« PreviousContinue »
1 For instance, I, one evening late,
Upon a gay vacation sally,
NEW COSTUME OF THE MINISTERS. Got (God knows how) to Cranbourne Alley.
Nova monstra creavit. When lo! an Irish Papist darted
OVID. Metamorph. 1. i. v. 437. Across my path, gaunt, grim, and bigI did but frown, and off he started,
Having sent off the troops of brave Major Camac, Scar'd at me, even without my wig.
With a swinging horse-tail at each valorous back,
And such helmets, God bless us! as never deck'd ? Yet a more fierce and raw-bon'd dog
any Goes not to mass in Dublin City,
Male creature before, except Signor Giovanni Nor shakes his brogue o'er Allen's Bog, “ Let's see,” said the R-g—(like Titus, perplex'd Nor spouts in Catholic Committee.
With the duties of empire,) “whom shall I dress
next?" 3 Oh! place me midst O'Rourkes, O'Tooles, The ragged royal-blood of Tara;
He looks in the glass - but perfection is there, Or place me where Dick M-rt-n rules Wig, whiskers, and chin-tufts all right to a hair; 6 The houseless wilds of Connemara;
Not a single ex-curl on his forehead he traces
For curls are like Ministers, strange as the case is, 4 Of Church and State I'll warble still
The falser they are, the more firm in their places. Though ev'n Dick M—rt-n's self should His coat he next views— but the coat who could grumble;
doubt ? Sweet Church and State, like Jack and Jill, For his Y-rm-th's own Frenchified hand cut it 5 So lovingly upon a hill —
out; Ah! ne'er like Jack and Jill to tumble! Every pucker and seam were made matters of state,
And a Grand Household Council was held on each
Then whom shall he dress ? shall he new-rig
his brother, Great C-mb-rl-d's Duke, with some kickshaw
or other ?
pists of Spain, and had translated the words "quæ loca fabu
Pone me pigris ubi nulla campis losus lambit Hydaspes” thus — " The fabling Spaniard licks
Arbor æstiva recreatur aura : the French ; " but, recollecting that it is our interest just
Quod latus mundi, nebulæ, malusque Dow to be respectful to Spanish Catholics (though there is
Jupiter urget. certainly no earthly reason for our being even commonly civil I must here remark, that the said Dick M-rt-n being a to Irish ones), he altered the passage as it stands at present.
very good fellow, it was not at all fair to make a “malus Namque me silvå lupus in Sabina,
Jupiter" of him.
Dulce ridentem Lalagen amabo,
$ There cannot be imagined a more happy illustration of
the inseparability of Church and State, and their (what is I cannot help calling the reader's attention to the peculiar called) "standing and falling together," than this ancient ingenuity with which these lines are paraphrased. Not to apologue of Jack and Jill. Jack, of course, represents the mention the happy conversion of the Wolf into a Papist, State in this ingenious little Allegory. (seeing that Romulus was suckled by a wolf, that Rome was
Jack fell down, founded by Romulus, and that the Pope has always reigned
And broke his Crown, a Rome), there is something particularly neat in supposing * uitra terminum” to mean vacation-time: and then the
And Jill came tumbling after. modest consciousness with which the Noble and Learned
6 That model of Princes, the Emperor Commodus, was Translator has avoided touching upon the words “curis er particularly luxurious in the dressing and ornamenting of peditis," (or, as it has been otherwise read,"causis espedi- his hair. His conscience, however, would not suffer him to tis.") and the felicitous idea of his being“ inermis" when trust himself with a barber, and he used, accordingly, to burn " without his wig,” are altogether the most delectable speci- off his beard—"timore tonsoris,” says Lampridius. (Hist. Aumeas of paraphrase in our language.
gust. Scriptor.) The dissolute Ælius Verus, too, was equally
attentive to the decoration of his wig. (See Jul. Capitolin.) Quale portentum neque militaris
Indeed, this was not the only princely trait in the character Daunias latis alit æsculetis,
of Verus, as he had likewise a most hearty and dignified conNec Jube tellus generat leonum
tempt for his Wife.- See his insulting answer to her in Arida nutrix.
And kindly invent him more Christian-like shapes 'Tis a thing, that in every King's reign has been For his feather-bed neckcloths and pillory capes.
done, too : Ah! no— here his ardour would meet with delays, Then why should it now be decried ? For the Duke had been lately pack'd up in new If the Father has done it, why shouldn't the Son, Stays,
too ? So complete for the winter, he saw very plain For so argues Law on our side. 'Twould be devilish hard work to unpack him again.
And, ev'n should our sweet violation of duty
By cold-blooded jurors be tried, So, what's to be done ? --- there's the Ministers, They can but bring it in “a misfortune,” my beauty, bless 'em!
As long as we've Law on our side. As he made the puppets, why shouldn't he dress 'em? “ An excellent thought! — call the tailors — be nimble
The Lady's Answer. “Let Cum bring his spy-glass, and H-rtf—d her thimble ;
HOLD, hold, my good sir, go a little more slowly; “ While Y-rm-th shall give us, in spite of all
For, grant me so faithless a bride, quizzers,
Such sinners as we are a little too lowly, “ The last Paris cut with his true Gallic scissors." To hope to have Law on our side.
So saying, he calls C-stl—r-gh, and the rest Had you been a great Prince, to whose star shining Of his heaven-born statesmen, to come and be drest.
o’er 'em While Y-rm—th, with snip-like and brisk ex- The people should look for their guide, pedition,
Then your Highness (and welcome !) might kick Cuts up, all at once, a large Cath’lic Petition
down decorumIn long tailors' measures, (the P-e crying “ Well- You'd always have Law on your side.
done!” And first puts in hand my Lord Chancellor Eld—n. Were you ev'n an old Marquis, in mischief grown
hoary, Whose heart, though, it long ago died To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory
You still would have Law on your side.
FOR THE OPENING OF THE NEW THEATRE COME, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy
OF ST, ST-PH-N,
SPOKEN BY THE gloomy,
PROPRIETOR IN FULL COSTUME, ON THE 24TH But, dearest, we've Law on our side.
OF NOVEMBER, 1812.
Oh ! think the delight of two lovers congenial, This day a New House, for your edification, Whom no dull decorums divide ;
We open, most thinking and right-headed nation! Their error how sweet, and their raptures how Excuse the materials — though rotten and bad, venial,
They're the best that for money just now could be When once they've got Law on their side.
And, if echo the charm of such houses should be ! In allusion to Lord Ell-nb-gh.
You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.
As for actors, we've got the old Company yet,
THE SALE OF THE TOOLS.
Instrumenta regni. - TACITUS.
and Ladies, Chang'd his note of a sudden, to God save the King) They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is; Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he's clever, (Except it be Cabinet-making ;- no doubt, Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever,
In that delicate service they're rather worn out ; Here offers you still the full use of his breath, Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his Your devoted and long-winded proser till death.
Would have bungled away with them joyously You remember last season, when things went still.) perverse on,
You can see they've been pretty well hack'd-and We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on)
alack ! One Mr. V-DS-it-t, a good sort of person, What tool is there job after job will not hack ? Who's also employ'd for this season to play;
Their edge is but dullish, it must be confessid, | In“ Raising the Wind," and the “ Devil to Pay."? | And their temper, like E—nb'r-h’s, none of We expect too—at least we've been plotting and
the best; planning
But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, | To get that great actor from Liverpool, C-no-g;
upon trying, And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts Wer't but for their brass, they are well worth the Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts, buying; If the Manager should, with the help of Sir They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and P_ph_m,
screens, Get op new diversions, and C—nn—g should stop And are, some of them, excellent turning machines.
'em, Who knows but we'll have to announce in the The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chanpapers,
cellor) "Grand fight-second time — with additional Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller. capers."
Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis,
'Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice.3 Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad, Who bids ? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou There is plenty of each in this House to be had. shapest ; Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be, 'Twill make a good thumb-screw to torture a Papist; For a dead hand at tragedy always was he; Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall And there never was dealer in dagger and cup, Of some church that old women are fearful will Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up. His powers poor Ireland will never forget, Or better, perhaps, (for I'm guessing at random,) And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet. A heavy drag-chain for some Lawyer's old Tan
dem. So much for the actors ;—for secret machinery, Will nobody bid ? It is cheap, I am sure, SirTraps, and deceptions, and shifting of scenery, Once, twice, -going, going, — thrice, gone !--it is Y-mm-th and Cum are the best we can find, To transact all that trickery business behind. To pay ready money you sha'n't be distrest, The former's employ'd too to teach us French jigs, As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best. Keep the whiskers in curl, and look after the wigs.
Come, where's the next Tool ?-Oh! 'tis here In taking my leave now, I've only to say,
in a triceA few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away, This implement, Ge’mmen, at first was a Vice; May be had of the Manager, Pat C—stl—r—gh. (A tenacious and close sort of tool, that will let
Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get ;) Lord C-st1--r-gh.
? He had recently been appointed Chancellor of the Ex- 3 An allusion to Lord Eld-n's lachrymose tendencies. | chequer.
But it since has receiv'd a new coating of Tin,
The little Man look'd big
With th' assistance of his wig,
Till she fear'd he'd make her jog in
To gaol, like Thomas Croggan, (As she wasn't Duke or Earl) to reward her,
ward her, ward her, As she wasn't Duke or Earl, to reward her.
The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or The little Man then spoke, Trial as yet, and is also a Chancellor
“ Little Soul, it is no joke, Such dull things as these should be sold by the “ For as sure as J-cky F-11-r loves a sup, gross ;
sup, sup, Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to shave close,
“ I will tell the Prince and People And like other close shavers, some courage to
“ What I think of Church and Steeple, gather,
“ And my little patent plan to prop them up, up, up, This blade first began by a flourish on leather. I And my little patent plan to prop them up." You shall have it for nothing-then, marvel with
Away then, cheek by jowl, At the terrible tinkering work there must be,
Little man and little Soul Where a Tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge Went and spoke their little speech to a tittle, it)
tittle, tittle, Is placed by ill luck at the top of the Budget !
And the world all declare
That this priggish little pair
1813. THERE was a little Man, and he had a little Soul, As recruits in these times are not easily got, And he said, “ Little Soul, let us try, try, try,
And the Marshal must have them - pray, why “ Whether it's within our reach
should we not, “ To make up a little Speech,
As th” last and, I grant it, the worst of our loans “ Just between little you and little I, I, I,
to him, “ Just between little you and little I!"
Ship off the Ministry, body and bones to him?
There's not in all England, I'd venture to swear, Then said his little Soul,
Any men we could half so conveniently spare ; Peeping from her little hole,
And, though they've been helping the French for “ I protest, little Man, you are stout, stout, stout,
years past, “ But, if it's not uncivil,
We may thus make them useful to England at last. “ Pray tell me what the devil
C-stl—r—gh in our sieges might save some dis“ Must our little, little speech be about, bout, bout,
graces, “ Must our little, little speech be about ?”
Being us’d to the taking and keeping of places ;
And Volunteer C—nn-g, still ready for joining, 1 " or the taxes proposed by Mr. Vansittart, that princi- Could the Household but spare us its glory and pride,
Might show off his talent for sly undermining. pally opposed in Parliament was the additional duty on leather."- Ann. Register.
Old H-df-t at horn-works again might be tried,
WAITING DINNER FOR THE RIGHT HON. G-RGE
And the Ch-fJ-st-e make a bold charge at his
HORACE, ODE XXXVIII. LIB. I. side: While V-08-tt-t could victual the troops upon tick,
Persicos odi, puer, adparatus ;
Displicent nexæ philyra coronæ;
shelf: Though through narrow defiles he's not fitted to pass, Yet who could resist, if he bore down en masse ?
Boy, tell the Cook that I hate all nick-nackeries, And though oft, of an evening, perhaps he might Fricassees, vol-au-vents, puffs, and gim-crackprove,
eries — Like our Spanish confed'rates, “ unable to move," !
Six by the Horse-Guards!-old Georgy is late Yet there's one thing in war of advantage unbounded, Butcome-lay the table-cloth—zounds! do not wait, Which is, that he could not with ease be surrounded. Nor stop to inquire, while the dinner is staying, In my next I shall sing of their arms and equip- At which of his places Old R—e is delaying !?
ment; At present no more, but-good luck to the shipment!
HORACE, ODE I. LIB. III.
UPON BEING OBLIGED TO LEAVE A PLEASANT
PARTY, FROM THE WANT OF A PAIR OF
1810. Odi profanum vulgus et arceo : Favete linguis: carmina non prius
BETWEEN Adam and me the great difference is,
Though a paradise each has been forc'd to resign,
That he never wore breeches, till turn'd out of his,
While, for want of my breeches, I'm banish'd
1813. I HATE thee, oh, Mob, as my Lady hates delf; To Sir Francis I'll give up thy claps and thy hisses,
LORD WELLINGTON AND THE Leave old Magna Charta to shift for itself,
MINISTERS. And, like G-dw-n, write books for young
1813. masters and misses.
So gently in peace Alcibiades smil'd, Oh! it is not high rank that can make the heart
While in battle he shone forth so terribly grand, merry,
That the emblem they gravid on his seal, was a child Even monarchs themselves are not free from
With a thunderbolt plac'd in its innocent hand. mishap: Though the Lords of Westphalia must quake before Oh Wellington, long as such Ministers wield
Your magnificent arm, the same emblem will do; Poor Jerry himself has to quake before Nap. For while they're in the Council and you in the Field,
We've the babies in them, and the thunder in you !
The character given to the Spanish soldier, in Sir John Clerk next favours us with some remarks upon a well-known Murray's memorable despatch.
punuing epitaph on fair Rosamond, and expresses a most * The literal closeness of the version here cannot but be loyal hope, that, if" Rosa munda" mean “ a Rose with clean admired. The Translator has added a long, erudite, and hands" it may be found applicable to the Right Honourable Rowery note upon Roses, of which I can merely give a speci- Rose in question. He then dwells at some length upon the men at present. In the first place, he ransacks the Rosarium "Rosa aurea," which, though descriptive, in one sense, of Politicum of the Persian poet Sadi, with the hope of finding the old Treasury Statesman, yet, as being consecrated and some Political Roses, to match the gentleman in the text- worn by the Pope, must, of course, not be brought into the bat in vain : he then tells us that Cicero accused Verres of same atmosphere with him. Lastly, in reference to the reposing upon a cushion “ Melitensi roså fartum,” which, words “old Rose," he winds up with the pathetic lamentation from the odd mixture of words, he supposes to be a kind of of the Poet “consenuisse Rosas.” The whole note, indeed, Irish Bed of Roses, like Lord Castlereagh's. The learned shows a knowledge of Roses, that is quite edifying.