Sure such intelligence between
A dog and bishop ne'er was seen,
Till you began to change the breed;
Your bishops all are dogs indeed!
▲ HOUSE OF CHARles ford, Esq. NEAR DUBLIN. 1723.
"-Cuicumque nocere volebat,
Vestimenta debat pretiosa."
DON Carlos, in a merry spite,
Did Stella to his house invite:
He entertain'd her half a year
With generous wines and costly cheer,
Don Carlos made her chief director,
That she might o'er the servants hector.
In half a week the dame grew nice,
Got all things at the highest price:
Now at the table head she sits,
Presented with the nicest bits:
She look' on partridges with scorų,
Except they tasted of the corn:
A haunch of venison made her sweat,
Unless it had the right fumette.
Don Carlos earnestly would beg,
Dear madam, try this pigeon's leg;"
Was happy, when he could prevail
To make her only touch a quail.
Through candlelight she view'd the wine
To see that every glass was fine.
At last, grown prouder than the devil
With feeding high and treatment civil,
Don Carlos now began to find
His malice work as he design'd.
The winter sky began to frown;
Poor Stella must pack off to town:
From purling streams and fountains bubbling,
To Liffy's stinking tide at Dublin:
From wholesome exercise and air,
To tossing in an easy chair:
From stomach sharp, and hearty feeding,
To piddle like a lady breeding:
From ruling there the household singly,
To be directed here by Dingley :*
From every day a lordly banquet,
To half a joint, and God be thanked ;
From every meal Pontack in plenty,
To half a pint one day in twenty:
From Ford attending at her call,
To visits of
From Ford, who thinks of nothing mean;
To the poor doings of the Dean :
From growing richer with good cheer,
To running out by starving here.
But now arrives the dismal day;
She must return to Ormond Quay.t
The coachman stopt; she look'd, and swore
The rascal had mistook the door:
At coming in, you saw her stoop;
The entry brush'd against her hoop:
Each moment rising in her airs,
She curst the narrow winding stairs:
Began a thousand faults to spy;
The ceiling hardly six feet high;
The constant companion of Stella. F.
Where the two ladies lodged. F.
The smutty wainscoat full of cracks;
And half the chairs with broken backs:
Her quarter's out at Ladyday;
She vows she will no longer stay
In lodgings like a poor Grizette,
While there are houses to be let.
Howe'er, to keep her spirits up,
She sent for company to sup:
When all the while you might remark,
She strove in vain to ape Wood Park.
Two bottles call'd for (half her store
The cupboard could contain but four)
A supper worthy of herself,
Five nothings in five plates of delf.
Thus for a week the farce went on;
When, all her country savings gone,
She fell into her former scene,
Small beer, a herring, and the Dean.
Thus far in jest: though now, I fear
You think my jesting too severe;
But poets, when a hint is new,
Regard not whether false or true :
Yet raillery gives no offence,
Where truth has not the least pretence;
Nor can be more securely plac'd
Than on a nymph of Stella's taste.
I must confess your wine and vittle
I was too hard upon a little :
Your table neat, your linen fine;
And though in miniature, you shine:
Yet, when you sigh to leave Wood Park,
The scene, the welcome, and the spark,
To languish in this odious town,
And pull your haughty stomach down;
We think you quite mistake the case,
The virtue lies not in the place:
For, though my raillery were true,
A cottage is Wood Park with you.
COPY OF THE BIRTHDAY VERSES ON MR. FORD.*
COME, be content, since out it must,
For Stella has betray'd her trust;
And, whispering, charg'd me not to say
That Mr. Ford was born to day;
Or, if at last I needs must blab it,
According to my usual habit,
She bid me, with a serious face,
Be sure conceal the time and place;
And not my compliment to spoil,
By calling this your native soil :
Or vex the ladies when they knew
That you are turning forty-two:
But, if these topics shall appear
Strong arguments to keep you here,
I think, though you judge hardly of it,
Good manners must give place to profit.
The nymphs, with whom you first began,
Are each become a harridan;
And Montague so far decay'd,
Her lovers now must all be paid;
Dr. Swift had been used to celebrate the birthday of his friend Charles Ford, Esq. which was on the first day of January. See also he preceding poem, "Stella at Wood Park."-Dr. Delany mentions also among the Dean's intimate friends, " Matthew Ford, Esq. a man of family and fortune, a fine gentleman, and the best lay scholar of is time and nation." N.
And every belle that since arose,
Has her contemporary beaux.
Your former comrades, once so bright,
With whom you toasted half the night,
Of rheumatism and pox complain,
And bid adieu to dear champaign.
Your great protectors, once in power,
Are now in exile or the Tower.
Your foes triumphant o'er the laws,
Who hate your person and your cause.
If once they get you on the spot,
You must be guilty of the plot:
For, true or false, they'll ne'er inquire,
But use you ten times worse than Prior.
In London! what would you do there?
Can you, my friend, with patience bear
(Nay, would it not your passion raise
Worse than a pun, or Irish phrase ?)
To see a scoundrel strut and hector,
A footboy to some rogue director,
To look on vice triumphant round,
And virtue trampled on the ground?
Observe where bloody ***** stands
With torturing engines in his hands,
Hear him blaspheme, and swear, and rail,
Threatening the pillory and jail :
If this you think a pleasing scene,
To London straight return again;
Where, you have told us from experience,
Are swarms of bugs and presbyterians.
I thought my very spleen would burst, When Fortune hither drove me first; Was full as hard to please as you, Nor persons names nor places knew :
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