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Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well ?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
Sim. Marry, Sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way, but the town way.
Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, Sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind !—I shall be glad, if he have deceived me: how melancholies I am!-I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, * when I have good opportunities for the 'ork :-'pless my soul!
Melodious birds sing madrigals ;-
By shallow rivers, to whose falls
Sim. No weapons, Sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! * Head.
† Babylon, the first line of the 139th Psalm.
Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you !
Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson?
Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day?
Eva. There is reasons and causes for it.
Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.
Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Eva. What is he?
Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
Shal. It appears so, by his weapons :-Keep them asunder; here comes doctor Caius.
Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY.
Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.
Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time.
Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :- I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments.
Caius. Diable !-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint?
Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine Host of the Garter.
Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer.
Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent !
Host. Peace, I say; hear mine Host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor ? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my Sir Hugh ? No; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs.-Give me thy
hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so.-Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let_burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn :-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow.
Shal. Trust me, a mad host :-Follow, gentlemen, follow.
[Exeunt SHAL. SLEN. PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot* of us? ha, ha!
Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog.t-I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scald, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter.
Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles :-Pray you, follow.
[Exeunt, SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor,
Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels ?
Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a
Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.
Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands.
Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah?
Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff! Mrs. Page. He, he! I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he !- Is your wife at home, indeed ?
Ford. Indeed she is.
[Éxeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains ? hath he any eyes ? hath he any thinking ? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's incli. nation; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's * Fool.
+ Flouting stock.
going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind !-and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots !--they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming* mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. + [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff:' I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SIR HUGH EVANS,
Calus, and RUGBY. Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford.
Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you, all go with me.
Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford.
Slen. And so must I, Sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of.
Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
Slen. I hope I have your good-will, father Page.
Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.
Caius. Ay, by gar! and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday,I he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't.
Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster.-Master doctor, you shall go ;-so shall you, master Page;-and you, Sir Hugh.
Shal. Well, fare you well:-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's.
[Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY.
Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
[Exit Host Ford [aside]. I think, I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles ? All. Have with you, to see this monster.
[Exeunt. * Specious.
+ Shall encourage. • Out of the common style.
Ś Not rich.
SCENE III.-A Room in Ford's House,
Enter MRS. FORD and MRS. PAGE.
Enter Serrants with a basket, Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge, we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, he ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders : that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters* in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side.
Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Begone, and come when you are called.
[Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket at what news with you?
Rob. My master Sir John is come in at your back-door, mistress Ford; and requests your company.
Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent,I have you been true to us?
Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away.
Mrs. Page. Thou’rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me.
Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go, tell thy master I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
[Exit ROBIN. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
[Exit MRS. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Go to, then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion ;-we'll teach him to know turtles
Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: 0 this blessed hour !
Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John.
Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.
* Bleachers of linen.
+ A young small hawk. # A puppet thrown at in Lent, like shrove-cocks.