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Sir To. Hold, Sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.
Clo. This will I tell my Lady straight. I would not be in some of your coats for two pence. [Exit Clown.
Sir To. Come on, Sir; hold. [Holding Sebastian.
Sir And. Nay, let him alone, I'll another work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria; though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.
Seb. Let go thy hand.
Sir To. Come, Sir; I will not let you go. Come, my young foldier, put up your iron; you are well Aesh'd : come on. Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou
now? If thou dar'ít tempt me further, draw thy sword.
Sir To. What, what? nay, then, I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you.
[They draw and fight. SCENE II. Enter Olivia. Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold. Sir To. Madam?
Oli. Will it be ever thus ? ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preach’d: out of my sight! Be not offended, dear Cefario: Ruderby, be gone! I priythee, gentle friend,
[Exeunt Sir Toby, and Sir Andrew.
Seb. What relish is in this ? how runs the stream?
* 1. 6. swelled and inflamed; a botch being a swelling or abfcefs.
Oli. Nay, come, I pray : 'would thou ’dst be rul'd
by me. Seb. Madam, I will. Oli. O, say so, and so be!
SCENE III. An apartment in Olivia's house.
Enter Maria, and Clown. Mar. Nay, I pr’ythee, put on this gown, and this beard ; make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate ; do it quickly. I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.
[Exit Maria. Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in 't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but to be said an honest man, and a good housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a graceful man and a great fcholar. The competitors enter.
Enter Sir Toby and Maria.. Sir To. Jove bless thee, Mr Parson. Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby; “ for as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said " to a niece of King Gorboduck, that that is, is; fo “ I being Mr Parson, am Mr Parson; for what is that,, 66 but that ? and is, but is?”
Sir To. To him, Sir Topas.
(Malvolio within. Mal. Who calls there?
Clo. Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic..
[This, and what follows from the Clown, in a coun
terfeit voice.] Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to
Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend, how vexest thou this
Talkest thou of nothing but ladies?
Sir To. Well said, Master Parson.
Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wrong'd; good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.
Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan; I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: say'st thou that house is dark ?
Mal. As hell, Sir Topas.
Clo. Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the south-north are as luitrons as ebony"; and yet complainest thou of obitruction ?
Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark.
Clo. Madman, thou errest; I say, there is no darkness but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.
Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused; I am no more mad than you are, make the trial of it in any constant question.
Glo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl ?
Mal. That the foul of our grandam might happily inbabit a bird.
Clo. What think’ít thou of his opinion ?
Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve of his opinion.
Clo. Fare thee well : remain thou still in darkness; thou shalt hold th'opinion of Pythagoras ere I wil} allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, left thou difpoffeís the foul of thy grandam. Fare thee well,
Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topa!
Dlar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard and gown; he fees thee not.
Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou find'st him: I would we were all rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently deliver’d, I
* A phrase taken from the actor's ability of making the audience cry either with mirth or grief.
would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
[Exit with Maria. S CE N E IV. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin, tell me how my Lady does.
Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper ; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't.
Clo. Mr Malvolio !
five wits? Mal. Fool, there, was never man so notoriously abus’d; I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
Cío. But as well! then thou art mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.
Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send minifters to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of wits. Clo. Advise
you what you say; the minister is here.Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heav'ns restore; endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. [In a counterfeit voice.
Mal. Sir Topas,
the counterfeit voice. Who, I, Sir ? not İ, Sir. God b'w'you, good Sir
Topas -[In his own voice. Marry, amen. [Counterfeit.]
[Counterfeit.] I will, Sir, I will. [In his own voice. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say.
Clo. Alas, Sir, be patient. What say you, Sir? I am fhent for speaking to you,
Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria.
Clo. Well-a-day, that you were, Sir !
Good fool, fome ink, paper,
and light; ‘and convey what I set down to my Lady: it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
Clo. I will help you to 't. But tell me true, are you not mad, indeed, or do
but counterfeit?. Mal. Believe me I'am not: I tell thee true.
Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.
Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree.
Your need to sustain:
Cries, th, ha! to the devil:
be some error, but no madness; Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse to
* Credit, for account, information.