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him. (Pulls out a purse of uncommon length.) Ay; they'll not easily get to the bottom of it, so “ what's to pay ?” damme " what's to pay,' is my watch word while I stay in London.
Orv. What you think money an excuse for every absurdity ?
Ap-Hazard. To be sure-if I knock à man down—“ what's to pay?”. --if I kiss a married, woman---" what's to pay?"---if I marry myself---" what's to pay ?"---if I come into parliament--« what's to pay ?” Money will mend crack't heads---broken hearts, and wounded reputationstherefore I say again,
again," what's to pay,” is my motto in the hour of danger.
Orv. Well, but take notice; mine and your friend Miss Union's schemes depend on your success. Sir Charles and Lady Danvers are our enemies; and if you marry Mrs. Seymour, and are adopted by Sir Bamber, they meet the ruin they merit; if you fail, they triumph: recollect Fortune's a Nippery
jade. Ap-Hazard. Oh, curse her; I know her; fhe has led me such a life of it but now I defy her---the can't dash the cup from my lip now--no, no---Mrs. Seymour has given me her picture, and the bust secures old Blackletter. I tell you what---life's a lottery---I've hitherto had ten blanks to a prize---and now I'll go buy the thirty thousand.
Oru. No; go and have your first interview with your godfatherheh! who's landing from that boat as I live, Tom Seymour.
Tom Seymour (without.) Row back, I tell you,
Orv. If he should find out his mother is about to be married to this fellow-however he don't meddle in family affairs. (afide.)
Tom Seymour (without.) Pull hard my lads.
Ap-Hazard (looking out.) What smart sea captain's this? I'm a bit of a sailor myself, and as I should like to hear about the dock-yards, and the late sea engagements, I'll talk to him—by his appearance he must be a very great naval character.
Orv. (afide.) Great naval character! ha! ha! poor Tom Seymour !-he never saw the sea in his life-never was below Gravesend he is a freshwater sailor. Enter Tom Seymour, dress’d in white trowsers,
&c. Tom (Speaking as he enters.) Pull hard I tell you-save as much of the wreck as you can; and, d'ye hear, look out sharp for the log-bookZounds! what a tempeft! and what a profession! We sailors are always exposed to peril, while these land lubbers here-what Orville ! never off shore.
Ap. Hazard. Stormy weather, noble captain !
Orv. (to Tom, who stares at Ap-Hazard.) He's a friend of mine, from Wales : but what's the matter? You seem agitated.
Tom. Well I may—I've been shipwreck’d.
Ap-Hazard. Ay, where, fir?—where ? Oh, how I like to hear about a shipwreck. When did it happen? Where was it, captain ?-in the Channel?
Tom. No; in Chelsea Reach.
Ap-Hazard. Chelsea Reach! Why what new ocean's that? But tell me, did the ship founder, or did she drive against a large ridge of barbarous rocks?
Tom. Neither : she drove against a little arch of Battersea Bridge-off Millbank we lost our mainmatt-at Vauxhall we sprung a leak—and ac Ranelagh we threw overboard
Ap-Hazard. All your live stock, stores and provisions ?
Tom. All our umbrellas, spencers, and operaglasses.
Ap-Hazard. Umbrellas and opera-glasses !Why what fantastic jackanapes is this ? Fortune's at her tricks again, I fee; but let what will be the consequence, I'll ask him one more question. Sir-captain, if the ship was lost, how came you not to sink with it?
Tom. I did sink with it.
Ap-Hazard. What you were drown'd, were you?
Tom. No, not exactly ; because when she came to the bottom, I stood on the deck, and was knee high in the river. Drown'd! bless your fat head how can a man be drown'd in seven inch water? Oh, you'll never be of service to your country.
Ap-Hazard. No; but you shall; for I'll fetch a press-gang-—I'll -(going.)
Oru. (stopping bim.) Softly : will you force your ill-luck-purposely get into a scrape ? Consider, the cards are in your own hands.
Ap-Hazard. They are.
Ap-Hazard. No, thank ye—thank ye-What's to pay, lir? (to Tom.)
Orv. (to Tom.) You'll excuse my friend, Mr. Seymour-he's a strange creature. Come, never mind the loss of your thip; you have more than one, you know
. Tom. To be sure I have. There's the Sprightly Kitty! (pointing to the vessel at anchor.) Cico
patra's galley was but a coal-barge to it-she's my favourite, because my sister furnish'd the cabin for me: and, now I think on't, Orville, what's all this hurricane in my family? I'm told Juliana has put to sea with Sir Charles Danversmess! I must keep a good look out—that is, when the failing match is over.
Orv. You'll find your sister has behav'd very ill, fir.
Tom. Shall I ? I don't think it: more likely I fhall find others have behav'd ill to her; and, if that's the case, she shan't want a friend, I promise you-while I can swim, my sister shan't fink!: What say you, Mr. —
Ap-Hazard. Say! that since I came to London, it's the only sensible speech I've heard. Sir, I beg pardon for hinting at a press-gang-you are a great naval character, and I'll fail with you-at the risk of my life, I'll fail with you.
Tom. So you shall not to-day, though-I'm going to dine at La Fleece’em's club.
Ap-Hazard. Then I'll go and dine at La Fleece'em's along with you.
Tom. Why, your friend's a strange creature indeed, Orville ; however, I like his familiarityso you shall go and dine with me; and what's more, I'll make you one of the squadron, and you shall wear the uniform.
Ap. Hazard. So I will : l'll wear the uniform.
Tom. And you shall be in my sett--the aquatic fett-all as great naval characters as myfelf-and you shall hear of nothing but rowing, sailing, fishing and you shall-play a rubber.
Ap-Hazard. Stop there—I'm tied up.
, lieve me, I never turn'd up an honour in all my life: however, Fortune smiles at present, and there's nothing like pushing it; so come, Orville -come, my noble captain-(aside to Orville.) I feel my ground, and you and Miss Union may count the game your own—I'll beggar the club, marry the widow, bamboozle old Black letter, and then we'll all take such a sea voyage in the Sprightly Kitty
Tom. No, no; no falt-water for me-let me encounter the billows of the Thames, not be toss'd on the tumultuous ocean-give me a failing match, not a sea fight-a trip to Richmond, not a voyage to China—and instead of being shipwreck'd on rocks and quicksands, Battersea Bridge and feven inch water for Tom Seymour. Come, my boys, come to the club, and I'll shew you how to hold honours, and fail against wind and tide!
END OF THE FIRST ACT.