She called her cheat, and slut, and jade, And talked of sending for the beadle! "La, Ma'am" quoth Betty; "don't make such a pother; "I've done exactly what you've said, "Taken one sheet from off the bed, "And made a shift to-night with t'other." HORACE SMITH. THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER. (From "Gaieties and Gravities.") At Trin. Coll. Cam.-which means, in proper spelling, For those who choose that classic station That is he understood computing The odds at any race or match; Was a dead hand at pigeon shooting; Could kick up rows-knock down the watch Play truant and the rake at random Drink-tie cravats-and drive a tandem. Remonstrance, fine, and rustication, So far from working reformation, Seem'd but to make his lapses greater; Till he was warn'd that next offence One need not be a necromancer And Το guess that with so wild a wight, Home as the midnight chimes were tolling, The second peal was vain-the third Rousing and growling in his den. 'Who's there?—I s'pose young Harum-scarum." ""Tis I, my worthy Ben-'tis Harry." "Ay, so I thought—and there you'll tarry ; "Hip! hallo! Ben-don't be a ninny; "So tumble out and let me in." "Humph!" growl'd the greedy old Curmudgeon, Half overjoy'd and half in dudgeon, "Now you may pass, but make no fuss, 'Look on the stones, old Cerberus," Cried Harry as he pass'd the gate, "I've dropp'd a shilling-take the light, "You'll find it just outside-good night." Behold the porter in his shirt, Chiding the rain which never stopp'd, Groping and raking in the dirt, Because no shilling had been dropp'd; So he gave o'er the search at last, Regain'd the door,-and found it fast; With sundry oaths and growls and groans, He rang once-twice-and thrice; and ther, Mingled with giggling heard the tones Of Harry mimicking old Ben. "Who's there?-'Tis really a disgrace "You wouldn't have me lose my place." "Psha! Mr. Dashington: remember; "Tis the middle of November. "I'm stripp'd;-'tis raining cats and dogs." "But hark ye, Ben, I'll grant admittance "No: all or none- a full acquittance; "I won't take less;-I can't afford it." So finding all his haggling vain, Drew out the guinea and restored it. "Surely you'll give me," growl'd th' outwitted "Something, now you've done your joking, "Since as you urge, I broke your rest, "And you 're half drown'd and quite undress'd, I'll give you,-leave to go to bed." HORACE SMITH. THE COUNTRY FELLOWS AND THE ASS. A COUNTRY fellow and his son, they tell As they were jogging on, a rural class Was heard to say, "Look! look there, at that ass! Th' old fellow minded nothing that they said, Ne'er heed 'm, lad." Nay, father, do get on." The boy was mounted; and they had not got "How unconcernedly the gaping brute Lets the poor aged fellow walk a-foot." Down came the son, on hearing this account, And begged and prayed, and made his father mount : "See! see!" exclaimed, "that old hard-hearted wretch! "How like a justice there he sits, or squire; "While the poor lad keeps wading through the mire.” Stop," cried the lad, still vexed in deeper mind, Stop, father, stop; let me get on behind.' This done, they thought they certainly should please, Still disappointed, by succeeding tone, "Hark ye, you fellows! Is that ass your own? Ready to drop down dead upon the road, "With such a huge, unconscionable load." On this they both dismounted; and, some say, The ass between 'em; prints, they add, are seen As overstraining an ingenious hint. The copy that we follow says, The man DR. BYROM. THE DOCTOR AND HIS APPRENTICE. A PUPIL of the Æsculapian school Was just prepared to quit his master's rule: Yet think not that in knowledge he was cheated- Was, when a man was well or ill, One morn, he thus address'd his master: Dear Sir, my honour'd father bids me say, 66 He thinks with you, To notice how you do, "My business I might learn a little faster." "The thought is happy," the preceptor cries; 66 So Bob, (his pupil's name) it shall be so, |