Childhood of an Idiot

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Allen & Unwin, Oct 1, 2014 - Biography & Autobiography - 368 pages
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'I entered the world kicking and screaming in 1973. I put my theatrical entrance down to me craving a nicotine fix. Mum smoked, like a chimney, right through the nine months of pregnancy. As far as anyone knew back then smoking was good for the unborn child. I'm pretty sure smoking was even permitted in the Plunket rooms mum and I used to go to before I was born.

How I survived to tell the tale of my young years is a miracle - we had no seatbelts, no bike helmets, no sun screen, we had trampolines with exposed springs, playgrounds with concrete floors, we shared bath water, the dentist was known as the murder house and we had to endure summers with lawn prickles as ferocious as land-mines.

Back then service stations gave you service and petrol. I never saw mum get out of the car at a forecourt, she'd just wind the window down and hold the money out. If she tried that now she could be parked up at the pumps long enough for her family to file a missing persons report.

This is the story of my childhood. But it is probably the story of yours as well if you grew up in the 1980s. This is a book for any New Zealander who has ever been told to stop crying or you will be given something to really cry about.'
 

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Contents

Meet the Harveys
1
An Idiot is Born
9
The Hastings Years
21
Meet the Grandparents
31
Knucklebones Hopscotch and Elastics
45
Stealing Milk Money
51
Pitch Invasions
55
Tapping Phones
59
the Good the Bad and the Bloody Ugly
184
The Time I Cheated Got away With It and Still Failed
192
Schools Out Forever
198
The Longest Renovation
201
Braces
206
Hello Ladies
215
Starcrossed Lovers
221
Lawn Prickles
231

Trivial Pursuit
61
Saving Things for Best
69
The School Baths Key
74
Permission to Swear
80
Car Cigarette Lighters
88
The Idiot Box
94
The Video Recorder
98
Toys and Games
102
School Reports
107
Illegal Music Downloads The 1980s Edition
117
Going to the Movies
124
The 10 Best Kids Movies in the Eighties
126
Go Outside and Play
133
Go Outside and Play the Away Edition
140
I Discover the Other Use of My Penis
146
An Idiot Discovers Pornography
150
The Sanyo Portable Cassette Player
156
Lies My Mum Told
161
An Idiot Goes to High School
173
White Dog Poo
233
The Fiftycent Mix
236
Duraseal Covers
239
Sports and Me
241
Tennis Courts and Jogging Shorts
248
Fake IDs
254
In the Navy
262
An Idiot Gets a Job
265
The Sunday Drive
286
Predigital Cameras and Photography
289
School Holidays on the Farm
295
The Christmas Holiday Road Trip
302
The Christmas Holiday in Whangamata
310
Mum
324
Dad
331
Bridget Dan and Charlotte
340
Me
349
Back cover
356
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About the author (2014)

Dom Harvey is the best-selling author of the smash hit Bucket List of an Idiot. He is also one-third of New Zealand's most popular breakfast radio team. As part of The Edge's Morning crew, Dom, his wife Jay-Jay and Mike Puru have been keeping the country entertained with their antics for more than a decade.

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