Panch and Brandy, to hearten me for the noble Combats of Snick or Snee, or fome illuftrious Sea-fight, or fome generous Undertaking at the Island of Formosa, (for a true Dutch-Man never fights without his Head full of Brandy) my Wife made it fly like Suterkins at Home ; at laft he made me turn Bankrupt, and cheat my Creditors, and fo dying, I came with a full Sail and brisk Gale into your Port.

Luc. You, the rest, speak.

Omnes. For our Wives, O Suterkin Hogan, our Wives, whofe broad-built Bulk the boisterous Billows bear.

Luc. Away with them into the Den of Anarchy and Confufion, below the Founders of Babel.

[They are carry'd off, and abundance of English Bands come forward.

Luc. Numerous Crew! anfwer me; What has brought you into this Kingdom; and what were you in the World?

[A Ghost of a Beau speaks to another of the fame Feather.] 1 Beau's Gh. Dme, Jack, didft ever hear fo filly and impertinent a Question? As if Marriage was not the the only Caufe of Damnation. [Afide. 2 Beau's Gh. R. - me, Ned, as thou fay'ft, I never heard a Country Juftice afk more mal a propos; but the Devil's an Afs, and fo let him pafs.

The first of the firft Band answers the Devil.

I am an English-Man, who, after I had been a notorious Cuckold, was perfwaded by my Wife to fight the Man that made me fo, and was fairly kill'd for Satis faction, as all this Band that follows me were; and we are damn'd for Fools as well as Cuckolds.

Omnes. 'Tis true, Honour and Wedlock have been our Ruin.

Luc. Away with them into Fools Paradife, below the Keeping-Cullies, as the more anpardonable Monsters.

[They are carry'd off, and as the next come in, the Beaux fpeak.

1 Be. G. Dme, Ned, didft ever know fuch Fools as they, that could not be fatisfy'd to live Cuckolds, but muft die fo too, with a Witnefs,

[Afide. 2 Be. Gh.

2 Be. Gh. Rt me, Jack, if ever I was of that fighting Humour; nor did I ever fight but once, and then forc'd to it; but my Stays fav'd my Life, and I wore my Glove that was cut in the Encounter as long as 'twould hang on my Hand: Therefore, tho' I knew Sir Roger All-fight kifs'd my Wife, yet as long as I could fup at the Rofe, and break the Drawer's Head if he made not Hafte, or brought bad Wines, or fo, 'gad I let him kifs her and welcome. Afide.

I Be. Gh. S k me, Ned, I was always of thy Mind, as long as I could Autter abroad in my Glafs Coach, have my Diamond Snuff-Box full of Orangeree or Roderi3o, &c. Dme if I car'd a Rush who rode in my Saddle. But mark that formal Coxcomb is now going to fpeak: Lord! how fine a Thing it is to be a Man of Wit, and what a fingular Figure he makes! but hark, old Grey-Beard begins, [Afide.

Luc. Speak you the next.

Ghost, I was a Man of, Quality, of the fame Country; but my Fortune being, in my Youth, run out, in France for Breeding, and in England by Keeping, I thought in my riper Years to retrieve all by marrying a City Heiress; but he had, by Nature, fo much of the Mother in her, that by Intrieguing and Equipage the foon brought me into a worse Condition than before: So that, as my last Refuge, I was forc'd to turn Plotter, and being difcover'd, was lopp'd fhorter by the Head, as all this honourable Tribe that follows me were.

Luc. Away with 'em.

[They are carry'd off, and, as the next are bringing to the Bar, the Beaus difcourfe agen.]

I Be. Gh. Dme, Ned, this was a worfe Fool than t'other.

2 Be. Gh. R--t me, Jack, vous avez raison: For I always lov'd to keep my felf out of the Jeopardy of Action: Jack, I'd talk Treafon, or fo; fort my felf with the Difaffected, and blow up the Coals of their Difcontent, or fo: But for Engagements, Covenants, Conditions, and unlawful Aemblies, 'gad they muft pardon me. [Afide.

1.Be. Gh.

1 Be. Gh. Z--ns, Ned, thou and were always One Man; I could rail at the Magiftrates, pen a Lampoon, or, at leaft, convey it to Julian, give penny Pies to the Mob to make a Noife, ridicule the Tranfactions of the Government, and give fquinting Reflections on the King, that was my Ne plus ultra; for all that I can fee, we are in the beft Cafe ftill, Ned. But now our Band advances, let us prefs forward, or our Cause may fail. [Afide.

2 Be. Gh. Hell and Damnation, all's loft; for look yonder, that conceited Coxcomb, my Lord Flippant, prefuming on his Quality, has taken upon him to be our Chief, and Spokes-Man. [Afide.

1 Be. Gh. S--nk me, Ned, fo fay I: I never knew a conceited Man, but he was a Fool; but let's hear, we may put in an Appeal, or a Writ of Error afterward, or award Judgment, if our Caufe be ill handled. [Afide.

O! what an admirable Thing it is to be a Man of Parts!

Luc. Speak, thou fluttering Fool, for the reft of this thy Peacock-Gang.

L. Flippant's Ghoft. Dme, Sir, I have been a Man of the Town, or rather a Man of Wit, and have been confefs'd a Beau, and admitted into the Family of the Rakehellonians: And, D-me, Sir, I think I am much under that Dilemma at prefent.- I was learn'd in the ingenious Art of Dumfounding; a Wit 1 faid, dear Devil, I was, and it lay as a Gentlemans fhou'd, most in Lewdness and Atheism. I married in Jeft, or a Frolick, which you pleafe; but as I thought a Fortune, (gos by Cullies) I was made a Cuckold in earneft; tho' that was no great Grievance to me, fince it only made me in the Mode: Nor cou'd I expect any better, fince I knew she was a Whore before I had her; but 'twas with my Betters, and fo I was contented her Mony fhou'd pafs currant with me, where her Reputation would not; But Sharping was her beft Quality, and Gaming her greatest Patrimony; and the fet up a Baffet-Table, and whilft I was at the Groom-Porter's, throwing a-main, she wou'd be fure to fet me, at Home, a Pair of Horns, I feldom coming to my Apartment, but I met fome Cully Nobleman or

other;

other; but that which was worst, the ftill had a Knave in her Mouth, or an Alpue in her Tail, that carry'd away all the Gain: Whilft I was at Will's Coffee-House, faft'ned in Controversy or Poetick Rhapsodies, though I had neither Religion nor Learning, he was fure of me 'till Play-Time, and then too; for at Five, Come, Dick, fays I (to a Brother of the Orange and Cravat-String) D-me, let's to the Play: R―t me, fays he, 'tis a dull one: D-me, fays I, I value not the Play, my Province lies in the Boxes, ogling my Half-Crown away, or running from Side-Box to Side-Box, to the inviting Incogni to's in black Faces, or elfe wittily to cry out aloud in the Pit, &c. Bough, or Boyta, and then be prettily anfwer'd by the reft of the Wirs in the fame Note, like Mufical Inftruments tuned to the fame Pitch. And whilft I was thus generously employ'd, my Confort had her Retreat of Quality, to be provided of what I fail'd in. From the Play to the Rofe, where we drank 'till Four, or Break of Day; from thence to Bed, where we lay 'till four or five again, fo in infinitum.

Be. Gh. D-me, Jack, did't ever hear a Sot fpoil a good Tale in the Telling fo?

2 Be. Gh. Zns, Ned, we're undone through this Scoundrel's Ignorance and Nonfenfe: Shall I speak?

x Be. Gh, Rt me, if thou wilt, thou may'ft; but I am fure I could make more of it: For tho' thou art a Man of Wit, and a good Judge of Poetry, and all that, Rt me, Jack, Oratory is thy blind Side.

2 Be, Gh. D- -me, Sir, don't put upon your Friends; for have I been bred at the University, and think my self as good a Judge as you or any Man alive: And, Sir, were we out of the Court, I believe you would not thus have abus'd me.

1 Be. Gh. Nay, Dme, Ned, now thou art unjust to thy Friend: Rt me, to Quarrel for't, I acknowledg'd thee a Man of Parts, Ned, and all that.

Luc. Away with the gay Sots, and becaufe I have no Plagues in Hell equal to their Deferts, let them be a Torment to one another. Away with them.

[As they are carrying off, the Beaus discourse.

x Be. Gh.

1 Be. Gh. Well, Ned, fhall I fpeak before it is too late: You may depend on my Excellence in Oratory, 'tis my Talent; I never writ Billet-deux in my Life, but it prevail'd with the cruel Nymph: And do you think I can't with the Devil? I'll perfwade him out of his seven Senfes, Man? D-me, I'll make it appear to him that he is a God, and all that, Man: Rt me, Ned, be not obftinate.

2 Be. Gh. Z—ns, Sir, no more of that Strain. Sir, you're a Coxcomb. What! doubt my univerfal Parts? [They are carry'd off. Luc. You, with fuch a bufy Face, fpeak, What are you?

Here abundance of Cits, in various Dresses, come forward. Cit. Ghoft. An't please your infernal Majefty, I was a Right Worshipful Citizen of London, that famous Metropolis of England, and I have born all the honourable Employments of the fame, ev'n to Sheriff and Lord Mayor: I was long of the Court of Aldermen, and one of the chief Spokes-Men of the Common-Council: I made Speeches, and penn'd most of the Addreffes. But 'tis not for being a Cuckold alone, or that I was feign to cheat fo many to maintain my Wives Pride and Luxury, that I am damn'd with this Right Worshipful Crew here; for thofe are Crimes common to the reft of our BrotherCitizens, as well as us; but we were fo mad to marry fecond Wives, and for their Sakes turn our Children out of Doors, (after we had bred them up in all the Ease and Luxury of the Age,) to feek their Fortunes in the wide World, and left our Eftates to our Wives at our Death, who will be fure to bestow them on fome filly hectoring Spendthrift Bully of Alfatia or other, and let the Chil dren, begot of our own Bodies, ftarve.

Luc. Away with that rank Gang of Fools, as well as Knaves, who cou'd fo much forget Nature and its neceffary and known Laws, as to caft off their own Offfpring, to give away their Subftance to thofe that will not only mifufe it, but contemn the Memory of them that were their Benefactors, with fo great an Injury to Nature.

2 Cit.