No, if I trust myfelf with a wife, who the devil will truft me. Georgiana. But the conditions-I heard you talk of an agreement, and a will; and Mr. Poft Obit is now gone to his lawyer's. Alas! I fear you forfeit much to gain this power. What-what is the facrifice? Tom. Sacrifice! Ha! ha! Why, we're coufins. He is a true Tick, I tell you; and fo I am to make a will in his favour, and bind myself in a heavy penalty not to revoke it, provided he agrees In fhort, he gives me the control of you-the fineft property under heaven-and I, in return, bequeath him the Castle, and all thofe magnificent apartments, the Sun, the Bear, the Lion Georgiana. There-'tis as I dreaded! And you are bound not to revoke this will? Tom. And why should I revoke it? The caftle don't net the value of its fign-and is fo involved in executions, mortgages, and chancery fuits, that there can't be be a fitter legacy for my dear coufin. So, while I inform Leonard, return to your apartment. Georgiana. Oh, dispatch! I dread his meeting with his father. His fixed diflike to Lady Melmoth may tempt him to propofe a feparation; and, desperate as Sir Herbert is become Tom. Fear not I'll difpatch-for if Radix Rheno fhould expofe me before the will's fign'd, not that there's much danger-for Poft Obit forbids him his houfe-and, for once, a legacy hunter is uncivil to a doctor. Adieu! and depend on't, in Leonard your fortune and your perfon fhall find a brave protector; for matrimony, which endangers our perfons, protects yours. Oh! if I had the privilege of a petticoat!—if 1 were a married woman!-Blefs 'em!-they are Sunday men all the week. (going.) (Voices without) Come along-Come along. Tom. (looking out.) Zounds! who are all those people coming out of that tavern? What an infernal crowd! Surely they can never-(liftens at the fide) Yes, I hear them buz about my name. By Heaven! my creditors in a body, and with bills as long as their faces! So, fo, they have had another meeting-are on the look to lay hold of me and Georgiana will be the victim of Peter Poft Obit-and I of John Doe and Richard Roe-the only chance is, thefe money-lending note-holders don't know my perfon, and that they never may, I'll-here they come-curse ye, I wish I had ye over the new river again. [Exit up the stage and ftands afide. Enter ten Creditors with Papers in their hands. 1ft Cred. Stop-before we separate, fuppofe we once more read the refolutions (reads) " At a fecond meeting of the creditors of Mr. Thomas Tick, held this day, it was propofed and unanimously agreed to-1 ft. to identify his perfon-2dly. to discover his place of refidence3dly. to feize him, and every item of his property. 2d Cred. Ay-that's right-but, how to fet about it? Zounds! isn't it ftrange none of us know him? ift Cred. |