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vers !---Where shall I go?---ha !---a window with a balcony !---I shall conceal myself in that balcony, and if you betray me
[Exit into balcony.
Enter Sir BAMBER, and Mrs. SEYMOUR. Sir Bamber. Now, sir, produce the ladyrestore her to her unhappy mother-Why, what's the fool staring at ?-look at me-look in my face.
Ap-Hazard. I do--and a more ill-omen'd visage never crossid me—there's fatality in every furrow-a scrape in every wrinkle, and a devin O. U. T.-out, with a black and brown fnoutout : pout : out.
Enter TOM SEYMOUR.
Well, Sir-have you seen your sister ?
Tom. I have I acquit you, Sir Bamber~You are innocent—But O! you fountain of all iniquity-slaying hold of Ap-Hazard )--you rockyou quicksand-you whirlpool !-how dare you decoy my sister to these lodgings ?
Ap-Hazard. The stars foretel a watery grave and lo !here comes the mighty master of the art of sinking to fhew me to the bottom--How did you feel when you were drown'd ?
Tom. Not half what you will when I loot you on my quarter deck-Lady Danvers is in this house-I have seen her.
Sir Bamber. There !now hav'nt I been libel'd? has’nt Miss Union been lampoon’d ?-and won't I have you pillored, fir, for saying that volume of virtue was in these apartments ?
Tom. I said she sent this Tornado a love letter (pointing to Ap-Hazard)—and I'm sure she has brass enough to-mess !-don't weep so, mother: I'm not us'd to salt water, and you'll make me cry too.
Mrs. Seymour. I could have borne any thing but this--to see my child disgrac'd !-her' reputation sullied !-Oh, my fon!
Tom. (crying.) Hang it!—I'm sorry I said I saw her, now; but looking up to see if the wind blew fair for Putney, I spied her in the balcony.
Sir Bamber. In the balcony !--What there?
Tom. (ftill crying. )Yes: there that pirate has conceal'd my loft-unhappy sister.
Sir Bamber. I'll have her out.
Sir Bamber. I will to vindicate my own and Miss Union's character~(throws up window, and leads on Miss Union.) This way, Lady Danvers the devil !--my intended wife,
Ap-Hazard. What's to pay?
Ap-Hazard. Ha! ha! ha!-am not I the only unlucky one ?--have I got a companion in my misfortunes ?Ha! ha! till this moment I stood alone—now here's a joint paymaster !-(Sees Sir. Bamber looking melancholy) -What! another unlucky one!--Mrs. Seymour too !
-Oh!--if I go to the bottom, here'll be a jolly party to sink
Mrs. Seymour. I'm so overjoy'd to find my daughter innocent, I have not pow'r to censure my false friend.-(t0 Tom.) -How came you, Gr, to take this lady for your lister?
Tom. That's what puzzles me Mess !
-1 don't know whether it was the front of her I saw-for now-a-days women are so bamboozl'd in their rigging, there's no telling the stem from the stern.
Ap-Hazard. Your sister is gone to Mrs. Seymour's with her huiband; and Miss Union
Miss Union. Sir-I'll speak for myself—Sir Bamber-Mrs. Seymour-I came to these apartments in search of Lady Danvers ; and hearing music in the street, I ftept into the balcony to listen to my favourite tune--an old song of Chaucer's--the nightingale and
Sir Bamber. The cuckoo !-Oh! oh! oh!
Tom. Come, papa—as we're once more friends, let's bear a hand together-let's steer to the club and drink Juliana's health in a thousand bumpers -Good night, mother-and to speak authorically, don't you think Sir Bamber and Miss Union will bind up neatly together?
Ap-Ilazard. Yes: and if he means to have prints in his edition of Chaucer, let me recommend for the frontispiece, a view of the balcony !-Mrs. Seymour, you're always welcome to your husband's apartments—Bam, yours.-Come, my noble fon-in-law-henceforth I'll not be troublesome to you, for now Fortune has found fombedy else to make a fool of, I hope she'll give me a holiday ! -she'll forget me, but dam’me, I'll remember her, as long as I've a memory ! [Exit with Tom.
Miss Union. There's nothing else, I believe, so l'll follow
Mrs. Seymour. Stay, madam–I deserve what I have suffered for my credulity, but my daughter has merited a happier fate, and I hope this lesson
may be learnt from your conduct and my ownthat to make love a trade-to convert marriage into merchandize, and dispose of a child to the highest bidder; is prostituting the noblett passion of the human heart.
[Exeunt. Sir Bamber. Finis.
END OF THĘ FOURTH ACT.
SCENE.-An Apartment at Mrs. SEYMOUR’s.
Enter Mrs. SEYMOUR and Ap-HAZARD:
Mrs. Seymour. Lady Danvers to go out without seeing me! to quit my house so soon after her return to it, and then be found at Mr. Orville's alone, and in close conversation with him ? ---tell me, fir:---you say you saw her there. .
Ap-Hazard. I say, my luck has turn'd--adieu ! Mrs. Seymour. Nay; are you going ?
Ap-Hazard. Directly--- I want a second, and as the noble Captain's not within, I must seek one elsewhere I am a man of honour now---I have fought Sir Charles---mean to fight Orville---so good day.
Mrs. Seymour. Fought Sir Charles Danvers!
Ap-Hazard. To be sure---why, you know nothing---I'll tell you how it was---he followed me to La Fleece'em's, and insisted on immediate fatiffaction---not being in luck---that is, my courage not coming when I call'd it, I demur'd---then the members rose, lock'd the door, and call’d me a slıycock !---forced this pistol into my hand---when I found there was nothing else left for it, I fought like a lion; and now I am ready to fight any boily, ---man, woman, and child---but first I'll shoot
your friend, Orville.
Mrs. Seymour. He is no longer a friend of mine --his perfecution of Sir Charles, who he means to