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COLONEL HUBBUB without.

.Col. In her dreffing room is fhe? never mind I have the privilege of going into it. Lady A. The Colone!! worse and wofe! Nom. My guardian! zounds! he muftn't dif cover me here.

Lady A. Sir, if you have any gallantry, or-Nom. Say no more, my dove, I'm fnug (putting up window) good b'ye, I'll make you comfortable- (nodding and fhutting himself in.)

Enter CoL. HUBBUB.

Lady A. Colonel, I rejoice to fee you. Col. I beg pardon, Madam, for this intrusion, but when you know my bufinefs, I think you'll forgive me-I come to give Honoria to Lord Jargon.

Lady A. Is't poffible, Colonel?

Col. Yes; I have made up my mind at lastthe high opinion I have of your honour, and the great refpect I entertain for his Lordship, as your friend, has tempted me to fign this deed of fettlement (producing one) which gives him Honoria with a fortune of 30,000l.

Lady A. My dear Colonel, you delight me.

Col. Ay; fhe will be then fafe from the artifices of Clairville, and your virtuous wishes will be fatisfied-you know I once defign'd her for my ward Nominal.

Lady A. Yes; but he is too diffipated and profligate.

Col. He profligate! why, he's the most studious, ftupid blockhead alive; I dare fay he is now

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in his library, poring over Puffendorf or hemming [mimicking] with Paul Prig.

Lady A. Well! I never faw him, Colonel; but I've heard he's the most noify riotous young man in town-has his amours-his

Col. Amours! I fhould as foon fufpect your Ladyfhip of an intrigue, as he-Noify and riotous too! Oh that he was ! I'd give him a Borough to-morrow. [NOMINAL here raises the top of chair, and pops his head out.]

Nom. Hem! [retires directly.]

Col. Zounds! what's that [going towards chair] the devil! here's fomebody in the chair!

Lady A. Ha, ha! you'll laugh when I tell you what it is-it's a purchase of Sophia's.

Col. Purchase! I fwear I faw a man's head. Lady A. A man! Ha, ha! that's very good! it's a wax figure.

Col. A wax figure!

Lady A. Yes; and as Sir Andrew knows nothing of it, I intreat you not to tell him.

Col. Oh, I understand-what, it's to fupply his place when he's out of the way-well, well! [trying to look at it.]

Lady A. Fie, Colonel! an't you afham'd to look at a Lady's curiofities? Pofitively if you don't come away, I'll have it removed [pulling bim away.] But how could you fuppofe it to be a man? fufpect me of an intrigue!

Col. I don't fufpect you-I believe you to be all virtue, tenderness and truth.

Enter SIR ANDREW ACID.

Sir Andrew. Ay, ay; I'll tell her myself[fpeaking as he enters.] My dear, Lord Jargon is below, and defires to fee you directly.

Lady A. I'm bufy, Sir Andrew, let him wait.

Col. [afide to Lady] No, no-fofily-I have a thought-is Honoria at home?

Lady A. Yes; fhe's in the next room.

Col. Then, hark ye, as his Lordship is below, go to him and tell him my intentions, and if he approves, he fhall have Honoria this very mo

ment.

Lady A. Iwill, Colonel-O Lord! here is Sir Andrew As you regard me, don't mention the figure-If that fellow is difcovered, my charac ter's loft for ever [afide.] [Exit.

Enter SIR ANDREW.

Sir Andrew. So, dear perfidious

Col. So, gay deceiver! Ah, Sir Andrew, you ought to blush for your inconftancy-fo good, fo faithful a wife, as Lady Acid !

Sir Andrew. It's very true, Colonel; and if I didn't think it would make her too happy, I'd own my errors--She is indeed all virtue-I'll tell you what he has all your gaieties, with your ward Nominal's prudence.

Col. Plague take you! Am I never to hear of any thing but that ftupid dog's prudence? But your wife, Sir Andrew-All her amusements are fo innocent!-Wax now-She prefers wax to real life [looking round at chair.]

Sir Andrew. Wax!

Col. Yes; tho' fhe'd die before fhe'd have a young man in her room, I don't think fhe has much objection to a wax-figure.

Sir Andrew. Wax-figure! Why, what the devil are you at?

Col. I didn't fay there was one in a sedan chair, did 1 ?

Nom

Nom. No, but I do though---Zounds, would you keep me in obfcurity!

NOMINAL walks folemnly out between him and the COLONEL. They stand astonished.

LADY ACID re-enters.

Sir Andrew. Zounds, the wax-figure is a live gallant!

Col. Yes, and my ftudious ward is a dashing dog at last!

Nom. Yes! it's I, guardy, who was a ftudent in the morning; who caned you at night-who will fight that gentleman, who intrigues with this lady [embracing LADY ACID] and will elope with any body! And what's more, who rejoices to difcover himfelf, because he expofes hypocrify, and faves an innocent girl from mifery.

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Col. [dancing and finging] Ti, di, di, di! he has it! he has it! he has it! the rogue's the true thing after all-Come to thy old guardian's arms! Let me gaze on thy dear face-There it is! The real tumultuous dafhing look! You dog, you fhall come into Parliament to-morrow.

Lady A. Are you mad, Colonel?

Sir Andrew. Ay; dam'me, are you mad, Colonel ?

Col. [to LADY ACID] Out of the way, dif fembler! I know you now, and defpife youBut is he a real man of fenfe at laft! Will he give up Westminster Hall, Puffendorf, and Paul Prig, to intrigue, elope, fight a Baronet, and cane a Colonel in the guards? Oh, 'tis too much! Give me joy, old boy!

Sir Andrew. Good night [going.]

Lady.4. Sir Andrew, I infiit on a hearing.
Nom. Stay, Baronet-I hope you're fatisfied
Sir A. Satisfied of what?

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Nom. That it's I, and not any body else who intrigues with this all-virtuous woman--Upon my foul it's me-And do mention it every where, do, there's a sweet smiling pleasant fellow; fay it's me, and we'll all get into print together.

Sir Andrew. Damnation!

[Exit. Lady A. Hear me, Sir Andrew-I'll follow him and explain the business directly-For you, Colonel, I leave you to your delufion, and for your prudent ward-Oh, was there ever any thing fo unlucky!

Col. Go your ways, hypocrite !-And now, my boy, my darling, let's to fupper, and crown the night with mirth and merriment-Odsheart! What a likeness of me, and his old uncle! Come, for I do fo long to hear the history of your pranks.

Nom. Ay; you shall hear them all, from Paul Prig to the juftice-from the peer to the waxfigure; and then, if you don't say, I'm as eccentric and ridiculous as you with me-why, I'll never beat a jack-afs again, as long as I live,

END OF ACT IV

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