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EDITOR'S

of good Mr. W , now an aged man, but never

without a thought of what that scene must have been which took place so many years ago."

"In the same North country lived by themselves an aged couple of the name of Crook: the old gentleman, celebrated for his quick motions, was known as 'Uncle' in all the country round, and 'As quick as "UncleCrook,"' became a household proverb. There being in those new settlements only now and then an opportunity to hear a sermon, or attend any religious services, people were not in the habit of leaving their homes on the Sabbath, at least such as had any religious principles; and very much astonished

were the family of Mr. K by the arrival, one

fine Sunday morning, of Uncle Crook and his wife, apparently for a visit. They were on the way to the mill' with a grist,' and would stop and see their neighbors a while; so coming in, the old lady took out her knitting and went diligently to work. The family, surprised, puzzled over it a while; and then one said, 'Mr. Crook, do you know what day of the week it is?' 'Why, Saturday to be sure,' he replied. 'Oh no; you are mistaken: it is Sunday.' Amazement held the old man in absolute quiet a moment, and then chair and feet in an instant Were square upon the floor, the knitting needles were as quickly pushed aside, and instanter were the old folks in their wagon, with faces turned toward home, from which no persuasions could longer keep them, and lamenting as they went their loss in reckoning of a day and thereby unintentional f.ibbath-breaking-"

Charley had been passing several weeks in the country, and the dreaded period of departure was rapidly drawing nigh. Loth to forego his rural enjoyments, his many rambles by breezy meadow or willowy stream, his butterfly chases or bird-nest climbings, Charley formed the resolution of defeating his parents' intentions at least for one day longer. The coachman had been ordered to have his horses prepared at a certain hour, so that the departing guests might meet the only train which then communicated with the city. Hearing the order, and discerning the necessity for immediate action, Charley hurried to tho stable, and carefully marked the driver's movements. Scarcely had the horses been harnessed on one side and the coachman repaired to the other, than Charley as quickly removed the traces and other gear, twisting the straps in inextricable confusion. The coachman was at first unaware of the variation; but it was soon discovered, and the respective pieces properly replaced. Ere, however, these had been arranged to entire satisfaction, Charley had visited the opposite side and reduced it to a similar situation. Thus he continued until the coachman, whose patience was now thoroughly exhausted, caught him in his arms and bore him from the spot; but tho little fellow's satisfaction was wholly unalloyed, as the shriek of the locomotive and the rattling of the departing train bespoke the success of his manoeuvre; and ho exclaimed in an ecstasy, "Now, Barney, if you can hitch up a horse, never say that I can't unhitch him!"

An Illinois correspondent writes: "In these times, when we all feel gloomy enough about State affairs, it is well to have something to keep off the blues, and the contents of your Monthly Drawer afford amusement in camp and cabin. The following river story may help to fill up a number: As one of our

DRAWER. 853Western.stcamers was ascending the Father of Waters, among her crew was a sturdy fellow not long from the land of Erin, who was much afraid of snakes and varmints. One evening, a little after dark, the boat made a landing at a cabin on the Upper Mississippi, and Pat was ordered on shore to make fast a line. Now it so happened that the owner of the cabin had a pet bear, which on that evening was chained in front of his domicile. Pat shouldered the line and mado up the bank, when seeing, as he thought, a stump, proceeded to march around it, intending to fasten the end and sing out to haul aboard. Bruin sat still until he came around, when he opened with a growl and jump toward our hero. 'Holy Mother of Christ protect me!' sung out Pat; and with two bounds he was in the Mississippi, screaming for help, and cursing the country where the stumps attacked Christian men wid their mouths open."

"There is an old fellow residing in South Royalton, Vermont, who has been for a lifetime the storyteller of the neighborhood. His experience has been great in that line, and his composure and placidity while he enunciates a 'whopper" unequaled. No matter what extraordinary event happens, he instantly remembers one which surpasses it. To give you an instance: One day he killed a common striped or garter snake while mowing in the meadow. When he came home to dinner he told his employer that he had killed the biggest striped snake he ever see, and asked him how big he s'posed it was. The farmer reflected never having seen one over two feet long, but knowingour friend's propensity he guessed it might have been eight feet long. With the emphasis of one who knows he is going to make your eyes stick out with astonishment, he brought down his fist upon the table, and said, in a tragic whisper, 'Twas nine!'

'' The last timo we heard of him was in the tavern, talking with a number of farmers about the effects of poudrette upon corn. Poudretto was a new thing there, and each one who had tried it vied with the other in their statistics. Our friend, whose tacties were always to draw out the strength of the enemy before ho ventured any thing himself, waited till every body was through, then took up the thread of the following tale: 'When I fust heerd of this hero Pouderette I went an' got a pint, an' I put it all inter one hill, an' then I put five kernels of corn in the hill five inches apart (how very particular these fellows always are!), an' I stuck a stick inter the middle so's I'd know it agin. Wa'al, I never seed corn grow like that 'ere. It growed an' growed till it got to be ten feet high, an' when it eared every ear was fifteen inches long, an' when I harvested that 'ere hill I got five ears off of every stalk, and seven off the stick!'"

"When Meeker County, Minnesota, was new, before lawyers found their way out there, two Dutchmen, Fifer and Steirne (brothers-in-law), undertook to cheat Uncle Sam by pre-empting two claims with one cabin, each furnishing half the lumber, the cabin to stand on the line between the two claims. Before the claims were pre-empted the brothers fell out. Steirne undertook to carry away his half of the lumber, when Fifer shot Steirne through 'the sacred soil' of the system. Steirne complains of Fifer for an assault with intent to kill, and Fifer settles up by giving Steirne a chattel mortgage on two yoke of oxen (all the property either party had in the world except a wife and seven children each).

"When the mortgage came due Steirne takes the cattle and Fifer replevies them, on the ground that the mortgage was given to compound a felony, and was void.

"Maturing the mortgage, two pettifoggers arrived at the county seat, one Smith, a frontier lawyer and a notorious wag, and Willey, a clever young lawyer from Western Virginia.

"Fifer having the actual possession of the oxen, delivers one yoke to Smith for his fee, and Steirne, having the cattle in expectancy, mortgaged one yoke to Willey also to secure his fee.

"The case was tried by His Honor, Ned Hamlin, then on the bench of the Fourth District, at the October Term, 1859, at Forest City. Being but one spare room in town, the court adjourned to give the use of the room to the jury. About 11 P.M. jury sent for the Court and informed the judge that there was no possibility of an agreement. The judge thereupon instructed the sheriff to take the jury to the tavern and give them a supper and a glass of grog each, and then shut them up again with the case.

"At 4 o'clock A.m. the jury sent for the Court, and gave in a sealed verdict, and were discharged from further attendance on the Court, with the judge's thanks. When the Court convened at 9 A.m. the verdict was opened, and read as follows:

"'Jury find Willey's mortgage good for nothing, and that Smith shall return the other oxen to Fifer.

"' (Signed) T. E. Weiih, Foreman."

"When the judge settled his bill at the tavern he found the following items: "'To 24 mrals to VMy Jury, per order $12 00

"'To 24 drinks" " 2 40

$14 40'

"The entire panel sat on the case."

"I KATE long been getting 'goodies' from the Drawer, and have come to believe that 'tis the greatest humanizing article of furniture known to mechanics—' or any other man.' In these weary days of gloom and depression the Drawer comes bright with sunbeams for the heavy laden heart, and draws us all some 69 ^ statute miles nearer ' kingdom come.' Long may it wave!

'' Let mo telLyou of my pet. My little niece,

Katy M , a child of three years, was sitting in

her favorite rocking-chair, drawn close up to her mother's side. The mother was busily engaged with her sewing. Katy sat very quietly for some moments, seeming to be entirely absorbed by thought, when, suddenly turning her sweet blue eyes up to her mother's face, she exclaimed, 'Mamma, who took care of me when you was a little girl?' As the mother could give Katy no satisfactory answer, I suggest that the author of 'Conflict of Ages' furnish a reply through the medium of the Drawer."

"in the summer of 184G I was a dweller in the backwoods of Michigan, not far from what is now the beautiful village of Battle Creek. Among the limited blessings there enjoyed was that of 'stated preaching' in the log school-house. Old Deacon Cole was one of the noted characters of our settlement. He had a 'hreaking-up team,'cousisting of six yoke of oxen, and went from place to place breaking up the new land for the rapidly-coming settlers. The old man was most pious and religiously inclined, and seemed to regard it as a sole'mn duty resting upon him to make an exhortation after every service held in the school-houso.

"As a specimen of the old Deacon's eloquence, I must relate one incident. One Sabbath morning our itinerant dominie gave us a stirring sermon, in which he spoke very feelingly of the war with Mexico, in which our country was then involved. When he had concluded the old deacon arose, and in deep organ tones, said, 'My brethren, if you want to get to heaven you must press in—press in like a hungry ox agin a barn door, and thus escape the Gulf of Mexico.'

"I solemnly assure you that these are the very words he used. You can imagine their electrifying effect"

Me. L was many years ago, and may be yet,

extensively engaged in one of the Eastern States, in the manufacture of paper, which at one time obtained considerable reputation. Previous to his engaging in this business he had attempted another which did not prove so successful. During the war of 1812 guupowder became very scarce, and commanded a corresponding price, and L , who was

a very enterprising fellow, and watchful for every chance of making an honest penny, although thoroughly ignorant of the business, embarked in the manufacture of this indispensable requisite of war. He succeeded in obtaining a contract from the Government for a large supply, but the very first installment was condemned and thrown on his hands. This was a serious loss; but he determined to make the best of it, and the way to do that, he concluded, was to peddle the rejected article among the store-keepers in his region. Accordingly he loaded a twohorse wagon, and in two or three days he had got rid of twenty or thirty kegs. After the lapse of a few weeks he thought he would make another tour. Now he had disposed of a keg to Major Conover, a whole-souled native of the Emerald Isle—a shrewd and thrifty man of business, honest in his dealings, generous in disposition, and the greatest wag in those parts.

Hailing the Major from his wagon, L asked

him if he sheuld leave him another keg of powder?

Masor {with a hesitancy of manner, as if his mind nas not entirely made up). ''Well, I guess not to-day. I am of the opinion that the stock I have will last till you come round again."

L. "How did the other turn out?"

Major. "Well, I can't complain. What has been disposed of certainly has gone off much to my satisfaction. It might have been a good deal worse. The greatest difficulty I have is to know what to call it, and what to sell it for. The fact is, L , when I bought that keg I had it placed for safety in my wife's chamber. I knocked out the head, and left it uncovered, which I confess was a little careless in me. One day my wife wanted a fire made in the room, and told our help to take a shovelful of hickory coals up stairs. Now what does the hussy do but knocks her elbow against the cheek of the door and douses the coals right into the powder. She showed great presence of mind, that I must allow, and screamed fire with all her might. I happened to be at the foot of the stairs with a bucketful of water, which I was just taking into the store. I tore up stairs like a catamount, and dashing the water upon the flaming mass I soon had the fire out, but, would you believe it, not till ninh on to onethird of the, pesky stuff was burned up! Now, L ,

that article of yours is a good article, I have no doubt; but it is my deliberate judgment, that if it was made for am n: in i i ion, it is ray thcr too slow; if it was intended for kindlin', it's a consarned sight too fast."

L did not wait to press a sale, but giving the

whip to his ponies he went out of that town at the rate of something like 2.50.

The following comes from New Hampshire: '' Inclosed is a copy of a note which I received when I was teaching school:

"' White Biter Jchctio*, N H., D*e. «- 1S59. "*deah Sir,—As I do not know your name i adress myself to you to inform you that I woud like to have you give boy OScar V. Adams a seat Where he can set so as tli large Boys cant pull His hair when they go to and from their Seats aa he is very bashfull He is afrade to apekc to V" i he would let them pull his hair all out of his head before he woud tell you he is so bashful if yon can dissmisa MariOn & OScar when Marion gits thru with her studys so that they can com home a lone You will mutch Oblege me when we are as sheep among wolves we must be Wise as Serpents & harmles as doves Yours With respekt from Mrs Caroline Adams to The tccher'"

"An attorney named Capron, of our little town in Indiana, was employed to attend a case before

Squire F , and Judge B , of an adjoining city,

was the opposing counsel. Capron is a young man, though well versed in legal lore. Judge B- is

an old attorney, of great character in our 'neck of woods,' at one time Judge of Nebraska Territory, looking very much as our fancy paints the English barristers of old, and very fond of a joke. A legal point was raised of vital importance to Capron, and he made a labored speech, showing a great amount of law to sustain his position, and making the thing very clear. During his speech, the Squire, who was a most eccentric individual, and not a man of much legal knowledge, listened at first attentively, but was soon tired out, and amused himself in scratching the desk with his jack-knife, and such other employments as he could engage in. When Capron sat down, Judge B arose and made a few remarks, and submitted the point, doubtless thinking it scarcely worth while to contest the point very closely. When he had finished, the Squire, who had just been driving some boys out of his 'bench,' looked up, and remarked in a kind, consoling tone of voice, to Capron, 'Well, Capron, I guess the old man ftag got you where the hair is short,' and renewed his labors with the juveniles."

''the literary progress of our little four-year old has, through devious ways, led him deep into the labyrinths of the double letters. He catches sight of every double L or double 0 on the paper, and demands an explanation at once. The other day he brought down the house by bringing me a printed envelope containing the name of a distinguished Western underwriter, and inquiring, with eager emphasis, 'Papa, what does J double B, E double. N, E double T spell?'"

"we live a mile in the country, and every now and then a bull, which is the terror of our little boy, comes bellowing along with the rumble and muttering peculiar to that animal, when the little fellow will fly for safety to his mother's lap, crying, 'Oh! mamma, tho bull is coming.' The other night he woke up, and mistaking a small noise close by for a great one far off, he got up in his crib and woke his mother, exclaiming, in great distress, 'The bull is coming, mamma!' His mother laughed, and said, 'No, my child, it is only papa breathing hard.'

j Comforted, he lay down again; but presently the long regular snore aroused him once more, and ho cried out, 'Mamma, mamma!' 'What, my dear?' 'There comes the bull again!'"

From Rhode Island we have the following: "Not many years ago, at an academy then very popular in the Green Mountain State, I witnessed the following good thing: It was examination-day, and tho spacioas hall was filled, as usual on that day, with visitors from abroad, while on the teacher's platform were ranged those august personages, the trustees, who composed the committee of examination. The grammar-class had the floor, and our worthy principal, calling up one after another, pronounced the name of Dewey. Dewey rose. Although still in his teens, he was a stout fellow, with heavy black whiskers, thick-tongued in speech, and awkward in manner, albeit nobody's fool. Now our teacher would sometimes propound questions very simple and very odd, as surely were these, to wit: 'What is a period?' 'It's a little dot,' hesitatingly spluttered the pupil, with a broad grin. 'About how large should you think?' persisted the teacher. Every eye was now turned on Dewey. 'Oh!' drawled he, 'I should think's 'bout's big's a flyspeck.' Dewey sat down.

"In the same village dwelt a certain judge, who, being a widower, always accompanied his niece to church. One summer afternoon, while she was intent upon the sermon and tho judge was having a quiet snooze, she discovered a grasshopper on her dress. Picking it off, she gently nudged the drowsy judge, that ho might throw the intruder into tho aisle- IIe took it with eyes half open, and supposing it to be a clove, quite unsuspectingly bit off its head!"

An old contributor returns to tho charge with several pleasantly-told stories:

A gentleman somewhat past his school-days, coming in the room one morning where his cousin, Miss

D , sat reading, inquired of her tho botanical

name of the flower-stalk.

"Pedunck," was the reply.

"Thank you, Cousin Man'. I knew it was an wick of some sort, but couldn't think of the precise term to be used for the life of me."

"No wonder, no wonder at all, Cousin More. It is only ped-«Hfs that do use tho term."

Here is the account of a hard case of fever, related to me by a D.D.S. now residing in one of the pleasant villages situated on the line of tho Michigan Central:

"When I first came West," says our friend the dentist, in his inimitable mauner, " I was introduced

to Dr. C , and was somewhat imposed upon, at

first, by his pretentious manner, and really was inclined to consider him one of tho lights of medical science until accident one day dispelled that illusion. Going along by the Knapp I louse I saw the Doctor standing in the hall, saddle-bags on his arm, and looking as wise as tho Sphinx. IIe was dressed well, and with his portly figure and look of solemn gravity would have imposed upon any one.

"Stepping toward him from the street, I accosted him politely, and made inquiries regarding the general salubrity of the place.

"'Drefi'ul sickly, drefful sickly, Sir,' said tho - Doctor.

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Mr. Spraoue, of Bayou Sara, West Feliciana Parish, Louisiana, had been rather careless in his manner of bringing up his sons. One Sunday morning Parson Butler, an old Baptist clergyman of the neighborhood, in riding to town met Billy and Sammy Sprague going into the woods, evidently for the purpose of hunting. Feeling certain that any thing like direct remonstrance with the young gentlemen themselves would scarcely turn them from their ways, he waited until after " preaching," and sought the old gentleman. After recounting the cireumstance of meeting Billy and Sammy as he had done, he closed an affecting appeal by inquiring of their father why they had not been "brought up in the fear of the Lord?"

"Fear of the Lord, Parson—fear of the Lord! Why, they hev! They're so 'feard of him now they dassent go out Sunday without double-barTd shotguns on their sheulders!"

"In the beautiful village of Waterloo this summer I was particularly amused with the words of a follower of Izask Walton, which I consider too good to be lost. The little fellow's name was Le Grand, with a companion who answered to the decidedly classical sobriquet of ' Hank.' Le Grand and Hank, fully equipped, started for a fishing excursion. After the absence of an hour or more, Le Grand made his appearance with his basket well filled with fish. He asked all his friends to look at his fish, of which he seemed quite proud. When upon being interrogated as to how many he caught, he reluctantly replied: 'None: but I would have caught them, only Hank had the best place!' The incident fully illustrates how many things we are sure we could do if we only had the right place."

"Thf. aneedote in a recent Drawer of the girl who knew that it must be true because her father read it in a hound bonk, proves conclusively the truthfulness of printers and bookbinders. As one of the latter, who not only reads but binds Harper, permit me to cancel a portion of my indebtedness by the following iustallment:

11 Two bookbinders in 'our village' quarreled and came to high words. One of them at length said, 'Your countenance shews what you are; you can't look an honest man in the face.' To which the reply was made, 'I can look IfOU in the face.'

Ax Illinois dealer in wheat writes to the Drawer: "The aneedote in the Drawer of the July number of the Irishman who paid six shillings for flannel that was offered at five cents less, reminds me of a like case which I witnessed here—and, I think, better still.

"An old German offered for sale a load of wheat, and was told by a buyer that, owing to tho late depression in prices, he could only give him seventyfive cents per bushel. Ho thought it over for some

time, and then replied, 'Dat ish too low; you gif me sextee zent, and you take him; I no zell him for less!'

"The buyer was not certain whether he understood him rightly or not; but found, on questioning him, that sixty cents was really the figure, so he replied, 'Well, being as it's you, I'll do it;' and he actually bought the wheat at fifteen cents per bushel less than he first offered for it. You can imagine how difficult it was for me to keep my countenance long enough to get out of sight so as to give vent to my laughter. Doubtless the honest old German thinks to this day that he made at least five cents by setting a price."

And the Drawer wishes to add that he finds something more difficult to imagine—and that is, how any honest man could take advantage of a German's ignorance of the language, and so cheat him out of fifteen cents on a bushel of wheat. We would rather be the cheated than the cheat in such an operation, and though we put the story in the Drawer, we would not put any wheat into our garner that was got by such a bargain.

"EiDDto one night over the P. W. and B. Railroad, the passengers were much amused by the prattle of a little girl wheso age might be expressed with a single figure. The train stopped at a well-known place, opposite to some rather dilapidated-looking buildings. The moon was shining brightly, making the surrounding objects quite distinct. Our prattler, after gazing out of the window for a few moments, withdrew her head, and turning to her mother, said, 'Ma, wasn't this place built before any body was born?'"

Oun correspondence with the South is necessarily limited. A correspondent in North Carolina some months ago sent us the following obituary notice. Ho says it " looks like a burlesque, but I assure you it is genuine. It is taken from the Macon (Georgia) Journal and Messenger:"

"Departed this life in Macon County, Nov. 39, 1S60, E Pluribes Unum, youngest eon of John T. and Catharine Oliver, aged 1 year 10 months and 9 days.

"We are seldom called upon to chronicle the death of such a promising child as E Pluribus. His amiable die- position and affectionate caresses rendered him the idol of all who knew him; but he is gone, and is an angel now. To the parents of the little boy we say weep not, but endeavor to be retdgned to the will of Him who said, 'Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'

Farewell tl>ou charming little son,

We never shall hear thy voice again;

Farewell little E riuribus Unum,

May we together in heaven rich blessings share."

Very fair this is for a boy In Doylestown, Pennsylvania:

"We had in our school a boy of rather dull capacity, and he was particularly puzzled in his English Grammar. For the life of him he could not see into the distinction between nouus and pronouns, etc. On one occasion he was called up, with others of his class, to the Grammar exereise. He came to a word which he pronounced to be a verb. 'Well done!' says the teacher. 'Now if you will tell me what kind of a verb it is, I shall have hopes of making a grammarian out of you yet,' The I>oy'a eye brightened up with a sudden flash of intelligence, and he roared out at the top of his voice,' It's tc ad-verb!'"

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AN ENGLISH COURT.

Tins is Westminster Hall. The first thing you look for is a " place,'' which you find high up in the back seats; and when tlils has been climbed into, ffith more or less noise, you find yourself facing the iKinch. By the bench, of course, J mean the judges. They are peculiar. Their dress is rather startling at first, till you get used to it; but it is nothing to their caps, which are represented by a little black spot on the top of the wig.

But between the back seats and the bench look for the bar, and if you don't exactly see the bar, you will the counsel, which is the same thing. Possibly you may hear them—for they are given to talking; 'o each other, if they have no better resouree; but to the jury, or at all events to the judge, if they can find an occasion: some who, curiously enough, have round noses, round eyes, round mouths, and double chins, are sonorous, emphatie, and what we will call portwioey: others are ponderous, slow, chestspeaking men, but these are mostly tall, lank, and coarsehaired, with terrible noses— long, from the bridge downward, and blunt at the point; some, again, of the sharp, acid, suspicious sort—shri"k a great deal; while there are a few—great men these—who are so confidential and communicative, that they seem (using a colloquial phrase) to talk to the jury "like a father."

Well, having seen both Bench and Bar, and wishing to understand what they are both engaged in, let us suppose a case. We will say that an obstinate man, one Bullhead, has his action :i gainst a plausible man, one Floater. Now the unconvinciblo Bullhead, who thinks that he has never yet been taken in, has somehow at various times, and upon the

Vol. XXIII.—No. 138.—3 H*

1 tlimsiest of all possible pretenses, handed over to said Floater sums of money to the amount of—say two hundred pounds: between the possible inconvenience of losing so large a sum of money and the wish to show that his wisdom is equal to his obstinacy, he has brought the little dispute out of his own fryingpan into the judicial fire.

There he stands, or rather leans in the witnessbox, carefully checking off his short answers with his forefinger on the sleeve of his coat, and screwing his face on one side, as if to concentrate all his intellect into the left eye that is so widely open ; he looks very untractable, with his stumpy brows knitted closely over his thick, stumpy nose; but what chance can he possibly have against such a cool hand as the defendant, Floater, Esq., with his very white stick-up hair bearing witness to his respectability, and his very black lay-down eyebrows covering the uubarnacled portion of those side-glancing eyes? How gently his jeweled fingers are laid on the edge of the witness-box! how shockingly informal the "document"—of whatever sort—proves to be during his examination—what a respectable man l^t is! Three letters after his name!

Of course, and as usual, the jury hardly know what to make of it; the stout foreman inclines to the plaintiff in despite of law; but he is evidently puzzled all the same; the thin man with the bridgy nose, the cold man with the round head, and the argumentative juryman with the mutton-chop whisker, all look at it, as they say, "legally," and decide in favor of the defendant. The jocular "party," with the curly red hair and the two tufts of chingrowing beard, treats it all as good fun, and is ready to give his verdict for the defendant too, because, as ho says, "He is such a jolly old humbug, you know," which mode of settlement, however, is not looked upon as sufficient by his two neighbors, to whom it is a much more serious matter. One of these is trying to make up his mind, a feat he has

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