CHAPTER IV.

WHEN the Wesleys returned from America their spiritual state was peculiar, and far from being satisfactory to themselves. Their moral conduct was irreproachable; they had an intense desire to please God, by the practice of universal holiness; and, in order to this, they diligently used every means of grace, and submitted to a course of strict self-denial. Yet they felt that they had not attained to the state of holiness which they had long sought, and their consciences were not at rest. Theirs was not the happy religion which is described in the New Testament as having been realized by the whole body of believers, after the Lord Jesus had entered into his glory, and had sent down the Holy Ghost the Comforter to supply his place. Both of them speak of obtaining mental relief in prayer, in reading the Scriptures, and in the celebration of the Lord's supper; but their spiritual enjoyments were not lasting; a cloud rested upon their minds; they were often harassed by unbelief and doubt; and, to a great extent, they were held in bondage by the sin that dwelt in them. At this period of their lives they never speak of the joy which arises from an application of the blood of Christ to the conscience, and from the distinct and abiding witness of the Spirit of God, that they were his adopted children; nor do they ever declare, with the primitive disciples, "The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." With these essential elements of the Christian character they were as yet unacquainted; but they earnestly desired to know the will of God, that they might obey it; and He who, by the power of his grace, had "wrought them for this selfsame thing," mercifully provided for them the necessary light and guidance. Yet God, in his compassionate sovereignty, sent them help from a quarter where their prejudices and habits would not otherwise have suffered them to look for it. The two brothers, high and unbending Churchmen as they were, having received from their teacher, Mr. Law, "the instruction

which causeth to err," were providentially brought into intercourse with devout members of the Moravian Church. As Aquila and Priscilla, meeting with Apollos, who at that time "knew only the baptism of John," "taught him the way of the Lord more perfectly," and thus gave a right direction to his eloquence and fervour of spirit; so did these pious strangers communicate to John and Charles Wesley principles of truth, which exerted the most salutary influence upon their hearts, and which in future life formed the principal subjects of their effective ministry. The sons of the Anglican Church were undesignedly led to the Moravian Brethren with the plea, "Give us of your oil, for our lamps are gone out."

On his return to England Mr. John Wesley expressed at large the feelings of his burdened mind in his printed Journal. From that affecting record we gather, that with all his sincerity and moral goodness, he had not the filial spirit, nor the power over (every sinful affection and habit, which are directly consequent upon the true Christian faith. His feelings were servile. He rather feared God than loved him, and delighted in him; for he was neither saved from the guilty dread of future wrath, nor from the dominion of inward sin.

Charles, though less communicative on the subject, was evidently in a state similar to that of his brother; though he does not seem to have been equally sensible of the manner in which deliverance was to be obtained. He makes no distinct reference to the faith by which the conscience is purged from dead works, and the heart purified from sin.

On the 18th of December, 1736, he says, "I began my twenty-seventh year in a murmuring, discontented spirit; reading over and over the third of Job;" and on the 22d of January following he adds, "I called upon Mrs. Pendarvis, while she was reading a letter of my being dead. Happy for me, had the news been true! What a world of misery would it save me!"

While in this state of mind, and about this period of his life, he appears to have written the following "Hymn for Midnight," which is strikingly descriptive of his defective creed and gloomy feelings. He had no hope of permanent happiness, but by the dissolution of his earthly frame.

While midnight shades the earth o'erspread,
And veil the bosom of the deep,
Nature reclines her weary head,

And Care respires and Sorrows sleep :
My soul still aims at nobler rest,
Aspiring to her Saviour's breast.

Aid me, ye hovering spirits near,
Angels, and ministers of grace;
Who ever, while you guard us here,
Behold your heavenly Father's face!
Gently my raptured soul convey
To regions of eternal day.

Fain would I leave this earth below,
Of pain and sin the dark abode;
Where shadowy joy, or solid woe,

Allures or tears me from my God;
Doubtful and insecure of bliss,
Since Death alone confirms me his.

Till then, to sorrow born, I sigh,

And gasp and languish after home;
Upward I send my streaming eye,

Expecting till the Bridegroom come :
Come quickly, Lord! thy own receive,
Now let me see thy face, and live!

Absent from thee, my exiled soul

Deep in a fleshly dungeon groans;

Around me clouds of darkness roll,

And labouring silence speaks my moans:

Come quickly, Lord, thy face display,

And look my midnight into day.

Error and sin and death are o'er,

If thou reverse the creature's doom;
Sad Rachel weeps her loss no more,

If thou the God, the Saviour, come :
Of thee possess'd, in thee we prove

The light, the life, the heaven of love.

To this fine composition his brother afterwards gave an evangelical character, by substituting the word "faith" for "death" in the last line of the third stanza. Thus altered, it no longer appears as the desponding language of a real Christian, expecting to be made free from sin and its attendant misery only by the body's dissolution; but as the prayer of a weeping penitent, who is convinced of his guilt and cor

ruption, and is looking for a present deliverance from them through faith in the blood of atonement.

While he was thus "walking in darkness," "under the law," and "feeling after" his Saviour, he had "a zeal for God," which puts to shame the sinful supineness and timidity of many who boast of their greater light. When he travelled in stage-coaches he read pious books to his fellowpassengers, endeavoured to convince all people that religion is an inward and divine principle, and that every one should make it his first and great concern. In private companies he pursued the same course, and often with the happiest results. He was a frequent visitant at the house of the Delamottes, at Blendon, in the parish of Bexley, where he often met the Rev. Henry Piers, the Vicar, whom he engaged in spiritual conversation, prayer, and singing psalms and hymns. Here also he was a means of great religious benefit to Mr. William Delamotte, the brother of Charles, then an under-graduate of the University of Cambridge. Two of this young gentleman's sisters were so impressed, that their mother, afraid of their conversion, sent them to London, that they might be out of the reach of Charles Wesley's influence. But here, being no longer under her direct control, they had the freest intercourse with him, to their great advantage.

It was not among strangers only that he thus laboured. Various members of his own family shared in his solicitude. Thus he speaks of his sister Kezzy, when she was visiting the sister of Mr. Gambold, at Stanton-Harcourt :-" Sept. 16th, 1737. I walked over with Mr. Gambold to StantonHarcourt. After much talk of their states, we agreed that I should not speak at all to my sister on religion, but only to his. Calling accidentally in the evening at my sister's room, she fell upon my neck, and in a flood of tears, begged me to pray for her. I did not know but this might be her time, and sat down. She anticipated me, by saying, she had felt here what she had never felt before; and believed now there was such a thing as the new creature. She was full of earnest wishes for divine love; owned there was a depth in religion she had never fathomed; that she was not, but longed to be, converted; would give up all to obtain the love of God; renewed her request with great vehemence, that I

would pray for her: often repeating, 'I am weak; I am exceeding weak.' I prayed over her, and blessed God from my heart; then used Pascal's prayer for conversion, with which she was much affected, and begged me to write it out for her.

"After supper (at which I could not eat for joy) I read Mr. Law's account of redemption. She was greatly moved, full of tears, and sighs, and eagerness for more. Poor Mrs. Gambold was quite unaffected: her time being not yet

come.

"Sept. 17th. I prayed with Kezz, still in the same temper; convinced that all her misery has proceeded from her not loving God."

"The

With some other members of the family he was not equally successful. Thus he speaks on the 25th of November following:-" At Mrs. Hutton's this evening, my brothers Lambert and Wright visited me." (Lambert had married Miss Anne Wesley; and Wright Miss Mehetabel.) latter has corrupted the former, after all the pains I have taken with him, and brought him back to drinking. I was full, yet could not speak. I prayed for meekness; and then set before him the things he had done, in the devil's name, towards re-converting a soul to him. He left us abruptly. I encouraged poor J. Lambert to turn again unto God."

At this period Mr. Charles Wesley addressed a letter of spiritual instruction to his sister Kezzy, which she answered in the following manner:-"My dear Brother,―Though I am very ill, yet nothing can prevent my returning my sincere thanks for your kind letter. My dear brother, you have not a friend in the world that will be gladder to be directed or reproved (in the spirit of meekness) than I shall be. I own it is a great fault; but my mind, and body too, are so much weakened, with ill-usage, that I cannot bear any roughness, without either being angry, or quite dejected. I have not heard from my mother this two months; nor have had any letter or receipt for you. I cannot write to her, because I do not know how to direct. If you can still have patience, and retain any love and tenderness for

'A weak, entangled, wretched thing,'