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are to pay me eleven pence posthage." "What'ud I pay 'levenpence for?" said I. "For posthage," said he. "Did n't I see you give that genthleman a letther for four-pence, this blessed minit?" said I; "and a bigger letther than this? Do you think I'm a fool?" says I?"Here's a four-pence for you, and give

me the letther."

Squire. I wonder he did n't break your skull, and let some light into it.

Andy. "Go along, you stupid thafe!" says he, because I would n't let him chate your honor.

Squire. Well, well; give me the letter.

Andy. I haven't it, sir. He would n't give it to me, sir.
Squire. Who would n't give it to you?

Andy. That old chate beyant in the town.

Squire. Did n't you pay what he asked?

Andy. Arrah, sir, why would I let you be chated, when he was selling them before my face for four-pence a-piece ?

Squire. Go back, you scoundrel, or I'll horsewhip you. Andy. He'll murther me, if I say another word to him about the letther; he swore he would.

Squire. I'll do it, if he don't, if you are not back in less than an hour. [Exit.]

Andy. O, that the like of me should be murthered for defending the charrackter of my masther! It's not I'll go to dale with that bloody chate again. I'll off to Dublin, and let the letther rot on his dirty hands, bad luck to him!

Anonymous.

FREE

CCCLXXIX

THE FRENCHMAN'S LESSON.

RENCHMAN. Ha! my friend! I have met one very strange name in my lesson. Vat you call H-o-u-g-h, -- eh? Tutor. "Huff."

Fr. Très bien, "huff;" and snuff you spell s-n-o-u-g-h? Tut. Oh no, no! "Snuff" is spelled s-n-u-f-f. In fact, words in o-u-g-h are a little irregular.

Fr. Ah, very good!-'t is beautiful language! H-o-u-g-h

is "huff." I will remember; and of course, c-o-u-g-h is "cuff." I have a bad “cuff,” — eh ?

not "cuff."

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Tut. No, that is wrong; we say "kauff,” Fr. "Kauff," eh? "Huff," and "kauff;" and, pardonnez-moi, how you call d-o-u-g-h-"duff," eh? is it "duff?" Tut. No, not "duff.” .

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Fr. Not "duff!” Ah, oui; I understand, it is "dauff," eh?

Tut. No; d-o-u-g-h spells "doe."

Fr. "Doe!" It's ver' fine! Wonderful language! It is “doe;" and t-o-u-g-h is "toe,” certainement. My beefsteak is very "toe."

Tut.

Fr.

Oh! no, no! You should say "tuff."
"Tuff!" And the thing the farmer uses,

how you

Ha! you smile. I see

No? then it is "ploe,"

call him, p-l-o-u-g-h," pluff," is it? that I am wrong; it must be "plaff." like "doe?" It is one beautiful language! ver' fine!— " ploe !" Tut. You are still wrong, my friend; it is " "plow."

Fr.

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"Plow!" Wonderful language! I shall understand ver' soon. 66 Plow," "doe," "kauff; and, one more, r-o-u-g-h, "Rauff and Ready?"

- what you call General Taylor,

No? then "Row and Ready?"

Tut. No; r-o-u-g-h spells "ruff."

Fr. "Ruff," ha? Let me not forget. R-o-u-g-h is "ruff," and b-o-u-g-h is "buff," - ha?

Tut. No; "bow."

Fr. Ah! 't is ver' simple! Wonderful language! But I have had vat you call e-n-o-u-g-h, --ha? Vat you call him? Ha ha ha!

Anonymous.

CCCLXXX.

MR.

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R. H. Ha! Steward, how are you, my old boy? How do things go on at home?

Steward. Bad enough, your honor; the magpie's dead. Mr. H. Poor mag! so he's gone. How came he to die?

Stew. Over-ate himself, sir.

Mr. H. Did he, faith? a greedy dog; why, what did he get he liked so well?

Stew. Horse-flesh, sir; he died of eating horse-flesh.

Mr. H.

Stew.

How came he to get so much horse-flesh?
All your father's horses, sir.

Mr. H. What! Are they dead, too?

Stew.

Ay, sir; they died of over-work.

Mr. H. And why were they over-worked, pray?

Stew. To carry water, sir.

Mr. H. To carry water! and what were they carrying water for?

Stew. Sure, sir, to put out the fire.

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Stew. Oh, sir, your father's house is burned down to the ground.

Mr. H. My father's house burned down! and how came it set on fire?

Stew. I think, sir, it must have been the torches.
Mr. H.

Torches ! what torches ?

Stew. At your mother's funeral.

Mr. H. My mother dead!

Stew. Ah, poor lady, she never looked up after it.
Mr. H.

After what?

Stew. The loss of your father.

Mr. H. My father gone too?

Stew. Yes, poor gentleman, he took to his bed as soon as he heard of it.

Mr. H. Heard of what?

Stew. The bad news, sir, and please your Honor.

Mr. H.

What! more miseries! more bad news?

Stew. Yes, sir, your bank has failed, and your credit is lost, and you are not worth a shilling in the world. I made bold, sir, to come to wait on you about it, for I thought you would like to hear the news. Anonymous.

CCCLXXXI.

THE CHOLERIC FATHER.

CAPT. ABSOLUTE SIR ANTHONY.

CAPT. A. Sir, I am delighted to see you here and looking so well! Your sudden arrival at Bath made me

apprehensive for your health.

Sir A. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. What, are you recruiting here, eh?

Capt. A. Yes, sir; I am on duty.

Sir A. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it; for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business. Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long.

Capt. A. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and I pray fervently that you may continue so.

Sir A. I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well, then, Jack, I have been considering that as I am so strong and hearty, I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit.

Capt. A. Sir, you are very good.

Sir A. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence.

Such gener

Capt. A. Sir, your kindness overpowers me. osity makes the gratitude of reason more lively than the sensation even of filial affection.

Sir A. I am glad you are so sensible of my attention; and you shall be master of a large estate in a few weeks.

Capt. A. Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude. I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence. Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army?

Sir A. O, that shall be as your wife chooses.
My wife, sir?

Capt. A.

Sir A.

Ay, ay, settle that between you settle that between

you.

Capt. A. A wife, sir, did you say?

Sir A. Ay, a wife — why, did I not mention her before? Capt. A. Not a word of her, sir.

Sir A. Upon my word, I must n't forget her, though! Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage - the fortune is saddled with a wife; but I suppose that makes no difference?

Capt. A. Sir, sir, you amaze me!

Sir A.

What's the matter? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

Capt. A. I was, sir; you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not one word of a wife.

Sir A. Why, what difference does that make? Sir, if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

Capt. A. If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline the purchase. Pray, sir, who is the lady?

Sir A. What's that to you, sir? Come, give me your promise to love, and to marry her directly.

Capt. A.

Sure, sir, that's not very reasonable, to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of!

Sir A. I am sure, sir, 't is more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of.

Capt. A. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that on this point I cannot obey you.

Sir A. Hark you, Jack! I have heard you for some time with patience; I have been cool, — quite cool; but take care; you know I am compliance itself, when I am not thwarted; no one more easily led — when I have my own way; but don't put me in a frenzy.

Capt. A.

Sir A.

I live!

Capt. A.

Sir, I must repeat it; in this I cannot obey you. Now, shoot me, if ever I call you Jack again while

Nay, sir, but hear me.

Sir A. Sir, I won't hear a word not a word! - not one word! So, give me your promise by a nod; and I'll tell you what, Jack, — I mean, you dog, — if you don't

Capt. A. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness; to

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