return to Mifs Union's: for I'd rather be accus'd of having written all the new novels of last year, than prov'd to be author of your prefent elopement. Mercy on me! here's one of our purTuers. (They go up the stage.)

Enter AP-HAZARD, (the flap of his coat torn). Ap-Hazard. Here's luck now !---I receive an affignation from Mifs Union---keep on my best drefs

Sir Bamber. Oh, its only you, is it?

Ap-Hazard. I receive an affignation, I fay--knock at the lady's door---all joy and expectation ---when a little fquare terrier-fac'd fellow feizes me by the flap of the coat; tears it afunder; calls me a money-lender, himself a coach-maker, and swears I fwindl'd him out of a chariot worth three hundred pounds. ---I explain; and he coolly walks off, faying he never faw one man more like another than I am to the notorious A. B.-Curfe him! I must go home, and refit myfelf for the affignation.

Sir Bamber, (topping him). Don't you fee Lady Danvers ?---fhe's all gratitude for your gallantry; and, between ourselves, fhe has made notes on your figure: fhe likes your title-page---your frontifpiece---mum---fhe's fond of you.

Ap-Hazard. They all are !---Oh, with the women I'm always fortunate !---blefs them! they never got me into a scrape.

Sir Bamber. Didn't they ?---you're a luckier fellow then than I thought you.

Ap-Hazard. Never: they never lead any body into mischief.

Sir Bamber. No!----why here's one of them

has put a full ftop to all my flights in love and literature.----The fex never get you into difficulties, you fay ?- -I've a great mind to fix him with the care of Lady Danvers-- (afide)---I will. -Hark'ye !--- fhe's in a particular fituation--fhe wants a protector.

--

Ap-Hazard. A protector!

Sir Bamber. Ay: don't you know what a pro

tector is?

Ap-Hazard. Oh !---a man who takes care of himself.

Sir Bamber. Come, that's a new reading.She has no home, I tell you; and as I heard you fay you were going to your lodgings, will you take her under your arm?

What Juliana-I

-as

Ap-Hazard. Will I not!-My dear Bam, always put yourself in Fortune's way.----Madam! Sir Bamber. Hufh! I'll fpeak to her. a nanny-goat it is!(afide.)Julianacan't keep my countenance---(laughing)— you fee the danger of going to my houfe, and object to return to Mifs Union's, I've thought of a fnug fhelf for you: a female relation of mine lives in the next ftreet, and this favourite of the ladies (miling at Ap-Hazard) here will conduct you---nay, he'll fight for you, I warrant; though not a profefs'd duellift, he can crack a fkull as well as any cudgeller in England.

Lady. Sir, I've no reason to think Mr. ApHazard will lead me into danger.

Ap-Hazard. There you're wrong, madam; I never take a step without getting into danger: and fince I entered this inaufpicious town, I've got into every fcrape a man can get into---except

one.

Lady. And what is that one ?

Ap

Ap-Hazard. A law-fuit !---I've had no commerce with the lawyers; although I've heard there are 200,000, I've efcaped them all and that's an equivalent for most of my bad fortune.--. Come, let's begone, madam.I fay, don't you envy me?

Sir Bamber. I do: John Gilpin was nothing to you.---Stop though: treat her kindly---behave like a man of honour.

Ap-Hazard. Honour !----now I think on't, what's become of Mifs Union?---fhe's waiting all this time, and- -Well! I'll fee her fafe, (pointing to Lady Danvers) and then once more for the affignation.-Lady Danvers, I've an arm to fight for you, a head to plot for you, and a heart to feel for you !---and--Oh, Sir Bam! "there is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune:" I'm now at high-water mark, and this pilot will steer me into fuch an ocean of luck, that henceforth my watch-word fhall be "what's to receive?" never will I ask what's to pay ?" again.

[Exit with LADY DANVERS. Sir Bamber. Ha, ha, ha!---Good luck to you. -Now there'll be no blood fpilt: I can triumph over Mrs. Seymour and her fon, and preferve Mifs Union and Trickarinda.

Enter Toм and MRS. SEYMOUR.

Tom. Where is my fifter, fir ?---You have. decoy'd her from the opera, and taken me- from an harpooning party at Putney, where the fish are now waiting for me----Deliver her up this inftant, or by the regatta I fwear

Sir Bam. None of your pitch and tar here, fir!

-Mrs.

Mrs. Seymour, leaft this libellous report fhould injure me in Mifs Union's good opinion, I am compelled to give up the real author at once--my hopeful heir is the gentleman.----Lady. Danvers is this inftant gone with Ap-Hazard to his lodgings.

Tom. Oh you old marauder !----what! follow the track of Munchaufen ?----try to outfail that great discoverer on the marvellous ocean!-All I know is, if Ap-Hazard has fteer'd off with the Juliana brig, there'll be a pretty fmart engagement between her and the Union fire-fhip.

Mrs. Seymour. Hold, fir!----hav'nt I told you not to reflect on that good woman?

Tom. And hav'nt I told you to reflect on that good woman?--I fay Mifs Union is a crazy veffel; and as a proof of it, she fent Ap-Hazard a love-letter----he fhew'd it me; and may I never fet the Thames on fire, if I don't think she is now in his cabin.Juliana's a good girl; and takes too much after her brother, to act in an unfailorlike or difhonourable manner.

Sir Bamber. This is'nt to be borne!Mrs. Seymour, that you may be eye-witnefs of mine. and Mifs Union's innocence, will you go with me to Ap-Hazard's lodgings ?-In the mean time, your illiterate amphibious fon here may examine my houfe.

Mrs. Seymour. With all my heart.-Come, fir. Sir Bamber, (to Tom). Mind though-when you enter the library, don't fteal any of the manufcripts.

Tom. I fteal them!-pooh! they're too heavy for the Sprightly Kitty: one cargo of black-letter ballaft would fink her and the whole crew.

Mrs. Seymour. Will you never forego this aqua

tic mania?-will you never be creditable to your family, or useful to your country?

Tom. Ufeful to my country?I never had an opportunity of proving it. But I'll tell you what-if an enemy's fleet appears off our coaft, I'll not trouble myself about the falt-water, because there are tight lads enough to take care of the Channel, but for fresh-water, if they venture above bridge, only let me catch 'em in Chelsea Reach, and I and the Sprightly Kitty will give them fuch broadfides.-Oh! we'll affert the dignity of old Thames; and, while we've a plank to stand on, protect its fisheries, coal-barges, navigation, and trade. [Exeunt. SCENE-AP-HAZARD's Lodgings; a Table, with Wine; two Chairs.

Enter AP-HAZARD and LADY DANVERS.

Ap-Hazard, (in another coat). Now to meet Mifs Union-Good b'ye: order what you want. Lady. Don't leave me, I entreat you.

Ap-Hazard. Not leave you!-I'm fure you'll pardon me when I confefs I've an affignation; the lady has been waiting these two hours: and no wonder at it, for when I. fet out for one place, I'm fo fure of arriving at another, that the other day, when I meant to dine at Hyde-Park Corner, the drunken hackney-coachman fet me down at Shoreditch church.

Lady. I only ask you to remain till the mistress of the houfe comes home.-Pray have you ever feen or convers'd with her?

Ap-Hazard. Saw her this morning; fhe brought me my bill; and because I wasn't fortunate enough to pay her, the bid me quit my lodgings. E

Lady.