"Why, Hindostan does not yield us cities every spring," replied Elliston, nor are sextons' wives brought to bed of twins, as a matter of course." "And that, both of these events should have happened on the same day, is at least extraordinary," added Quick. Say no more-say no more; I am completely answered," rejoined Sims. Here Elliston suggested another glass of wine all round. By this time a third cover was removed, and a tart very temptingly served, succeeded, which Elliston having commenced dividing, Sims rose from his chair, and extending his hands over the dismantled tourte de pommes, screamed out, "An apple-pie, as I live! Forgive me for swearing, but I gave special orders for an apple-pie myself. Apple-apple, said I to Mrs. Green and Mrs. Blowflower, and here it is!" 'Yes, I'll give up Seringapatam after this,” said Elliston, mysteriously; "but when fruit is in season you know why, I'll be bound they have an appletart next door." 'Apples are unusually plentiful this year," observed Quick. "Come, another glass of wine! It shall at least be no apple of discord." The repast was now drawing to a close, and Elliston, who had promised his guests a bottle of supe A STILTON CHEESE. 165 rior port wine, gave orders for its immediate introduction; but in the meantime, a half Stilton cheese, in prime condition, was placed on the table. We are told that a certain maréchal of France was always taken in convulsions at the sight of a sucking pig, that Tycho Brahe swooned at the very glimpse of a hare, and that the philosophic Bayle was seized with sickness at the sound of water running from a cock; but the concentrated force of all these phenomena, could scarcely have produced a more electric shock, than the sudden appearance of the said Stilton cheese on the nerves of Mr. Sims. Springing from his seat, as though stung by an adder, he gazed upon the dish before him in breathless stupefaction, and was no sooner restored to strength of utterance, than he shrieked aloud, "A cheese! a cheese!—and is it possible, a Stilton cheese, too?" "My good Sims- interrupted Elliston. 'Tis magic! magic! Excuse me for swearing; but I-I, myself, my dear Mr. Elliston, have a Stilton too!" "And what more probable?" "But the mould!—that fine blue mould !—and all this marble tracing-'tis most positively the same!" "Similar, similar," interposed Quick, a second time. "Tell me," said Elliston, with an ineffable look 166 THREE BOTTLES OF PORT. of wisdom, "where did you purchase your half Stilton ?" "At Coxe's," was the reply. "Then, upon my honour, the cheese before you was bought at the same place. Why, 'tis the other half! and your fine blue mould and marble veining must inevitably correspond to the minutest speck. the fact is, we have been lucky to-day in hitting each other's taste. Come, the port!" This lucid judgment was acquiesced in by Sims, with a smile of the most lavish admiration, and the cloth being removed, the host began to push the bottle. In vain have we collected all the fine things that transpired from this moment. The three friends were in considerable force, and the decanter circulated as briskly as a hat in a mountebank's ring. As the wine sank, their spirits rose; Mr. Sims so far forgot himself as to remember a song, and by ten o'clock there was not a happier gentleman of threescore in the four parishes. Mr. Sims being now sufficiently far gone-ripe as his own Stilton, for the purpose-Elliston gave directions for a sedan chair to be in waiting, and collecting the crockery of the woollen-draper, which had lately graced the dinner-table, he placed the pyramidical pile on a wooden tray, flanking the edifice by the four black bottles they had just emptied. AN EXTRAORDINARY HOAX. 167 All things being now in readiness, Mr. Sims, much against his inclination, was assisted into the chair, and being secured therein, the tray and porcelain, borne on the head of a porter, like a board of black plumes in advance of a solemn hearse, led the procession to the Abbey Churchyard. The body of Mr. Sims, dancing between the poles, came next in order, while Elliston and his friend, as chief mourners, brought up the rear. In this way they reached the mausoleum of the illustrious departed, and having "made wet their eyes with penitential tears," left the rites of sepulture to the care of Mrs. Green and Mrs. Blowflower. Such was this trait de gaieté. What time elapsed before poor Mr. Sims could acquire courage to survey himself again in his glass, we have never been able to ascertain, nor has it yet reached our knowledge, when next he ventured to encounter, face to face, the chief of the Elliston family. CHAPTER VII. Humorous letter from Mr. Gore-Lord Nelson-Lady Hamilton-Early career of that lady-Adventure at Cocksheath Camp-A scene at Naples-Marinari, the painter—A scene of Magic-A bewildered Artist-Lady Hamilton and the Mussulman-Strange shifts in country play-houses-Elliston at Weymouth-A curious interview with his MajestyElliston loses the Liverpool theatre-Elliston in snug quarters-His landlord's wife-Love and Idleness. ELLISTON, in the summer of 1802, received the following communication from his lively friend, Mr. Gore. It is written from Tenby; and it will be curious to notice the great change, which the little sea-port must have undergone, and its rapid progress towards a polite state, between the date of his letter and the present time. "Never in my days, have I been so disappointed in a place as this. We have neither bread, meat, liquor, horses, conveyances, nor lodging. Alexander Selkirk was not more destitute. We have no clothing, but what we carry with us; no water, but the sea, and we must fish for our living. All power |