Q. WHAT should be done with a ship's A. Coil it like an ordinary rope and stow it away in the hold. (See REED, Q. Where is the best position for the A. Near the heaviest anchor. (See Q. How do you ascertain the number of knots run over the "measured mile"? A. Tie as many knots as you can in a tape yard measure, and multiply by 1760. Q. When the Captain makes it "Eight Bells," what is the proper course to take? 4. Ring a triple bob major. (See any Q. What are the proper and most im- proving acquaintances for the cad who A. The gunner's daughter and the NEEDLES and Pins! Needles and Pins!- A Man must not marry for Needles and What can a Wife who's at least a B. A. Needles and Pins! Needles and Pins!- A HINT FROM THE GENTLEMEN.-Should WHEN La Fille de Madame Angot went Evidently the Fan d'Angot. A PROHIBITIONIST ISLAND -Ushaut. THE SAILOR'S GEMINI. VERSION. Old Sailing Master. "URRICANE'?! WE'D A LIGHT AIR O' WIND OFF YARMOUTH. SWEETS OF SUMMER. LOCAL PECULIARITIES. AT Bilston they always hit At Broadstairs the accom- modation for stout visitors is certain to be something fresh At Liverpool they are ex- If you write to Newcastle under Lyne the address. At Newmarket they take is ship-shape. At Rye you will meet none At Sheffield you will al- Heart's-ease and Wallflowers A NICE SUMMER RESORT.- NURSERY RHYME FOR THE TIME. Sleep then, my darling, in peace, for be You shall never be married to one who is Carriages, diamonds for bosom and ear, Jointure at least of three thousand All these shall be yours, my sweet Baby, NEW" ACT OF UNIFORMITY." ALL Gentlemen to wear white hats in All Ladies to take lessons at the School All Champagne at dinner parties, All Speeches and Sermons to be distin- All Mayors and Corporations to abstain All Heads of Households to take their All Umbrellas on loan to be faithfully All Cabmen to be careful, civil, and All Haircutters to preserve silence All the out-door statues in London to be removed. All Fees at Theatres to be abolished. tumblers, and street beggars, to be put All flirtations to be sternly discounte- nanced. All Domestics to remain at least one All Civil Servants to have their salaries All Acts of Parliament to be worded intelligibly. All smoking by young men under four- July xxxi Days. 1-18. 3h.49m 178 Punch b'41 S.& 8h.18m IRS 88n. af.Tr B. Sadowa 19 M Petrarch d. 568n. af.Tr. 20 To Margaret Prs. Hel. m. 21 WR. Burns d "Old Mid.D. 22 Th Salamanca V Sheridan d23 Sketchley 1 Shelley d. 24 Gibral. tkn. Fire In. ex. 25S9 8. nf. Tr Oxf. T.T. 26 M K. Otho d. 1:S 7 Sn.af. Tr. 37 Tu Talavera 1 M Villafranca 28W Cowley d. 19 Tu Dy 16h12m 29 Tl. B. Polotsk 14 W Bastile des 30 F W. Penn d 15:hs. Swithin 31SL Loyola d IGF Beranger dJi LEO. August xxxi Days. 1S 10 8. af. Tr. 17 T Ronlton d. 2M Bk. Holiday IF WE Russell b 3 TS.r. 4h.27m 19 Th B. Ozontero 4 W S... 7h.42m 20 F Saragossa 5 T. 8. Worth 218 Bik-ek.s.b. 6FD. Edin. b. 22 S 138. af.Tr. 78 Q. Carel. d. 23 M Wallace bd 8 SI1 S.af.Tr. 24 Tu S. Barthole, 9MH. Silver] 25 W Faraday d. 10 T. C. Keene h26 Th B. Cressy 11 W Half Quar. 27 F B. Verneuil 12 T. Grouse & b. 288 B. Leipsic 18F O. Lammas 29 S 14 S. af. Tr. 148 B. Borny 30 MH. Monzon 15S 12s-f. Tr 31 T Bunyan d. 16M B.Vionville!l VIRGO. ASPIRATIONS FOR AUGUST. THE Houses rise; the Sc3sion 's o'er; Now welcome the Rcess. May taxes not have Leon made more, And liberty made less. DID YOU EVER? DID you ever know a sano person who liked having his hair cut? Did you ever know a Man who was not delighted at being excused from serving on a Jury? Did you ever hear of a Will which gave complete satisfaction? Did you ever publish a little volume of Poems and find it turn out a profitable speculation? Did you ever pay your Rates and Taxes with cheerful alacrity? Did you ever "Spend a Happy Day?" Did you ever experience the joy of an unexpected Legacy? Did you ever hear a Bulbul? And, Ladies Did you ever know a Dressmaker who could make you a dress, at the very earliest, before the week after next? SMALL TALK FOR SOCIETY. -Sofas are said to have been invented by the Lollards. However, it appears that the Ottomans were beforehand with them. "Do you Beat your Carpets?" You do. Very good: if it eases your nasty temper, continue to beat them; it 's better than beating your wife. THE BAGMAN'S BAG. HARK how the Cockney Sportsman drops His a tehes o'er the glades and glens, But, at hen heasants though he pops. Your 'ARRY never d ops his n's. PREHISTORIC LONDON. Some Archaeologists hve discovered an analogy between the Druidical worship and a form of Semitic idolatry. It has been surmised that the Old Bailey derives its name from having been the site of a temple of Baal. POETRY OF NATURE.-In the middle of Winter vegetation sometimes assures a more poctical aspect than it ever presents in Spring. During a severe white frost the twigs of all the trees sometimes appear entirely covered with. rime. FORTUNATE MAN-SNOPPING, whose domestic reintions are not of the happiest character, says he only chris the PoE for one reason-be cannot have a Mother-in-law. JUSTICE TO LADIES,-Of all Woman's Rights the most valuable is the right to pracWhat tire as a Physician. patient could ever refuse a fee to a female? TRUE HISTORY OF WHITTINGTON. He was th first Magistrate of London who introduced the Cat for garotters. MYTHOLOGY AND FACT. The River Pactolus flowed with gold. The River Plate flows with gravy. POPULAR ETYMOLOGY.-A Son of a Gun. The Woolwich Infant. Pale Enthusiast. "THIS IS THE CREAM OF MY COLLECTION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT IS QUITE UNIQUE. IN 1870. IT TOOK THEM THREE YEARS TO PRODUCE THIS PLATE, THEIR ONLY ONE, AND THEN-AND THEN-Ruddy Philistine. "AND THEN THEY SHUT UP, I SUPPOSE?" Ruddy Philistine. "AND I DON'T WONDER!!" Pale Bathusiast. "ER-YES!" IT WAS MADE BY THE FALLOWBROOK POTTERY THAT WAS STARTED |