II. TRUE POLITENESS.

PRESIDENT Jefferson, while walking in the street one day with a merchant, returned with an air of kindness the bow of a negro, who passed. "How," said the merchant, "does your Excellency condescend to salute a slave?" I should certainly be very sorry," answered the President, "if a slave could exceed me in politeness."

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III.-A GOOD EXCUSE.

SHERIDAN being on a visit at a friend's in the country, an elderly maiden set her heart on being his companion in a walk. He excused himself at first on account of the bad weather. Soon afterwards, however, the lady surprised him in an attempt to escape without her. "Well," said she, "it has cleared up, I see." Why, yes," he answered, "it has cleared up enough for one, but not enough for two "

IV. AN EXPENSIVE JOKE.

DOMINICO, the favorite buffoon of Louis XIV., being one evening admitted to the presence of the king during supper, said not a word, nor uttered the least remark, but seemed wholly absorbed in the contemplation of a dish of partridges of an exquisite appearance. The king perceiving what it was that so closely engaged his attention, and wishing to make him talk, said: "Give that dish to Dominico."-" And the partridges, too, sire?"-" And the partridges, too," replied the magnificent monarch, pleased with his wit. The dish was gold.

V. AN ALARMING THREAT.

A STUDENT of medicine having lost an important lawsuit, broke out in the most violent language against his judges, and said that it would probably cost the lives of more than a thousand persons. He was instantly arrested on account of this alarming threat, and an explanation asked for. "Nothing is more plain," said he; "in taking away from me all my property, you leave me no other resource than to become a physician."

VI.-A STRANGE COMPARISON.

THE Physicians, says the Spectator, are a most formi dable body of men. This body may be described like the British army in Cæsar's time. Some of them slay in chariots, and some on foot. If the infantry do less execution than the charioteers, it is because they cannot be carried so soon into all quarters of the town, and dispatch so much business in so short a time. Besides this body of regular troops, there are stragglers, who, without being duly listed and enrolled, do infinite mischief to those who are so unlucky as to fall into their hands.

VII. THE PHILOSOPHER OUTDONE.

A LEARNED philosopher being very busy in his study, a little girl came to ask him for some fire. But," says the doctor, "you have nothing to take it in;" and, as he was going to fetch something for that purpose, the little girl stooped down at the fire-place, and taking some cold ashes in one hand, she put live embers on them with the other. doctor, seeing this, threw down his books in astonishment, and exclaimed, "With all my learning, I should never have found out that experiment."

VIII.-RETORT COURTEOUS.

The

It is well known that Pope was quite small and deformed. One evening, while he was at Burton's coffee-house, with Swift, Arbuthnot, and a few other friends, poring over a manuscript of the Greek Aristophanes, they found one sentence which they could not comprehend.

As they talked pretty loud, a young officer, who stood by the fire, heard their conference, and begged leave to look at the passage. "Oh," said Pope, sarcastically, "by all means: pray let the young gentleman look at it." Upon which the officer took up the book, and, considering awhile, said there wanted only a note of interrogation to make the whole intelligible. "And pray, sir," said Pope, piqued at being outdone by a military man, "what is a note of interrogation?" "A note of interrogation," replied the youth, with a look of the utmost contempt, "is a little crooked thing that asks questions."

IX.-A POOR SATISFACTION.

HENRY VIII., King of England, having quarrelled with Francis I., King of France, determined to send an ambassador to that prince, with a message couched in haughty and threatening terms, and appointed for this purpose his chancellor, Sir Thomas More. The chancellor having remarked to Henry that his embassy on this occasion might cost him his head:"Never fear, man!" said the king, "if Francis takes your life, I will make every Frenchman in my dominions a head shorter." "There would be some satisfaction in that," replied the facetious chancellor; "but I much doubt, sire, whether, among all these heads, there would be one which would fit my shoulders so well as my own."

X.-AN INTRICATE SUIT.

A YOUNG law student was obliged, by lot, to inscribe his name among certain new levies of the Austrian imperial army. He sent a petition to the emperor, stating, that as he was on the point of being called to the bar, he flattered himself he could be of more service to his country as a lawyer than as a soldier. "My good friend," said the emperor, you are not ignorant that I am engaged in a very intricate suit against the French Convention, and that I want the assistance of men of such talent as you appear to be. Have the goodness to accept these twelve ducats. Do your duty, and promise you promotion."

XI.-PATRIOTISM.

WHEN the English were in possession of Boston, at the commencement of the Revolutionary war, Washington, for the purpose of driving out the enemy, consulted Congress as to the propriety of bombarding the city. John Hancock presided at the time. A member proposed that the President should first give his opinion, as being deeply interested. "Gentleman," said he, "all the property which I possess is in Boston; yet I should rejoice to see the city reduced tc ashes, if by that means, the English should be driven from our country."

XII.-A VETERAN CORPS.

DURING the war of independence, eighty old German sol. diers, who, after having long served under different monarchs in Europe, had retired to America, and converted their swords into ploughshares, voluntarily formed themselves into a com pany, and distinguished themselves in various actions in the cause of independence The captain was nearly one hundred years old, had been in the army forty years, and present in seventeen battles. The drummer was ninety-four, and the youngest man in the corps on the verge of seventy. Instead

of a cockade, each man wore a piece of black crape, as a mark of sorrow for being obliged, at so advanced a period of life, to bear arms. "But," said the veterans, (6 we should be deficient in gratitude, if we did not act in defence of a country which has afforded us a generous asylum, and protected us from tyranny and oppression." Such a band of soldiers never before perhaps appeared on a field of battle.

XIII.-NAVAL ORATORY.

ADMIRAL Blake, when a captain, was sent with a small squadron to the West Indies, on a secret expedition against the Spanish settlements. It happened in an engagement, that one of the ships blew up, which damped the spirits of the crew; but Blake, who was not to be subdued by one unsuccessful occurrence, called out to his men, Well, my lads, you have seen an English ship blown up; now let us see what figure a Spanish one will make in the same situation." This well-timed harangue raised their spirits immediately, and in less than an hour, he set his antagonist on fire. "There, my lads," said he, "I knew we should have our revenge soon."

XIV.-A SAILOR'S REPLY.

As a sailor was about to embark on a long voyage, one of his friends said to him: "I am astonished that you dare to trust yourself upon the sea, since your father, your grandfather, and great-grandfather perished all by shipwreck !" "My friend," asked the sailor, "where did your father die?" " In his bed, as all his ancestors did before him." "And how dare you, then, trust yourself in bed, since your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather died there ?"

XV.-A STRATAGEM.

LAFONTAINE Was in the habit of eating every evening a roasted apple. One day he was called out, and placed the apple upon the chimney-piece. While absent, one of his friends entered the room, and seeing the apple, ate it. Lafontaine returning, and missing the fruit, guessed what had happened, and exclaimed, with great assumed emotion, "What on earth has become of the apple which was left here?" "I know not," said the other. "I rejoice to hear it, for I put arsenic in it to kill rats." "O my! I am poisoned," said his visitor, in excessive alarm; "quick,-send for a doctor!" My friend," said Lafontaine, "be calm; now that I remem ber, I forgot to put any in this time: still, I am sorry that a falsehood was necessary in order to discover the truth."

XVI.-LAW OF RETALIATION.

A TURKISH slater, being at work on the roof of a house, fell into the street upon a wealthy old man, whom he killed, without any serious injury to himself. The son of the deceased caused him to be arrested and conducted before the Cadi, with whom he used all his influence to have the poor man condemned; and though the innocence of the latter was clearly established, nothing would serve him but the law of retaliation. The Cadi accordingly sentenced the slater to be placed exactly on the spot where the old man was at the moment of the accident," and you," said he to the son, "will go on the roof of the house, fall down upon the slater and kill him if you can."

XVII.-A MORTAL COMBAT.

AN apothecary, who had never fired a pistol nor drawn a sword, was once provoked to fight a duel by an officer. He went to the appointed place of meeting, and remarking to his opponent that he did not know how to fight, told him that he had another way of arranging the matter. He then took from his pocket a box of pills, and taking out two of them, said to the officer, "As you are a man of honor, I know that you desire to take no advantage of me. Here are two pills; one of them composed of the most deadly poison, the other harm