Shift to pafs the Levitical Mufter with him; and, fecondly and laftly, to be inform'd, whether Aaron's Bells make better Mufick than ours.

Adieu.

A LETTER from a Gentleman in Holland to his Friend in England.

Y

OU may imagine I lead none of the moft comfortable Lives here, when I tell you, that I am quarter'd in a little pimping Village on the Frontier of Flanders, where I have no Men to converfe, and no Women to intrigue with. To begin with the former, I am a perfect Barbarian to them, and fo I believe I fould be, if I liv'd among them 'till Doomsday. For all 1 know, they may wish me at the Devil, and curfe me, when I fancy they are at their Complements. However, this is no more Temptation to me to learn their croaking Language, than I fhould have, if I were marry'd, to imitate the jealous Italian in Poggius, who gelt himself, on purpofe to know whether his Wife was true to his Bed. Then their Liquor is fo abominable, that there's no enduring it; rather than do Penance in fuch vile Stuff, two of my Soldiers are forc'd to fill their Guts with Water every Day, and then ftand upon their Heads a quarter of an Hour together, to make themfelves giddy, which gives them fome feeble Reprefentation of Drunkennefs. In fhort, I am grown rufty for want of Exercife, and pafs away my Time as

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uneafily, as a poor Carp that has been used to range in a River, does in a little Cistern of Water at a Fishmonger's by Temple-Bar. However, I could make a Shift to bear the Brutality of the Men, if the other Sex made me Amends; but i'faith they are cold to 'fuch a Degree, that neither Love nor Wine can unthaw them. I must needs own, I have the fame Quarrel to the Generality of your Women in London, as the Clergy have to the Laity, that is to fay, they know too much; lut a Plague on't, the Females here have the contrary Fault, and are fuch Hegmatick, ftupid Creatures, that a Man muft live the Age of a Patriarch among them, to teach them to fetch and carry. In short, you may fooner teach a Laplander Algebra. Tho' the Virtuofi may be miftaken in their univerfal Character, yet I thought Love had an univerfal Language, which was underflood from Pole to Pole, and that he kept an Exchange in all Corners of the Earth, where the two Sexes might barter their Commodities; but here, it feems, this Traffick is not practis'd, tho' they trade in every Thing elfe. By Signs, and other Motions, I can make a fhift to tell them what I would eat and drink; but I cannot, with all that my Eyes can fpeak, with all that my Fingers can exprefs, make the Women understand my Meaning, fo as to relieve my more prefling Neceflities. Looking once with a languishing ridiculous Air, as People in Love ufe to do, my, Landlord's Daughter thought I was ill, and a Physician was prefently fent for, (fo I guess'd him to be, by the Clifter-pipe hanging by his Side) but I had the Grace to refufe the Civilities he defign'd me. To try her yet farther, I put a Pledge into her Hands, which the Women in all other Parts of the Globe are willing enough to exchange, and know the Value of; but he look'd upon it as unconcern'd as a Cheapfide Cit does at a Cuckold, and return'd it me back; and yet the Wench was plump and handfome, was past twenty, and feem'd

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feem'd to be made of the fame good-natur'd Mäterials with the Women in England. 'Tis a common Saying, but untrue, that no Nation is fő bárbarous, but Love and Religion have got Footing in it. If we may believe our modern Travellers, the Hotentots have no Religion; and I have found, by forrowful Experience, that the Dutch Women have no Taste of Love: Whether this proceeds from their natural Coldness, which produces the fame Effects here that Grace does in other Places, or whether their Bufinefs, to which they are no lefs bred than the Men, proves too prevalent for all amorous *Impreflions, I can't tell; but this is certain, that as a modern Author expreffes himself, we find among thefe Pagan People, un certain ufuage de pruderie quafi generalement etabliet je ne fcai quelle vielle tradition de continence, qui paffe de mere en fi, le comme une espece de Religion. In fhort, if Love be a Deity, there are no fuch damn'd Atheists in the World as in this. frange Climate. 'Tis true, in other Places thofe of the fair Sex may be too profufe in their Offer ings; but, as the Divines rightly obferve, Superstition is better than Prophanene fs. Thofe few here that pretend to own his Power, pay their Oblations to him with as ill a Will, as a breaking Tradefinan pays his Taxes to the Government. It does not come from any generous Principle within, the Heart has no Share in the Sacrifice; and the Soul, which in other Countries loves to affift, and go along with the Body upon thefe Occafions, is as unconcern'd here, as a Tradefman's Rake-helly 'Prentice at a Quaker's Meering. Not but that there are Whores and marry'd Women too in this Country; (which may feem to destroy what I have faid before) but the latter know no more what Gallantry means, than they underftand Arabick; and the former are fuch rampant mercenary Devils, that they would even lick old Lucifer's cloven Feet for a fingle Gilder. In short, there's not one honeft Rahab to be found among them, to justify the Profeflion; and Love has 0 3

ne'er

ne'er a Court in all the Seven Provinces, where a Man can be heard in forma pauperis; which is a fad Thing for us poor Soldiers, that are not overflock'd with the Ready. And then, as I have already told you, thofe that pafs for Maids, are fuch infenfible Things, that one may fucceed much fooner in his Pretenfions elfewhere, than he can here make himself understood: Or, to exprefs myself in the Language of Westminster-Hall, one may get his Cause try'd, enter upon the Premifes, and levy a Fine elfewhere, before he can put in his Plea here, let him ufe all the Art he can. The young Fellows are made of the fame unthinking Clay; they fometimes talk of the Flames of Love,but 'tis fo as we,do at this D.stance, of the Siege of Troy, which nothing concerns Lis. 'Tis next to an Article of Faith with them, that no Evacuation is fo refreshing as a Belch, that nothing warms but Brandy, and that nothing is worth a Man's courting but Money.

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Guefs then what a difmal Penance I have undergone in this wicked Place; but now, Heaven be prais'd, my Perfecution is like to be at an End; next Week we are order'd to join the Army at Nivelle, where I hope to meet good Store of Champaign, and and to make myself Amends out of the Female Re. Cruits that are arriv'd from England. Come Battle and Murder, Blooded and Defolation, Fire and Faggot; in fine, any Thing but Dutch Women, and the Curfe of Sobriety. Thus prays

Your most oblig'd Servant:

Ta

To his Mifirefs, that fhew'd his

Letters to his Rival.

OUR barbarous and unjust Ufage of me has had this good Effect, tho' I am not at all obliged to you for it, as to make me a very good Chriftian. I was in a -fair Way to commit Idolatry, and to pay my Adoration in a wrong Place; fo far had a gay Outfide impos'd upon me. But, Madam, you have abfolutely cur'd me of this fuperftitious Blindness; and now I can plainly difcover the Fiend, where I imagin'd a little before that nothing but a Goddess inhabited.

Since my Eyes have been thus open'd, I can look upon the fairest of your Sex, without finding the least Emotion in my Heart; and the most beautiful Woman of Heaven's making affects me no more than one of Sir Godfrey's: Nay, in fome Refpect, the Copy may be faid to exceed the Original: It has as fair and charming an Outfide, but nothing of that Vanity and Impertinence, nothing of that Hypocrify, Malice, and Diffimulation, which make up the Compofition of the other.

I dare appeal to yourfelf, who are none of the most impartial Judges in the World, whether I ever faid, or did, or writ, one mifbecoming Thing to you. Paflion, perhaps, which intoxicates no lefs

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than