Or Mason, that abandon'd bitch:
Then pray be free, and tell me which:
For every stander-by was marking,
That all the noise they made was barking,
You pay them well, the dogs have got
Their dogs-heads in a porridge pot:
And 'twas but just; for wise men say,
That every dog must have his day.
Dog Walpole laid a quart of nog on't,
He'd either make a hog or dog on't;
And look'd, since he has got his wish,
As if he had thrown down a dish.
Yet this I dare foretel you from it,
He'll soon return to his own vomit.

WHIG. Besides, this horrid plot was found
By Neynoe, after he was drown'd.

TORY. Why then the proverb is not right,
Since you can teach dead dogs to bite.
WHIG. I prov'd my proposition full:
But jacobites are strangely dull.
Now, let me tell you plainly, sir,
Our witness is a real cur,

A dog of spirit for his years,

Has twice two legs, two hanging ears;
His name is Harlequin, I wot,

And that's a name in every plot:
Resolv'd to save the British nation,
Though French by birth and education;
His correspondence plainly dated
Was all decipher'd and translated:
His answers were exceeding pretty.
Before the secret wise committee;
Confest as plain as he could bark:
Then with his forefoot set his mark.

TORY.

TORY. Then all this while have I been bubbled,

I thought it was a dog in doublet:

The matter now no longer sticks;
For statesmen never want dog tricks.
But since it was a real cur,
And not a dog in metaphor,

I give you joy of the report,

That he's to have a place at court.

WHIG. Yes, and a place he will grow rich in ; A turnspit in the royal kitchen.

Sir, to be plain, I tell you what,
We had occasion for a plot:

And when we found the dog begin it,
We guess'd the bishop's foot was in it.
TORY. I own it was a dangerous project;
And you have prov'd it by dog-logic.
Sure such intelligence between
A dog and bishop ne'er was seen,
Till you began to change the breed;
Your bishops all are dogs indeed!

STELLA AT WOOD PARK,

A HOUSE OF CHARLES FORD, ESQ.
NEAR DUBLIN. 1723.

"Cuicumque nocere volebat,
Vestimenta debat pretiosa."

DON Carlos, in a merry spite,
Did Stella to his house invite:
He entertain'd her half a year
generous wines and costly cheer.

With

X 2

Don

Don Carlos made her chief director,
That she might o'er the servants hector.
In half a week the dame grew nice,
Got all things at the highest price:
Now at the table head she sits,
Presented with the nicest bits:
She look'd on partridges with scorn,
Except they tasted of the corn:
A haunch of venison made her sweat,
Unless it had the right fumette.
Don Carlos earnestly would beg,
"Dear madam, try this pigeon's leg;"
Was happy, when he could prevail
To make her only touch a quail.
Through candlelight she view'd the wine
To see that every glass was fine.
At last, grown prouder than the devil
With feeding high and treatment civil,
Don Carlos now began to find
His malice work as he design'd.
The winter sky began to frown;
Poor Stella must pack off to town:

From purling streams and fountains bubbling,
To Liffy's stinking tide at Dublin:

From wholesome exercise and air,

To sossing in an easy chair:

From stomach sharp, and hearty feeding,

To piddle like a lady breeding:

From ruling there the household singly,
To be directed here by Dingley:*
From every day a lordly banquet,
To half a joint,, and God be thanked:

*The constant companion of Stella. F.

From

From every meal Pontac in plenty,
To half a pint one day in twenty:
From Ford attending at her call,

From Ford, who thinks of nothing mean,
To the poor doings of the Dean:
From growing richer with good cheer,
To running out by starving here.

But now arrives the dismal day;
"She must return to Ormond Quay.*
The coachman stopt; she look'd, and swore
The rascal had mistook the door:
At coming in, you saw her stoop;
The entry brush'd against her hoop;
Each moment rising in her airs,
She curst the narrow winding stairs:
Began a thousand faults to spy;
The ceiling hardly six feet high;
The smutty wainscoat full of cracks;
And half the chairs with broken backs:
Her quarter's out at Ladyday;
She vows she will no longer stay
In lodgings like a poor Grizette,
While there are houses to be iet.

Howe'er, to keep her spirits up,
She sent for company to sup:
When all the while you might remark,
She strove in vain to ape Wood Park,
Two bottles call'd for (half her store
The cupboard could contain but four)
A supper worthy of herself,

Five nothings in five plates of delf.

* Where the two ladies lodged. F.
X 3

Thus

Thus for a week the farce went on;
When, all her country savings gone,
She fell into her former scene,

Small beer, a herring, and the Dean.
Thus far in jest: though now, I fear,
You think my jesting too severe;
But poets, when a hint is new,
Regard not whether false or true :
Yet raillery gives no offence,
Where truth has not the least pretence;
Nor can be more securely plac'd

Than on a nymph of Stella's taste.
I must confess, your wine and vittle
I was too hard upon a little;
Your table neat, your linen fine;
And though in miniature, you shine:
Yet, when you sigh to leave Wood Park,
The scene, the welcome, and the spark,
To languish in this odious town,
And pull your haughty stomach down,
We think you quite mistake the case,
The virtue lies not in the place :
For though my raillery were true,
A cottage is Wood Park with you.

97

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