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Darnley make me an apology ?" says I “ he might as well."
Darnley. You did not !
Gingham. Ah, but I did though: “it's very well for fashionable husbands, to leave their wives with friends, in hopes of getting divorces and damages ; but what right,” says I, “ has a country 'fquire to quit his farm, and trust his wife with baronets, fools, and coxcombs ? to plant his own horns," says I! (drinks.) “Success to trade.”
Darnley. And how did this end, fir?
Gingham. How !—why the other second interfer'd—said Sir George could'nt fire at you, and advised him to apologize-he hesitatedI
put my hand on my sword—reminded him of my fine fencing—he fign'd this paper—I've already shewn it to Mrs. Darnley, and som (drinks.) Here's the child that has two fathers !
Darnley. (Reading the paper.) 'Tis ample, final satisfaction—wasn't my Maria happy?
Gingham. She was—but with women, grief foon follows joy, you know—she says, your uncle, whoever he is, has order'd you to quit Bath, and go abroad—that she is to be left behind, and as your fortune is exhausted, she fears you must consent~ I'm sorry I'm pinch'd toohowever-(drinks.) Here's confusion to your stingy old uncle !
Darnley. Unfeeling, persecuting man !-separate me from all I love-I know the motive for this barbarous conduct-he has found a son, on whom he means to lavish all his favours, and while he rolls in luxury, I and my family may starve--may-but he comes.
Enter Sir PAUL PERPETUAL.
Sir Paul. So, Mr. Darnley: how dare you intrude into the houses of great people, and thus repeatedly disgrace me?-look’ye, fir-I have made up my mind-you must seek your fortune abroad-1'll
pay your expences to the continent, and left your family should be a burthen to you, I'll provide for your wife at home.
Darnley. Oh, fir! do not part us !
Sir Paul. I will!- I'm resolv'd! (seeing Ginge ham.) hah !—what do I see?-my boy!--my darling !-how came you here, you rogue ?
Gingham. Father, you're come in time—just in time to finish the bottle! (filling him a bumper, and putting it in his band) drink! drink the last toast !
Sir Paul. Ay, what is it?
Sir Paul. With all my heart" Confusion to
Gingham. “ Stingy old uncle !"
Sir Paul. (Spitting out the wine.) Stingy old uncle !-why that's confusion to myself, you dog!
Gingham. What! is it you—well! hang me if I didn't think it was my father-that is my other father, the money-lender-cousin-relation-how are you? (Making Darnley by the hand.)
Sir Paul. Nonsense! never mind him-I've brought you your commission—a company in a regiment serving in Ireland.
Gingham. Have you ? (to Sir Paul.) who'd have thought my father was your miserly uncle, heh! (to Darnley.)
Sir Paul. It's three hundred a-year, my boy! psha! don't mind him, I tell you, (pulling him away from Darnley.) I reserve every thing for you—I always meant to give all I could to my fon.
Gingham. Did you!—Oh then it comes to the same point; why, perhaps, you'll give me two hundred pounds.
Sir Paul. Ay, that I will.
Sir Paul. Yes, and the commission too ! here they are both—and some ten years hence, I'll join the regiment, and serve under you; under my brave fon!
Gingham. No-under your brave nephew, if you like~ I don't understand the exercise, and Darnley does! and therefore, as we're all relations—all in a family, I'll e’en give him the commission–Nay,don't be shy,cousin-it makes no difference, father, does it?
Sir Paul. Death and fire! it does, fir, it makes all the difference, and I swear
Gingham. Softly—you can make me a hero in another way—as I was brought up to trade, pop me into the train-bands-- then I can be kill'd in the Artillery Ground in one day, and be alive in the shop the next! so keep the commisfion, cousin; keep it-(Forcing it into Darnley's band.) and here-here's the money to take you, your wife and children to Ireland—(giving the Bank notes.)—there ! now moderate your joy, father! you've done a kind, generous action to be sure : but why!—why in such an ecstacy?
Sir Paul. Ecstacy! agony, you puppy!
Ging ham. Gently, gently; at the public breakfast I shall found forth your praises-come,
into his eyes.
cousin-the best of the joke is, I've another father; and though he won't lend you a shilling, I'll make him send you linen enough to shirt your whole regiment.-Farewell, thou liberal man ! look !-Selfgratification has brought tears of joy .
(Exit with Darnley.) Sir Paul. Tears of joy !-if being cheated out of my money, makes me cry for pleasure, what shall I do, if I get it back again ?-was there ever such a fellow 1-however the commission is of no use to Darnley—but then the two hundred pounds—and the ease with which he did it.
Enter a Servant.
Servant. A letter from your ward, Sir Paul. It requires an immediate answer.
Sir Paul. (Reading it.) “Sir, I am now at “ the Public Breakfast, where Miss Savage ac
tually insisted on my coming. I have discover“ed a deep plot of Mr. Savage's, and when I tell
you, I am in danger of being run away with, “ without my confent, I'm sure you will fly to “ the relief of your-Affectionate ward,
" CLARA SEDLEY." Sir Paul. I'll come directly_(Servant exit.) So-So—they have heard of her sudden acquisition of fortune of the Copper Mines being discovered on her estate, and now like, true savages, they mean to paw the property--but I've a husband for her in my eye. She has formed an affection for this liberal son of mine, and the dog can't take her for a man in woman's clothes.
Fluß. You knave !—if I catch you-how, has he left the tavern ?-Ah, Sir Paul !-pray, Sir, have you seen any thing of my son?
Sir Paul. I know nothing of your son, sir.
Fluß. He has been distributing my propertygiving away my money, Sir Paul.
Sir Paul. 'Gad! My son has been doing me the same favour.
Flush. Ay, fir; but my son has swindled me out of two hundred pounds.
Sir Paul. That's the exact sum my son has swindled me out of—so let's shake hands and cry for joy!
Flush. Well, well—I can afford it-but, Sir Paul, there is only one way he can make me retribution-you've heard of our ward's copper mines, and though you have only known me as a private gentleman, and I you as joint guardián-yet I think you will consent to her marrying the man I propose. Sir Paul. And pray,
the gentleman be ?-not the Honourable Mr. Savage, I hope, for he has no property
my two racers. Flush. No-no-my son—my rogue of a son !-will you agree?
Sir Paul. Why I would with pleasure, only—
Flush. Your son !--why how came you by a son ? —but to the point-my boy has won her heart, Sir Paul. Sir Paul. So has mine too, Mr. Flush.