Ang. But that I loved her, but that I do love her, Than thy ambition-hardened heart e'er dreamed of, Rie. Go to, Lord Angelo; Thou lov'st her not.—Men taunt not, nor defy Keep that brave for thy comrades. I'll not fight thee. [Going. [Throws down his glove. Ang. Come back, Rienzi! Thus I throw Rie. Once more, Beware! Ang. Take up the glove! Rie. This time for her [Takes up the glove. For her dear sake-Come to thy bride! home! home! Rie. Fear! Do I fear thee?-Tempt me no more.-This once, Ang. Now, Ursini, I come Fit partner of thy vengeance! [Exit. 16.-SCENE FROM THE MAN OF THE WORLD. CHARLES MACKLIN. [Macklin, whose real name was Mac Laughlin, was born at Westmeath, Ireland, 1690. He was an actor of high repute, remained on the stage sixtyfour years, and died 1797, aged 107. As a dramatist he was very successful; his comedy "The Man of the World" still keeps possession of the stage.] CHARACTERS: SIR PERTINAX MACSYCOPHANT. EGERTON (his Son). SCENE-A Library. Enter SIR PERTINAX and EGERTON. Sir P. (In warm resentment). Zounds! sir, I will not hear a word about it I insist upon it, you are wrong; you should have paid your court till my lord, and not have scrupled swallowing a bumper or twa, or twenty, till oblige him. Eger. Sir, I did drink his toast in a bumper. Sir P. Yes, you did; but how, how? just as a bairn takes physic, with aversions and wry faces, which my lord observed: then, to mend the matter, the moment that he and the Colonel got intill a drunken dispute about religion, you slily slunged away. Eger. I thought, sir, it was time to go, when my lord insisted upon half-pint bumpers. Sir P. Sir, that was not levelled at you, but at the Colonel, in order to try his bottom; but they aw agreed that you and I should drink out of sma' glasses. Eger. But, sir, I beg pardon: I did not choose to drink any more. Sir P. But, zoons! sir, I tell you there was a necessity for your drinking more. Eger. A necessity! in what respect, pray, sir! Sir P. Why, sir, I have a certain point to carry, independent of the lawyers, with my lord, in this agreement of your marriage; about which I am afraid we shall have a warm squabble; and therefore I wanted your assistance in it. Eger. But how, sir, could my drinking contribute to assist you in your squabble? Sir P. Yes, sir, it would have contributed-and greatly have contributed to assist me. Eger. How so, sir? Sir P. Nay, sir, it might have prevented the squabble entirely; for as my lord is proud of you for a son-in-law, and is fond of your little French songs, your stories, and your bon-mots, when you are in the humour; and guin you had but staid, and been a little jolly, and drank half a score bumpers with him, till he had got a little tipsy, I am sure, when we had him in that mood, we might have settled the point as I could wish it, among ourselves, before the lawyers came; but now, sir, I do not ken what will be the consequence. Eger. But when a man is intoxicated, would that have been a seasonable time to settle business, sir? Sir P. The most seasonable, sir; for, sir, when my lord is in his cups, his suspicion is asleep, and his heart is aw jollity, fun, and guid fellowship: and, sir, can there be a happier moment than that for a bargain, or to settle a dispute with a friend? What is it you shrug up your shoulders at, sir? Eger. At my own ignorance, sir; for I understand neither the philosophy nor the morality of your doctrine. Sir P. I know you do not, sir; and, what is worse, you never wull understand it, as you proceed: in one word, Charles, I have often told you, and now again I tell you, once for aw, that the manœuvres of pliability are as necessary to rise in the world as wrangling and logical subtlety are to rise at the bar. Why you see, sir, I have acquired a noble fortune, a princely fortune; and how do you think I raised it? Eger. Doubtless, sir, by your abilities. Sir P. Doubtless, sir, you are a blockhead : nae, sir, I'll tell you how I raised it: sir, I raised it—by booing (bows ridiculously low) -by booing. Sir, I never could stand straight in the presence of a great mon, but always booed, and booed, and booed—as it were by instinct. Eger. How do you mean by instinct, sir? Sir P. How do I mean by instinct! Why, sir, I mean by-byby the instinct of interest, sir, which is the universal instinct of mankind. Sir, it is wonderful to think what a cordial, what an amicable-nay, what an infallible influence booing has upon the pride and vanity of human nature. Charles, answer me sincerely, have you a mind to be convinced of the force of my doctrine by example and demonstration? Eger. Certainly, sir. Sir P. Then, sir, as the greatest favour I can confer upon you, I'll give you a short sketch of the stages of my booing, as an excitement, and a landmark for you to boo by, and as an infallible nostrum for a man of the world to rise in the world. Eger. Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your experience. Sir P. Vary weel, sir; sit ye down then, sit you down here. (They sit down). And now, sir, you must recall to your thoughts that your grandfather was a mon, whose penurious income of captain's half-pay was the sum total of his fortune; and, sir, aw my provision fra him was a modicum of Latin, an expertness in arithmetic, and a short system of worldly counsel; the principal ingredients of which were, a persevering industry, a rigid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliability of temper, and a constant attention to make every mon well pleased with himself. Eger. Very prudent advice, sir. Sir P. Therefore, sir, I lay it before you. Now, sir, with these materials, I set out a raw-boned stripling fra the North, to try my fortune with them here in the South, and my first step in the world was a beggarly clerkship in Sawney Gordon's counting-house here, in the city of London; which you'll say afforded but a barren sort of a prospect. Eger. It was not a very fertile one, indeed, sir. Sir P. The reverse, the reverse. Weel, sir, seeing myself in this unprofitable situation, I reflected deeply: I cast about my thoughts morning, noon, and night, and marked every mon and every mode of prosperity; at last, I concluded that a matrimonial adventure, prudently conducted, would be the readiest gait I could gang for the bettering of my condition: and accordingly I set about it. Now, sir, in this pursuit beauty, beauty, ah! beauty often struck my een, and played about my heart; and fluttered, and beat, and knocked, and knocked; but the devil an entrance I ever let it get: for I observed, sir, that beauty is, generally, a proud, vain, saucy, expensive, impertinent sort of a commodity. Eger. Very justly observed. Sir P. And therefore, sir, I left it to prodigals and coxcombs, that could afford to pay for it; and in its stead, sir, mark!—I looked out for an ancient, weel-jointured, superannuated dowager; a consumptive, toothless, phthisicy, wealthy widow; or a shrivelled, cadaverous piece of deformity, in the shape of an izzard, or an appersi, and-or, in short, ainything, ainything that had the siller the siller, for that, sir, was the north star of my affections. Do you take me, sir? was nae that right? Eger. O doubtless, doubtless, sir. Sir P. Now, sir, where do you think I ganged to look for this woman with the siller? nae till court, nae till playhouses or assemblies; nae, sir, I ganged till the kirk, till the anabaptist, the independent, Bradlonian, and Muggletonian meetings: till the morning and evening service of churches and chapels of ease, and till the midnight, melting, conciliating love feasts of the methodists; and there, sir, at last, I fell upon an old, slighted, antiquated, musty maiden, that looked-ha, ha, ha! she looked just like a skeleton in a surgeon's glass case. Now, sir, this miserable object was religiously angry with herself and aw the world; had nae comfort but in metaphysical visions and supernatural deliriums—ha, ha, ha! Sir, she was as mad-as mad as a Bedlamite. Eger. Not improbable, sir: there are numbers of poor creatures in the same condition. Sir P. O! numbers-numbers. Now, sir, this cracked creature used to pray, and sing, and sigh, and groan, and weep, and wail, and gnash her teeth constantly, morning and evening, at the tabernacle in Moorfields. And as soon as I found she had the siller, aha! guid traith, I plumped me down upon my knees, close by her -cheek by jowl-and prayed, and sighed, and sung, and groaned, and gnashed my teeth as vehemently as she could do for the life of her; ay, and turned up the whites of mine een, till the strings awmost cracked again. I watched her motions, handed her till her chair, waited on her home, got most religiously intimate with her in a week; married her in a fortnight, buried her in a month; touched the siller; and with a deep suit of mourning, a melancholy port, a sorrowful visage, and a joyful heart, I began the world again; (rises) and this, sir, was the first boo, that is, the first effectual boo, I ever made to the vanity of human nature. Now, sir, do you understand this doctrine ? Eger. Perfectly well, sir. Sir P. Ay, but was it not right? was it not ingenious, and weel hit off? Eger. Certainly, sir: extremely well. Sir P. My next boo, sir, was till your ain mother, whom I ran away with fra the boarding-school, by the interest of whose family I got a guid smart place in the treasury; and, sir, my vary next step was into parliament; the which I entered with as ardent and determined an ambition as ever agitated the heart of Cæsar himself. Sir, I booed, and watched, and hearkened, and ran about, backwards and forwards, and attended, and dangled upon the then great mon, till I got intill the vary bowels of his confidence; and then, sir, I wriggled and wrought, and wriggled, till I wriggled myself among the very thick of them. Ha! I got my snack of the clothing, the foraging, the contracts, the lottery tickets, and aw the political bonuses; till at length, sir, I became a much wealthier man than one-half of the golden calves I had been so long a booing to: and was nae that booing to some purpose? Eger. It was indeed, sir. Sir P. But are you convinced of the guid effects and of the utility of booing? Eger. Thoroughly, sir. Sir P. Sir, it is infallible. But, Charles, ah! while I was thus booing, and wriggling, and raising this princely fortune, ah! I met with many heart-sores and disappointments fra the want of literature, eloquence, and other popular abeeleties. Sir, guin I could but have spoken in the House, I should have done the deed in half the time; but the instant I opened my mouth there they aw fell a laughing at me; aw which deficiencies, sir, I determined at any expense, to have supplied by the polished education of a son, who I hoped would one day raise the house of Macsycophant till the highest pitch of ministerial ambition. This, sir, is my plan: I have done my part of it; Nature has done hers; you are popular, you are eloquent; aw parties like and respect you: and now, sir, it only remains for you to be directed-completion follows. 17.-SCENE FROM THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Thomas Holcroft was born in London 1745, his father following the humble trade of a shoemaker, in which Thomas sometimes assisted. He then became a strolling player, and ultimately got a footing in Drury Lane Theatre. All this time he was a quiet and unknown student. He became a translator of French and German books, and obtained employment from the booksellers. He wrote more than thirty dramatic pieces, of which "The Road to Ruin" was the most popular. One of his pieces produced him more than 6007.; and there is not on record a more remarkable instance of what an entirely self-educated man can accomplish by perseverance. He died March 3, 1809.] CHARACTERS: MR. DORNTON, a rich Banker. MR. MILFORD, a Profligate. MR. SULKY, Dornton's Managing Clerk- SCENE-An Apartment in DORNTON'S House. A Table, Chairs, &c. Enter HARRY DORNTON, MILFORD, and Footman. Footman. My old master is in a bitter passion, sir. Harry. I know it. Footman. He is gone down to turn the servant out of doors that let you in. Harry. Is he? Then you go and let your fellow-servant in again. |