"An excellent thought !-call the tailors-be nimble-
Let Cum bring his spy-glass, and Hertford her thimble;
While Yarmouth shall give us, in spite of all quizzers,
The last Paris cut with his true Gallic scissars.'
So saying, he calls Castlereagh, and the rest
Of his Heaven-born statesmen, to come and be dressed.
While Yarmouth, with snip-like and brisk expedition,
Cuts up, all at once, a large Cath'lic petition
In long tailors' measures, (the Prince crying "Well done!") And first puts in hand my Lord Chancellor Eldon.
BETWEEN A LAdy and gentLEMAN, UPON THE ADVANTAGE OF (WHAT IS CALLED) HAVING LAW ON ONE'S SIDE."
COME, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy
To one frigid owner be tied ;
Your prudes may revile, and your old ones look gloomy,
But, dearest ! we've Law on our side.
Oh! think the delight of two lovers congenial,
Whom no dull decorums divide;
Their error how sweet, and their raptures how venial,
When once they've got Law on their side!
'Tis a thing that in every king's reign has been done, too;
Then why should it now be decried?
If the father has done it, why shouldn't the son, too?
For so argues Law on our side!
And, e'en should our sweet violation of duty
By cold-blooded jurors be tried,
They can but bring it in "a misfortune," my beauty,
As long as we've Law on our side.
Hold, hold, my good sir! go a little more slowly,
For, grant me so faithless a bride,
Such sinners as we are a little too lowly
To hope to have Law on our side.
Had you been a great prince, to whose star shining o'er 'en. The people should look for their guide,
Then your Highness (and welcome !) might kick down de
You'd always have Law on your side.
Were you e'en an old Marquis, in mischief grown hoary,
Whose heart, though it long ago died
To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory-
You still would have Law on your side!
But for you, sir, crim. con. is a path full of troubles;
By my advice therefore abide,
And leave the pursuit to those princes and nobles
Who have such a Law on their side!
NEW THEATRE OF ST. STEPHEN, INTENDED TO
HAVE BEEN SPOKEN BY THE PROPRIETOR IN FULL COSTUME, ON THE 24TH OF NOVEMBER.
THIS day a New House, for your edification,
We open, most thinking and right-headed nation!
Excuse the materials-though rotten and bad,
They're the best that for money just now could be had;
And, if echo the charm of such houses should be,
You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.
As for actors, we've got the old Company yet,
The same motley, odd, tragi-comical set:
And considering they all were but clerks t'other day,
It is truly surprising how well they can play.
Our manager (he, who in Ulster was nurst,
And sung Erin go Brah for the galleries first,
But on finding Pitt-interest a much better thing,
Changed his note of a sudden, to God save the King;)
Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he's clever,
Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever,
Here offers you still the full use of his breath,
Your devoted and long-winded proser till death!
You remember last season, when things went perverse on,
We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on,)
One Mr. Vansittart, a good sort of person,
Who's also employed for this season to play
In "Raising the Wind," and "the Devil to Pay."
We expect too-at least we've been plotting and planning-
To get that great actor from Liverpool, Canning;
And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts
Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts,
If the manager should, with the help of Sir Popham,
Get up new diversions, and Canning should stop 'em,
Who knows but we'll have to announce in the papers
"Grand fight-second time-with additional capers."
Be
your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad,
There is plenty of each in this house to be had;
Where our manager ruleth, there weeping will be,
For a dead hand at tragedy always was he;
And there never was dealer in dagger and cup,
Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up.
His powers poor Ireland will never forget,
And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet.
So much for the actors-for secret machinery,
Traps and deceptions, and shifting of scenery.
Yarmouth and Cum are the best we can find,
To transact all that trickery business behind.
The former's employed too to teach us French jigs,
Keep the whiskers in curl, and look after the wigs.
In taking my leave now, I've only to say
A few Seats in the House not as yet sold away,
May be had of the manager, Pat Castlereagh.
THE SALE OF THE TOOLS.
Instrumenta regni.-Tacitus.
HERE'S a choice set of Tools for you, gemmen and ladies,
They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is ;
(Except it be Cabinet-making-I doubt
In that delicate service they're rather worn out;
Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will,
Would have bungled away with them joyously still.)
You can see they've been pretty well hacked-and alack!
What tool is there job after job will not hack?
Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess'd,
And their temper, like Ellenb'rough's none of the best.
But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying;
Were't but for their brass they are well worth the buying;
They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and screens,
And they're, some of them, excellent turning machines!
The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor)
Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller-
Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis,
'Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice.
Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest-
Twill make a good thumbscrew to torture a Papist ;
Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall
Of some church that old women are fearful will fall;
Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random),
A heavy drag-chain for some lawyer's old Tandem:
Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, sir
Once, twice, going, going, thrice, gone !-it is yours, sir.
To pay ready money you shan't be distressed,
As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best.
Come, where's the next Tool?-Oh! 'tis here in a trice--
This implement, gemmen, at first was a Vice
(A tenacious and close sort of Tool, that will let
Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get),
UPON BEING OBLIGED TO LEAVE A PLEASANT PARTY, FROM THE WANT OF
A PAIR OF BREECHES TO DRESS FOR DINNER IN.
BETWEEN Adam and me the great difference is,
Though a Paradise each has been forced to resign,
That he never wore breeches till turned out of his,
While, for want of my breeches, I'm banished from mine.
LORD WELLINGTON AND THE MINISTERS.
So gently in peace Alcibiades smiled,
While in battle he shone forth so terribly grand,
That the emblem they graved on his seal was a child,
With a thunderbolt placed in its innocent hand.
O Wellington! long as such Ministers wield
Your magnificent arm, the same emblem will do;
For while they're in the Council and you in the Field,
We've the babies in them, and the thunder in you!
I SAW the smiling bard of pleasure,
The minstrel of the Teian measure;
'Twas in a vision of the night,
He beamed upon my wondering sight.
I heard his voice, and warmly pressed
The dear enthusiast to my breast.
His tresses wore a silvery dye,
But beauty sparkled in his eye;
Sparkled in his eyes of fire,
Through the mist of soft desire.
His lip exhaled, whene'er he sighed,
The fragrance of the racy tide;
And, as with weak and reeling feet,
He came my cordial kiss to meet,
An infant of the Cyprian band
Guided him on with tender hand.
Quick from his glowing brows he drew
His braid, of many a wanton hue;
I took the braid of wanton twine,
It breathed of him, and blushed with wine!
I hung it o'er my thoughtless brow,
And ah! I feel its magic now!
I feel that e'en his garland's touch
Can make the bosom love too much!
|