THE DREAM OF PICROCHOLE.

[The peace-loving King Grandgousier exhausts every means of preventing a conflict, but in vain. Having rejected the last overtures, King Picrochole holds a council of war.]

The cakes being unloaded, there came before Picrochole the Duke of Menuail, the Count Spadassin, and Captain Merdaille, who said unto him, "Sire, this day we make you the happiest, the most chivalrous prince that ever was since the death of Alexander of Macedonia." "Be covered, be covered," said Picrochole. "We thank you," said they; "we do but our duty. The manner is thus. You shall leave some captain here to have the charge of this garrison, with a small party to keep the place, which, besides its natural strength, is made stronger by the ramparts of your devising. Your army you will divide into two parts, as you know very well how to do. One part thereof shall fall upon Grangousier and his forces. By it shall he be easily at the very first shock routed, and then shall you get money by heaps, for the clown hath store. Clown we call him, because a generous prince hath never a penny. To hoard up

treasure is a clown's trick. The other part of the army in the meantime shall draw towards Onys, Saintonge, Angoumois, and Gascony; then to

Perigord, Medoc, and the Landes. Without resistance they will take towns, castles, and forts. At Bayonne, St Jean de Luz, Fontarabia, you will seize upon the ships, and coasting along Gallicia and Portugal, will pillage all the maritime places, even unto Lisbon, where you will be supplied with all necessaries befitting a conqueror. Par la Corbieu! Spain will yield, for they are but a race of lubbers. Then are you to pass by the Straits of Gibraltar, where you will erect two pillars more stately than those of Hercules, to the perpetual memory of your name, and it shall be called the Picrocholinal Sea. Having passed the Picrocholinal Sea, behold, Barbarossa yields himself your slave."

"I will," said Picrochole, "give him fair quarter." "Yea," said they, "so that he be content to be christened. Then you will conquer the kingdoms of Tunis, of Hippo, Algiers, Bona, Corona, yea, all Barbary. Furthermore, you shall take into your hands Majorca, Minorca, Sardinia, Corsica, with the other islands of the Ligustic and Balearic seas. Going along on the left hand, you shall rule all Gallia Narbonensis, Provence, the Allobroges, Genoa, Florence, Lucca, and then good-bye Rome. Poor Monsieur the Pope already dies for fear." "By my faith," said Picrochole, "I will not kiss his slipper!"

Italy being thus taken, behold Naples, Calabria,

Apulia, and Sicily all ransacked, and Malta too. I should like to see the pleasant Knights heretofore of Rhodes trying to resist you! "I would," said Picrochole, “very willingly go to Loretto." "No, no," said they, "that shall be at our return. Thence we will sail eastwards, and take Candia, Cyprus, Rhodes, and the Cyclades, and set upon the Morea. It is ours, by St Trenian! The Lord preserve Jerusalem! for the great Soldan is not comparable to you in power." "I will then," said he, "cause Solomon's Temple to be built." "No," said they, "not yet; have a little patience, stay a while-be never too sudden in your enterprises. Do you know what Octavian Augustus said? Festina lentè. It is requisite that you first have the Lesser Asia, Caria, Lycia, Pamphylia, Cilicia, Lydia, Phrygia, Mysia, Bithynia, Carazia, Satalia, Samagaria, Castamena, Luga, Savasta, even unto Euphrates." "Shall we see," said Picrochole, "Babylon and Mount Sinai?" "There is no need," said they, "at this time. Has there not been enough toil in having passed over the Hircanian Sea, ridden across the two Armenias, and the three Arabias?" "By my faith," said he, "we are undone! Ha, poor souls!" "What's the matter?" said they. "What shall we have," said he, "to drink in these deserts? for Julian Augustus with his whole host died there for thirst, as they say." "We have already," said they, "given order for that. In the Syrian Sea

you have nine thousand and fourteen great ships laden with the best wines in the world. They arrived at the port of Jaffa. There are found twoand-twenty thousand camels, and sixteen hundred elephants, which you shall have taken at one hunting about Sigelmes, when you entered into Lybia; and besides this, you had all the Mecca caravan. Did not they furnish you sufficiently with wine?" "Yes; but," said he, "we did not drink it fresh." "By the virtue," said they, "not of a fish, a valiant man, a conqueror, who pretends and aspires to the monarchy of the world, cannot always have his ease. God be thanked that you and your men are come safe and sound unto the banks of the river Tigris!" "But," said he, "what doth that part of our army in the meantime, which overthrows that unworthy swill- pot Grangousier?" "They are not idle," said they; "we shall meet with them by-and-by. They shall have won you Brittany, Normandy, Flanders, Hainault, Brabant, Artois, Holland, Zealand; they have passed the Rhine over the bellies of the Switzers and Lansquenets, and a part of them hath conquered Luxemburg, Lorraine, Champagne, and Savoy, even to Lyons, in which place they have met with your forces returning from the naval conquest of the Mediterranean Sea; and have rallied again in Bohemia, after they had plundered and sacked Suabia, Wirtemberg, Bavaria, Austria,

Moravia, and Styria. Then they set fiercely together upon Lubeck, Norway, Sweden, Rugen, Denmark, Gothia, Greenland, the Easterlings, even unto the Frozen Sea. This done, they conquered the Isles of Orkney, and subdued Scotland, England, and Ireland. From thence sailing through the sandy sea, and by the Sarmatians, they have vanquished and overcome Prussia, Poland, Lithuania, Russia, Wallachia, Transylvania, Hungary, Bulgaria, Turquey, and are now at Constantinople." "Come," said Picrochole, "let us go join with them quickly, for I will be Emperor of Trebizonde also. Shall we not kill all these dogs, Turks and Mahometans?" "What a devil should we do else?" said they. "And you shall give their goods and lands to such as shall have served you honestly." "Reason," said he, "will have it so that is but just. I give unto you Caramania, Syria, and all Palestine." "Ha, sire!" said they, "it is out of your goodness; we thank you. God grant you may always prosper!"

There was there present at that time an old gentleman well experienced in wars, and who had been in many hazards, named Echephron, who, hearing this discourse, said, “I do greatly doubt that all this enterprise will be like the tale of the pitcher full of milk, wherewith a shoemaker made. himself rich in conceit; but when the pitcher was broken, he had not whereupon to dine. What