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ancc tasted, dooth maruellously encrease a moystic appctite, which Bacchvs receaued very thankfully.
· The fourteenth was called Hodge Heaviebreech; he came from Miserga, a citie in the confines of Persia. Hodge by his occupation was a cardmaker, who, for the zeale he had to god Bacchvs, and all good fellows, offered vp to him that renowned Ruffler, the knaue of clubs, with a box of trim-trillilles, commonly called, the dice; the one 10 aide him in a nсedeles combat; the other, after his losse, to serve him instead of recreation.
The fifteenth was one Maudlen Moonface, a mery gentlewoman of Dublin, a citie in Ireland; with her she brought a glasse sul, nose high, of Aquauitæ, the operation whereof is no less monstrous than marucilous; for, being drunk in a morning, it so warmeth the heart, as if the body were in a bath, whose inward heats, when they begin to bud forth, transform themselves into goosbery-grapes to be seen most plainely as vnder a vizard of glistering glasse.
The sixteenth was a pleasant Parthian of the stately citie Catompylon, called Loblurchall; this youth was a feate fellow, and a finc faulkner; with bim he carried a water-wagtaile, readie to flie at the fairest goose in Winchester ; which present god Bacchvs accepted very gratefully.
The seventeenth was borne in India, at a fair citie called Tyndis ; this forsooth, was a coy dame, called Cate Crashpot; she came clincking a quart pot tor sweet musicke, instead of the tabret, to which maner of melodie god Bacchvs listned exceedingly.
The eighteenth was one Baudwin Barrelbelly, from Ormusa, a place sufficiently knowne in the ile of Cyprusse; with him he brought a firkin full of wine of Basterdes, assuring god Bacchus on his fidelitie, that so many as he made thereof partakers with him, as long as they applied themselues to the harty carouse, should neuer be haunted by death, and faile footing.
The nineteenth came from Garma in. Æthiopia, called Goody Goodale; she (in token of pure deuotion) deliuered to Bacchvs a sack full of groute, and a sack full of hops, standing stoutly in this opinion, that the barley-broath, aboue all other, did beare away the bell, and that neither grape nor berry might in any respect be compared to the maiestie of the mault.
The twentieth was a worthie yeoman, one Tom Tospot; he came from Friburgum, an Heluetian; he, as willing to please hiinselfe, as to honour bis god, presented to Bacchvs, a dainty deuised compound, of sundry simples pastiewise, as the trimming of tripes, the fat of chitterlings, and the marrow of sweet-souse, lapt vp altogether within the crusty walls of paste-royal, in so much, that a world of bellycheere was contayned therein; which god Bacchus, receiued with so great thankes, that he promised to honour the eating thereof, with the best increments of his overflowing tunne.
When these had ended their deuotion, they were placed all in order, and vsed as most welcome guests; busie was Bacchavs in vttering his
bounty, ard the rest of the seruitors no lesse diligent; so that no man wanted his wish, nor was depriued of his will.
Scarse had they tipled gryum-wise, as commonly the sect of the Surratims vse to doe, as only of triall to wet their whistles; but in comes Bat Barlicap, a mery musitian, ready with cap and knee to giue them a song ; which proffer god Bacchvs accepted gladly; wherupon M. Barlycap tempered op bis fiddle, and began as followeth :
Then learn to laffe, carouse and quaffe,
And spare not while you may.
And look for a joyfull day.
This song thus ended, the whole hall for joy did ring out a loud laffing-peale, and thanked the fidler for his mirth. Bacchvs made him drink, Silenus bade him not spare, so Barlicup did drink till his eyes did stare.
Thus euery man falls to his taske, and hee happie that is able to stand stoutly in the forefront, to giue the brauest onset.
Whiles thus they tipled, the fidler he fidled, and the pots danced for joy the old hop about, commonly called Sellengar's Round ; euery man set to his foot; there was not whip, snatch, and away, but plaine rack and manger, where euery one dranke himself out of danger; cups and cans went clip clap, the guests were all welcoine, their tongues ran at randome, Sir Prattle kept a wrangling, and daine Tattle a great iangling; each one was mery, and no man wanted wordes to solace his next neighbour; to be briefe, heauen was here, and hell where they were not; yea who but the guests of God Bacchvs!
Amids these only pleasures, and joys incomparable, Iupiter sends dowu Mercury, to make them pleasant; and Venus, the queen of loue, sent also her son Cupid, lo creep in amongst them for kindness, and to lead them along blindfold vnto lust and loathsome selfiking.
Then Pluto the master-diuell of hell, seeing fit opportunity and place conuenient, sent amongst the joyful guests of this feast the furies of hell, who with all speed posted to god Bacchvs pallace, to exercise their bellish outrage.
Now Cupid lingred not out his time, but did driuchis dartes amongst them with such force, that some for pure loue wedded themselues to wine; some became sworne brethren to the beere-pot, other some matched themselues only to metheglin; one liked this, another that; all was wonderfull to behold.
Bawdwin Barrelbelly was greatly grieved with loue-gripes, especially through the desire hee had to Goody Goodale, the Æthiopian.
Kit Crabface so ardently burned in the loue of Maudlin Moonface, that well nere he burned himselfe to ashes.
Mercury he cast his eloquence amongst them by horse-loades at once, so that large promises, with no performance, were as easy to be heard, as small bells in a morrice daunce.
Medusa, Megera, and the rest of those furious bags flie al at once in amongst them, and set their teeth on edge to practise villanie one against another; one puls bis felow by the beard without cause; another crackes his next fellowes crowne with a quart-pot; one flings a glasse in another mans face, another makes a buckler of his hat to saue himselfe before, whilst another with a black jack breakes his head behinde; one cries, downe with him, downe with him, not able of himself to kill a louse; another lies lurking vnder the table altogether speechless. Here Dauid Drithroat gathered vp his teeth, which Pierse Spendall,
the frier, had lately strooke out, because Dauid, like an unmannerly knaue, presumed to piss in the holy waterpot.
There Gotfrey Grouthead begins to fume, and fometh at the mouth like a sauage bore; hee falls at variance with Mistris Merigodowne, and hales her along by the hair of the head ; in so much, that (thou knave) was as common among them as cartway, or probo in the schooles; and (thou whore) as vstall a terme, as hait Hary in the mouth of a carter.
Whiles thus they lay on heapes, one on the neck of another, some spårning others with their heeles, some scratching their heads where they itched not; some sprauling vnderneath most glad to rise vp againe; some wiping the blood away from their faces; some rubbingtheir shinnes, which they burst on the frames ; some gaping for winde, almost choked with Aies; while these, I say, did lie in this so great disorder, the gods aboue were constrained to winke at their follies, and the diuels below rejoiced at the viewe of this our mortalf wretchedness.
Thus Bacchvs arose with the rest of his barons, and dismissed cuery man very borntifully; who, after long stumbling, at the last returned from whence they came. And Bacchvs himselfe retired to Archadie, where, at this day, for his singular liberalitie and bounteous behaviour towards all inhabitants, traucllers, and passengers, he is of power to make a greater companie of able men thar any inan of his degree.
Et largas epulas & bona rina dedit.
LORD-TREASURER BURLEIGH'S ADI'ICE
IN MATTERS OF RELIGION AND STATE. MS.
Most gracious Sovereign, CARE
ARE (one of the true-bred children of my unfeiyned affection) awaked, with the late wicked and barbarous attempts
, would needs exercise my pen to your sacred Majesty, not only encouraging me, that it would take the whole fault of boldness upon its self, but also, that even the words should not doubt to appear in your highness's presence in their kindly rudeness : for that, if your Majesty, with your
voice, did but read them, your very reading would grace them with eloquence.
Therefore, laying aside all self-guilty conceits of ignorance (knowing that the sign is not angry with the well
meaning astronomer, though he happen to miss his course) I will, with the same sincerity, display my humble conceits, wherewith my life shall be amongst the foremost to defend the blessings, which God, in you, þath bestowed upon us.
So far then, as can be perceived by any human judgment, dread sovereign, you may judge, that the happiness of your present estate can no way be encumbered, but by one of these two means, viz.
Ist, Either by your factious subjects.
Your strong and factious subjects are the papists. Strong I account them both in number and nature: For, by number, they are able to raise a great army, and, by their natural and mutual confidence and intelligence, they may soon bring to pass an uniting with foreign enemies; factious I call tliem, becalise they are discontented, of whom, in all reasons of state, your Majesty must determine, whether you will suffer them to be strong, to make them the better content? or, discontent them, by making them weaker? for, what the mixture of strength and discontent ingenders, there needs no syllogism to prove.
To suffer them to be strong with hõpe, that, with reason, they will be contented, carrieth with it, in my opinion, but a fair enainelling of a terrible danger,
For, first, men's naturcs are apt, .not.only to strive against a present smart, but to revenge by past injury, though they be never so well contented thereafter; which cannot be so sufficient a pledge to your Majesty, but that, when opportunity sball fatter them, they will remember, not the after slacking, but the former binding; and so much the more, when they shall imagine this relenting to proceed from fear: For it is the poison of all government, when the subject thinks the prince doth any thing more out of fear than favour, And therefore, the Romans would rather abide the utterinost estremities, than, by their subjects, to be brought to any conditions. Again, to make them absolutely contented, I do not see how your Majesty, either in conscience will do, or, in policy, may do it; since, hereby, you cannot but thoroughly discontent your faithful subjects; and to fasten an unreconciled love, with the losing of a certain love, is to build a house with the sale of lands ; so much the more, in that your Majesty is embarked in the protestant cause, which, in many respects, cannot, by your Majesty, be, with any safety, abandoned, they having been, so long time, the only instruments both of your council and power; aņd, to make them halt content and half discontent, methinks, carries with it as deceitful a shadow of reason as can be, since there is no pain so small, but, if we can cast it off
, we will; and no man loves one the better for giving him the bastinado, though with never so little a cudgel. But the course of the most wise, most politick, and best grounded