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were born for. There was nothing else in nature in their eyes. People were created but to dance and die. The world itself had been for ages past performing a minuet with the sun, and appeared at that moment to be waltzing away with the moon !

My fingers and my faculties began to rebel. I continued to play, however, though I could perceive the incipient symptoms of daylight just breaking through the window-curtains. I wished a vast number of things the principal and most preposterous of which was, that they would give over. I wished that handsome women were prohibited by Act of Parliament, or that boardingschool beauties, in their eighteenth year, were human beings as in that case some small degree of pity might be expected from them. The lamps and candles were burning low- I fancied they began to burn blue! How I wished that, by some necromantic misfortune, there might be no more oil or longfours in the house! I ardently longed for the appearance of an apparition or a housebreaker. Jack Sheppard and the Hammersmith ghost came alternately into my mind, and I wished that we had all been born in an earlier era. Hope would not then have been so utterly hopeless. It seemed just possible that the kitchen chimney might catch fire;-what a relief would that have been to the fever under which I was suffering! I prayed fervently that the mistress of the house might find the fatigue too much for her; a fainting fit would have administered much consolation to me-particularly if there were no sal volatile to be had. I wished most especially that her husband would get cross and sleepy. And then my imagination would settle again upon those lovely but provoking pests-those laughing, persevering plagues, who were the real movers of my misery, and whom I heard every instant proposing some new mode of torturing me and prolonging the time. It was clear that, having the persons, they considered themselves entitled to the privileges of angels, and had consequently mistaken time for eternity. hoped that their brothers and uncles might be desperately alarmed at their stay; or that Queen Mab might pay a visit to their grandmothers, frightening them with dreams of elopements, and handsome clerks with eighty pounds per

annum.

At last, worn out with incessant exertion, and overpowered with sleep down to my fingers'-ends that continued to touch the keys, though my

I

ears were utterly unconscious of the sounds they produced-I fell into a kind of conscious stupor, a waking vision, a delusion of the senses. A film grew over my mind, and obscured its perceptions. My imagination seemed to have been let on a building lease, and fabrics of a most fantastic architecture were everywhere springing up on its surface. I could not help fancying that I had been playing there for many years without once leaving off, and that the company had continued dancing for the same length of time. I endeavoured in vain to recollect at what period I had commenced my performance, but I could not divest my mind of a belief that half a century had elapsed since I began. Glancing at a mirror opposite to me, I perceived that I looked alarmingly oldthat my whiskers were quite grey, and of more than military dimensions. observed also that my coat was fearfully unfashionable in its cut, and as shabby as a member of parliament's that has been twice turned. My hat, I conjectured, must be the only part of my apparel that was not worn out. The portion of my dress nearest to the seat, had suffered severely. The very horse-hair was peeping out of the cushion. The dress and appearance of all around me had likewise undergone a change for the worse. The long-flounced drapery, and large loose hanging sleeves-the starched cravats and pigeon-tailed dress-coats gave the figure a most odiously antiquated effect. Seen through the telescope of time, nothing could be more outré and ridiculous. Fancy how the fashions in "La Belle Assemblée" will look fifty years hence, and then imagine my amusement in contemplating the scene around me.

I could not account to myself for this singular delusion but by supposing that we had all been so much interested in the festivities, that months had imperceptibly passed on, and we had counted them as minutes. Still, however, they continued dancing, but I consoled myself by reflecting that it could not last much longer, as the charms of the females were rapidly fading away, their cheeks being already pale with age and fatigue—their tresses, whether raven or auburn, requiring the magical and gloss-giving aid of Rowland-and their few remaining teeth beginning to ache so that no longer able to "show off," they would soon cease to have any reasonable motive for prolonging the dance. As for the other portion of the party, I could easily perceive that they did not caper about with their former ease and alacrity.

Their youthful harlequinism had turned into a very Grimaldi-like old age. The gout had done wonders. They limped through the figures like people gallop ading over burning ploughshares; and, in spite of every effort to disguise it, it was clear that their imaginations were settling very comfortably into easy chairs and velvet caps. They seemed to treat their legs with particular tenderness and indulgence, and were evidently longing to put their feet into wool. I could see very well where the shoe pinched, and how they gilded every twinge with a smile. There was a little girl-one of the musical marvels with which every private family abounds - who had been fondly forced by considerate parents and admiring friends to sing every thing, from the Tyrolese air to Tom Bowling, in the earlier part of the evening; and there to my imagination she stood, in the same spot-ogling what had been an agile young ensign when he entered the room, but who was now probably a corpulent colonel without being at all aware of the change. I could not but smile, amidst all my anxieties and uneasiness, when, reflecting on the gay, airy, tripping step that had distinguished every one on entering, I anticipated a view of their approaching exit, hobbling and humiliated. A feeling of revenge sweetened my regret, as I pic. tured one of the most youthful of my tormentors, dim and decrepit, leaning for support on the arm of a tender juvenile, who was obliged to send the servant for a stick to sustain him.

In contemplating the changes that had taken place in others, I was not unmindful of myself. And here the first thing that occurred to me was-what would my wife say to me for my long absence! The reflection that followed this was -and I felt the piano tremble beneath the violence occasioned by the overwhelming idea-perhaps she had eloped! This, indeed, appeared the more probable to my apprehension, as fortune had blessed me with a very intimate friend. Perhaps the thought was succeeded by a strange mixture of sensations-perhaps my poor wife was dead! -and by some extraordinary association of circumstances, I immediately seemed to shake off my years, and to assume something like the semblance of juvenility. I could not help indulging a hope that, amidst the wreck of my property, my favourite violin had been preserved. I wondered moreover whether my eldest boy's voice had turned out a tenor, and whether the other had left off playing on the jew's-harp.

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But my attention was soon called to the state of public affairs, and I began to marvel as to the improvements that had been effected and the changes that had happened during the period of my trance. My first conjecture was whether the National Debt and the Pimlico Palace were still standing: or had Rothschild paid the one out of his own pocket, as an acknowledgment for the admission of himself and his people into parliament; Nash being condemned to inhabit the other through all eternity, as a punishment for building it. I took some pains to calculate how many new worlds Mr. Buckingham had discovered in the course of his voyage round this; an excursion undertaken with so much regard to the interests of science, and with such manifest indifference and detriment to his own. I wondered also whether there was any one in existence that recollected who Mr. Milton Montgomery was; whether the exact extent of and duration of a modern immortality had been finally fixed! Had the nation begun to like music, or did they only patronize it! Had Liston really assumed, on his retirement, the honours of the baronetcy (I tried to imagine a Sir John Liston) to which rumour had assigned him the right; and had the mariner-monarch, King William, called Mr. T. P. Cooke to the peerage, as a reward for his talent in the personation of nautical characters, and making the navy popular! I felt a desire to know whether Sir Francis Burdett had ever ascertained the difference between water and prussic-acid; and how many revolutions had taken place in St. Giles's since 1830! Who was Lord Mayor-and were statecarriages drawn by steam! I indulged in a momentary surmise whether steam had been rendered applicable to the purposes of public orations, by bringing one vapour to act upon another; and whether La Porte had introduced it into the Opera to give effect to the chorusses, and to relieve the wind-instruments. Had the works of any more of our popular authors been advertised at halfprice! I hoped that the army had recovered from the shock which it sustained in the loss of its mustachios. Had the North-West Passage been discover ed!-if so, had Sir Edward Parry, or any navigator in the ocean of human nature, found out-and here my mind rambled over an infinite catalogue of desiderata, comprising the integrity of a stock-jobber, the independence of a state-pensioner, the morality of an actress, the skill of a self-taught curer of

consumptions, the enlightenment of his patients, the unimpeachable honour of a representative, the incorruptible honesty of an elector, the diffidence of a counsellor, the disinterestedness of a subscriber to public charities, the meekheartedness of a judge, the sincerity of a saint, the dignity of a city magistrate, the love of criticism of an artist, the conscience and classic taste of a government architect, the humour of a translator of farces, the anything of a fashionable novelist, the But I broke off, as I do now, in the middle; I had stumbled over more improbabilities than the most sagacious expounder of mysteries, the most enthusiastic supporter Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip. of the Society for the Diffusion of Knowledge, could hope to discover between this and the millennium. A thousand questions started up involuntarily, pressing for answers on all subjects, from poetry to pugilism. Every thing had acquired an interest from time-the most trivial objects had become hallowed in my absence. How anxiously I longed to see the times "Times:" even the advertisements would have been welcome.

A LUNATIC LAYE TIC LA "Adieu my Moustachios! farewell to my Tip!”

ADIEU my moustachios, farewell to my tip,

Lost, lost is the pride of my chin and my lip,
His majesty wills it, like Samson I'm cropt,
And the killing career of Adonis is stopt;"
The razors are ruthless, my honours they nip,
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
Alas! what avails the loud clank of my spurs,
What signify tassels, and feathers, and furs;
The padding above that the waist may look slim,
The trouser's compress'd to exhibit the limb;
My form I no longer exulting equip-
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
I know they deride a commander who stoops
To cull foreign fashions to deck British troops;
But surely the viggest look rather more big
In moustachios and tip-like a judge in his wig;
I know I look small with iny sword on my hip,-

From this dream, or whatever it may
be called, I was at length aroused by
the actual breaking up of the party.
They were positively going. I had
glimpses at first, and then full views,
of hats and cloaks-my dungeon-bolts
were withdrawn.
Alas! I felt myself

in the situation of the "Prisoner of Chillon," so affectingly described by our great poet. I had become so accustomed to my confinement, that I was almost indifferent to release-and at length

"Regained my freedom with a sigh!"

I resembled a person that was so exceedingly hungry that he had lost his appetite. I would as soon stay as go. I had no relish for home-indeed I had almost forgotten the way to it. With some difficulty I succeeded in tracing it out, and reached it in time for breakfast. There, faithful as the eggs and coffee themselves, presided my wife, who, notwithstanding my friend, had never even dreamed of eloping. The girls were as guiltless of marriage, and the boys as innocent of music as when I left them. One of them was spoiling my favourite violin and a newly-published air at the same moment; and the other was, as usual, playing the jew's harp to a favourite poodle, who sat shaking his ears over it with all the solemnity of a prooundly fashionable critic at a composition of Handel's.-Monthly Mag.

When Laura last saw me, she own'd that the world

Contained no moustachios so charmingly curl'd;
She thought my head foreign, and unlike the
skull

Of the money-bag, mercantile fellow, John
Bull;
But now she will call me" contemptible rip"
-Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip..
I went to the levee both pensive and pale-
I felt like a puppy-dog robb'd of his tail;
The duke eyed me coldly when notice I craved,'
-Ah, would he had seen me before I was
shaved;

And as I kissed hands, I'm afraid I let slip
"Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip."
Oh, at a mess dinner, how graceful to dip
My napkin, and wipe off the mess from my lip
And nourish'd by gravy-soup-sauces of fish-
The hair that grew on it was steep'd in each dish,
They are gone-and my claret I pensively sip
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
They were red-and I dyed them—and now at
Which remains on the skin I scrub daily—in

the stain

vain ;

The hair is shaved off, but a something is seen
Which I fear may be thought to look rather
unclean.

I hope it don't look like a chimney-sweep's lip-
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
My principal reason, I frankly confess,
For being a soldier at all-was the dress;
The line on my lip, and the dot on my chin,
Became ine-the change is a horrid take in-
I might just as well now have gone on board ship,
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
I know that they deem it unmanly to weep
So into half-pay I'll despondingly creep;
The star of my beauty is lost in eclipse;
I'll sit in seclusion and sigh for hair lips!
The tears down my nose now incessantly drip→
Adieu my moustachios, farewell to my tip.
New Monthly Magazine,

PATRIOTIC PROPENSITIES.*

I GO twice a-year to political dinners.
D-n the cause of the people! what care I for
that?

Purer motives guide me than your liberal

sinners;

When I go it is only to get a new hat.
Literary Gazette.

* Dear Sir, I went to a public dinner, and had my hat exchanged for one which I doubt not is water-proof, since it is thoroughly lined with grease; the above tetrastic I believe to be penned by the gentleman who deprived me of my best "Bishnell."-The Writer.

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THE Mall is so denominated from the game of Mall (Pall Malle, or Palle Maille-Pallere Malleo, to strike with a mallet), an amusement in which Charles greatly indulged and excelled. game, a round bowl, or large ball, being struck by a heavy bat, was sent through an iron ring of considerable diameter, mounted on a high poll, usually placed at the end of an alley of trees, as was the case in St. James's Park, the middle walk whereof was carefully strewed with cockle-shells, which, when properly managed, produce a very hard smooth surface. To conduct this business, Charles actually created the important and dignified office of Cockle-strewer!

A RAT STORY.

"THE cunning of rats is surprising," said a gentleman, in company, "for having missed upwards of a hundred weight of potatoes from my cellar, in one night, and being at a loss to find out the thief, I thought of going to a back shed, where, perhaps, they might be hid previous to their final removal, when I discovered the whole of the potatoes, which had been carried there by the rats, and they were feasting on their plunder." "I remember it perfectly well, gentlemen," said one of the party, "for I went with my friend in search of the stolen property, when on entering

the place of rendezvous, (whither we were attracted by smoke issuing through the door,) we discovered a number of rats boiling the potatoes in a large iron pot; some were stirring the fire, and the rest eating them with salt, out of a salt-cellar, which one of the rats had been seen to carry, a short time before, out of the kitchen." W. G. C.

PHILOLOGICAL PUZZLE. SEVENTY-TWO different words may be made from the word strange; the fol lowing are fifty-eight of the number :→ Art, anger, are, agent, age, ate, ant, at, an, as, ear, eat, east, great, gate, gnat, get, gear, grate, grant, garnet, gas, agnes, net, nest, near, neat, nag, range, rest, ran, rag, rate, rat, rent, rage, sage, sane, sent, sea, star, set, sat, seat, stage, sear, stag, stern, sang, snare, stare, tare, tear, tan, ten, tar, tea, tag. J. B. N.

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SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS.

(For the Mirror.)

I RECEIVED the following anecdote illustrative of the kindness and good-nature of this great painter, from Mr. Williamson the artist, a schoolfellow of the person mentioned; if you think it worthy a place in your interesting pages, it is at your service. R. ROFFE.

In the year 1790, a youth of the name of Buckingham, a scholar at Mr. King's academy, Chapel-street, Soho, presuming upon his father's knowledge of Sir Joshua Reynolds, asked the president if he would draw him a flag for the next breaking-up; Sir Joshua told him if he would call at a certain time, he would see what he could do. The youth went accompanied by his schoolfellow, Williamson, when Sir Joshua presented him with a flag about a yard square, on which he had painted the king's coat of arms; this flag was carried with the breaking-up to the Yorkshire Stingo, an honour to the boys, and a still greater honour to him who painted it, and gave up his valuable time to mote their holiday amusements.

BEER AND GIN.

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THE following verses are copied from beneath Hogarth's engravings of "Beer

Street and Gin Lane."

Beer.

BEER! happy produce of our isle,
Can sinewy strength impart,
And wearied with fatigue and toil,
Can cheer each manly heart.

Labour and art upheld by thee,
Successfully advance,
We quaff thy balmy juice with glee;
And, water leave to France.
Genius of health! thy grateful taste
Rivals the cup of Jove,
And warms each English generous breast
With liberty and love.

Gin.

Gin! cursed fiend with fury fraught,
Makes human race a prey,
It enters by a deadly draught,

And steals our life away.
Virtue and truth, driven to despair,
Its rage compels to fly,

But cherishes with hellish care

Theft, murder, perjury.

'Damn'd cup that on the vitals preys,

That liquid fire contains,

Which madness to the heart conveys, And rolls it through the veins.

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