Then came the Doctor, for our ease, With E-d-ns, Ch-th-ms, H-wk-b-s, When each, in turn, had run their rigs, When these, in turn, were put to flight, too, Illustrious T-MP-E flew away With lots of pens he had no right to!3 In short, what will not mortal man do? 4 And now, that-strife and bloodshed pastWe've done on earth what harm we can do, We gravely take to heaven at last, 5 And think its favourite smile to purchase (Oh Lord, good Lord!) by-building churches! SKETCH OF THE FIRST ACT OF A NEW ROMANTIC DRAMA. " AND now," quoth the goddess, in accents jocose, 66 66 True, true," said the hag, looking arch at her elves, "And a double-Ex dose they compose, in themselves." This joke, the sly meaning of which was seen lucidly, Set all the devils a laughing most deucedly, So, in went the pair, and (what none thought surprising) Show'd talents for sinking as great as for rising; While not a grim phiz in that realm but was lighted With joy to see spirits so twin-like united- Having got good materials, I'll brew such a dose But, no-the wise hag wouldn't hear of the "Of Double X mischief as, mortals shall say, whipster; macies, et nova febrium Terris incubit cohors. 4 5 Cœlum ipsum petimus stultitiâ. "To lose no drop of the immortal man." ANIMAL MAGNETISM. THOUGH fam'd was Mesmer, in his day, When, standing as if the gods to invoke, he Though strange these things, to mind and sense, Just go to her Majesty's Treasury, And that wave of the hand no soul resists, Not all its witcheries can compete With the friendly beckon towards Downing Street, These effects observe (with which I begin), That, in short-not to mince his situation - Ever since the fatal day which saw As it sent Harry Bm to the right about- This wondrous change by outward survey; It being, in fact, the' interior man That's turn'd completely topsy-turvy :— Like a case that lately, in reading o'er 'em, I found in the Acta Eruditorum, - The name of the heroine of the performances at the North London Hospital. 2 The technical term for the movements of the magnetizer's hand. Of a man in whose inside, when disclos'd, The liver plac'd where the heart should be, And the spleen (like B-m's, since laid on the shelf) As diseas'd and as much out of place as himself. In short, 'tis a case for consultation, If e'er there was one, in this thinking nation; THE SONG OF THE BOX. LET History boast of her Romans and Spartans, And tell how they stood against tyranny's shocks: They were all, I confess, in my eye, Betty Martins, Compar'd to George Gr-te and his wonderful Box. Ask, where Liberty now has her seat?—Oh, it is? By Delaware's banks or on Switzerland's rocks;Like an imp in some conjuror's bottle imprison'd She's slily shut up in Gr-te's wonderful Box. How snug!-'stead of floating through ether's do minions, Blown this way and that, by the "populi vex," To fold thus in silence her sinecure pinions. And go fast asleep in Gr-te's wonderful Box. Time was, when free speech was the life-breath of freedom So thought once the Seldens, the Hampdens, the Lockes; But mute be our troops, when to ambush we led 'em, For "Mum" is the word with us Knights of the Box. Pure, exquisite Box! no corruption can soil it; There's Otto of Rose, in each breath it unlocks; 3 Omnes ferè internas corporis partes inverso ord.ne sta -Act. Erudit. 1690. Whose dwelling dark, as legends say, As ripe for ruinous rigs as thine, Though his havoc lie in a different line, In short, dear Bob, Destroyer the Second And, seizing that magic wand, himself, Aliens, outcasts, every soul of 'em, Born but for whips and chains, the whole of 'em! Never, in short, did parallel And, among the points in which they fit, 1 And all Arabia breathes from yonder box POPE'S Rape of the Lock. 2 Groot, or Grote, Latinized into Grotius. 3 For the particulars of this escape of Grotius from the Castle of Louvenstein, by means of a box (only three feet and a half long, it is said) in which books used to be occasionally sent to him and foul linen returned, see any of the Biographical Dictionaries. 4 This is not quite according to the facts of the case; his wife having been the contriver of the stratagem, and remained in the prison herself to give him time for escape. 5 Pallida Mors æquo pulsat pede, &c. HORAT. 6 "A needless Alexandrine ends the song That, like a wounded snake, drags its slow length along." And t'other means to do: - As honest, in their way ;- Beyond the Grecian kalends, When all good deeds will come to light, When W-ll-ngt-n will do what's right, And Rowland pay his balance. To catch the banker all have sought, Sir Richard Birnie doth decide That Rowland "must be mad," In private coach, with crest, to ride, When chaises could be had. And t'other hero, all agree, St. Luke's will soon arrive at, If thus he shows off publicly, When he might pass in private. Oh W-11-ngt-n, oh Stephenson, Ye ever-boring pair, "Vain are the spells, the Destroyer Treads the Domdaniel floor." Thalaba, a Metrical Romance. THE BOY STATESMAN. BY A TORY. "That boy will be the death of me." Mathews at Hent Ан, Tories dear, our ruin is near, Like the late Charles Mathews' croak in my ear, "That boy—that boy'll be the death of you all." He will, God help us!-not even Scriblerins In the "Art of Sinking" his match could be; As already doth Gr-h-m of Netherby! And, at what extreme old age he'll close And ourselves to witness it heaven condemn, And, day and night, with awe I recall The late Mr. Mathews' solemn prediction, Or, how came it your riverence was laid on the shelf, To be sure, when a lad takes to forgin', this way, That parsons should forge thus appears mighty odd, And (as if somethin' "odd" in their names, too, must be,) One forger, of ould, was a riverend Dod, While a riverend Todd's now his match, to a T.3 But, no matther who did it—all blessins betide him, To make the whole grand dish of bull-calf com- MUSINGS OF AN UNREFORMED PEER. Of all the odd plans of this monstrously queer age, When that poor craythur, Bobby-as you were The oddest is that of reforming the peerage; Just as if we, great dons, with a title and star, Had to make twice as big a Tom-fool of himself. Did not get on exceedingly well, as we are, Throth, it wasn't at all civil to lave in the lurch If thus in two different directions you pull, Are like those quare foxes, in Gregory's Bull, Och bless'd be he, whosomdever he be, That help'd soft Magee to that Bull of a Letther! Not ev'n my own self, though I sometimes make free And perform all the functions of noodles, by birth, How acres descend, is in law-books display'd, Are, all of us, born legislators by nature; - The' Egyptians of old the same policy knew Poisoners by right (so no more could be said of it), At such bull-manufacture, could make him a The cooks, like our lordships, a pretty mess made betther. of it; 1 "You will increase the enmity with which they are regarded by their associates in heresy, thus tying these foxes by the tails, that their faces may tend in opposite directions." BOB's Bull, read at Exeter Hall, July 14. 2 "An ingenious device of my learned friend." - BOB's Letter to Standard. 3 Had I consulted only my own wishes, I should not have allowed this hasty attack on Dr. Todd to have made its ap pearance in this Collection; being now fully convinced that the charge brought against that reverend gentleman of intending to pass off as genuine his famous mock Papal Letter was altogether unfounded. Finding it to be the wish, however, of my reverend friend as I am now glad to be permitted to call him that both the wrong and the reparation, the Ode and the Palinode, should be thus placed in juxtaposition, I have thought it but due to him to comply with his request. |