That there's no soul at home except myself." He knows that rogues and thieves by scores And see, how easily might one Even beneath your very nose, Enter your room, as I have done, thus- and thus, Pocket your silver candlesticks, So said so done - he made no more remark. Nor waited for replies, But marched off with his prize. Leaving the gouty merchant in the dark. ANC NYMOUS MISCONCEPTION. ERE night her sable curtains spread ; Ere drowsy watchmen yet had ta'en A wight, by hungry fiend made bold, Where numerous flocks were quiet laid No doubt the sheep he meant to steal; May ill luck on ill actions wait! Where prosecutors urge Without remorse. With fear o'erwhelmed, the victim stands, From the elbow chair, Where justice sits in solemn state, Rogue! what excuse hast thou for this? Thou knew'st full well, The sheep within that fold belonged- Confess thy crime; 't will naught avail For G. F. M., in letters large, “'T is true, I did," the thief replies; I really thought that G. F. M. Good, Fat, Mutton!" ANONYMOUS. THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND GEORGE III. ONCE in the chase, this monarch drooping, Where an old crone was hanging on the pot; Like lightning asked, "What's here? what's here? what? what? what? what?" Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, His eyes with admiration did expand And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple : ""Tis monstrous, monstrous, monstrous hard," he cried; "What makes the thing so hard?" The dame replied, Low courtesying, "Please your majesty, the apple." "Very astonishing indeed! strange thing!" (Turning the dumpling round) rejoined the king, T is most extraordinary now, all this is It beats the conjurer's capers all to pieces But Goody, tell me, where, where, where 's the seam ?" "No?" cried the staring monarch with a grin, WOLCOTT. THE DIRECTING POST. In winter, once, an honest traveling wight It out and after much of poring, fumbling, Some angry oaths, and a great deal of grumbling, "T was thus the words he traced - "To Derby - five;" "A goodly distance yet, as I'm alive!" But on he drove a weary length of way, And wished his journey he 'd delayed till day: Why zur, thee be'est completely come astray; This y'ant the road." "Why zounds the guide-post showed 'To Derby, five' and pointed down this road!" Ay, dang it, that may be, for you maun know, The post it war blown down last night, and so ANONYMOUS. THE ATHEIST AND ACORN. "METHINKS the world seems oddly made A dull complaining atheist said, As stretched he lay beneath the shade, "Behold," quoth he, "that mighty thing, "While on this oak an acorn small, Its ill contrivance knows. "My better judgment would have hung No more the caviler could say, The wounded part with tears ran o'er, Fool! had that bough a pumpkin bore, Thy whimseys would have worked no more, Nor skull have kept them in. THE ASS AND THE NIGHTINGALE. Ax ass a nightingale espied, And shouted out, "Hollo! hollo! good friend! Now let me hear thee, that I may decide e; ANONYMOUS I really wish to know the world is partial ever — Through all the regions of sweet music ranging, - afraid No zephyr dares disturb the tranquil air: His reverend head to earth, and said aloud, "Now that's so, so; thou really hast some merit; but if chanticleer Would give thee a few lessons, doubtless he Might raise thy voice and modulate thy ear; And thou, in spite of all thy faults, mayest be very decent singer." The poor bird A In silent modesty the critic heard, And winged her peaceful flight into the air, KRILER THE YOUNG FLY AND THE OLD SPIDER. FRESH was the breath of morn-the busy breeze, That gilded every country-house and spire. And smiling, put on his best looks so bright. |