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good women of that place, what every one of them would have brought off with her, and have thought most worth the saving ? * There were leveral merry answers made to my quellion, which entertained us till bed-time. This filled my mind with such a huddle of ideas, that upon my going to sleep I fell into the following dream.
“ I saw a town of this island, which shall be nameless, invested on every side, and the inhabitants of it lo Atraitened as to cry for quarter. The general refused any other terms than those granted to the above-men. tioned town of Hensberg, namely, that the married women might come out with what they could bring along with them. Immediately the city gates flew open, and a female procession appeared, multitudes of the fex fol. lowing one another in a row, and staggering under their respective burdens. I took my stand upon an eminence in the enemy's camp, which was appointed for the general rendezvous of these female carriers, being very desirous to look into their several ladings. The first of them had a huge fack upon her fhoulders, which the fet down with great care : upon the opening of it, when I expected to have seen her husband shot out of it, I found it was filled with china ware.
The next appear. ed in a more decent figure, carrying a handsome young fellow upon her back: I could not forbear commending the young woman for her conjugal affection, when, to my great surprise, I found that she had left the good man at home, and brought away her gallant. I saw the third, at some distance, with a little withered face peeping over her houlder, whom I could not suspect for any but her spouse, till, upon her setting him down, I heard her call him dear pug, and found him to be her favourite monkey. A fourth brought a huge bale of cards along with her; and the fifth a Bologna lapdog ; for her husband, it seems, being a very bulky man, she thought it would be less trouble for her to bring away little cupid. The next was the wife of a rich usurer loaden with a bag of gold ;- she told us that her spouse was very old, and by the course of nature could not expect to live long; and that to show her tender regard for him, the had saved that which the
poor man loved better than his life. The next came towards us with her son upon lier back, who, we were told, was the greatest rake in the place, but so much the mother's darling, that she left her husband behind, with a large family of hopeful sons and daughters, for the sake of this gracelets youth.
“It would be endless to mention the several persons, with their leveral loads, that appeared to me in this strange vision. All the place about me was covered with packs of ribbands, brocades, embroidery, and ten thoufand other materials, fufficient to have furnished a whole ftreet of toy-shops. One of the women, having an husband who was none of the heaviest, was bringing. him off upon her shoulders, at the fame time that the carried a great bundle of Flanders lace under her arm ; but finding herself fo overloaden that lie could not fave both of them, the dropped the good man, and brought away the bundle. In short, I found but one husband among this great mountain of baggage, who was a lively cobler, that kicked and spurred all he while his wife was carrying him on, and, as it was said, had scarce passed a day in his life without giving her the discipline of the strap
"I cannot conclude my letter, dear Spec, without telling thee one very odd whimn in this my dream. I faw, methought, a dozen women employed in bringing off one man : I could not guess who it thould be, till upon his nearer approach I discovered thy Short phiz. The women all declared that it was for the sake of thy works, and not thy person, that they brought thee off, and that it was on condition that thou shouldlt continue the Spectator. If thou thinkeit this dream will make a tolerable one, it is at thy service, from, dear Spec, Thine peeping and waking,
WILL HONEYCOMB." The ladies will fee by this letter, what I have often told them, that Will is one of those old fashioned men of wit and pleasure of the town, who show their parts by raillery on marriage, and one who has often tried his fortune that way without fuccess. I cannot however dismiss his letter, without observing that the true story on which it is built does honour to the sex; and that ini
order to abuse them, the writer is obliged to have recourse to dream and fiction.
XXI. On Good Breeding. A FRIEND of yours and mine has very justly defined
good breeding to be," the result of much good sense, so'e good nature, and a little self denial for the sake of others, and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them.” Taking this for granted, (as I think it cannot be disputed) it is astonishing to me, that any body, who has good fenfe and good nature, can efsentially fail in good breeding. As to the modes of it, indeed, they vary according to perfons, places, and cir. cumitances, and are only to be acquired by observation and experience ; but the fubitance of it is everywhere and eternally the same. Good manners are, to particular focieties, what good morals are to fociety in general; their cement, and their security. And, as laws are enacted to enforce good morals, or at least to prevent the ill effects of bad ones ; so here are certain rules of civility, universally implied and received, to enforcę good manners, and puvish bad ones. And, indeed, there seems to me to be less difference, both between the crimes and punishments, than at first one would imagine. The immoral man, who invades another's property, is juftly hanged for it; and the ill bred man, who, by his ill manners, invades and disturbs the quiet and comforts of private life, is by common consent as justly banished society. Mutual complaisances, attentions, and sacrifices of little conveniencies, are as natural an implied compa? between civilized people, as protection and obedience are between kings and subjects: whoever, in either case, violates that compact, juilly forfeits all advantages ari. - sing from it. For my own part, I really think that, next to the consciousness of doing a good action, that of doing a civil one is the most pleasing; and the epithet which I should covet the most, next to that of Aristie des, would be that of well-bred. Thus much for goodbreeding in general: I will now consider some of the various modes and degrees of it.
Very few, scarcely any, are wanting in the respect which they should show to those whom they acknow
ledge to be highly their superiours ; fuch as crowned heads, princes, and public perions of distinguished and eminent posts. It is the manner of thowing that respect which is different. The man of fashion and of the world, expresses it in its fullest extent; but naturally, easily, and without concern : whereas a man who is not used to keep good company, expresses it awkwardly one fees that he is not used to it, and that it costs him a great deal ; but I never saw the worst bred man living guilty of lolling, whistling, scratching his head, and such like indecencies, in company that he respected. In such companies, therefore, the only point to be at. tended to is, to show that respect, which every body means to show, in an easy, unembaraffed, and graceful manner. This is what observation and experience must teach you.
In mixed companies, whoever is admitted to make part of them, is, for the time at least, supposed to be upon a footing of equality with the rest; and, confequently, as there is no one principal object of awe and relpect, people are apt to take a greater latitude in their behaviour, and to be lefs upon their guard; and so they may, provided it be within certain bourds, which are upon no occafion to be tranfgrefled. But upon there occasions, though no one is intitled to distinguished marks of respect, every one claims, and very juftly, every mark of civility and good breeding. Ease is allowed, but carelessness and negligence are strictly forbidden. If a man accosts you, and talks to you ever fo dully or frivolously, it is worse than rudeness, it is brutality, to show him, by a manifest inattention to what he fays, that you think hins a fool or a blockhead, and not worth hearing. It is much more fo with regard to women ; who, of whatever rank they are, are intitled, in consideration of their sex, not only to an attentive, but an officious, good breeding from men. Their little wants, likings, dislikes, preferences, antipathies, and fancies, must be officioully attended to, and, if possible, guessed at and anticipated, by a well
You must never usurp to juarelf those cone. veniencies ad gratifications which are of common right; such as the belt places, the best dishes, &c. but, on the
contrary, always decline them yourself, and offer them to others; who, in their turns, will offer them to you: so that, upon the whole, you will, in your turn, enjoy your share of the conmon right. It would be endless for me to enumerate all the particular instances in which a well bred man fhows his good breeding in good company; and it would be injurious to you to suppose, that your own good sense will not point them out to you"; and then your own good nature will recommend, and your felf-interest enforce, the practice.
There is a third fort of good breeding, in which people are the most apt to fail, from a very mistaken notion that they cannot fail at all. I mean, with re. gard to one's most familiar friends and acquaintances, or those who really are our inferiours; and there, undoubt. edly, a greater degree of ease is not only allowable but proper, and contributes much to the comforts of a private focial life. But ease and freedom have their bounds, which must by no means be violated. A cer. tain degree of negligence and carelessness becomes injurious and insulting, from the real or fuppofed inferio. rity of the persons; and that delightful freedom of con. versation among a few friends, is Toon destroyed, as liberty often has been, by being carried to licentiousness But example explains things beft; and I will put a pretty strong cale. Suppole you and me alone together ; I believe you will allow that I have as good a right to unlimited freedom in your company, as either you or I can possibly have in any other; and I am apt to believe, too, that you would indulge me in that freedo , as far as any body would. But, notwithstanding this, do you imagine that I dould think there were no bounds to that freedom? I assure you I should not think fo ; and I take myself to be as much tied down by a certain degree of good manners to you, as by other degrees of them to other people. The most familiar and intimate habitudes, connections, and friendihips, require a degree of good breeding both to prelerve and cement them. The best of us have our bad fides ; and it is as imprudest as it is ill bred, to exhibit them. I shall not use ceremony with you ; it would be milplaced between us : but I fall certainly observe that degree of