« PreviousContinue »
a common ordinary Fever can no more warm her, than you can roast a Surloin of Beef by a Farthing Candle. By this you may guess what a wretched Condition
Friend is in. If there is any Thing in your Art that can give this Gentlewoman a civil Lift into the other World, (for really she is too good for this) you are defir'd to communicate it ; and, befides a good round Gratuity, Marry promises you thall preach her Funeral Sermon ; so that after you have destroy'd her with your Pills, you may likewise murder her with your Oratory. I am
A LETTER to Madam
kept by a Jew in Covent-Garden.
T my coming to Town, I was surpriz'd
to hear two Things : That the Duke of A Savoy had quitted the Confederates, and
gone to the French, and (what startled me nore) that Mrs. Lucy had
thrown off her old Christian Acquaintance, and revolted to the Jews. Faith, Child, I could never have imagin'd, that you, of all the Women in the World, would ever have chosen
a Gallant out of that Religion, which clips and į diminisies the current Coin of Love, or could
ever be brought to like those people that liv'd two thousand Years on Types and figures. But, perhaps, you fancy'd the Nation for Sampson's Sake, of brawo ny Memory. If you did, you are like to lose your Vol. IV.
your Longing; for you may as well look for some of the Race of the two Giants at Guild-hall in Cheap/ide, as for any cf Sampson's Progeny in Duke's Place. Some of your Friends alledge, in your Justification, that you were wholly directed by your Interest in this Choice, and troth I can't blame you. Our Statesmen and Senators, our Divines, Merchants, and Lawyers, act all upon that Principle ; and why a poor frail Woman should not be allow'd the same Privilege, I Tannot fee. So then, I find, 'tis neither Circumcision nor Uncircumcision that avails any Thing with you, but Money, which is, in Reality, of all Religions; and you only put in Practice what your kind Keeper's Ancestors did formerly in the Wilderness, that is, you fall down before the Golden Calf, which the Rabbies say, was some Excuse for their Idolatry. Upon this Foot I'll allow you to grant sone Favours to your Old Testament Spark, so long as his Pot of Manna continues full, and you find him like the Land of Canaan, Aowing with Milk and Honey. However, in the mean Time, consider how his Predecessors serv'd the Ægyptians, and let it not disturb your pious Conscience to use him in the fame Man.
For your Comfort, all our Casuists agree, that it is no more Sin to cheat a few, than to over-reach a Scot, or to put false Dice upon a Stock-jobber. And now, old Friend of mine, to tell thee the Truth, I have a great Inclination upon me to be wonderfully loving to thee, and I'll tell thee the Reason: If thou hadīt kept ftill within the Pale of the Church, I believe you and I knew one another so intimately well before, that I hould have lain under no great Temptation to trespass with thee. But since thou hast ad. mitted an Inierloper into thy Bosom, I have a wonderful longing to beat up his Quarters, and am refolv’d to cuckold this Eleazar, this Eben-Ezra, this Son of Circumcision, only to thew my Zeal to Christianity. Therefore meet me, dear Lucy, this very Evening in the Pit ; for I long to know, first, how thou madest
à Shift to pass the Levitical Muster with him ; and, fecondly and lastly, to be inform'd, whether Aaron's Bells make better Musick than ours.
A LETTER from a Gentleman
in Holland to bis Friend in England.
Oy may imagine I lead none of the
most comfortable Lives here, when I Y tell you, th
am quarter'd in a little pimping Village on the Frontier of
Flanders, where I have no Men co converse, and no Women to intrigue with. To begin with the former, I am a perfect Barbarian to them, and so I believe I Mould be, if I liv'd among them 'till Doomsday. For all 1 know, they may with me at the Devil, and curse me, when I fancy they are at their Complements. However, this is no more Temptation to me to learn their croaking Language, than I should have, if I were marry'd, to imitate the jealous Italian in Poggius, who gelt himself, on purpose to know whether his Wife was true to his Bed. Then their Liquor is so abominable, that there's no enduring it ; rather than do Penance in such vile Scuff, two of
Soldiers are forc'd to fill their Guts with Water every Day, and then stand upon their Heads a quarter of an Hour together, to make themselves giddy, which gives them some feeble Representation of Drunkenness. In short, I am grown rusty for want of Exercise, and pass away my Time as
uncasily, as a poor Carp that has been used to range in a River, does in a liale Cistern of Water at a Fijnmonger's by Temple-Bar. However, I could make a Shift to bear the Brutality of the Men, if the other .Sex made me Amends; but i'faith they are cold to · fuch a Degree, that neither Love nor Wine can unthaw them. I must needs own, I have the same Quarrel to the Generality of your Women in Lon. don, as the Clergy have to the Laity, that is to say, they know too much ; lut a Plagne on't, the Fe. males here have the contrary Fault, and are such Aegmatick, stupid Creatures, that a Man must live the Age of a Patriarch among them, to teach thein to fetch and carry. In thort, you may sooner teach a Laplander Algebra. Tho' the Virtuosi may be mistaken in their universal Character, yet I thought Love had an univerfal Language, which was under: stood from Pole to Pole, and that he kept an Exchange in all Corners of the Earth, where the two Sexes might barter their Commodities ; Luc here, it seems, this Traffick is not practis’d, tho' they trade in every Thing else. By Signs, and other Motions, I can make a shift to tell them what I would eat and drink ; but I cannot, with all that my Eyes can speak, with all that my Fingers can express, make the Women understand my Meaning, so as to relieve my more presling Neceslities. Looking once with a languishing ridiculous Air, as People in Love are to do, my. Landlord's Daughter thought I was ill, and a Physician was presently sent for, (so I guess'á him to be, by the Clifter-pipe hanging by his Side) but I had the Grace to refuse the Civilities he design'd me. To try her yet farther, I put a Pledge into her Hands, which the Women in all other Parts of the Globe are willing enough to exchange, and know the Value of; but Nie look'd upon it as unconcern'd as a Cheapside Cit does at a Cuckold, and return'd it me back ; and get the Wench was plump and handsomez was past twenty, and
feem'd to be made of the same good-natur'd Ma. terials with the Women in England. 'Tis a mon Saying, but untrue, that no Nation is fó bárbarous, bue Love and Religion have got Footing in it. If we may believe our modern Travellers, the Hotentots have no Religion ; and I have found, by forrowful Experience, that the Dutch Women have no Taste of Love : Whether this proceeds from their natural Coldness, which produces the fame Effects here that Gracé does in other Places, or whether their Bufiness, to which they are no less bred than the: Men, proves too prevalent for all-amorous Impresións, I can't tell; but this is certain, that as a modern Author expresses himself, we find among these pagan People, un certain usuage de pruderie quafi generalement etabliet je ne sai quelle vielle tradition de continence, qui parle de mere en fi; le comme une espece de Religion. In thort, if Love be a Deity; there are no such damaid Acheists in the World as in this ftrange Climate. 'Tis true, in other Plac those of the fair Sex may be too profuse in their Offerings ; but, as the Divines rightly observe, Superstia. -tion is becter than Prophaneness. Those few here that pretend to own his Power, pay their Oblario's to him with as ill a will, as a breaking Tradesinan pays liis Taxes to the Government. It does not come from any generous Principle within, the Heart has no Share in the Sacrifice; and the Soul, which in other Countries loves to assist, and go along with the Body upon these Occasions, is as unconcern’d here, as a Tradesman's Rake-helly 'Prentice at a Quaker's Meering. Nor but that there are Whores and marry'd Women too in this Country ; (which may seem to destroy what I have said before) but the latter know no more what Gallantry means, than they underftand Arabick ; and the former are such rampano mercenary Devils, that they would even lick old Lucifer's cloven Feet for a single Gilder. In mort, there's one honest Rahab to be found among them, to justify the Profeflion i and Love has