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And passéd sentence may not be recalled
And afterward consort you till bedtime; But to our honor's great disparagement,
My present business calls me from you now. Yet will I favor thee in what I can :
Ant. S. Farewell till then: I will go lose myTherefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
self, To seek thy help by beneficial help:
And wander up and down to view the city. Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Mer. Sir, I commend you to your own content. Beg thou or borrow to make up the sum,
[Exit. And live; if not, then thou art doomed to die. Ant. S. He that commends me to mine own Jailer, take him to thy custody.
content, Jail. I will, my lord.
Commends me to the thing I cannot get. Æge. Hopeless and helpless doth Ægeon wend, I to the world am like a drop of water, But to procrastinate his lifeless end. [Exeunt. That in the ocean seeks another drop;
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself;
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself. Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO of Syracuse, and a Merchant.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus. Mer. Therefore, give out you are of Epidam- Here comes the almanack of my true date. num,
What now? How chance thou art returned so Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate. This very day, a Syracusan merchant
Dro. E. Returned so soon ! rather approached Is apprehended for arrival here;
too late : And not being able to buy out his life,
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit; According to the statute of the town,
The clock has strucken twelve upon the bell, Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
My mistress made it one upon my
cheek: There is your money that I had to keep.
She is so hot because the meat is cold; Ant. S. Go, bear it to the Centaur, where we The meat is cold because you come not home; host,
You come not home because you have no stomach; And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee. You have no stomach, having broke your fast; Within this hour it will be dinner-time :
But we, that know what 't is to fast and pray, Till that, I'll view the manners of the town, Are penitent for your default to-day. Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, Ant. S. Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I And then return and sleep within mine inn;
pray; For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
Dro. E. O! sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday Dro. S. Many a man would take you at your
crupper: And go indeed, having so good a mean. [Excit. The saddler had it, sir, I kept it not.
Ant. S. A trusty villain, sir, that very oft Ant. S. I am not in a sportive humor now : When I am dull with care and melancholy, Tell me, and dally not, where is the money ? Lightens my humor with his merry jests. We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust What, will you walk with me about the town, So great a charge from thine own custody? And then go to my inn and dine with me?
Dro. E. I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at din-
I from my mistress come to you in post;
Get thee away.
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your Ant. S. Thy mistress' marks! what mistress, clock,
slave, hast thou? And strike you home without a messenger.
Dro. E. Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Ant. S. Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out
Phoenix; of season;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner, Reserve them till a merrier hour than this :
you will hie you home to dinner. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? Ant. S. What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my Dro. E. To me, sir? why you gave no gold to me.
face, Ant. S. Come on, sir knave; have done your Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. foolishness,
Dro. E. What mean you, sir? for God's sake, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
hold your hands; Dro. E. My charge was but to fetch you from Nay, an you will not, sir, I'll take my heels. the mart
[Exit. Home to your house, the Phænix, sir, to dinner; Ant. S. Upon my life, by some device or other, My mistress and her sister stay for you.
The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
If it prove so, I will begone the sooner.
SCENE I. – A public Place.
Adr. Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
will. Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adr. There's none but asses will be bridled so. Adr. Neither my husband nor the slave re- Luc. Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with
turned, That in such haste I sent to seek his master! There's nothing situate under heaven's eye Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky: Luc. Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, The beasts, the fishes, and the wingéd fowls, And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner. Are their males' subject, and at their controls : Good sister, let us dine, and never fret :
Men, more divine, the masters of all these, A man is master of his liberty :
Lords of the wide world and wild watery scas, Time is their master; and, when they see time, Indued with intellectual sense and souls, They 'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister. Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls, Adr. Why should their liberty than ours be Are masters to their females, and their lords :
Then let your will attend on their accords. Luc. Because their business still lies out o' door. Adr. This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed. “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I; “My gold,” Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear
“Will you come home?" quoth I; “My gold," Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practice to obey.
quoth he: Adr. How if your husband start some other “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, vilwhere?
lain ?" Luc. Till he come home again, I would forbear. “The pig,” quoth I, “is burned;” “My gold,” Adr. Patience unmoved, no marvel though she
quoth he: pause;
“My mistress, sir,” quoth I; “Hang up thy misThey can be meek, that have no other cause.
tress; A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
I know not thy mistress ; out on thy mistress !” We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
Luc. Quoth who? But were we burdened with like weight of pain, Dro. E. Quoth my master : As much or more we should ourselves complain : “I know," quoth he, “no house, no wife, no misSo thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
tress." With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me: So that my errand, due unto my tongue, But if thou live to see like right bereft,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders ; This fool-begged patience in thee will be left. For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Luc. Well, I may marry one day, but to try. Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him Here comes your man; now is your husband
Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten
home? Enter DROMIO of Ephesus.
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate Adr. Say, is your tardy master now at hand ?
Dro. E. Nay, he is at two hands with me, and Dro. E. And he will bless that cross with other that my two ears can witness.
beating : Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him ? know'st Between you I shall have a holy head. thou his mind ?
Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine
home. Beshrew his hand, I scarce could under- Dro. E. Am I so round with you as you with stand it.
me, Duc. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not That like a football
you spurn me thus ? feel his meaning?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me Dro. E. Nay, he struck so plainly I could too
hither : well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully that If I last in this service, you must case me in I could scarce understand them.
[Escit. Adr. But say, I pr’y thee, is he coming home? Luc. Fie, how impatience loureth in your It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
face! Dro. E. Why, mistress, sure my master is horn- Adr. His company must do his minions grace. mad!
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look ! Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain?
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took Dro. E. I mean not cuckold-mad; but sure From my poor cheek ? then he hath wasted it: he's stark mad.
discourses dull ? barren my wit ? When I desired him to come home to dinner, If voluble and sharp discourse be marred, He asked me for a thousand marks in gold : Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard. “ 'Tis dinner-time," quoth I; “My gold," quoth Do their gay vestments his affections bait? he: That 's not my fault, he's master of my state :
What ruins are in me that can be found
Dro. S. I did not see you since you sent me By him not ruined ? then is he the ground
hence, Of my defeatures. My decayéd fair
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me. A sunny look of his would soon repair:
Ant. S. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's reBut, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,
ceipt ; And feeds from home: poor I am but his stale. And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
Luc. Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it thence. For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased. Adr. Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dis- Dro. S. I am glad to see you in this merry pense.
vein : I know his eye doth homage other where, What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell Or else what lets it but he would be here? Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Ant. S. Yea, dost thou jeer, and fout me in the Would that alone alone he would detain,
teeth? So he would keep fair quarter with his bed ! Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and I see, the jewel best enameléd
[Beating him. Will lose his beauty; and though gold 'bides still Dro. S. Hold, sir, for God's sake: now your That others touch, yet often touching will
jest is earnest : Wear gold: and so no man that hath a name, Upon what bargain do you give it me? But falsehood and corruption doth it shame. Ant. S. Because that I familiarly sometimes Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, Do use you for my fool, and chat with
you, I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die. Your sauciness will jest upon my love, Luc. How many fond fools serve mad jealousy! And make a common of my serious hours.
[Exeunt. When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
Dro. S. Sconce, call you it? so you would leare
battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use Ant. S. The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in Is wandered forth, in care to seek me out. my shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I beaten ? By computation, and mine host's report,
Ant. S. Dost thou not know? I could not speak with Dromio since at first
Dro. S. Nothing, sir; but that I am beated. I sent him from the mart: see,
here he comes.
Ant. S. Shall I tell you why?
Dro. S. Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say Enter DROMIO of Syracuse.
every why hath a wherefore.
Ant. S. Why, first —for flouting me; and then, How now, sir ? is your merry humor altered ?
wherefore — As you love strokes, so jest with me again. For urging it a second time to me. You know no Centaur ? you received no gold ? Dro. S. Was there ever any man thus beaten Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
out of season, My house was at the Phænix ? Wast thou mad, When in the why and the wherefore is neither That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
rhyme nor reason ? Dro. S. What answer, sir ? when spake I such Well, sir, I thank you. a word ?
Ant. S. Thank me, sir? for what? Ant. S. Even now, even here, not half an hour Dro. S. Marry, sir, for this something that you since.
gave me for nothing.
Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you Ant. S. You would all this time have proved nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner there is no time for all things. time?
Dro. S. Marry, and did, sir; namely, e'en no Dro. S. No, sir; I think the meat wants that time to recover hair lost by nature. I have.
Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial Ant. S. In good time, sir, what's that? why there is no time to recover. Dro. S. Basting
Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, Ant. S. Well, asir, then 't will be dry.
and, therefore, to the world's end will have bald Dro. S. If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it. followers. Ant. S. Your reason.
Ant. S. I knew 't would be a bald conclusion. Dro. S. Lest it make you choleric, and purchase But soft! who wafts us yonder ? me another dry basting.
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange, and Dro. S. I durst have denied that, before you
frown; were so choleric.
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects : Ant. S. By what rule, sir?
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. Dro. S. Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow plain bald pate of father Time himself.
That never words were music to thine ear, Ant. S. Let's hear it.
That never object pleasing in thine eye, Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover That never touch well-welcome to thy hand, his hair, that grows bald by nature.
That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste, Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery ? Unless I spake, or look’d, or touch'd, or carv'd to Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for his periwig, and
thee. recover the lost hair of another man.
How comes it now, my husband, oh, how comes it, Ant. S. Why is Time such a niggard of hair, That thou art then enstranged from thyself? being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement ? Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows That, undividable, incorporate, on beasts : and what he hath scanted men in hair, Am better than thy dear self's better part. he hath given them in wit.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me;Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall more hair than wit.
A drop of water in the breaking gulf, Dro. S. Not a man of those but he hath the wit And take unmingled thence that drop again, to lose is hair.
Without addition or diminishing, Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men As take from me thyself, and not me too. plain dealers without wit.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick, Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost : Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious ? yet he loseth it in a kind of jolity.
And that this body, consecrate to thee, Ant. S. For what reason ?
By ruffian lust should be contaminate ? Dro. S. For two; and sound ones too.
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, Ant. S. Nay, not sound, I pray you.
And hurl the name of husband in
face, Dro. S. Sure ones, then.
And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow, Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring, Dro. S. Certain ones, then.
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? Ant. S. Name them.
I know thou canst; and, therefore, see thou do it Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he I am possess'd with an adulterate blot ; spends in tiring: the other, that at dinner they My blood is mingled with the crime of lust: should not drop in his porridge.
For if we two be one, and thou play false,