bitings of confcience, thamefacednefs, denials, grievings, mortifications, fpiritual doubts, and infinite other strange fangled dreffes, which remain unpurged from the old reformation, to the annoyance of the children, fair-fex and ignorant, are the productions of your fuperior brain, our darling God, who bestows wisdom, to contrive, obtain, and plump head-long, neck and fhoulders, topfey-turvy, into the gulph and garden of blifs. O the full-fraught happinefs and glut of delights will the new reform in our proteftant ancestors bring forth, compared to a woman after a tedious nine months breeding, fickness, qualms, purgings, pukings, but at the grand hour of delivery or transfer, when through anguish and pain every hope disappears and vanishes; behold ye, a man child, heir, comfort, and hope of the family; forrow and difmay ceafe, the cause removed, joy and mirth take place, a fimper difplays titilation on every member, and a general fhout of applause crowns the banquet. Even fo with us, our proteftant mother being in a fickly ftate from her commencement with popifh qualms, remorfe and afraid of gratifying different defires, for the dread of hell fire and many other popifh contrivances which infected her, remained in a pregnant and fickly state, feftering and multiplying, as they drew near the time of delivery, by a thousand horrors, fet forth by as many arch knaves, who, to raise their own reputation and accumulate a long purfe, each of them droll wags, fet up new reforms and cloathed the old matron in a Merry-Andrew Coat, in this humiliating R 4 1 miliating and make-game condition, laughed at and derided by her forward children, as a felf-witted old woman, who cannot bear res proach, fell into a megrim or diforder of the brain, which brought on a melancholy ftupor. In this irrecoverable and hapless ftare was our antiquated mother, when on a fudden, behold ye, beamed forth and difplayed its radiant and glit tering rays, the great Luminary, our new philo fophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, which difperfed the remaining fragments of fpiritual fears, invigorated the old matron, and introduced to practice many pleafant novelties, branded heretofore with the odious and deteftable terms of obfcene, difgufting, wicked, filthy, and unfavoury, which, be ing now tolerated, are found defirable, relifhing, favoury and high-flavoured; all which philofophical resolutions, experimentally dif fected and anatomised, are pronounced wholefome, defireable, and delicious, proper, and worthy, the smile, new countenance and favour of the gay and fashionable circles, and applied as an antidote against remorse, shame, fhynefs, or other spirituai attachments. Our task is endlefs; to attempt is folly; let thus far fuffice, noble champion, deign us, we pray, a fmile; vouchfafe us to escort you in proceffion at the midnight watch, which nature charms the watchful eye with its ftupendous wisdom, or der, and immenfity, in he ftary regions, as a well-generalized army compact, regulated and moving in their feveral orbits without confufion, let, or retarding each other; and, as a clock or monitor, 1 monitor, mark out time and aprize man, sasa well-known cock, the morning watch and time of action. 30Great Luther, high and mighty Lord, centre and grand Link of the old and new Reformations, and whereas Aaron, highprieft of the Jews, wore an Ephod, compofed of fore and back parts, coupled on the shoulders with a circular hole in the centre, through which was placed and appeared his head. In like manner the two reforms, the old or backfide, and new or fore fide, coupled by brotherly love, with our joint head or common father, placed in the intermediate space or centre, comprize the alliance and form one fociety, which will be impregnable against Pope, Turk and every other oppofer of what kind or fort foever. This fimilar complexion engages and demands our first and great Cardinal's Pontifical robes (he being Head, Pope, or High-prieft of the two Reformations) be according to the pattern handed down from Aaron, all which will be finished and our Holy Father habited this night, as ordered, at our common expence, not exceeding a small ftipend. The patterns are as follows. Exod. 28th chapter. An Ephod of gold, blue, purple, fcarlet, with fine twine linen, cunningly wrought, two shoulder-pieces, joined at the two edges, a curious girdle of the Ephod, of like workmanship, two onyx-ftones, on which were engraved the twelve tribes, fix on each. In lieu of the twelve tribes fhall be engraved on the left fhoulder, Old Reformation, and upon the right, new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere, our Holy Holy Father's Head iffuing out of the centric cavern, adorned, bedecked, bedathed, and embellished with fubftantial requifites, a true copy of Adonis, offspring of Sinyras and Myrrha, remarkably beautiful, and extremely beloved by Venus and Proferpine. A curious mitred cap, engraved on the front, imitating Aaron's, but with this difference, that on A ron's was engraved Holiness to the Lord our holy fathers fhall be, Holinefs to our Brains. This, well wrote, will difplay great magnificence, and draw great relpect to our new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. A breaft-plate alfo, copying Aaron's, but with this difference, that on Aaron bore the names of the twelve tribes of Ifrael upon his heart. Our Holy Father will, on his heart, bear the name, of our incorporated focieties, as aforefaid, on the two onyx-ftones, placed on his fhoulders, that is, the old Proteftant Reformation and the new philofophical reform. Our Holy Father will be fanctified, and being prodigious grofs, will difplay great Majefty enthroned, dreffed in his robes, ornamented and decorated in all, and every part, and enriched with a border of bells and pomegranates round about, fo that we can never fufficiently admire the ftrangeness and grandeurs of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. We have, in imitation of Aaron's fons, ordered, with this difference, twelve fuits, inftead of three, for the greater glory, a common expreffion of old Ignatius of Loyola; for, as he would have it, of God, but us, us, the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. These additional fuits will add greater glory and honour to our triumph, and with the prodigious communities held out to the fenfes at large, compact and draw the vigorous world with univerfal concourfe to our Areopagus, or midnight fittings or feffions, to receive univerfal freedom in every inclination that is capable of Titilation. And all, and every the aforefaid bleffings commenced and was fettled in common-council affembled, according to our joint confent, you being head, and chief of the committee, before the almoft fatal catastrophe, in which conflict, though the moft noble, difinterefted, and heroic that has been known, yet, had not your wind returned, we fhould have been left in a difmal plight, incomplete and inconfolable. We fhall, with grand fhouts of applause, at the midnight watch place you at our head, bedecked, robed, and made fine, in our new dreffes, calling aloud on all fides for illuminations throughout the streets, to join the proceffion, and with one continued roar, both vocal and inftrumental, proclaim the victorious triumph of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere. Loud thunder roars, from pole to pole, Tol de rol tol, tal de ral la a. Mofes. |
