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And cannot but be mad; to heare my Ladies
Dear sister sleighted, witty Mrs. Steele !
Iro. If shee had a wit, Death has gone neere to spoile it, Allure your selfe. Pol. She was both witty, and
zealous, And lighted all the Tinder o' the truth, (As one said) of Religion, in our Parish : Shee was too learn'd to live long with us! She could the Bible in the holy tongue : And reade it without pricks : had all her Masoreth ; Knew Burton, and his Bull; and scribe Prin-Gent! Praesto-be-gon: and all the Pharisees. Lad. Deare 40
Gossip, Be you gone, at time, too, and vouchsafe To see your charge, my Neice. Pol. I shall obey If your wise Ladiship thinke fit: I know, To yeild to my Superiors. Lad. A good woman! But when she is impertinent, growes earnest, A litle troublesome, and out of season: Her love, and zeale transport her. Com. I am glad, That any thing could port her hence. Wee now Have hope of dinner, after her long grace. I have brought your Ladiship a hungry Guest, here, 50 A Souldier, and my brother Captaine Ironside : Who being by custome growne a Sanguinarie, The solemne, and adopted sonne of slaughter : Is more delighted i' the chase of an enemy, An execution of three daies, and nights; Then all the hope of numerous succession, Or happinesse of Issue could bring to him. Rut. Hee is no Suitor then ? Pal. So't should
58 then ? [Aside to Pal. G
44 Superiors. [Exit. G So't] So it W, f
Com. And, if hee can get pardon at heavens hand, 60 For all his murthers, is in as good case
As a new christned Infant : (his imployments
Continu'd to him, without Interruption;
And not allowing him, or time, or place
To commit any other sinne, but those)
65 Please you to make him welcome for a meale, Madam,
Lad. The noblenesse of his profession makes
His welcome perfect : though your course description
Would seeme to fully it. Iro. Never, where a beame
Of so much favour doth illustrate it,
70 Right knowing Lady. Pal. She hath cur'd all well.
Rut. And hee hath fitted well the Complement.
Sir Diaphanous. Practise.
Com. No; here they come ! the prime Magnetick Guests
Our Lady Loadstone so respects: the Artick!
And th' Antartick! Sir Diaphanous Silke-worme !
A Courtier extraordinary; who by diet
s Of meates, and drinkes ; his temperate exercise;
Choise musick; frequent bathes; his horary shifts
Of Shirts and Wast-coats; meanes to immortalize
Mortality it selfe ; and makes the essence
Of his whole happinesse the trim of Court.
10 Dia. I thanke you Mr. Compasse, for your short
Encomiastick. Rut. It is much in little, Sir.
Pal. Concise, and quick: the true stile of an Orator.
Com. But Mr. Practise here, my Ladies Lawyer!
Or man of Law: (for that's the true writing)
Act ... Practise.] Enter sir Diaphanous Silkworm tice. G 14 that's) that is W, f
A man so dedicate to his profession,
And the preferments goe along with it;
As scarce the thundring bruit of an invasion,
Another eighty eight, threatning his Countrey
With ruine; would no more worke upon him,
Then Syracula's Sack, on Archimede :
So much he loves that Night-cap! the Bench-gowne!
With the broad Guard o’th back! These shew
A man betroth'd unto the study of our Lawes !
Pra. Which you but thinke the crafty impositions,
Of subtile Clerks, feats of fine understanding,
To abuse Clots, and Clownes with, Mr. Compalle,
Having no ground in nature, to sustaine it
Or light, from those cleare causes : to the inquiry
And search of which, your Mathematicall head,
Hath so devow'd it selfe. Com. Tut, all men are
Philosophers, to their inches. There's within,
Sir Interest, as able a Philosopher,
In buying, and selling ! has reduc'd his thrifte,
To certaine principles, and i' that method !
As hee will tell you instantly, by Logorythmes,
The utmost profit of a stock imployed :
(Be the Commoditie what it will) the place,
Or time, but causing very, very little,
Or, I may say, no paralaxe at all,
In his pecuniary observations !
He has brought your Neices portion with him, Madam,
At least the man that must receive it; Here
They come negotiating the affaire;
You may perceive the Contract in their faces;
And read th' indenture: If you'ld signe 'hem. So. 45
22, 23 With ... Lawes !] With the broad guard o' th back! these shew a man / Betroth'd unto the study of our laws. W, f 45 you'ld] you'll 1692, f
Act I. Scene VII.
Pal. What is he, Mr. Compasse ? Com. A Vi-poli.
Or a sub-aiding Instrument of State !
A kind of laborious Secretary
To a great man! (and likely to come on)
5 Full of attendance ! and of such a stride
In busines politique, or economick,
As, well, his Lord may stoope t' advise with him,
And be prescribed by him, in affaires
Of highest consequence, when hee is dull'd,
10 Or wearied with the lesse. Dia. 'Tis Mr. Bias,
Lord Whach'um's Politique. Com. You know the man ?
Dia. I ha' seene him waite at Court, there, with his
Of papers, and petitions. Pra. Hee is one
That over-rules tho', by his authority
1s Of living there; and cares for no man elle :
Neglects the sacred letter of the Law;
And holds it all to be but a dead heape,
Of civill institutions : the rest only
Of common men, and their causes, a farragoe,
20 Or a made dish in Court; a thing of nothing :
Com. And that's your quarrell at him ? a just plea.
Int. I tell you sister Loadstone-Com. (Hang your eares This way: and heare his praises, now Moath opens)
Int. I ha' brought you here the very man! the Jewell 25 Of all the Court ! close Mr. Bias! Sister,
Apply him to your side! or you may weare him
Here o' your brest! or hang him in your eare!
He's a fit Pendant for a Ladies tip!
A Chrisolite, a Gemme: the very Agat
Of State, and Politie : cut from the Quar
Of Macchiavel, a true Cornelian,
As Tacitus himselfe! and to be made
The brooch to any true State-cap in Europe !
Lad. You praise him brother, as you had hope to
Com. No Madam, as hee had hope to sell your Neice 35
Vnto him. Lad. 'Ware your true jests, Mr. Compalle ;
They will not relish. Int. I will tell you, sister,
I cannot cry his Ca.ract up enough :
He is unvaluable : All the Lords
Have him in that esteeme, for his relations,
Corrant's, Avises, Correspondences
With this Ambassadour, and that Agent! Hee
Will screw you out a Secret from a Statist-
Com. So easie, as some Cobler wormes a Dog.
Int. And lock it in the Cabinet of his memory, 45
Com. Till t' turne a politique insect, or a Fly!
Thus long. Int. You may be merry Mr. Compalle,
But though you have the reversion of an office,
You are not in 't Sir. Bia. Remember that.
Com. Why, should that fright me, Mr. Bi-, from so
Whose as you are ? Int. Sir he's one, can doe
His turnes there : and deliver too his letters,
As punctually, and in as good a fashion,
As ere a Secretary can in Court.
Iro. Why, is it any matter in what fashion
55 A man deliver his letters, so he not open 'hem ?
Bia. Yes, we have certaine precedents in Court,
From which we never swerve, once in an age :
And (whatsoere he thinkes) I know the Arts,