I could go no further with my thoughts. I sat still whilst the spirit of the hymn literally overwhelmed my soul. I absolutely forgot my companions. For aught I know to this hour they may have observed me both in the action and the reaction of my feelings. They delicately stood aloof if they did. Well might they have wondered if the good-humoured Irish Priest was being caught in the Anglican meshes. But I think such was the furthest thought in their mind, for they had come to regard me as a "Hopeless Roman." Still I sat on. What was the "idol?" "The dearest idol I had known" as an adherent of Rome? Many "Idols" there were that just then flashed across my mind, apart, of course, from my God and Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. But that which stood out most prominently amongst them all was my life-long reverence for him who sat on the Chair of Peter as the Central and final Authority. And my old difficulty swept itself into my soul onward and onward, and again and again would not be removed. Was my recognised Central Authority really infallible in faith and morals? My struggles began anew. I conceded the advisability, nay, necessity, of a Centre of Authority. But a truly human "infallible" Centre of Authority I could not concede, either as to its probability or as to its necessity. Yet I was a "leader in Israel, exercising delegated authority and jurisdiction from this centre of authority. This Centre demanded as his right and prerogative the adhesion and consent of my mind to his actual possession of "Infallibility."

Further wrapped in perplexity my eyes fell upon the two concluding lines of the 5th verse

"Help me to tear it from its throne
And worship only Thee."

It was not until some years later, when I had "come into my own," that I again saw this hymn and read it for the second time that I fully realised the helpful instrument of mercy and light it had been to me. In the meanwhile I never forgot that fifth verse, and now the realisation of the sixth is an accomplished fact.

"So shall my walk be close with God
Calm and serene my frame,
So purer light shall mark the road
That leads me to the Lamb."

You who have come this far with me, can you enter into my feelings? I pray God you can, especially if you belong to my old creed. Pray God yourself to enter into my feelings of that hour. The experience will benefit you.

When Mr. Cowper composed that last verse, unconsciously he foretold my state of mind as I entered the ranks of my Protestant brethren, and took my place among my colleagues of the Ministry.

"So purer light shall mark the road
That leads me to the Lamb."

Summing up these chapters on this portion of my struggle, I conclude thus:

If a thing be true of itself, it is so by the Eternal Law of God. No human or other pronouncement can make it so. Now if the Pope be Infallible he is so by the Eternal Law of God, and requires no human pronouncement to support his claim. Then, I ask, why the Vatican Council's thundering manifesto and anathema? If he be truly fallible he is so by the Eternal Law of God, and no amount of Councils, Ecumenical or otherwise, can make him infallible.

I believe that the Almighty's love and power are no

more contracted by man's loftiest ambitions than they are expanded by man's failure to grasp the truth of things. I firmly believe that millions of educated minds in the Roman Catholic Church have failed to grasp the truth as to papal infallibility. The great reason is that they do not "consider" either its origin or the method of its conservation. Were they to do so they would, I honestly affirm, be, "even as I am," altogether "outside the Pale," but "Nearer, my God, to Thee."

If my late co-religionists will call to mind my ten to twelve years' active missionary life, they will admit that, whilst I frequently discoursed on the loyalty of the people and priests in general to the Papal Chair, and especially on that of my own people of Ireland, I never once felt drawn to preach, nor did I, on the claim to infallibility. I never felt sure of my position there, and I would never let myself doubt, nor conscientiously would I read the subject widely or deeply, except from Orthodox writers. I always feared it.

One of my fellow-missioners frequently did discourse on this dogma, with lucidity and eloquence; but even he could not show me the fact, the truth of it. I conclude this chapter with an extract from the writings of J. W. Draper, who shall be his own trite apologist for appearing in this volume and at this juncture. He puts the two questions, "How can that be received as a trustworthy guide in the invisible which falls into so many errors in the visible?" "How can that give confidence in the moral and the spiritual which has so signally failed in the physical?" He then proceeds-"It is not possible to dispose of these conflicting facts as 'Fictions coming from knowledge falsely so-called, errors wearing the deceitful appearance of truth," as the Church stigmatises them. On the contrary, they are shining witnesses, bearing emphatic evidence against the ecclesiastical claim to infallibility and fastening a conviction of ignorance and blindness upon her.

Against the conviction of so many errors the Papacy makes no attempt at explanation. It ignores the whole matter. Nay, more, relying on the efficacy of audacity, though confronted by these facts, it lays claim to infallibility. But to the Pontiff no rights can be conceded, than those he can establish at the bar of Reason. He cannot claim infallibilty in religious affairs and decline it in scientific. Infallibility embraces all things; it implies Omnipotence." After much pondering, I reached the obvious conclusion that, if it holds good for theology, it necessarily holds good for science; but it is not claimed in matters literary, artistic or scientific; therefore it falls to the ground.

How is it possible to co-ordinate the infallibility of the papacy with the well-known errors into which it has fallen? As I consented to Mr. Draper's statement I felt that the decisive moment had arrived in which I must yield the palm to Reason and God's revealed Word, and once again I bowed my head and cried"Behold, I come, O Lord, unto Thee over the shattered pile of Papal Infallibility."

I

CHAPTER XII.

"THE REAL PRESENCE."

APPROACH the consideration of this chapter with the utmost respect for the conscientious convictions of millions of my late co-religionists, because the "Real Presence" is the central point of the Roman Belief; it is the basic rock in his Cathedral of Authority. It is the "Sun" in the constellation of his doctrinal and devotional firmament. Respect for legitimate convictions always dominated me; so much so, that, even entering a Moslem Mosque, I would have an honourable regard for the worshippers therein, and comport myself as should a gentleman and a Christian, and, by my demeanour, give not the least offence to the worshippers there.

As a youth I made it a point never to enter a nonCatholic place of worship-of course, outside the hours of worship, during non-service hours with certain Free Lance companions, whose invariable practice was to mock at all things Protestant. I chose occasions to visit when they were not of the party. To this very hour I possess happily this characteristic of extreme veneration for places where my fellows are wont to gather and worship the Most Holy, and since my "Secession" I have worshipped in Anglican, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist, Church of Christ, Salvationist, even in the Roman Catholic Churches.

I mention this characteristic in order that my readers may in no way be deceived by my method of teaching this Doctrine of the "Real Presence" from the Roman Catholic Altars when a priest. I still respect the honourable and conscientious worshippers in that