than Wine, might betray one to fome Exceffes; but ftill they were to your Advantage; on which Score you were oblig'd, if not to forgive them, yet at leaft to bury them in Silence. I never approach'd you but with a facred Awe, and always reprefented a Divinity to myfelf, when ever I took Pen in Hand to acquaint you with the Sentiments of my Soul. If my Incenfe was not of the first Sort, (for I am humble enough to believe, that you might have receiv'd much better from a thoufand other Hands) yet the Sincerity of him that offer'd it ought to have cover'd him from your Difpleasure. Tho' you diflike my Flame, yet in common Charity you might have suffer'd it to expire in its own Urn. If you were refolv'd to punish it for afpiring fo high, one fingle Frown would have extinguish'd it, or at least fecur'd you from being troubled with it any longer. But to divert yourself and my Rival, at the Expence of an unhappy Lover, who was then bleeding for you; to publifh his Infirmities, only occafion'd by the Violence of his Paffion; ^oh ! thou downright Devil! I fhould fay,Woman, was cruel to the last Degree, and fuch Ufage that the worft of Princes never treated the worst of Subjects with. But, Heaven be prais'd, it awaken'd every Refentment about me, and in fpite of my Weakness gave me Courage enough to tear you from my Heart, which you had fo unjustly ufurp'd.

But I forgot, Madam, that you made me a Chriftian; fo to fhew that I am ftill in perfect Charity with you, I hope, and that without any Reserve, to fee you marry'd to my Rival. Since your Vanity takes fuch Delight to be addrefs'd, the very next Day after the Prieft has join'd your Hands, may you receive more Letters from your pretended or real Admirers, than are fent to a Secretary of State after the first Discovery of a Plot. May you fhew them to your Husband, in Hopes he will challenge one of the Sparks, and fall in your Quarrel. May they

have that Effect, as to fly-blow him in the jealous Side of his Head; but may he never think you worth the while to venture the cutting off a Finger in the Defence of your Honour. Still may the Sparks perfecute you with their Billets; and ftill may he think them to be of your own contriving, and treat you accordingly. In short, may he and you live long, exceeding long together, and may Providence fo influence all his Actions, as to make him an Inftrument of doing Justice to you, and to Much injur'd

the

From a Beau, diffwading his Brother Beau to go to Flanders. .

A

LL the Chocolate-Houfes at this End of the Town are exceedingly furpriz'd at the inhuman Refolution thou haft taken of pifling this Campaign in Flanders, and talk of going into Mourning for thee. Nay,would't thou believe it! thofe brawny Infenfibles, the Chair-men, take it to Heart, and threaten to renounce Flip and All Fours, fince thou haft decreed to leave England. Prithee, Tam, what have the Ladies done, that thou fhould'st be fo cruel to them? Or, rather, what unweildy Sins haft thou committed, to be fo barbarous to thy felf? For my Part, I look upon thee to be bewitch'd, for I cannot otherwife account for thy Madness. Thou haft no Religion to fight for, that's certain; and there' are Liberty and Property Fools enough in the Nation, without thee, to help to increase their Numbers,

-

Lord! what will the Degeneracy of this Agecome to That a Gentleman that understands Dreffing to Perfection, and has fpent fo many Hours at Locket's and the Blue Pofts, to cultivate his Palate, fhould ever be such a Sot, as in cool Blood, and of his own true Accord, to vifit that hellish Country, where the Burgo mafters and the Boors confpire between them to infect the very Air with their Belches. Rót my Diaphragm, if the nafty Word has not polluted my Ink, fo that I am foro'd to put fome Orange-Water into the Standish, to correct the unfavory Smell. Really, Tam, to think of the Mi-feries thou muft endure this Summer, is as bad as going up to the Monument: It has made me giddy, confound me elfe, and my Head turns round like a Weather-Cock. In the first Place, to lye in a damn'd freaking Tent, where you can scarce turn yourself round, with no Curtains to your Bed; nay, not fo much as a Looking-glafs in its lowest Signification: Then no other Pulvilio to fcent your Periwig, but the Duft of the Plains and Gunpowder, and to flink worfe of the latter than Cheap. fide did formerly on a Lord Mayor's Day; upon thofe unrighteous Things call'd Marches, no fuch Convenience as a Chair to be got. For your Comfort, Tam, you muft walk thro' thick and thinwith no Waiter behind you to clean your Shoes, among a Herd of skirtlefs Rafcals, that stink worfe than Pole-cats. Oh! let me think no more of them. Befides, tis a Million to one, that walking thus in the Sun, will dignify your Face with fome Pimples. Horrid and hideous! the very Thought of a Pimple has fo difcompos'd me, that feeling fomething itch in my Forehead, -I muft beg your Pardon, Tam,if being under the Apprehenfions of fuch a Difafter, I now and then make bold to confult that faithful Oracle my Glass: be prais'd, 'tis not fo bad with me; what the Devil means that little Spot of Red ?

Heaven and yet

?

'Tis well 'tis no worfe, I may thank my Sotting for this. Dem it, to drink a whole Pint of

Claret at a Sitting! Hell and Furies! how it increafes! I would not have a Pimple, Tam, for the Indies. But 'tis gone after all, and I find my Sufpicions were in vain.

To come now, Tam, to the Field of Battle; thofe ill-bred whorfon Things call'd Bullets, are no Refpecters of Perfons. A Pox on them, they obferve no Diftinction between a fine Gentleman and a Dragooner. Perhaps it would not grieve a Man to lose his Life upon a good Occafion; (I fpeak this by way of Suppofition only) but to furvive the untimely Fate of one's belov'd Wig, to fee one's embroider'd Coat mangled and hack'd, is enough to break the Heart of Hercules, if he were alive, and had a true Senfe of Things. To diffwade you, if 'ris poffible, from embarking in this pernicious Affair, let me conjure you as a Friend, to reflect upon Sir John Fop pington's Cafe. About two Months ago he put on a Milk-white Suit, defigning to fhew himself in it that Evening in the Park; and, to do Sir John Ju ftice, he never exerted the Brightnefs of his Imagination fo much as he did upon the Trimming of it. Coming by Catharine Street, a fawcy impudent Chimney Sweeper daub'd his Coat. I wonder, Tam, by the by, that the Parliament never made a five Mile Act to banish fuch prophane Villains out of all Gorporations, as once they did the Diffenting Ministers. But fo it happen'd as I tell you, and poor Sir John immediately went Home, and took his Bed upon't. He had all the Agonies of a defpairing Sinner. Come, Knight, fays I, there's no Harm, I hope prithee take Courage, and get up. Good Heavens my Coat, cry'd he. Why there's no Danger, but it will recover, and do well. Oh, that confounded Chimney-Sweeper! Provi dence fent him to vifit you for your Sins, Sir But what Ill have I done to draw fuch a Judg

John

a Judgment upon me?

The Ways of Hea ven, Sir John, are dark and myfterious. Fack, I never committed Murder nor Sacrilege in my Life, why then should -So he run on for above fix Hours. All this while we endeavour'd to foften his Calamity to him, by reminding him of the Inconftancy of human Affairs. We refresh'd his Memory with Stories of Kings depos'd, and famous Monarchies fubverted; but 'was all in vain: He could not be perfwaded to live, 'till the Scowerer had taken his Oath before a Juftice of Peace, that the Coar was not a Farthing the worfe. Nay, this was not enough, the Taylor was fent for to confirm the Scowerer's Depofition, and the Woman of the House, who faw him put it on in the Morning, muft fwear, as fhe hopes to be fav'd, that is was not in the least injur'd.

If this melancholy Inftance, Tam, is not enough to deter you from your wicked Refolution, and you have no Bowels of Compaffion for the Iffue of your own Fancy, meaning your Cloaths, pray retire for a Moment or two to your Clofet; lay your Hand upon your Heart, and afk it coolly and foberly, how it would relifh that moft extraordinary Accomplishment, a wooden Leg? Think what a decent Figure you'll make in a Lady's Chamber with fo fine a Qualification. Good Lard, a wooden Leg! 'Tis almoft as charming as the Devil's cloven Foot. A Lover made of Flesh and Blood above, and of Timber below, what an odd Compofition is that! The Mino taur in the Fable, who was half Man and half Beaff, was a Cherubim to him. Or, Tam, if this does not mortify you, pray confider, that there are certain impudent Things in an Army call'd Guns, that without asking any Questions, will demolish a Man's Nofe, or run away with one of his Arms, or carry off half his Teeth and Under-Jaw; and yet there lies no Action against them for it. Such Bleffings as these are to be had in Flanders, with due Care

and