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CHAPTER

XVIII.

me,

HARD TIMES. *

derby, Esquire, Banker, Coketown. Specially to Mr. Bounderby, it would have been this very circum

introduce James Harthouse, Esquire. Thomas stance. Or, so he told him.
BY CHARLES DICKENS.
Gradgrind."

“So now," said Bounderby,

we may shake Within an hour of the receipt of this dispatch and hands on equal terms. I say, equal terms, because THE Gradgrind party wanted assistance in mur

Mr. James Harthouse's card, Mr. Bounderby put on although I know what I am, and the exact depth of THE

his hat and went down to the hotel. There he the gutter I have lifted myself out of, better than any dering the Graces. They went about recruiting; and where could they enlist recruits more in a state of mind so disconsolate, that he was asserted my independence in a proper manner, I

found Mr. James Harthouse looking out of a window, man docs, I am as proud as you are. Having now readily, than among the fine gentlemen who, having already half disposed to “ go in" for something may come to how do you find yourself, and I hope found out everything to be worth nothing, were

else. equally ready for anything?

you're pretty well." Moreover, the healthy spirits who had mounted to

My name, sir,” said his visitor, “is Josiah The better, Mr. Harthouse gave him to understand this sublime height were attractive to many of the Bounderby of Coketown."

as they shook hands, for the salubrious air of CokeGradgrind school. They liked fine gentlemen;

Mr. James Harthouse was very happy indeed town. Mr. Bounderby received the answer with

they pretended that they did not, but they did. They be- (though he scarcely looked so), to have a pleasure he favor. came exhausted in imitation of them; and they yawhad long expected.

Perhaps you know," said he, “ or perhaps you yawed in their speech like them; and they served

“Coketown, sir,” said Bounderby, obstinately don't know, I married Tom Gradgrind's daughter. out, with an enervated air, the little mouldy rations taking a chair," is not the kind of place you have If you have nothing better to do than to walk up

town with I shall be glad to introduce you to of political economy, on which they regaled their been accustomed to. Therefore, if you'll allow me disciples. There never before was seen on earth -or whether you will or not, for I am a plain man Tom Gradgrind's daughter,"

"Mr. Bounderby, said Jem,"you anticipate my such a wonderful hybrid race as was thus produced. --I'll tell you something about it before we go any further."

dearest wishes." Among the fine gentlemen not regularly belonging to the Gradgrind school, there was one of a good

Mr. Harthouse would be charmed.

They went out without further discourse ; and family and a better appearance, with a happy turn of

“ Don't be too sure of that,” said Bounderby. “ I Mr. Bounderby piloted the new acquaintance who so humor which had told immensely with the House of don't promise it. First of all, you see our smoke. strongly contrasted with him, to the private red brick Commons on the occasion of his entertaining it with That's meat and drink to us. It's the healthiest dwelling, with the black outside shutters, the green bis (and the Board of Directors') view of a railway thing in the world in all respects, and particularly inside blinds, and the black street door up the two accident, in which the most careful officers ever

for the lungs. If you are one of those who want us white steps. In the drawing-room of which mansion, known, employed by the most liberal managers ever

to consume it, I differ from you. We are not going there presently entered to them the most remarkable heard of, assisted by the finest mechanical con

to wear the bottoms of our boilers out any faster than girl Mr. James Harthouse had ever seen. She was trivances ever devised, the whole in action on the we wear 'em out now, for all the humbugging senti- so constrained, and yet so careless; so reserved, best line ever constructed, had killed five people and ment in Great Britain and Ireland.”

and yet so watchful; so cold and proud, and yet so wounded thirty-two, by a casualty without which the

By way of “going in” to the fullest extent, Mr. sensitively ashamed of her husband's braggart excellence of the whole system would have been Harthouse rejoined, “Mr. Bounderby, I assure you humility—from which she shrunk as if overy crpositively incomplete. Among the slain was a cow, I am entirely and completely of your way of think-ample of it were a cut or a blow; that it was quite

a new sensation to observe her. In face she was no and among the scattered articles unowned, a widow's ing. On conviction." cap. And the honorable member had so tickled the “I am glad to hear it,” said Bounderby. “Now, less remarkable than in manner. Her features were House (which has a delicate sense of humor) by you have heard a lot of talk about the work in our handsome; but their natural play was so suppressed putting the cap on the cow, that it became impatient mills no doubt. You have ? Very good. I'll state and locked up, that it seemed impossible to guess at of any serious reference to the Coroner's Inquest, the fact of it to you. It's the pleasantest work there their genuine expression. Utterly indifferent, perand brought the railway off with cheers and laughter. is, and it's the lightest work there is, and it's the fectly self-reliant, never at a loss, and yet never at

Now, this gentleman had a younger brother of best paid work there is. More than that, we couldn't her ease, with her figure in company with them still better appearance than himself, who had tried improve the mills themselves, unless we laid down there, and her mind apparently quite alone—it was life as a Cornet of Dragoons, and found it a bore ; Turkey carpets on the floors. Which we're not of no use “ going in” yet awhile to comprehend and had afterwards tried it in the train of an English a-goin to do."

this girl, for she baffled all penetration. minister abroad, and found it a borc; and had then

Mr. Bounderby, perfectly right.”

From the mistress of the house, the visitor glanced strolled to Jerusalem, and got bored there; and had Lastly," said Bounderby, “as to our Hands. to the house itself. There was no mute sign of a then gone yachting about the world, and got bored There's not a Hand in this town, sir, man, woman, woman in the room. No graceful little adornment, everywhere. To whom this honorable and jocular or child, but has one ultimate object in life. That no fanciful little device, however trivial, anywhere member fraternally said one day, “Jem, there's a object is, to be fed on turtle soup and venison with expressed her influence. Cheerless and comfortless, good opening among the hard Fact fellows, and they a gold spoon. Now, they're not a-going—none of boastfully and doggedly rich, there the room stared want men. I wonder you don't go in for statistics." 'em-ever to be fed on turtle soup and venison with at its present occupants, unsoftened and unrelieved Jem, rather taken by the novelty of the idea, and a gold spoon. And now you know the place.” by the least trace of any womanly occupation. As very hard up for a change, was as ready to “ go

in" Mr. Harthouse professed himself in the highest Mr. Bounderby stood in the midst of his household for statistics as anything else. So, he went in. degree instructed and refreshed, by this condensed gods, so those unrelenting divinities occupied their He coached himself up with a blue book or two ; and epitome of the whole Coketown question.

places around Mr. Bounderby, and they were worthy his brother put it about among the hard Fact fellows, "Why, you see,” replied Mr. Bounderby, “it of one another and well matched. and said, “ If you want to bring in, for any place, a suits my disposition to have a full understanding “ This, sir," said Mr. Bounderby, "is my wife, handsome dog who can make you a devilish good with a man, particularly with a public man, when I Mrs. Bounderby : Tom Gradgrind's eldest daughter. speech, look after my brother Jem, for he's your make his acquaintance. I have only one thing more Loo, Mr. James Harthouse. Mr. Harthouse has

After a few dashes in the public meeting to say to you, Mr. Harthouse, before assuring you joined your father's muster-roll. If he is not Tom way, Mr. Gradgrind and a council of political sages of the pleasure with which I shall respond, to the Gradgrind's colleague before long, I believe we shall approved of Jem, and it was resolved to send him utmost of my poor ability, to my friend Tom Grad. at least hear of him in connexion with one of our down to Coketown, to become known there and grind's letter of introduction. You are a man of neighboring towns. You observe, Mr. Harthouse, in the neighborhood. Hence the letter Jem had last family. Don't you deceive yourself by supposing that my wife is my junior. I don't know what she night shown to Mrs. Sparsit, which Mr. Bounderby for a moment that I am a man of family. I am a bit saw in me to marry me, but she saw something in now held in his hand; superscribed “ Josiah Boun- of dirty riff-raff, and a genuine scrap of tag, rag, and me, I suppose, or she wouldn't have married mo. bobtail."

She has lots of expensive knowledge, sir, political • This story was commenced in the May number. If anything could have exalted Jem's interest in and otherwise. If you want to cram for anything,

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CHAPTER

XIX

I should be troubled to recommend you to a better And what more could I possibly do, if I did believe home. Tom, love, I am telling Mr. Harthouse that adviser than Loo Bounderby."

he never saw you abroad." To a more agreeable adviser, or one from whom he “You are a regular politician," said Louisa.

“No such luck, sir," said Tom. would be more likely to learn, Mr. Harthouse could “Pardon me; I have not even that merit. We There was little enough in him to brighten her never be recommended.

are the largest party in the state, I assure you, Mrs. face, for he was a sullen young fellow, and ungra“Come!” said his host. “ If you're in the com- Bounderby, if we all fell out of our adopted rankscious in his manner even to her. So much the plimentary line, you'll get on here, for you'll meet and were reviewed together.”

greater must have been the solitude of her heart, with no competition. I have never been in the way

Mr. Bounderby, who had been in danger of burst- and her need of some one on whom to bestow it. of learning compliments myself, and I don't professing in silence, interposed here with a project for

“So much the more is this whelp the only creature to understand the art of paying 'em. In fact, postponing the family dinner to half-past six, and she has ever cared for,” thought Mr. James HartI despise 'em. But, your bringing-up was different taking Mr. James Harthouse in the meantime on a

house, turning it over and over. “ So much the from mine ; mine was a real thing, by George ! round of visits to the voting and interesting notabi

So much the more." You're a gentleman, and I don't pretend to be one. lities of Coketown and its vicinity. The round of

Both in his sister's presence, and after she had I am Josiah Bounderby of Coketown, and that's visits was made ; and Mr. James Harthouse, with a

left the room, the whelp took no pains to hide his enough for me. However, though I am not influ- discreet use of his blue coaching, came off triumph- contempt for Mr. Bounderby, whenever he could enced by manners and station, Loo Bounderby may antly, though with a considerable accession of bore- indulge it without the observation of that indepenbe. She hadn't my advantages-disadvantages you dom.

dent man, by making wry faces, or shutting one would call 'em, but I call 'em advantages-so you'll In the evening, he found the dinner-table laid for cye. Without responding to these telographic comnot waste your power, I daro say." four, but they sat down only three. It was an

munications, Mr. Harthouse encouraged him much “ Mr. Bounderby," said Jem, turning with a smile to Louisa, " is a noble animal in a compara- the flavor of the hap'orth of stewed eels he had pur. his hotel, and was a little doubtful whether he knew appropriate occasion for Mr. Bounderby to discuss in the course o he evening, and showed an unusual

liking for him. At last, when he rose to return to tively natural state, quite free from the harness in chased in the streets at eight years old, and also of which a conventional hack like myself works.”

the inferior water, specially used for laying the the way by night, the whelp immediately proffered “ You respect Mr. Bounderby very much,” she dust, with which he had washed down that

his services as guide, and turned out with him to

repast. quietly returned. “ It is natural that you should.” He likewise entertained his guest, over the

escort him thither.

soup He was disgracefully thrown out, for a gentleman and fish, with the calculation that he (Bounderby) who had seen so much of the world, and thought, had eaten in his youth at least three horses under “Now, how am I to take this?"

the guise of polonies and saveloys. These recitals, You are going to devote yourself, as I gather Jem, in a languid manner, received with “charm- IT

was very remarkable that a young gentleman from what Mr. Bounderby has said, to the service of ing!” every now and then ; and they probably

who had been brought up under one continuous your country. You have made up your mind,” said would have decided him to go in for Jerusalem again system of unnatural restraint, should be a hypoLouisa, still standing before him where she had to-morrow morning, had he been less curious re- crite ; but it was certainly the case with Tom. It first stopped-in the singular contrariety of her specting Louisa.

was very strange that a young gentleman who had self-possession, and her being obviously so very ill at

“ Is there nothing,” he thought, glancing at her never been left to his own guidance for five conseease—" to show the nation the way out of all its dif- as she sat at the head of the table, where her youth- cutive minutes, should be incapable at last of governficulties.”

ful figure, small and slight, but very graceful, looked ing himself; but so it was with Tom. It was “Mrs. Bounderby,” he returned laughing, “ upon as pretty as it looked misplaced ; " is there nothing altogether nnaccountable that a young gentleman my honor, no. I will make no such pretence to that will move that face ?"

whose imagination had been strangled in his cradle, you. I have seen a little, here and there, up and

Yes! By Jupiter, there was something, and should be still inconvenienced by io ghost in the down ; I have found it all to be very worthless, as here it was, in an unexpected shape! Tom ap

form of grovelling sensualities; but such a monster, everybody has, and as some confess they have, and peared. She changed as the door opened, and beyond all doubt, was Tom. some do not; and I am going in for your respected broke into a beaming smile.

“Do you smoke ?" asked Mr. James Harthouse, father's opinions—really because I have no choice of

A beautiful smile. Mr. James Harthouse might when they came to the hotel. opinions, and may as well back them as anything not have thought so much of it, but that he had

“I believe you ?" said Tom. else ?" wondered so long at her impassive face. She put

He could do no less than ask Tom up; and Tom "Have you none of your own ?" asked Louisa.

out her hand--a pretty little soft hand ; and her could do no less than go up. What with a cooling "I have not so much as the slightest predilection fingers closed upon her brother's, as if she would drink adapted to the weather, but not so weak as left. I assure you I attach not the least importance have carried them to her lips.

cool; and what with a rarer tobacco than was to be to any opinions. The result of the varieties of

“Ay, ay ?" thought the visitor. “ This whelp is bought in those parts ; Tom was soon in a highly boredom I have undergono, is a conviction (unless the only creature she cares for. So, 80!"

frec and easy state at his end of the sofa, and more conviction is too industrious a word for the lazy

The whelp was presented, and took his chair. than ever disposed to admire his new friend at the sentiment I entertain on the subject), that any set the appellation was not flattering, but not un

other end. of ideas will do just as much good as any other set, merited.

Tom blew his smoke aside, after he had been and just as much harm as any other set. There's an

“When I was your age, young Tom," said smoking a little while, and took an observation of English family with a capital Italian motto. What Bounderby, “ I was punctual, or I got nu dinner!"

his friend. “He don't seem to care about his will be, will be. It's the only truth going !"

“When you were my age," returned Tom, “

dress,” thought Tom, “and yet how capitally he

you This vicious assumption of honesty in dishonesty hadn't a wrong balance to get right, and hadn't to does it. What an easy swell he is !" -a vice so dangerous, so deadly, and so common- dress afterwards."

Mr. James Harthouse, happening to catch Tom's seemed, he observed, a little to impress her in his “Never mind that now," said Bounderby.

eye, remarked that he drank nothing, and filled his favor. He followed up the advantage, by saying in "Well, then," grumbled Tom. “Don't begin glass with his own negligent hand. bis pleasantest manner: a manner to which she with me.”

“ Thank’ee,” said Tom. “Thank'ee. Well, Mr. might attach as much or as little meaning as she “Mrs. Bounderby,” said Harthouse, perfectly Harthouse, I hope you have had about a dose of old pleased : “The sido that can prove anything in a hearing this under-strain as it went on; "your Bounderby to-night.”. Tom said this with one eye line of units, tens, hundreds, and thousands, Mrs. brother's face is quite familiar to me. Can I have shut up again, and looking over his glass knowingly Bounderby, seems to me to afford the post fun, and seen him abroad? Or at some public school, per

at his entertainer. to give a man the best chance. I am quite as much haps ?"

A very great follow indeed!" returned Mr. attached to it as if I believed it. I am quite ready * No," she returned, quite interested, “ he has James Harthouse. to go in for it, to the same extent as if I believed it. I never been abroad yet, and was educated here, at

To be continued.

THE SABBOTH DAY

TETE-A-TETE,
Bartolomeo Frescobaldi, gave birth to fifty-two sons,

Recent statistics show that among men and never had less than three at a birth.” The those who are married are most liable to insanity. WITH READERS AND CORRESPONDENTS. ladies everywhere must certainly hide their dimin- Among women, those who are single. In the face ished heads.

of these facts, we cannot longer question which of

In some of the villages of Staffordshire, the sexes is the comforter, and which the torment of FROM this date, gracious reader, we propose to England, a custom exists called a “ Rantipole Rid- life. Ah, ladies, to think of this unexpected proof

enjoy with you a weekly instead of a monthly ing," which might serve a purpose with us in lieu rising up against you !" chat. If our talks have had any pleasure for you, of the antique habit of riding on a rail. The Engwe cannot think they will lose any of their zest by lish ceremony, however, is intended only as a pun- amused by an anecdote purporting to give the origin

In a late visit Eastward, we were much an oftener recurrence. A monthly interval is a long ishment for men in the habit of beating their wives of the names of some of the localities that way. It one, and affords time for many a friendship to cool

-a very anti-American practice, by the way. The and many an interest to wane. A weekly inter- custom is this. When a man is suspected, a com- legend states not who or what he was—who owned

appears that there was once an old fellow-the change of ideas and feelings, on the contrary, keeps mittee is appointed to examine into the case.

many

the groups of islands, and who in his old alive existing sympathies, and stimulates growing Then the village poet is employed to give a history age, like Lear of old, resolved to distribute all his ones. We hope that this change will not cause us of the occurrence in verse. to miss any accustomed face at our gathering. We round in the evening with a cart, which serves as a Martha, he gave the first choice, and she chose that

The procession goes possessions among his three daughters. To his eldest, should be sorry indeed to know that there was any stage on which the scene is acted, and from which which is now called Martha's Vineyard. Elizabeth household to which we have been an admitted guest, the verses are recited. It is very rarely that the came next, and she chose the Elizabeth Islands. or any heart to which we have contributed a plea-offence is repeated after this, for the very worst are all that was now left was a great barren island of sure that would exclude us from their portals. The almost always thus shamed into a discontinuance of sand, and as there was no choice for the third, reasons that have led us to this step the reader will the disgraceful practice.

Nancy took itor, in the phraseology of the county, find fully set down elsewhere. Here we will not

A poet from the East-not quite Ori- Nan tuck it-hence NANTUCKET. enter into any discussion of them—we will merely cntal, however, in the splendor of his imaginationadd this much. Our monthly self will still exist, sends us the following effusion, which we make haste

IN " Neagle's 'Eight Years in Syria,” appearing as usual between two green leaves, only to give to the world with all its perfections on its we find an anecdote amusingly illustrative of their there will be a little more of us. Four weekly head. The reader will please to observe that the

notions of medical skill, which they think amounts numbers (with every third month five numbers, “ poet" aforesaid is of himself alone responsible for merely to resorts to violent remedies :which the irregular distribution of the weeks among the eccentric spelling that follows :

I was told a curious anecdote of a soi-disant doctor, who the months make necessary) will constitute some

acquired a great reputation in Beilan. He was much given thing more bulky than our former being, and we

to administering emetics, and having a very delicate patient,

The Sabboth day, it is the Lord's. hope something far better too. Our hand to you,

resorted as usual to this method of cure, leaving in the hands Ordained for man to rest ;

of the patient's brother three strong doses of emetic, which reader, and we trust you are our friend now as

To cease his labour's of the week,

ho directed should be administered at intervals of three hours. formerly.

Wherein his works are blest.

The brother, finding the first powder had no immediate effect, We have several times spoken of the

This hallowed day of solem thought,

gave the unfortunate invalid the remaining two within five To worship and to pray ;

The result was violent sickness, succeeded by singular ignorance of American localities that pre

That we may tread the holly path

spasms and cramp, which in a few hours terminated fatally vails in England. The last instance at hand is this

Still better from day to day.

Next day, the doctor was astonished to learn, on inquiry, paragraph from an English religious paper :-“New

that his patient was dead, and evinced his concern in his

Ordained by the Supreme most high, Jersey—a neat and substantial building has recently

“Never mind!” said the brother ; "it was so fatal, To worship at his shrine ;

but, Mashalla! you are a great doctor : the medicine you been erected in this town for the worship of Al

The holly Saboth her was given mighty God. A debt of a few hundred dollars still

For doeds which are divino.

gave nover ceased operating till the moment of my brother's

death! It was a fine medicino, and if it couldn't cure him, rests upon the building.”

0, precious boon thou day of rest,

nothing earthly could."
Most things in nature have their uses,
To the poor mortal given ;

“What's the difference between a

That we may fit our Soul's to gain but wherein your musquito is either ornamental or

The happy port of Heaven.

bumpkin and a pumpkin ?" asked a man of his friend useful it puzzles us to discover. His attentions are

Then let us watch and ever pray,

once, seeing a rustic passing with a mealy load not to be baffled. Bailiffs are easier dodged, and

With jesus as our guide ;

of the latter commodities. “Well, I can't say as borrowing men more readily disposed of. He is an

Then gently thro' the vale of death.

I know," was the answer;" “but, really, I should enemy courage is of no avail against ; you had better

Our soul's will safely ride.

think there was a pretty close relationship; they're attempt to fight an army of alligators than a squad The gentleman desires to know if we want any both kın, are'n't they ?” of musquitoes. A rank and rabid democrat is your more of his “ Dew Drops”? We think not.

“I CAN'T tell you whether there's any musquito. He is no respecter of persons—and yet

Among the recent English books, is one what you call farocill remains over among them they seem to have taste for beauty above ugliness. attempting to prove the intellectual equality of the ledges,” said a plain-minded old lady to an enthuThe “silver-laced skin" of your blooming damsel is black with the white, with this title “God's Image in siastic young naturalist with a basket, hammer, a more tempting dish to them than the brown hides Ebony." What are we to think of a taste so out- and drill ; “ but I'm sure for sartin that there's the of bearded ones. The golden blood of infant cherubs rageous? It amounts to blasphemy

remains of our old horse over there, an' a young hath a richer smack to them than the sluggish

Two friends recently mot each other in heifer that fell through the barn floor in the night, stream of age. But, then, by this beauty does pen- the street.

an' three or four sheep! There's where our folks ance. Were we uglier than the sphinx, we should “What is the news ?" inquired one.

always dragged their dead animals !"

“Um !" re be grateful when the night came if by that means “Ah,” rejoined the other sadly, “the worst. The turned the traveller, looking down at the ground we could escape their fangs. But alas ! they like plague has arrived.”

thoughtfully. “But I hope you don't think o'tryin' us, feast upon us, sip us with an unction very grati- “ The plague!” said the other, growing pale. to carry off any such things as them be, in that air fying to our vanity, doubtless, but not at all comfort- “The plague, my friend,” replied ho of the rueful baskit, are ye ?" able. Oh, that some valiant one would declare war countenance; "for my wife has come home!'

PROBABLY the most beautiful tribute upon them, and exterminate them from the face of The two friends shook hands sympathetically, and ever penned, are the following lines by Plato, the the globe. departed.

philosopher, on Aristophanes :It is said that in a Florentine palace

“PUNCH” remarks, that after tho burn

The musos seeking for a shrine there is a full length portrait, among other family ing of Rome, Nero was found playing the fiddle; but

Whoue glorios ne'er should coase, pictures, of a tall good-looking woman, with this that after the burning of Odossa, the Emperor Nicho

Found as they strayed, the soul divino inscription beneath it : “ Dianora Salvioti, wife of las began playing tho liar. Good for Mr. Punch.

Of Aristophanes.

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A NEGRO fellow, whose master was
THE “New Orleans Delta” relates a

A VERY good parody on an old song :named Eells, was ordered one shivery night to fill scene that occurred recently at the St. Louis Hotel,

" THE FINE OLD RUSSIAN GENTLEMAN. op the warming-pan and heat the bed. He did just which is so richly amusing that we cannot refrain

“Ill sing you a novel song, made by a rare old pate, as he was bidden. His master, on afterwards re- from letting you, dear reader, laugh along with or a fine old Russian Gentleman who governed a large estate, tiring, suddenly found himself out of bed again quite us :

And who kept down all his subjects at a furious old rato, as soon as he had got in. Shouting aloud to his

With the fine old despot's practices too shocking to relate ; “A certain member of the press, who is an eccentric indi

Like a savage old Barbarian all of the olden time. servant, while he continued standing in this pre- vidual, and who has the worst eyes that ever pretended to dicament in the middle of the floor, he demanded to discern the punctuation of a sentence, was the chief actor in His outward man was often dressed in artful smiles and

the scene. know of the fellow what he meant by sprinkling hot

He was always half blind, and now he is more bows;

than three quarters 80. Being anxious to see an acquaint. And with “ parole de gentleman” and very specious vows, ashes in his bed ! Cuffy stood and trembled a mo

ance who was staying at the St. Louis, he went about seven Did this Imperial hypocrite-as all the world allowsment, and then his answer came to him :

o'clock yesterday evening, anticipating no difficulty in so Humbug the English government, and no suspicions rouse, "Please massa,” said he, with a bow half way simple a matter. Ascending the first flight of stairs, he

Like a rare old Barbarian all of the olden time. down to his feet, “but did n't I really tink dey halted before the clerk's office, and not knowing the number

of his friend's room, politely requested to have his card sent Whero fierce Siberia's frost and snow, the boldest might allwus-allwus ash eels afore dey skin um !

to Mr. Blank. The clerk bowed politely, but said nothing.- appal, WALKING up Broadway the other day, 'I wish you would have my card sent to Mr. Blank,' said the He burried off by thousands those who at their country's call with a rather misogoniştic friend, we suddenly found visitor.- The clerk looked astonished, but said nothing.– Tried to preserve her liberties from his despotic thrall ; our passage completely blocked up by a female whose Why don't you answer me ?' asked the journalist in an Nor did he favor rank or wealth, but banished great and

excited manner. The clerk grew more wrathy in appearance, small, brilliant plaid skirt nearly reached the area railings but continued mute as a mummy.—Well,' said our friend, Like a great old Barbarian, all of the olden time. on one side, and gracefully overhung the gutter on you are certainly one of the most thoroughbred boors I ever the other. After making various unsuccessful at- met, and require a 'ittle delicate chastisement quite as much But tyranny, though strong, must fall. It happened, by

the bye, tempts to pass by this locomotive dry-goods shop, as any precocious boy of the Faubourg.' The thing was beour friend halted abruptly, and with a withering facing the angry stranger. There was

coming really unpleasant. The silent clerk stood gravely This Russian on a neighbor's land had cast a longing eye,

pause of a few and said to England, 'Here's a man that sick, and soon smile demanded “why that woman was like

must die ! moments' duration. At last a happy thought struck our Richard III. ?" and, before we had time to think, friend, and muttering to himself, " he does not know English,' Some one must get his property, so why not you and I ?'

Like a rare old Barbarian all of the olden time. out came the answer : “Because she would like the said. — Pardonnez moi, monsieur ?'—The clerk bowed poworld left for her to bustle in.” Seizing him by hitely, but still said nothing. Pourquoi," said, our friend, in Now surely nothing less of this can anyhow be made,

his broken French, "pourquoi ne parlez vous ?' But the in- Than right down robbery, which is a very wicked trade ; the arm, we drew him into the nearest restaurant, nexible clerk would enter into no parley. The visitor was fearful he might deem it incumbent upon him to making up his mind for serious mischief, and scientifically and though by England and by France the spoiler's hand is

stay'd, enact the part of Richmond, and exterminate her at turning up his sleeves as a preliminary, when it occurred to

'Tis by old Nicholas himself the bills must all be paid. him that, impolite as the clerk assuredly was, he was too

By this rare old Russian Gentleman-blot on the good-looking a fellow to intend an insult to one who had done Most of us remember the amusing lines nothing to provoke him. At this moment an old gentleman,

present time. of Hudibras, which describe the old Puritan “hang- sitting near, who had evidently been repressing his laughter

The bit of “Forensic Jocularity” ing a cat on Monday for killing of a rat on a Sun- for some time, burst into an uncontrollable guffaw which alday.” A correspondent sends us something quite tagion, threw up their heels and fell back in that state which worthies of the past generation. It is supposed to

most shook the hotel ; and all the waiters, catching the con quoted below was intended to characterize four similar in idea, which he says was repeated to him is called (in picturesque Celtic) regular kicks of laughter.' report the history of a case—a brief indeed !-by a venerable lady of New England :This caused the half-blind editor to look round, when, to his

Mr. Leech
great dismay, he discovered that he had been addressing, not
A certain Presbyterian cat,
the clerk, but himself. There is a looking-glass in front of

Made a speech,
Went out to seek her prey,
the clerk's office, which seemed to him to be the usual

Neat, concise, and strong ;
And round the house she caught a mouse, rectangular opening in such places, and the handsome clerk

Mr. Hart,
Upon the Sabbath-day.
ho had been so wrathy against was his own reflection !"

On the other part,

Was wordy, dull, and wrong. The deacon much offendod

We find the following burst of enthu

Mr. Parker
At such an act profane,
siastic patriotism in a western paper :-

Made it darker ;
Laid down his book, the cat ho took,

'Twas dark enough without
“Keep your eye fixed on the American Eagle,
And bound her with a chain.

Mr. Cooke
Whom we as the proud bird of destiny hail ;

Cited his book ;
" You vile and wicked croaturo,-
For that wise fowl you can never inveigle

And the Chancellor said I doubt."
You bloodsucker !" quoth hé,

By depositing salt on his venerable tail." “Which do you think to bring to h

WHEN for weeks we have been choked

We clip the following from a late numMy holy wife or me!"

up by dust, with every breath inhaling indefinite ber of “ Punchinello” :" For now, be well assured quantities, fortunately for our peace of mind never

WANTED IMMEDIATELY, That blood for blood shall pay,

knowing its component parts, with what gusto do For taking of the mouse's life, Upon the Sabbath day.” we think of Longfellow's lines :

A Grammar of the language of Flowers; and a Tho doaoon laid his bible down,

“ How beautiful is the rain !

dictionary of the language of the Eyes.
And earnestly he prayed
After the dust and heat ;

A few leaves from the Boot-tree.
That the great sin the cat had done

In the broad and fiery street,

A volume of the Book of Nature. (It does not sig. Might not on them be laid.

In the narrow lane,

nify if it is an “odd" one, or even if some of the

How beautiful is the rain!
So unto execution,

“leaves" are wanting.)
Poor russey, she was drawn,
How it clatters along the roofs,

One of the umbrellas employed during the Reign And on a tree they hung her,

Like the tramp of hoofs ! While the deacon sang the psalm.

How it gushes and gurgles out

of Terror. From the throat of the overflowing waterspout.

A small collection of shells from the shore of the Willis, in one of his pleasant letters Across the window pane,

Sea of Troubles.

It pours and pours, from Idlewild, descants a good deal upon some of

One of the daggers which the lady looked at her

And gwist and wide, the peculiarities of American servantdom. In speak

With a muddy tide,

husband. (A silver-hilted one would be preferred.) ing of aristocratic “upper servants” being a class Like a river down the gutter roars

One of the pencils used by Fancy in coloring her which the kitchen will not “stand the airs of," he

The rain, the welcome rain!

pictures. lets off a happy pun. He says that a housekeeper, a

A young lady, gifted with many ac- One of the long-bows-if obtainable--that traveldandy coachman, a head gardener (or haughty-cul- complishments, among which is the art of Orthogo lers are in the habit of pulling. turist) and a butler, form the class which will not be raphy, wrote to a cotemporary that she is desirous of One of the pistols used in “shooting stars." tolorated. being led to "the high-menial altar."

N. B.--The highest price will be given.

FOR A PRIVATE MUSEUM.

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