ACT V. SCENE-Outfide of SIR ANDREW's Houfe. Enter O'WHACK. O'Whack. Oh! my poor master !—he's dead! butchered! murdered! fhot in a duel, by that Burgeois Peer, Lord Jargon! Mifericordie! Mifericordie! What fhall I do to bring him to life again? I'll go home-I'll Enter SAUNTER. Saun. So, O'Whack-Lord Jargon has called out my friend Nominal, in confequence of the affair at Lady Acid's. O'Whack. C'eft vrais, your honour-and he'll never go out again-Il eft mort-[weeping ] Saun. How ! O'Whack. He's dead-dead as King Lear. O'Whack. Myfelf! my own fad felf! I always faid, when Mr. Nominal went out to fight a ren contre Saun. What! O'Whack. That he was too much of a gentleman to come home alive again-Oh! he and Blunder O'Whack are one for that-But, your honour, is there no way of putting a little breath into him? Saun. Ridiculous! you know nothing of the matter, I fee-and I'm all anxiety to hear the iffue of this unhappy duel. O'Whack. Et moi auffi-and I'll wait for his relief,-Oh, he's dead! go home and he's dead! And And here am I, a folitaire, in the wide world by myself! [Exit. Saun. Where can I gain intelligence? I have a thoufand fears for my friend-Lord Jargon, I know, is full of animofity, and Nominal is too fond of fame, to make him an apology-Poor fellow! if he fhould be killed, or even wounded. Enter NOMINAL. Nom. Wounded! Why, here I am, George; as found and as inerry-Wounded!-Oh, you dull dog! Saun. Dull! Why, from your fervant's account I might fuppofe you were dead. Nom. Dead! Phoo! Do you think I don't know better? Hark ye, fince we're alone, I'll let you into a fecret.-Lord Jargon wanted to challenge me, but cou'dn't fummon up courage; fo, fooner than lofe the glory of a combat with fo great a man, I confented to [whispering him] you understand me, we fought to fatisfy the town, not ourselves. Saun. Satisfy the town! how do you mean? Nom. How do I mean? Why, do you think we fought to please ourselves? Nonfenfe! That's been gone by long ago-No, no; the cafe was this-He was compelled to fight to fave his reputation, and I chofe to fight, to get a name! So we kept up appearance, measured ground, exchanged fhots, feconds interfered-applauded our fpirit, figned the report-And now we're both men of honour as long as we live !—There, you rogue-fhot ourselves into notice. Saun. Bravo! And while the world is fanguinary enough to compel thofe to bleed like heroes, who with to live like men; why, you and his lordship may glory in having tricked them. But fince my cares on your account are over-allow me to enquire at this houfe after my coufin Sophia-Poor girl! Sir Andrew has behaved to her in a manner fo cruel and inhuman SOPHIA opens the window. Sophia. Coufin-Coufin!-I'm lock'd up-1 can't get out-Sir Andrew has confined me in this room, till he fends me to the country for life. Nom. Here's a pretty business! Saun. What!' he was offended at the fham. affignation, was he? Sophia. So he fays-But I know it's all owing. to his wife-He is fo out of humour with her, that he must be revenged on fomebody! Coufin, won't you affift me? Will you let me be buried in woods, and wafte my youth with fat calves and fucking pigs? Nom. No; before you fhall waste an hour, I'll kill all the fat calves and fucking pigs in England-Fair lady, if your coufin don't release you, I will-Gad, I was only thinking of an elopement, and pop fhe comes to my purpose. Saun. Be patient, Sophia-I'll go directly to the Colonel, and requeft his interference with Sir Andrew-But hufh! the old tyrant's coming this way-Shut down the window, and depend on my protection. Nom. And on mine, fweet excellence! [SOPHIA difappears.] Faith that is the luckieft house-Laft night I helped a gentleman into it, and to day, perhaps, I may hand a lady out of it-I'll have her, whoever fhe is-My dear Saunter, tell me what's her name ? San. Saun. Don't you know her? It's Sir Andrew's ward, Sophia; a great authorefs, and private actress. Nom. A private actrefs! that's a public charac ter! Then there's a pair of us, and if we elope, we shall alarm åll Europe! - Saun. She has heard of you, Nominal, and between ourselves, has a great prepoffeffion in your favour-She loves fingularity, and is confequently fo fond of your character Nom. There! I faid it would happen-the moment I got the fame of a duel and an intrigue, I knew no woman could ftand me! But George, my boy! how can I fee her? fpeak to her? Is there no way ? Saun. None, unless you can prevail on her guardian-here he is! try him-For my part, I'll to the Colonel. Nom. I will-I'll try him, George, and if I can coax him into an interview [exit SAUNTER] I'll humour him, give him a touch in his own way. Enter SIR ANDREW ACID. Sir Andrew. Plague on them all, I fay! But chiefly that devil incarnate, that Nominal! Nem. Sir Andrew, I want to ask a favour of you. Sir Andrew. Do you? I never grant any, Sir. Nom. Nay, you don't know me, Sir Andrewif you did, you'd grant me any thing---I am a man after your own heart [in a melancholy voice] 1 am, indeed, fo out of humour with the world ---that, like you, I wish to fee every body in it as miferable as myfelf Sir Andrew. You do, do you? Nom. Yes, indeed, Sir---and if you knew how. mifinthropically I spent my time---Oh, I once paffed paffed fuch a happy day, Sir Andrew! Entirely in your own way---I'll tell you Sir Andrew. Exactly in my way! Nom. Yes, Sir; I awoke at five, and faw a neighbour's houfe on fire! was fecond in a duel at fix, and my man loft the tip of his ear! dined at four, and fomething in the wine that made fix of my acquaintance fick-drank tea, and intrigued with my friend's wife till eight-a fat lady!-went to the new comedy, faw it completely damned-fupped with the poor devil of an author; and to conclude, lodged fix of the actors in the round-house! there! wasn't that a happy day! And now, let me fee your ward! Sir Andrew. See Sophia! zounds! neither you, nor any body else fhall ever see her again! That chaife-[points to one without] is waiting to take her to the country directly, and she shall live and die in an old caftle on a brown moor. Nom. Shall fhe? Sir Andrew. Yes; I'll be revenged on her for you all! And fo your fervant [knocking at his own door.] Nom. Stay, thou dear connoiffeur in waxfigures, and tell me, how's your wife? Sir Andrew. Out of the way, Sir !—I'll punish her too-and for you and the rest Nom. Ay; you'd play the devil with all mankind if you could. Sir Andrew. If they were like you, I would; for then the world would be fo wicked, that an honeft man cou'dn't make too much mifchief! But because my wife has deceived me, don't think my ward fhall-No, no; I have her fafe, I'll teach her to make affignations fervant opens door.] And fo, once more your fervant, prudent Mr. Student! [enters boufe. K Nom. |