SCENE-The Coffee-room at the Opera Houfe-the Bar, with Women behind-Fruit, Ice, Lemonade, &c. on it.

Enter three Orange Women.

First Woman (Speaking to the woman at the Bar.) A tumbler of water for General Symphony-he was feized with hyfterics during the laft fong.

Second Woman. A glafs of pine ice for the Duchefs of Prattle-fhe has talk'd herself into a high fever.

Third Woman. Some jellies for Lord Totterand here-fome hartfhorn for Lady Danvers, who has fainted away at the door of the coffee

room.

Enter ORVILLE,

Orville. Be quick, be quick, I tell you, or Lady Danvers will die-Curfe old Sir Bamberto be handing her out of Mifs Union's box at a moment-however, I tripp'd up his heels-took her from him, and, if fhe hadn't fainted with apprehenfion, by this time fhe had been fafe on the road to my country-house-(woman gives him bartfhorn)-Now to revive her, and then zounds! Sir Bamber again!

Enter Sir BAMBER BLACKLETTER.

Sir Bamber. This opera-houfe is no houfe for us literary characters-Oh, Mr. Orville! I've been fo infulted-this inftant, as I was conducting Lady Danvers

D 3

Danvers out of Mifs Union's box, a bullying fellow feiz'd me by the arm-twirl'd me round like a T totum, and fent me head foremost to the ground, as dead as old Chaucer.

Orville. Well, fir, I hope you don't suspect me? Sir Bamber. Sufpect you!-what the nephew of my dear Mifs Union?—No, no-and yet it's well I know your regard for me, for the fellow was 'drefs'd in a fimilar coat to your's-though the paffage was dark, and we commentators are very Thort-fighted, yet I'll fwear the rafcal had on the uniform of La Fleece'em's club.

Orville. Very likely-I'm not the only perfon here in the uniform-there's Sir Charles Dan

vers

Sir Bamber. Charles in the uniform!-he the ruffian!-Oh, the defperado !-Well! whoever it is, Mr. Orville, he has not only taken from me the sweetest girl in England, but also the greatest curiofity in the whole world-my fnuff-box!my invaluable fnuff-box! which Charles the Second gave Killigrew for his jokes, and which a pawnbroker gave me for fixty guineas-help me to fearch for him

Orville. Excufe me-I'm engaged-Now to carry Lady Danvers to my villa, and then fhe's mine for ever! (afide) Good night, Sir Bamber; and, depend on't, Sir Charles was your affailant. [Exit.

Sir Bamber. Charles my affailant!-then ApHazard is my heir, and I'll leave Lady Danvers to ftarve with her husband. I could forgive his taking his wife from me, but to knock me down, and steal my Killigrew!-Oh!-they may both go to Scotland again-I've done with them -I've-hah! who comes here ?-another man in the uniform! (Atands afide)

Enter

Enter AP-HAZARD in the Uniform.

Ap-Hazard. Bravo, Mafter Ap-Hazard !— fince you've put on this uniform, you've come on amazingly-Mifs Union has exchang'd fuch glances with me, that there's no doubt I fhall finger the brafs yet; and croffing the paffage, I found fuch a valuable curiofity-fuch a divine fnuff-box-(takes a pinch of fnuff out of it, and puts it in his pocket)-ha! Bam! how are you, Bam?

Sir Bamber. Bam!-furely he can't be the ruffian-what brought you here, fir?

Ap-Hazard. I came to fee the opera, fir-but the thing's impoffible-I hav'nt had a glimpse of a fingle dancer or finger.

Sir Bamber. And why, fir?

Ap-Hazard. Because the audience are the performers, and there's nothing to be seen on the ftage, but foldiers, fcene-fhifters, prompters, and thofe pafteboard figures ftuck on to the fcenes, call'd men of fashion-Do you know, Bam, in Wales we us'd to pay but fixpence to look at a waggon full of wild beafts-but here, at the operahoufe, you pay half-a-guinea to peep only at monkies.

Sir Bamber. Hark ye, fir-didn't you affault me juft now?

Ap-Hazard. Me affault you?

Sir Bamber. Yes, fir-didn't you take Lady Danvers from me?

Ap-Hazard. Me!-no, no-I was rather unfortunate in the morning, but now I'm in better luck, and we'll be better friends-give me your hand-no-not the gouty one-there--and now

?

I'll make you amends for fracturing old Geoffrey's fkull-here-(pulling out a paper)-here's fuch a literary treasure

Sir Bamber. Is there ?-let's fee it.

Ap-Hazard. Gently-no hurry-I look upon you as the father of the literati-the chief of commentators the king of blue ftockings-and therefore I'll read to you an original ftanza, written by Shakespeare-written for one of the witches

in Macbeth.

Sir Bamber. An original ftanza for one of the witches!-Oh! let me hear.

Ap-Hazard. Ay-never, never publish'd

liften.

(Reads.)

Hinx, fpinx, the Devil winks,

The fat begins to fry;

Nobody at home but jumping Joan,

Father, mother, and I.

O, U, T,

With a black, and a brown fnout,

Out! Pout! Out!

There !—isn't that genuine?

Sir Bamber. Genuine! I'll take my oath it's Shakespeare's!-Yes, yes, Charles was the ruffian-repeat it, my dear boy, repeat it" Hinx, Spinx

Ap-Hazard (taking fnuff.)" The Devil winks" -take a pinch (offering him his own fnuff-box)why what do you ftare at ?-take a pinch, I fay.

Sir Bamber (Snatching the box from him.) It is! no it isn't-yes, it is my own dear KilligrewOh, you accomplish'd villain !

Ap-Hazard.

Ap-Hazard. Villain !-I found it-I

Sir Bamber. It's all out now!-he was the affailant, and Charles is innocent. Now ar'nt you a pretty scoundrel!-At our firft interview, you break old Geoffrey's fkull; and at the fecond you crack mine!-Look'ye, you may return to Wales, for I'll adopt a printer's devil-a compofitor-a fly-boy-any body, in preference to fuch a hinxfpinx impoftor!

Ap-Hazard. What !-you give me up, do you? Sir Bamber. Give you up!-if it wer'nt for Mifs Union, I'd have you hang'd!

Ap-Hazard. Well!what then?

Sir Bamber. What then!

Ap-Hazard. Ay, what then?-When a man has no luck in one world-damme it's infupportable! I'm tir'd out: and at this moment I'm in fuch a conflagration, that I could burn the theatre myself, and all the people in it.-Here-give me fomething cooling-ice-lemonade-vinegar! (goes up to the bar, and in his hurry breaks three or four glaffes).- -Very well!—" What's to pay ?" -curfe it!" what's to pay ?"

Sir Bamber. Poor Lady Danvers!-I wonder what's become of her: if I could find her, and make her amends-Heh! here fhe is, and Orville with her!

Enter LADY DANVERS, ftruggling with ORVILLE.

Lady, (Speaking as fhe enters). Sir, I infift―nay, I muf-I will be heard!-Gentlemen, if you have any pity, protect me from this hypocrite.Sir Bamber-Mr. Ap-Hazard! you once fav'd my mother in diftrefs, now extend your gallantry to her unfortunate daughter!

Orville.