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out Advantages for us that Way; the few that have fpiritual Relief, in such contagious and quickly.destroying Distempers, encrease our Crop: And the general Cruelty of Mankind is such, that in Famine, those that have will keep for themselves and their Dogs, and let the rest of their own Species perish, without so much as a pitying Look: And this makes many Atheists in their Wants, and does that, without our Instigation, which we could not perswade fob to do, that is, Curse God, and Die.
But, my Lords, when none of these, our loyal Vasals, are abroad, 'tis not strange that I am to seek in the Cause of this great Concourse at our Tribunal; and, therefore, that Virtue, for Want of Reward and due Praise, may not Nacken, we will examine to what illduftrious Friend we owe this unexpected Success; Wherefore, you Minor Devils, and Under-Officers, of our Court, bring them, in Order, to the Bar ; and let no Devil of Honour, that has past that inferior Office touching the Uncleanness of Humanity, defile himself with too near an Approach to any of them. [Here several Lacquey. Devils and Porter-Devils, with the
rest of the Mob of Hell, bring on the first Band to the
Bar in Italian Garbs.]
Ghoft. First, Senior, adjust some points in Dispute, which highly concern the Honour of our Country, and the Decorum of good Breeding, and I shall, for all this noble Train that follow me, answer to your Devilship’s Queries. Coming to the Confines of your flourishing Empire, we were met by some of the Officers of this honourable Assembly, who gave us fafe Conduct to your Royal Presence : Buc just now, entring into these Lifts, confronted us a Company of paltry Scoundrels, and press'd for Precedence, swearing, That they were Englishmen, and ought to take place of all that were
damn'd for Cuckolds. We urg'd our 'Title in Heraldry, That we ought to take place of all Nations, being the Successors of the once Masters of the Universe; but they were deaf to Reason here, as well as in the World, and one fwore Dame, Bl_dard 2-ns, another, Oaths all round the Compass; and in this Volly of MouthGrenadoes, one very denure Gentleman press’d, by Tea and Nay, that we were in the wrong; and had ic 1100 been for this Honourable Devil here, that's a Friend to our Nation, we had been worm'd out of our Birth-right by the Arse and Refuse of the World : Et penitus toto divi. fos orbe Britannos, as, our Noble Country-Man has it, Dogs shut out of Doors from all the rest of Mankind, I therefore appeal to this thrice excellent Senate, and you the Right and most Reverend Doge, to address this Affront.
Lucif. Hey-day! What, has not Hell yet brought you to your Senses, that you can think we Devils are fich Sots to trouble our Heads about the ridiculous Whims of Ceremonious Mankind? But since they were so obftreperous to make a Disturbance in Hell, they shall be the last heard : Therefore proceed to the Question.
Ghoft. An't please your thrice puissant Devilship, Noble Senior, I was coming to that Point : Therefore, to be brief, (for I hate Prolixity) I am, Sir, an Italian by Nation, and a Noble-Man by Quality. My own Vanity, and ill Chance, gave me a pretty Wife, and my Honour made me chuse her of an Illuftriors House ; but the prov'd Lewd and Prodigal, the natural fue of Beauty and High
Birth; my Dotage on her Cliarms hath bred in me fuch a fond, blind, uxorious Vice, (which my Country. Men are seldom guilty of) that I was almost ruin'd before I found I was betray'd : But travelling towards Genoua, I met the Spark, my pretended Friend, on the Road to my Dwelling ; I seemingly pass'd on my way, but in the Night return'd, unexpected, and furpriz' 'em all, and, therefore, as my Honour bid me, I murder'd him, and bak'd him in a Pye, and (ingeniously in my Revenge) swore The should eat no other Food buc her Lover: The Cruft the a while did cat, but one Day, having prepar'd a
Stelleto, at Supper Me dispatch'd me tlius to your thrice Noble and illustrions Devilship.
Luc. Very well! and worthy thou art of such a Panishment, that couldst not forgive Beauty a gentle Slip of that Nature thou thy self hadít so often transgress’d. Speak the next.
2 Ghost. I am also an Italian; and observing a Gentleman often ogling my Wife, which she did not a little encourage, I fent a Bravo to dispatch him; (for we Italians do not love to look Revenge in the Face our felves) but the Rogue of a Bravo, won by my Wife, and by a great Sum of Money of my Adversary's, comes back to me, and cuts m.y Throat. And this, most noble Senior, is most of our Cases; our Wives have given us the casting Throw for Damnation.
Luc. You, the rest of thetmalignant Train, is this true, that your Wives have sent you hither ? Omnes. Yes, yes; we have all had Wives.
All the Plagues of Egypt let us undergo, but no Wives, we most humbly beseech your Moft Noble Devilship.
Luc. Prayers are in vain ; Transgressions are to be punilh'd by the same way they are committed ; nor must you be your own Carvers here in Hell, Gentlemen. Away with 'em, down into Cuckolds Cave, ten thoufand Fathom deeper than the Whore-M sters, and rext the Keeping.Cullies, and let each have two Wives to torment him. Omnes, O Wives ! Wives !
[They are remov'd off, and others brought on. Luc. Proceed to the next Band. Say, what were you in the World, and what dear Sin brought you to this place ?
Spanish Gloost. Great Prince of Darkness, and Lord of the greatest Part of Mankind, may it please your Catholick Majesty, I was, by my worldly State and Condition, a Spanish Grandee, of the first Magnicude, rich as Fortune and an indulgent Prince well could make me, (for your Devilship must know, our King is but a Sheep for us to Acece when we please, which we do in all Places, let. ting his Soldiers and inferior Servants starve) happy, 'cill
too much Success was my undoing ; for by that I gain'd the Lady I lov’d, and so in one unhappy Word was mar. ried. 'Pis tedious to repeat the Injuries I receiv'd from the ungrateful Fair, who, after all, to make Room for another, fent me away (like an Italian as fhe was) in all my Sins, with a poisonous Draught.
Luc. Is the same your Fate, you, the rest of this befot. ted Crew, that have met with just Punishment from one Part of your felves, for preferring your private Grandeur before the Service of your King and Honour of your Country?
Omnes. Yes, yes; Thirst of Honourand Wealth made us cheat the King ; that drev down the Judgment of Wedlock; and that brought us to this long Home and Fiend of Matrimony.
Luc. Away with these, and drive 'em out of their Snails Pace,
[A tatter'd Ghoft comes formard, Ghost
. Just may be their Punishment, most noble Des vil; but why should I be condemn'd to Wincing, who was so far from cheating the King, that I could never. get my Due of him, and being a Gentleman born, never did any thing below my Extraction, and have gone without a Meal, many a Time, rather than degrade my felf to get one? And tho' I could arrive to it no other ways, yet kept up my Part still in stately Walk, and my Walles, thoʻI had no Bread for either, or a Shirt to my Back.
Luc. Since thy own Folly made thee marry, 'tis now too late to prate, you must away with the rest.
[They are carry'd of, and others brought on. Bring the next to the Bar: Declare the Cause of your deserv'd Damnation. My Life on't these dapper Sparks are in for Cakes and Ale too; the very Air of their faces fpeaks them Cuckolds.
French Ghoft. Sire, may it please your most victorious Majesty, Voffre Esclavo is a French-Man by Birth, and a Leader of the Most Christian King's most magnanimous Forces; and whilft I, with my Commilitones, was reaping Lawrels in the field of Renown, and engaging the Ene-. my abroad, my Lady Wife (as most of our French
Wives will, (for having once tasted the Sweets of Love, they'll ne'er have done 'till they have undone us one way or other) my Lady Wife, I say, was engaging with a Friend at Home, who very genteely gave her the POX, which I, at my Return, like a gay Cavalier of a Husband, receiv'd of her as genreely without Reluke, it being no Matter of Scandal with us. But Madamoiselle POX proving a very Virago, gave me a damn’d Thrust in Quarta, and sent me hither in Decimo fexto, Monseigneur.
Luc. You, the rest, speak,
need not doubt the Cause, the Pox and our Wives, Ma foy.
L16. Away with them : They'll make a Fire by themfelves, or will serve instead of Small-Coal to kindle others; for they are half burnt out already. Place 'em next the Spaniards. The next there fpeak.
[They are carry'd off, more brought on. Ger. Ghoft. I am, by Nation, a German, and, by Damnation, a Husband, a Cuckold, or what you please ; for Ihate to mince the Marter with a long Preamble, when a Word to the Wife is enough.
Luc. Very well ; you, the rest, speak.
Omnes. Ev’n so, an't please your Imperial Devilship ; whilft we drank and fought against the Turks, our Wives whor'd wich the Cloristians. O Wives! Wives !
Luc. Away with these into the hottest, for their Carcalles are so soak'd with Liquor, that they'll put out an ordinary Fire. You, the next, speak.
[They are carry'd off, athers brought on. Dutch Ghost. Gads Sacrament, I am a Member, or rather two Members, of the Hogen-Mogen Common-wealth of Europe. Two Members, I say; for I am a Member governed, and a Member governing ; for the People with us, and in all sich Common-wealihs, are both Subjects and Masters, govern Laws, and govern'd by the fame.
Luc. Your Country's Naine then is Contradiction. Is it not ?
Ghoff. Contradiction to Monarchy, tho set up by fome Monarchs to spite others. But to your Question, old Tarpaulin : Whilft I was getting Money and drinking