OSMAN.

THUS energetically delivers himself my ancestor, the justice, whose character and principles Massinger has immortalized in his celebrated play of "A New Way to Pay Old Debts." It is my boast, that I inherit the spirit of that worthy magistrate, unimpaired by the lapse of a couple of centuries. Eating and drinking, but eminently the former, I hold to be the grand end of our existence. In a word, Sir, I am a glutton; and you may observe that I am but little ashamed to own it, since I impart the secret to you, who have a sad trick of trumpeting once a month into the ear of the public every thing that has been confidentially whispered into your own. I suppose you are too good a Protestant to respect the sanctity of the confession-box. However, Sir, you are at perfect liberty, on the first of next September, or at any other day you please, to announce, from King 'William's Statue, or from the summit of Nelson's Monument, that Gregory Greedy, Gent., the great-great-greatgreat-great-grandson of the renowned justice of the same name; and the ingenious and candid writer of this present article, is a glutton; or even, if you rejoice in epithets, a heinous, insatiable, prodigious, gross, swinish, and

incorrigible glutton. You may say so, if you like: if gluttony be my shame, all I have to say is, that it is a shame in which I glory. But where is the shame of it, I should like to be told. All men have their gifts; and gluttony is my gift, as eloquence was that of Chatham, or philanthropy of Howard. I was "born so,” like Mr. Henry—; and as no man, nor even Detraction herself, can say, with decency, that I have suffered my talent to sleep, I cannot see, for the life and soul of me, why I have not as good a right to hold up my head and look the world straight in the face, without a blush upon my cheek, as any other "twolegged animal without feathers" in Europe, Asia, Africa, or the world beyond the Atlantic. "Make the most of your abilities, boy!" was my father's last injunction, when he launched me, ten years since, upon the sea of life; and in one particular at least, I have religiously obeyed him. Having no great mental capacity, I made the most of my bodily; and by never neglecting an opportunity of improving (that is to say, cramming) myself, no matter how often in the day, or in what rapid succession such opportunities offered themselves, it is

at once astonishing and instructive to see to what a state of perfection I have brought my gastric faculties. It is astonishing, because since Heliogabalus, that emperor of eaters, I will make bold to say that the world has never seen a gormandizer of my powers; and it is highly instructive, inasmuch as it demonstrates how much may be made of very moderate natural capabilities by dint of patient industry and indomitable perseverance. I well remember the time when I could hardly get through a sixpenny loaf at my breakfast, and now I think no great matter of three, with four turkey eggs, and a couple of pounds of beefsteak into the bargain. So truly sings the poet

Adeo in teneris consuescere multum est."

In the beginning of my career, it is true, I had frequent experience of that disorder which a witty Frenchman calls "the remorse of a guilty stomach;" but I had that within me which made me victorious over all difficulties; three or four fits of dyspepsia did not discourage me, or damp my young ardor; I knew very well that at fifteen one cannot expect to discuss a whole leg of mutton with a quarter of an acre of turnips, without some slight inconvenience; accordingly, I laid it down as a rule (there is nothing like laying down early in life fixed principles of action, as has been well observed by Bacon) to add some little thing or other, were it only a pair of ducks, or a quarter of lamb, every day to my allowance, upon the plan of an arithmetical progression; and it is by this process, Sir, simple as it is, that I have made myself, what I am. I feel that I should not disgrace myself at the board of a London alderman; and in digestive energy I am ready to enter the lists with any ostrich in the Zoological Gardens.

Some people are carnivorous, others are herbivorous, but for my part I am omnivorous-I was called at home the "save-all;" but I did not long retain that appellation, for they found, before I reached my fifth year, that my way of "saving," like Whig retrenchment, was anything but economy, and that in fact the means of the family could stand it no longer. My mother, however, about this time, had a handsome

legacy left her by a rich relative in the West Indies; and as she (with a fondness I never can be sufficiently grateful for) dedicated the interest of this sum to the indulgence of her darling Greggy in his innocent propensities, I continued to stuff myself at discretion, or if you will, without discretion, as long as I remained under the paternal roof. I was the Hyder Ali of the larder, and the Tamerlane of the dinner-table; I spread desolation wherever I came; and I never passed the butcher's stall, or the baker's shop, but I was covered with caresses and loaded with blessings. With the servants, however, I was no favourite; for I seldom left them so much as the corner of a pie, or the bone of a goose to pick. Indeed I generally consumed everything on the table, except the knives, forks, plates, and dishes; my views were large and comprehensive, and I carried them into execution with a vigour and rapidity, which, had I taken a different path to fame, would have made me a Cromwell or a Cæsar. Those who saw me breakfast supposed that I never meant to dine; and those who saw me dine concluded that I had not eaten a morsel of breakfast.

But breakfast and dinner was not all, or even half the doings of the day; there was luncheon and supper too; and even these four meals give you but an incomplete idea of my prowess, for these were only the pitched battles, if I may use the expression, and there were besides skirmishes without number. Visitors dropped in occasionally, and then there was cake and wine; or I passed by Mrs. Comfit's shop, and the good woman ran out to express her gratitude for the custom I brought her, by filling my pockets with ginger-bread, and putting an apple-tart into each hand. Again, it would sometimes happen that the storeroom door was left open, in which case, you know, it was impossible to avoid having some raspberry jam, or a jar of currant jelly. These and a multitude of like incidents, skirmishes, as I call them, were occurring continually; and though separately but trifles, yet collectively they were not to be despised; nor in justice to myself could I have omitted to mention them.

My voracity, although upon the whole it has been a source of pleasure and satisfaction to me, such as your

puny eaters and nibblers can form no idea of, has in some particulars led to consequences I have regretted. When I first came up to College, my uncle Tom, as good-natured a soul as ever breathed, being ignorant of my celebrity as a trencher-man, gave me a general invitation, couched in the heartiest terms, to his house on Sundays. I availed myself of his kindness three times; and would you think it?-was there ever any thing so calculated to hurt the feelings of an affectionate nephew?-my dear uncle is at this moment a squatter on the banks of the Mississippi; and there is an unpleasant impression upon my mind that I, Gregory Greedy, have to answer for the worthy man's expatriation. Yes! it was the last meal I took at his table that settled him, or rather made him a settler. The very next day, I have since heard, he borrowed Wilmot Horton on Emigration; and when, upon the fourth revolving Sabbath, after Commons, (for that was an academic duty I never thought myself justified in neglecting, even when invited to dine in town,) I repaired to North Great George's-street-it was there he livedwith more than usual resolution to do justice to his hospitalities, I found bills on the windows, and nobody in the house but an old female domestic, who seemed to be aware that I had been the means of upsetting the establishment, for she looked as sour as a vinegar cruet as she growled from the area her replies to the interrogatories I put to her. This transaction made a deep impression upon my mind, and I recollect perfectly the current of my thoughts upon the occasion. My first reflection was, that it was lucky I had secured a morsel of Commons: I then said to myself, "what a pity, Greggy! you did not see that leg of mutton to a conclusion;" and thirdly, (having sufficiently considered the turn of affairs as affecting the welfare of the Palate-inate,) I really felt grieved about my uncle and aunt, particularly as I knew my uncle hated the Yankees from the abysses of his heart; and my poor aunt had such a horror of the very idea of water-carriage, that she never could be induced to cross the Liffey in a ferryboat; she used to say, that the sight of Cooke's Voyages in the bookcase made her sea-sick. You see, my dear Sir, a

good appetite is not incompatible with fine feelings. The Greedys, indeed, had always the name of being tenderhearted people.

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Our family was never very distinguished for their scholarship; and I believe I may say my proficiency in learning was rapid and successful for a Greedy. A was an apple-pie,” taught me the elements at a single lesson. My pot-hooks used to throw my writing-master into raptures. Mrs. Glass taught me to read without a single application of the birch rod. Geography was just to my taste, for I was continually meeting with Turkey, Tart-ary, the Sandwich Isles, Jamaica, Pick-ardy, Bread-albane, Eton, and many other pleasant-sounding names. Suet-onious and Plato made me fond of the Classical Dictionary. Poly-carp introduced me to theology; Poisson awakened an inclination for mathematics; Bacon prevented me from involving myself too deep in Aristotle; and Chaucer, Pye, Crabbe, and Hogg washed my young lips in the dews of Castalie. I made myself as completely master of the Greek and Roman methods of cookery, as the learned physician in Peregrine Pickle; and I had cause to congratulate myself upon my industry, for happening, when a candidate for entrance into College, to stumble upon one of Homer's culinary descriptions, I obtained a higher place than any of my school-fellows, which enraged them beyond measure, as they knew Lord Althorp was just as great a statesman as I was a classical scholar. From that time until I wrote myself Junior Sophister, I ate a great deal, but read very little. One of the fellows, a wag, said he never met any body who read so little, and yet digested so much as I did. However, I opened Brinkley's Astronomy, and got a new impetus in the paths of study. In turning over the pages one day to beguile a heavy hour before dinner, my eye was caught by the expression "gridiron-pendulum!" Ho, ho! quoth Gregory Greedy, where there is a gridiron there is probably something like a chop, or a cutlet. Starting accordingly, with this expectation, I actually gained by a mere blunder, a very respectable knowledge of the mechanism of the heavens. I became an astronomer by mistake. To be sure, I