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S. Ant. (12) What's her name?
S. Dro. Nell, Sir ;- but her name and three quarters (that is, an ell and three quarters) will not measure her from hip to hip.
S. Ant. Then the bears some breadth ?
S. Dro. No longer from head to foot, than from hip to hip; she is spherical, like a globe : I could find out countries in her.
S. Ant. In what part of her body stands Ireland?
S. Dro. Marry, Sir, in her buttocks ; I found it out by the bogs.
S. Ant. Where Scotland ?
S. Dro. I found it out by the barrenness, hard in the palm of her hand.
S. Ant. (13) Where France ?
S. Dro. In her forehead; arm’d and reverted, making war against her heir.
S. Ant. (12) S. Ant. What's her Name?
S. Dro. Nell, Sir; but her Name is three Quarters ; that is, an Ell and three Quarters, &c.] This Paffage has hitherto Jain as perplext and unintelligible, as it is now easy, and truly humourous. If a Conundrum be restord, in setting it right, who can help it : There are enough besides in our Author, and Ben Jonson, to countenance that current Vice of the Times when this Play appear’d. Nor is Mr. Pope, in the Chastity of his Tafte, to bristle up at Me for the Revival of this Witticism, fince I owe the Corre&ion to the Sagacity of the ingenious Dr. Thirlby. (13) S. Ant. Where France ?
S. Dro. In her Forehead; arm'd and reverted, making War against her Hair.) All the other countries, mention'd in this Lefcription, are in Dromio's Replies satirically characteriz'd: but here, as the Editors have order'd it, no Remark is made upon France ; nor any Reason given, why it should be in her Forehead : but only the Kitchen-wench's high Forehead is sallied, as pushing back her Hair. Thus all the modern Editions ; but the first Folio reads. - making War against her Heir. - And I am very apt to think, this Laft is the true Reading; and that an Equivoque, as the French call it, a double Meaning, is design'd in the Poet's Allusion : and therefore ! have replac'd it in the Text, la 1589, Henry III, of France
S. Ant. Where England ?
S. Dro. I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them ; but I guess, it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
S. Ant. Where Spain ?
S. Dro. Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath
S. Ant. 'Where America, the Indies? S. Dro. Oh, Sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellish'd with rubies, carbuncles, saphires ; declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadoes of carracts to be ballast at her nose.
S. Ant. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
S. Dro. Oh, Sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what privy marks I had about me, as the marks of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amaz’d, ran from her as a witch. And, I think, if my breaft had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transform’d me to a curtal-dog, and made me turn i'th' wheel.
S. Ant. Go, hie thee presently; post to the road ; And if the wind blow any way from shore, I will not harbour in this town to night. bark put
forth, come to the mart; Where I will walk, 'till thou return to me: being ftab’d, and dying of his Wound, was succeeded by Henry IV. of Navarre, whom
he appointed his Successor ; but whose Claim the States of France refifted, on account of his being a Procestant. This, I take it, is what he means, by France making War againft her Heir. Now as, in 1591, Queen Elizabeth sent over 4000 Men, under the Conduct of the Earl of Essex, to the Affiftance of this Henry of Navarre ; it seems to me very probable, that during this Expedition being on foot, this Comedy made its Appearance. And it was the finest Address imaginable in the Poet, to throw such an oblique Sneer at France, for opposing the Succession of that Heir, whose Claim his Royal Miftress, the Queen, had fent over a Force to eftablich, and oblige them to acknowledge.
If every one know us, and we know none,
S. Dro. As from a bear a man would run for life,
S. Ant. There's none but witches do inhabit here;
Enter Angelo, with a Chain.
Ang. I know it well, Sir ; lo, here is the chain ;
S. Ant. What is your will, that I fall do with this ? Ang. What please yourself, Sir; I have made it for you S. Ant. Made it for me, Sir! I bespoke it not.
Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twenty times, you haver Go home with it, and please your wife withal ; And soon at supper-time I'll visit you, And then receive my mony for the chain.
S. Ant. I pray you, Sir, receive the mony now;
SCENE, The Street.
POU know, fince Pentecoff the sum is due ;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
Ang. Ev'n juft the sum, that I do owe to you,
as from the Courtezan's. Ofi. That labour you may save : see, where he comes. E. Ant. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
a rope's end ; that will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates, Por locking me out of my doors by day. But, soft; I see the goldsmith: get thee gone, Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. E. Dro. I buy a thousand pound a year ! I buy a rope !
[Exit Dromio. E. Ant. A man is well holp up, that trusts to you: I promised your presence, and the chain : But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me:
Belike, you thought, our love would laft too long
merry humour, here's the note,
E. Ant. I am not furnish'd with the present mony;
Ang. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself ?
E. Ant. An if I have not, Sir, I hope, you have
Ang. Nay, come, I pray you, Sir, give me the chain
E. Ant. Good lord, you use this dalliance to excuse
Mer. The hour steals on ; I pray you, Sir, dispatch.
E. Ant. Fie, now you run this humour out of breath :
Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance :