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respecting his private exercises and private conduct in the preceding narrative are selected; and whenever he is introduced as speaking, the very words are retained which he then uttered.
The narrative closes with these words:-"During these two years I have spent a good deal of time in reflection. When I look back as far as my joining myself to the church in full communion, I do not accuse myself of much outward vicious conduct. I do not recollect ever wronging a man out of a shilling, either by cheating him in a bargain, or by withholding from him his due when in my power to pay. When I had money which I owed, I always viewed it not as my own property, but as my creditors. I never indulged myself in lying-never was a profane swearer-was never drunk but once, and that was occasioned by my following an injudicious advice
to assist the operation of medicine. I never gambled with any man. I never invento ed and spread false reports of others, though I bare too often ignorantly propagated them when told by others. I do not remember that I ever envied a minister of the gospel for his talents and usefulness, or wished to bring him down on a level with myself. But on reflection conclude, that a man may experience as much and perhaps much more than I have done, and yet be a great sinner, Hence I feel a great reluctance that any thing that might appear amiable in me, or in my character, should be set off partially, lest some ministers or private christians should think if they are just as good as I have been, they may rest satisfied. See Phil. iii, 4-14, and Titus iii, 3-7.
"In this season of serious reflection, I recollect much sinful deficiency, much highly aggravated guilt in my intercourse with God and in my dealings with my
fellow men. I lament my want of deep bumility, reverence, and holy love, in my most fervent acts of devotion. My addresses to my fellow creatures have also lacked that tenderness, that compassion, that love to their souls, which are proper. I lament also my backwardness to introduce spiritual conversation among my fellow men, or to turn common conversation into a spiritual channel. I have too often neglected addressing families where I have lodged, or which I have visited, on the solemn things which make for their everlasting peace, and on those relative duties of life on which the honour of God and the prosperity of religion greatly depend. I have too often neglected to instruct the children and youth, and to urge upon them the necessity of early piety; which neglect in ministers and beads of families is very pernicious to both religious and civil society. I have too mych participated in the criminal and great neglect of the souls of slaves. Though we live at the expense of these unfortunate creatures, yet we withhold from them a great part of the means of instruction and grace. Many indeed deprive them of all, so far as they can. This, added to that of depriving them of their inalienable rights of liberty, is the crying sin of our co
country; and for this. I believe our country is now. bleeding at a: thousand veins.
“I have too often neglected to visit the fatherless and the widow in their affliction, and to relieve and comfort. my fellow creatures under the various calamities of life;
Much of practical christianity consists in exercises of this kind. See James i, 27.
"I will here mention, as a warning to youth, a matter which has often distressed me in advanced life. My fatber, in his last sickness, had a bottle of mouth water, which some days before his death got broken by accident. He requested me to provide more,—but, either through forgetfulness or want of time, it was neglected. This may appear a sual thing to others, as it did to me at the time-yet it has been to me since a matter of the most painful reflection. It was a want of filial duty, asin. base in its nature and bighly offensive to God, and which is often punished in this life. Ilament the great degree of self-seeking and self-sufficiency which have often prevailed in my performance of religious duties. This is making self the object of our worship, and is as contemptible and as criminal a species of idolatry as any practised by the ancient Syrians, or Grecians, or Romans, or is now practised by any Pagan nation on the earth. Tlament my frequently making my feelings, instead of the word of God, my rule of duty, to the neglect in a good degree of the duties of my station. I la. ment also my being too much under the influence of partyism and bigotry, though long since convinced in my judgment of its impropriety.
“These things often oppress my mind, and thicken the gloom of the valley of the shadow of death. They often make me think of the propriety of going mourning to the grave, and excite a kind of desire to do so. They do not, however, sink me into despair. I hope to land in the regions of glory, through the free grace and mercy
of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Yet I often think I shall be ashamed to shew my head there. I shall be particularly ashamed that it should be known there that ever I was a minister of the gospel of Christ. Amongst all the mansions of our Father's house, I cannot imagine one suitable to the reception of so unwor, thy a guest. But worthy is the Lamb that was slain, to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.
Come, let us join our cheerful songs
With angels round the throne:
But all their joys are one.
To be exalted thus;
For he was slain for us.
Jesus is worthy to receive
Honour and pow'r divine:
Be, Lord, forever thine.
Let all that dwell above the sky,
And air, and earth, and seas,
And speak thine endless praise.
The whole creation join in one,
To bless the sacred name
Watts Hymns, Book I. 62.
**In this time of mournful reflection I often feel myself disposed to set myself up as a beacon to warn my fellow professors and brethren in the ministerial office, particularly of the rocks against which I baxe dashed, and of the quicksands in wbich I have suuk. I am often thinkAng what it is which has broughe us into such a wretched state, and conclude, on the whole, that we have lost
the true spirit of christianity, and mingled it with the Vopirit of the world. We have taken up religion by
scraps and fragments. Some making it consist in one thing, and some in another, when it is a uniform connected system. We have done with religion what the heathens did with the object of worship. We have formed and moulded it so as to suit our own depraved
natures. Some of us have made it to consist chiefly in an orthodox creed- some in a regular external behaviour-some in a certain set of religious experiences some in a flaming zeal for certain sentiments or particular practices--some in a very punctual observance of the external forms of worship--some in an unbounded charity; which entertains hopes of all, let their sentiments and conduct be what they may. Thus cur ideas of religion being broken into fragments, they never lead us into uniformity and consistency of conduct-and scarcely one is to be found who even professes to observe all God's commandments.
“I often feel an earnest desire to address my fellow creatures on these subjects. But I find my day is past, that I havé neither strength of body nor strength of mind to perform it. Hence I can only lament over myselt and others, and, as standing on the verge of the