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SCENE III.-A Room in the Garter Inn.

Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN.

Fal. Mine Host of the GarterHost. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.

Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a-week.

Host. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheesar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host.

Host. I have spoke; let him follow. Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit HOST. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: Go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit BARDOLPH.

Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

Nym. He was gotten in drink: Is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it.

Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder

box; his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.

Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh; a fico for the phrase.

Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Pist. Why then, let kibes ensue.

Fal. There is no remedy; I must coneycatch; I must shift.

Pist. Young ravens must have food.

Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

Pist. Two yards and more.

Fal. No quips now, Pistol: Indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is "I am Sir John Falstaff's."

Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English.

Nym. The anchor is deep: Will that humour pass?

Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.

Pist. As many devils entertain; and, "To her, boy," say I.

Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.

Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour.

Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be 'cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford : we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!

Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour letter; I will keep the haviour of reputation.

Fal. Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly; [TO ROBIN.

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter,

pack!

Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd

and fullam holds,

And high and low beguile the rich and poor; Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!

Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge.

Pist. Wilt thou revenge?

Nym. By welkin and her star.

Pist. With wit or steel?

Nym. With both the humours I.

I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold,

How Falstaff, varlet vile,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

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Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault ;-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say, your name is?

Sim. Ay, for fault of a better.

Quick. And Master Slender 's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth.

Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife?

Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard.

Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.

Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait?

Sim. Yes, indeed, does he.

Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

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Enter DR. CAIUS.

Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box. Do intend what I speak? a green-a box.

Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe fe ! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour-la grande affaire.

Quick. Is it this, sir?

Caius. Ouy: mette le au mon pocket. Dépechez, quickly:-Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John!

Rug. Here, sir.

Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.

Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:—Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

Quick. Ah me! he 'll find the young man there, and be mad!

Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? -Villany! larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier.

Quick. Good master, be content.

Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic; hear the truth of it: He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

Caius. Vell.

Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to-
Quick. Peace, I pray you.

Caius. Peace-a your tongue :-Speak-a your tale.

Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mrs. Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage.

Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper: Tarry you a little-a while.

[Writes.

Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy;—But notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master,

look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself:

Sim. T is a great charge to come under one body's hand.

Quick. Are you avised o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding (to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it), my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,that's neither here nor there.

Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jacka-nape priest to meddle or make :-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here :—by gar, I vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas! he speaks but for his friend.

Caius. It is no matter-a for dat :--do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? -By gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.

Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well we must give folks leave to prate : What, the good-jer!

Caius. Rugby, come to de court vit me.-By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your No, I know Anne's mind for that never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.

own.

Fent. [within.] Who's within there! ho!

Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.

Enter FENTON.

Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? Quick. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

Fent. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?

Quick. Troth, sir, all is in His hands above: but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale ;-good faith, it is such another Nan;-but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread :-We had an hour's talk of that wart:-I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But indeed she is given too much to allicholly and musing: But for you-Well, go to.

Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me

Quick. Will I? I'faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste [Exit. Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does :Out upon 't! what have I forgot?

now.

[Exit.

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SCENE I.-Before PAGE's House.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holiday time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them! Let me see: [Reads.

"Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisian, he admits him not for his counsellor: You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice), that I love thee. I will not say, "Pity me;" 't is not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, "Love me." By me, "Thine own true knight,

By day or night,

Or any kind of light,

With all his might,

For thee to fight,

"JOHN FALSTAFF."

What a Herod of Jewry is this?-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to shew himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!-What should I say to him?—I was then frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me! -Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of fat men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Enter MISTRESS FORD.

Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to shew to the contrary.

I

Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do, then; yet I say, could shew you to the contrary: O, Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour: What is it? dispense with trifles;what is it?

Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted.

Mrs. Page. What? thou liest! - Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight:-here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted.-I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the hundredth Psalm to the tune of "Green Sleeves." What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tons of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the

best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twinbrother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for I protest mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names (sure more), and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man.

Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: It makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck.

Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine Host of the Garter.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Mrs. Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: Come hither. [They retire.

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Ford. What name, sir?

Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell. Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night:

Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo birds do sing.

Away, Sir Corporal Nym.—
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL.

Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true; [To PAGE.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours; I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. 'Tis true :-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's the humour of it. Adieu. [Exit NYм. Page. "The humour of it," quoth a'! here's a fellow frights humour out of his wits.

Ford. I will seek out Falstaff.

Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting

rogue.

Ford. If I do find it, well.

Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true

man.

Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: Well. Page. How now, Meg?

Mrs.Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy?

Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.Get you home, go.

Mrs Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. Will you go, Mistress Page?

Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George? Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to MRS. Ford.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.

Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it.

Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne?

Quick. Ay, forsooth; And I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see; we have an hour's talk with you.

[Exeunt MRS.PAGE, MRS. FORD, & MRS.QUICKLY. Page. How now, Master Ford?

Ford. You have heard what this knave told me; did you not?

Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me?

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