So, which ever first shall bray, Choose him, Cambridge, for thy own. Choose him, choose him by his bray, Thus elect him, Cambridge, pray. LINES WRITTEN IN ST. STEPHEN'S CHAPEL, AFTER THE DISSOLUTION. BY A MEMBER OF THE UPPER BENCHES. THE King's speech toll'd the Commons' knell, The gallery is dark and lone, No longer throng'd with curious folk, Happy to pay their good half-crown To hear bad speeches badly spoke. The Treasury seats no placemen show, No longer cries-" Retrench! retrench!" Fred. R-b-ns-n no more his skill Dick M-rt-n now no plan proposes To aid the brute part of the nation, While Members cough and blow their noses, To drown his most humane oration. Good Mr. B-gd-n where art thou, Would surely be a thousand pities. "T was a good joke, forsooth, to think Pure soul! at other people's sinnings.2 I look around-no well-known face Not one is left of K-s and sages, 1 "Really the Hon. Member for M- -e should take a little breath; his objections are most unfair; and, what is worse, they are never-ending."-See the Ch-n-l1-r of the Ex-q-r's speech in reply to Mr. H-e, Feb. 23, 1826. 2 "Mr. B-gd-n said he certainly should not refund the money, because, by so doing, he should convict himself."See the Report of a Meeting of the Proprietors of the Arigna Mining Company. 3 The bare-faced system of voting at private bill committees, without having heard an iota of evidence for or against, forms a distinguished feature in the history of the late parliament, The crowded hustings now engages Their every hope and every fear. Electors, rally to the poll, And L-d J-n R-ss-ll never heed: Let gold alone your choice control, The best man's he who best can bleed." But if, too timid, you delay, (By Bribery Statute held in awe,) Fear not-there is a ready way To serve yourself and cheat the law. In times like these, when things are high, And candidates must be well fed, Your cabbages they 'll freely buy, Kind souls! at two pounds ten a-head.2 Thus may we hope for many a law, And many a measure most discreet, When-pure as even the last we saw Britain's new Parliament shall meet. Then haste, ye Candidates, and strive An M. P. to your names to tack; And-after July twenty-five-3 Collective wisdom-welcome back! COPY OF AN INTERCEPTED DESPATCH. FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DON STREPITOSO DIABOLO, ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY TO HIS SATANIC MAJESTY. St. James's-Street, July 1. GREAT Sir, having just had the good luck to catch An official young Demon, preparing to go, Ready booted and spurr'd, with a black-leg despatch, From the Hell here, at Cr-ckf-rd's, to our Hell below I write these few lines to your Highness Satanic, To say that, first having obey'd your directions, And done all the mischief I could in "the Panic," My next special care was to help the Elections. Well knowing how dear were those times to thy soul, When every good Christian tormented his brother And caused, in thy realm, such a saving of coal, From their all coming down, ready grill'd by each other; Remembering, besides, how it pain'd thee to part With the old Penal Code,-that chef-d'œuvre of Law, In which (though to own it too modest thou art) We could plainly perceive the fine touch of thy claw; I thought, as we ne'er can those good times revive (Though Eld-n, with help from your Highness, would try) 1 A maxim which has been pretty well acted on in the present elections. 2 "During the election at Sudbury, four cabbages sold for 101. and a plate of gooseberries fetched 251. the sellers, where these articles were so scarce, being voters."--See The Times of Friday, June 29. 3 The day on which the writs are returnable, and the new parliament is to meet pro forma. a mer Twould still keep a taste for Hell's music alive, Sixteen hundred and sixty, who only wants thawing Could we get up a thund'ring No-Popery cry ;- To serve for our times quite as well as the Peer; That yell which, when chorus’d by laics and clerics, To bring thus to light, not the wisdom alone So like is to ours, in its spirit and tone, Of our ancestors, such as we find it on shelves, That I often nigh laugh myself into hysterics, But, in perfect condition, full-wigg’d and full-grown, To think that Religion should make it her own. To shovel up one of those wise bucks themselves! So, having sent down for the inal notes Oh thaw Mr. Dodsworth and send him safe home,Of the chorus, as sung by your Majesty's choir, Let him learn nothing useful or new on the way ; With a few pints of lava, to gargle the throats With his wisdom kept snug, from the light let him Of myself and some others, who sing it " with come, fire,"? And our Tories will hail him with “Hear” and “Hurra!" Though I, “if the Marseillois Hymn could command Such audience, though yell’d by a Sans-culotte What a God-send to them—a good-obsolete man, Who has never of Locke or Voltaire been a crew, What wonders shall we do, who've men in our band, reader; That not only wear breeches, but petticoats too.” Oh thaw Mr. Dodsworth, as fast as you can, And the L-nsd-les and H-rtf-rds shall chuse him for Such then were my hopes; but, with sorrow, your leader. Highness, I'm forced to confess—be the cause what it will, Yes, sleeper of ages, thou shalt be their Chosen ; Whether fewness of voices, or hoarseness, or shy. To think that all Europe has; since thou wert frozen, And deeply with thee will they sorrow, good men, ness, Our Beelzebub Chorus has gone off but ill. So alter'd, thou hardly canst know it again. The truth is, no placeman now knows his right key, And Eld-n will weep o'er each sad innovation The Treasury pitch-pipe of late is so various ; Such oceans of tears, thou wilt fancy that he And certain base voices, that look'd for a fee Has been also laid up in a long congelation, At the York music-meeting, now think it precarious. And is only now thawing, dear Roger, like thee Even some of our Reverends might have been war THE MILLENNIUM. But one or two capital roarers we've had ; Doctor Wise? is, for instance, a charming performer, SUGGESTED BY THE LATE WORK OF THE REVEREND And Huntingdon Maberly's yell was not bad. MR. IRV-NG "ON PROPHECY." A MILLENNIUM at hand!—I'm delighted to hear itAltogether, however, the thing was not hearty ; As matters, both public and private, now go, Even Eld-n allows we got on but so so; With multitudes round us all starving, or near it, And, when next we attempt a No-Popery party, A good rich Millennium will come a propos. We must, please your Highness, recruit from below. Only think, Master Fred, what delight to behold, But, hark, the young Black-leg is cracking his whipExcuse me, Great Sir—there 's no time to be A bran-new Jerusalem, built all of gold, Instead of thy bankrupt old City of Rags, Sound bullion throughout, from the roof to the The next opportunity shan't be let slip, flagsBut, till then, I'm, in haste, your most dutiful A city, where wine and cheap corn' shall abound,DEVIL. A celestial Cocaigne, on whose buttery shelves We may swear the best things of this world will be found, MR. ROGER DODSWORTH. As your saints seldom fail to take care of them selves ! TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. Thanks, reverend expounder of raptures elysian,? SIR,-Living in a remote part of Scotland, and Divine Squintifobus, who, placed within reach having but just heard of the wonderful resurrection Of two opposite worlds, by a twist of your vision of Mr. Roger Dodsworth from under an avalanche, Can cast, at the same time, a sly look at each ;where he had remained, bien frappe, it seems, for the Thanks, thanks for the hope thou hast given us, that last 166 years, I hasten to impart to you a few refections on the subject. May, even in our own times, a jubilee share, Yours, etc. Which so long has been promised by prophets like LAUDATOR TEMPORIS ACTI. thee, And so often has fail'd, we began to despair. Wita lucky turn-up!—just as Eld-n's withdrawing, To find thus a gentleman, frozen in the year 1“ A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny.”- Rev. c. 6. 1 Com fuoco--a music-book direction. 2 See the oration of this reverend gentleman, where he 2 This reverend gentleman distinguished himself at the describes the connubial joys of paradise, and paints the Reading election. Jangels hovering around "each happy fair.” civil ; we There was Whiston,' who learnedly took Prince Eugene All belied, ere his book's first edition was out ;- Who discoursed on the subject with signal eclat, And, each day of his life, sat expecting to see A Millennium break out in the town of Armagh !? There was also--but why should I burden my lay With your Brotherses, Southcotes, and names less deserving, To the last new Millennium of Orator Irv-ng. sconce, once ! Dr. Eady, less bold, I confess, Attacks but his maid of all work.' Both a laureate and senator is; Has been had up to Bow-street, for his ! That, though liule blood has been spilt, he The Chalking Act, known to be guilty. (With whose catalogue ne'er should I stop) Of the three greatest lights of our time, Doctor Eady and S—they and Slop ! Great Doctors the preference should fall, Dr. Eady must go to the wall. And Slop with a wig and a tail is, With a swinging “Corona Muralis!"2 THE THREE DOCTORS. Doctoribus lutamur tribus. EPITAPH ON A TUFT-HUNTER. LAMENT, lament, Sir Isaac Heard, Put mourning round thy page, Debrett, For here lies one, who ne'er preferr'd A Viscount to a Marquis yet. Beside him place the God of Wit, Before him Beauty's rosiest girls, Apollo for a star he'd quit, And Love's own sister for an Earl's. Did niggard fate no peers afford, He took, of course, to peers' relations ; And, rather than not sport a lord, Put up with even the last creations. Even Irish names, could he but tag 'em With “ Lord” and “Duke," were sweet to eall; With “No Popery” scribes on the walls; Dr. S—they as gloriously sleeps And, at a pinch, Lord Ballyraggum Was better than no Lord at all. Heaven grant him now some noble nook, For, rest his soul, he'd rather be Genteelly damn'd beside a. Duke, Than saved in vulgar company. THE PETITION OF THE ORANGEMEN OF IRELAND. 1 When Whiston presented to Prince Eugene the Essay To the People of England, the humble Petition in which he attempted to connect his victories over the Turks with revelation, the Princo is said to have replied that Of Ireland's disconsolate Orangemen, showing"he was not aware he had ever had the honour of being known to St. John." every irreligious and seditious journalist, every open and 2 Mr. Dobbs was a Member of the Irish Parliament, and every insidious enemy to Monarchy and to Christianity.” on all other subjects but the Millennium, a very sensible per- 1 See the late accounts in the newspapers of the appear He chose Armagh as the scene of the Millennium, on ance of this gentleman at one of the police offices, in conseaccount of the name Armageddon, mentioned in Revelation! quence of an alleged assault upon his “maid of all work.” 3 This Seraphic Doctor, in the preface to his last work 2 A crown granted as a reward among the Romans to per(Vindicie Ecclesia Anglicana,) is pleased to anathema- sons who performed any extraordinary exploits upon wallstize nut only all Catholics, but all advocates of Catholics :- such as scaling them, battering them, etc. No doubt, “ They have for their immediate allies (he says) every fac- writing upon them, to the extent that Dr. Eady does, would tion that is banded against the State, every demagogue, equally establish a claim to the honour. son. BY THE AUTHOR OF CHRISTABEL. That sad, very sad, is our present condition ; That relying on England, whose kindness already That our jobs are all gone, and our noble selves So often has help'd us to play the game o'er, going; We have got our red coats and our carabines ready, And wait but the word to show sport, as before. That, forming one seventh-within a few fractions Of Ireland's seven millions of hot heads and hearts, That, as to the expense—the few millions, or so, We hold it the basest of all base transactions Which for all such diversions John Bull has to To keep us from murdering the other six parts ; pay ’T is, at least, a great comfort to John Bull to know That, as to laws made for the good of the many, That to Orangemen's pockets 't will all find its We humbly suggest there is nothing less true; way. As all human laws (and our own, more than any) Are made by and for a particular few ; For which your petitioners ever will pray, etc. etc. etc. etc, etc. That much it delights every true Orange brother To see you, in England, such ardpur evince, A VISION. since;That we love to behold, while Old England grows One hasty orison whirld me away “ Up!" said the Spirit, and, ere I could pray To a limbo, lying-I wist not where- One could n't say whether 't was day or night; Whether t’ other saint, Dominic, burnt the devil's And crost by many a mazy track, paw One did n't know how to get on or back; Whether Edwy intrigued with Elgiva's old mo- And, I felt like a needle that 's going astray ther (With its one eye out) through a bundle of hay; And many such points, from which Southey doth When the Spirit he grinn'd, and whisper'd me, draw “ Thou 'rt now in the Court of Chancery !" Conclusions most apt for our hating each other. Around me flitted unnumber'd swarms That 't is very well known this devout Irish nation Of shapeless, bodiless, tailless forms; Has now, for some ages gone happily on, (Like bottled up babes, that grace the room Believing in two kinds of Substantiation, Of that worthy knight, Sir Everard Home)One party in Trans, and the other in Con;2 All of them things half kill'd in rearing ; Some were lame—some wanted hearing ; That we, your petitioning Cons, have, in right Some had through half a century run, Of the said monosyllable, ravaged the lands, Though they had n't a leg to stand upon. And embezzled the goods, and annoy'd, day and Others, more merry, as just beginning, night, Around on a point of law were spinning; Both the bodies and souls of the sticklers for Or balanced aloft, twixt Bill and Answer, Trans ; Lead at each end like a tight-rope dancer.That we trust to Peel, Eldon, and other such sages, Some were so cross, that nothing could please 'em ; Some gulp'd down affidavits to ease ʼm;- All were in motion, yet never a one, Let it move as it might, could ever move on. I heard a loud screaming of old and young, Like a chorus by fifty Velutis sung; At an amateur concert scream'd in score :- Of the wretches who in this Limbo dwell! 2 Consubstantiation-the true reformed belief; at least, Or those frogs, whose legs a barbarous cook the belief of Luther, and, as Mosheim asserts, of Melanc-Cut off, and left the frogs in the brook, 3 When John of Ragusa went to Constantinople (at the To cry all night, till life's last dregs, time the dispute between “ex” and “per” was going on,) “Give us our legs !-give us our legs !" he found the Turks, we are told," laughing at the Chris- Touch'd with the sad and sorrowful scene, tians for being divided by two such insignificant particles.” I ask'd what all this yell might mean? 4 The Arian controversy.--Before that time, says Hooker, When the Spirit replied, with a grin of glee, "in order to be a sound believing Christian, men were not curious wbat syllables or particles of speech they used." “T is the cry of the suitors in Chancery !" a now; ou.4 thon also. SUNG BY THE BUBBLE SPIRIT. I look'd, and I saw a wizard rise, In N. lat. 21.)—and his Highness Burmese, With a wig like a cloud before men's eyes. Being very hard prest to shell out the rupees, In his aged hand he held a wand, But not having much ready rhino, they say, meant Wherewith he beckon'd his embryo band, To pawn his august golden foot' for the payment.And they moved, and moved, as he waved it o'er, (How lucky for monarchs, that can, when they chuse, But they never got on one inch the more ; Thus establish a running account with the Jews !) And still they kept limping to and fro, The security being what Rothschild calls “goot," Like Ariels round old Prospero A loan will be forthwith, of course, set on foot ;Saying, “ Dear Master, let us go;" The parties are Rothschild--A. Baring and Co., But still old Prospero answer'd, "No." And three other great pawnbrokers-each takes a toe, And I heard the while, that wizard elf, And engages (lest Gold-foot should give us leg-bail, Muttering, muttering spells to himself, As he did once before) to pay down on the nail. While over as many old papers he turn'd, As Hume ere moved for, or Omar burn'd. This is all for the present,—what vile pens and paper' He talk'd of his Virtue, though some, less nice, Yours truly, dear Cousin,--best love to Miss Draper AN INCANTATION. Air-" Come with me, and we will go Where the rocks of coral grow." COME with me, and we will blow Lots of bubbles, as we go; Found the Spirit, the imps, and the conjurer fled, Bubbles, bright as ever Hope And bless'd my stars, right pleased to see Drew from Fancy--or from soap; Bright as e'er the South Sea sent Come with me, and we will blow Lots of bubbles as we go. Dear Coz, as I know neither you nor Miss Draper, Mix the lather, JOHNNY W-LKS, When Parliament's up, ever take in a paper, Thou who rhymest so well to “ bilks :"2 Mix the lather—who can be Fitter for such task than thee, Great M. P. for Sudsbury! To transmit you the last newest news that's in town. Now the frothy charm is ripe, As to Greece and Lord Cochrane, things could n't Puffing Peter, bring thy pipe, -look better Thou, whom ancient Coventry, His Lordship (who promises now to fight faster) Once so dearly loved, that she Knew not which to her was sweeter, Had just taken Rhodes, and despatch'd off a letter To Daniel O'Connel, to make him Grand Master ; Peeping Tom or puffing Peter- Puff the bubbles high in air, Puff thy best to keep them there Bravo, bravo, PETER M--RE! Now the rainbow humbugssoar, Being made the Colossus, 't is all one to him. Glittering all with golden hues, From Russia the last accounts are, that the Czar Such as haunt the dreams of JewsMost generous and kind, as all sovereigns are, Some, reflecting mines that lie And whose first princely act (as you know, I suppose,) Under Chili's glowing sky; Was to give away all his late brother's old clothes Some, those virgin pearls that sleep Is now busy collecting, with brotherly care, Cloister'd in the southern deep; The late Emperor's night-caps, and thinks of bestowing 1 This Potentate styles himself the Monarch of the GoldOne night-cap a-piece (if he has them to spare) en Foot. On all the distinguish'd old ladies now going. 2 Strong indications of character may be sometimes traced in the rhymes to names. Marvell thought so, when (While I write, an arrival from Riga—“the Brothers" .“ Sir Edward Sutton, Having night-caps on board for Lord Eld-n and The foolish knight who rhymes to mutton." others.) 3 An humble imitation of one of our modern poets, who, Last advices from India—Sir Archy, 't is thought, in a poem against war, after describing the splendid habili ments of the soldier, apostrophizes him thou rainbow Was near catching a Tartar (the first ever caught ruffian!" if he can, he wrote |