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Mightiest of all Dunedin's beasts of chase!
As oil in lieu of butter men decry,
If all such mixtures then be half a crime,
We must have excellence to relish rhyme. Till thee or thine mine evil eye discerns,
Mere roast and boil'd no epicure invites; Alas! I cannot“strike at wretched kernes."(1) Thus poetry disgusts, or else delights. Inhuman Saxon! wilt thou then resign
Who shoot not flying rarely touch a gun: A muse and heart by choice so wholly thine?
Will he who swims not to the river run? Dear, ddcontemner of my schoolboy songs,
And men unpractised in exchanging knocks Hast thou no vengeance for my manhood's wrongs? Must go 10 Jackson (4) ere they dare to box. If unprovoked thou once couldst bid me bleed,
Whate'er the weapon, cudgel, fist, or foil, Hast thou no weapon for my daring deed?
None reach experiness without years of toil; What! not a word!—and am I then so low?
Bul fifty dunces can, with perfect ease, Wilt thou forbear, who never spared a foe?
Tag twenty thousand couplets, when they please. Hast thou no wrath, or wish to give it vent?
Why not?-shall I, thus qualified to sit No wit for nobles dunces ly descent?
for rollen boroughs, never show my wit ? No jest on “minors,” quibbles on a name, (2) Shall I, whose fathers with the quorum sate, Nor one facetious paragraph of blame?
And lived in freedom on a fair estate; Is it for this on llion I have stood,
Who left me heir, with stables, kennels, packs, And thought of Homer less than Holyrood?
To all their income, and to-twice its tax; On shore of Euxine or Ægean sea,
Whose form and pedigree have scarce a fault, My hate, untravellid, fondly turn'd to thee.
Shall I, I say, suppress niy Allic salt ? Ah! let me cease; in vain my bosom burns, from Corydon unkind Alesis turns :(3)
Thus think “the mob of gentlemen ;” but you, Thy rhymes are vain; thy Jeffrey then forego,
Besides all this, must have some genius loo. Nor woo that anger which he will not shows.
Be this your sober judgment, and a rule, What then ?--Edina slarves sonie lanker son,
And print not piping hot from Southey's school, To write an article thou canst nol shun;
Who (ere another Thalaba appears), Some less fastidious Scotchman shall be found, I trust, will spare us for at least nine years. As bold in Billingsgale, though less renown'd. And hark ye, Southey!(5) pray—but don't be vex'd
Burn all your last three works—and half the next. As if at table some discordant dish
Bul why this vair. advice? once publish’d, books Should shock our optics, such as frogs for fish; Can never be recall’dl—from pastry-cooks!
Ut gratas Inler mensas symphonia discors,
Ludere qui nescit, campestribus abslinet armis,
Qui nescit, versus lamen audet fingere!-"Quid ni?
Tu nihil invild dices faciesve Minerva :
was lo accrue, provided one or both were knocked on the head. I may escapo with being "winged” only, and that Heaviside may Having survived Iwo years and a half those Elegies which they “Ti the noble lord and the learned advocate have the courage were kindly preparing to review, I have no peculiar gusto lo give requisite to sustain their mutual insults, we shall probably soon Ibem " so joyful a trouble,” ercept, indeed, “upon compulsion, hear the explosions of another kind of paper-war, after the fashion Hal;" but if, as David says in the Rivals, it should come lo "bloody of the ever-memorable duel which the latter is said to have sword and gun lighting,” we "won't run, will we, Sir Lucius ?" foight, or seemed to fight, with · Little Moore.' We confess I do not know what I had done to these Eclectic gentlemen : my there is sufficient provocation, if not in the critique, at least in works are their lawful perquisite, to be bewn in piece like Agag, if the satire, to urge a man of honour' to defy his assailant to it seem meet unto them: but why they should be in such a hurry to mortal combat. Or this we shall no doubt hear more in due kill off their author, I am ignorant. “The race is not always lo .ime.”—E.) the swift, nor the battle to the strong:" and now, as these Chris (1) “Alas!) cannot strike at wretched kernes." Macbeth.-E. tians have “ smole me on one cheek, "I hold them up the other; (2) See the memorable critique of the Edinburgh Review, on and, in relurn for their good wishes, give them an opportunity of Hours of Idleness.-E. repeating them. Had any other set of men expressed such sen (3) “Invenies alium, si te hic fastidit, Alexin.” liments, I should have smiled, and left them to the “recording (4) Lord Byron's laste for boxing brought him acquainted, at angel;” but from the pharisees of Christianity decency might be an early period, with this distinguished, and, it is not too much 10 espected. I can assure these brethren, thal, publican and sinner, say, respected professor of the art; for whom, throughout lise,
as I am, I would not have treated "mine enemy's dog thus.” To be continued to entertain a sincere regard. In a note to the show them the superiority of my brotherly love, if ever the Reve- elevenih canto of Don Juan, he calls him “his old friend, and rend Messrs. Simeon or Ramsden should be engaged in such a corporeal pastor and master."-E. conflict as that in which they requested me to fall, I hope they (5) Mr. Southey has lately tied another canister to his tail in
Though Madoc, with Pucelle, (1) instead of punk, And old Tyrtæus, when the Spartans warr’d,
Orpheus, we learn from Ovid and Lempricre, Though wall?d Ithome had resisted long,
Reduced the fortress by the force of song. And had he fiddled at the present hour,
When oracles prevaild, in times of old, We'd seen the lions waltzing in the Tower; In song alone Apollo's will was told. And old Amphion, such were minstrels then, Then if your verse is what all verse should be, Had built St. Paul's without the aid of Wren. And gods were not ashamed on't, why should we? Verse too was justice, and the bards of Greece
The Muse, like mortal females, may be woo'd; Did more than constables to keep the peace; In turns she'll seem a Paphian, or a prude; Abolish'd cuckoldom with much applause,
Fierce as a bride when first she feels affright, Call’d county meetings, and enforced the laws;
Mild as the same upon the second night; Cut down crown influence with reforming scythes, Wild as the wife of alderman or peer, And served the church-without demanding tithes: Now for bis grace, and now a grenadier! And hence, throughout all Hellas and the East,
Her eyes beseem, her heart belies, her zone: Each poet was a prophet and a priest,
Ice in a crowd, and lava when alone. Whose old-establish'd board of joint controls
If verse be studied with some show of art, Included kingdoms in the cure of souls.
Kind nature always will perform her part; Next, rose the martial Homer, Epic's prince, Though without genius, and a native vein And fighting 's been in fashion ever since; Of wit, we loathe an artificial strain
Quod non edideris. Nescit vox missa reverti.
Sylvestres homines sacer interpresque deorum
Sic honor et nomen divinis vatlbus atque
Naturà fieret laudabile carmen, an arte,
the Curse of Kehama, maugre the neglect of Madoc, etc., and unsaleables. Poor Southey, it should seem, is the “Lepidus” of has in one instance had wonderful effect. A literary friend this poelical triumvirate. I am only surprised to see bim in such of mine, walking out one lovely evening last summer, on the good company:eleventh bridge of the Paddington canal, was alarmed by the cry
“Such things 'we know, are neither rich por rare, of “one in jeopardy:" he rushed along, collected a body of Irish
But wonder how the devil he came there." haymakers (supping on butter-milk in an adjacent paddock), procured three rakes, one eel-spear, and a landing-net, and at the trio are well defined in the sixth proposition of Euclid: last (horresco referens !) palled out-his own publisher. The un- “Because, in the triangles D B C, A C B, D B is equal to AC, and fortunate man was gone for ever, and so was a large quarto B C common to both; the two sides D B, B C, are equal to the two where with he had taken the leap, which proved, on inquiry, to AC, C B, each lo each, and the angle D B C is equal to the angle have been Mr. Southey's last work. Ils « alacrity of sinking" ACB: therefore, the base D C is equal to the base A B, and the was so great, that it bas never since been heard of; though some triangle D B C (Nir. Southey) is equal to the triangle AC B, the maintain that it is at this moment concealed at Alderman Birch's less to the greater, which is absurd," etc.—The editor of the pastry premises, Cornhill. Be this as it may, the coroner's in Edinburgh Register will find the rest of the theorem hard by his quest brought in a verdict of "Felo de bibliopola” against a stabiing : he has only to cross the river; 't is the first lurnpike “quarto unknown;" and circumstantial evidence being since I other side “Pops Asinorum.”* strong against the Curse of kehama (of which the above words (1) Voltaire's Pucelle is not quite so immaculate as Mr. Southey's are an exact description), it will be tried by its peers next sessions eruth and poetry too on his side—(they rarely go together-than
“Joan of Arc," and yet I am afraid the Frenchman has both more in Grub-street.- Arthur, Alfred, Davideis, Richard Caur-deLion, Exodus, Exodia, Epigoniad, Calvary, Fall of Cambria, our patriotic minstrel, whose first essay was in praise of a fanatical Siege of Acre, Don Roderick, and Tom Thumb the Great, are French strumpel, whose tille of witch would be correct with the the names of the twelve jurors. The judges are Pye, Bowles, and change of the first letter. the bellman of St. Sepulchre's. The same advocates, pro and (2) Like Sir Bland Burgess's Richard; the tenth book of wbich con, will be employed as are now engaged in Sir F. Burdele's ce- I read at Malta, on a trunk of Eyres, 19, Cockspur-street. If this lebrated cause in the Scotch courts. The public anxiously be doubled, I shall buy a portmanteau to quole from. await the result, and all live publishers will be subpænaed as wil. (3) Lord Byron had originally wrillennesses. But Mr. Southey has published the Curse of Kehama,-an
" As lame as I am, but a better bard." inviting title to quibblers. By the by, it is a good.deal beneath Scott and Campbell, and not much above Southey, to allow the The reader of Mr. Moore's Life will appreciate the feeling which, booby Ballantyne to entitle them, in the Edinburgh Annual Re. gister (of which, by the by, Southey is editor)“ the grand poeticaj * This Latin has sorely puzzled the University of Edinburgh. triumvirate of the day.” But, on second thoughts, it can be no Ballantyne said it meant the “Bridge of Berwick,” but Southey great degree of praise lo be the one-eyed leaders of the blind, he had just passed two King James's and a dozen Douglasses over it.
claimed it as half English ; Scott swore it was the “Brig o' Stirling: though they-miglit as well keep to themselves “Scott's thirty At last it was decided by Jeffrey, that it meant nothing more nor thousand copies sold,” wbich must sadly discomfit poor Southey's less than the counter of Archy Constable's shop."
Yet art and nature join'd will win the prize,
Then leave, ye wise, the lyre's precarious chords Unless they act like us and our allies.
To muse-mad baronels, or madder lords,
Or country Crispins, now grown somewhat stale, The youth who trains to ride, or run a race,
Twin Doric minstrels, drunk with Doric ale! Must bear privations with unruffled face,
Hark to those notes, narcotically soft! Be callid to labour when he thinks to dine,
The cobbler-laureats (4) sing to Capel Lofft!(5) And, harder still, leave wenching and his wine.
Till lo! that modern Midas, as he hears,
Adds an ell's growth to his egregious ears!
There lives one druid, who prepares in time “I've got a pretty poem for the press;"
'Gainst future feuds his poor revenge of rhyme; . And that's enough; then write and print so fast; Racks his dull memory, and his duller muse, If Satan take the hindmost, who'd be last ? To publish faults which friendship should excuse : They storm the types, they publish, one and all, If friendship's nothing, self-regard might teach They leap the counter, and they leave the stall. More polish'd usage of his parts of speech. Provincial maidens, men of high command, But what is shame, or what is aught to him ? Yea, baronels have ink'd the bloody hand! (1) He vents his spleen, or gratifies his whim. Cash cannut quell them; Pollio(2) play'd this prank, Some fancied slight has roused his lurking bate, (Then Phæbus first found credit in a bank!) Some folly cross’d, some jest, or some debate; Not all the living only, but the dead,
Up to his den Sir Scribbler hies, and soon Fool on, as fluent as an Orpheus' head; (3) The gather'd gall is voided in lampoon. Damn'd all their days, they posthumously thrive Perhaps at some perts peech you've dared to frown, Dug up from dust, though buried when alive! Perhaps your poem may have pleased the town: Reviews record this epidemic crime,
If so, alas ! 't is nature in the manThose Books of Martyrs to the rage for rhyme. May Heaven forgive you, for he never can ! Alas! woe worth the scribbler! often seen Then be it so; and may his withering bays Io Morning Post, or Monthly Magazine. Bloom fresh in satire, though they fade in praise ! There lurk his earlier lays ; but soon, hot-pressid, While his lost songs no more shall steep and stink, Behold a quarto!—Tarts must tell the rest. The dullest, fattest weeds on Lethe's brink,
Nec rude quid prosit video ingenium: alterius sic
Qui studet oplatam cursu contingere melam,
Tibicen, didicit prius, extimuitque magistrum.
no doubt, influenced Lord Byron's alteration of the manuscrip! shoemakers, and been accessary to the poetical undoing of many line.-E.
of the industrious poor. Nathaniel Bloomfield and his brother (1) The Red Hand of Ulster, introduced generally in a canton, Bobby have set all Somerselshire singing; nor has the malady marks the shield of a baronel of the United Kingdom.-E. confined itself to one county. Prati loo (who once was wiser) has (?) “ Pollio."-In the original MS. “Rogers."-E.
caught the contagion of patronage, and decoyed a poor fellow (3) “Tum quoque marmorea caput a cervice revulsum, named Blackett into poelry; but he died during the operation, Gurgite cum medio portans Æagrius Hebrus
leaving one child and two volumes of Remains ullerly destitute. Volveret, Eurydicen vox ipsa, et frigida lingua;
The girl, if she don't take a poetical iwist, and come forth as a Ab, miseram Eurydicen! anima sugiente vocabat;
shoemaking Sappho, may do well: but the “tragedies" are as Eurydicen loto referebant Numine ripæ.”
rickely as if they had been the offspring of an Earl or a Seatonian
Georgic. iv. 825. prize poet. The patrons of this poor lad are certainly answerable (6) I beg Nathaniel's pardon: be is not a cobbler; it is a lailor, for his end; and it ought to be an indictable offence. But this is the but begged Capel Loff to sink the profession in his preface to two least they have done; for, hy a refinement of barbarily, they have pair of panla--psha!-of cantos, which he wished public to made the (late) man posthumously ridiculous, by printing what
try on; bul the sieve of a patron let it oul, and so far saved the he would have had sense enough never lo print himself. Cerles expense of an advertisement lo his country customers. Merry's lhese rakers of Remains come under the statute against “resur"* Moorfields whine" was nothing to all this. The "Della Crus-rection men.” What does it signify wbether a poor dear dead cans" were people of some education, and no profession; but these dunce is to be stuck up in Surgeons or in Stationers' llall? Is Arcadians (" Arcades ambo"-bumpkins boch) send out their na- it so bad lo unearth his bones as liis blunders? Is it not belles 10 Live nonsense without the smallest alloy, and leave all the shoes gibbet his body on a heath, than his soul in an oclavo? ind smallclothes in the parish un, epaired, 10 patch up elegies on know what we are, but we know not what we may be;" and it is to Enclosures and pæans to Gunpowder. Sitting on a shopboard, be hoped we never shall know, if a man who has passed through life they describe fields of battle, when the only blood they ever saw with a sort of eclat, is to find himself a mountebank on the other was shed from the finger; and an “ Essay on War" is produced side of Styx, and be made, like poor Joe Blackett, the laughingby ibe ninth part of a “poel.”
stock of Purgatory. The plea of publication is to provide for the
child; now, might not some of this “Sulor ultra crepidam's' "And own that nine such poets made a Tate"
friends and seducers have done a decent action witsoul inveigDid Nathan ever read that line of Pope ? and, if he did, why not ling Praft into biography? And then bis inscription, split into take it as his motto!
so many-modicums!-" To the Duchess of So-much, the Right Hon. (5) This well-meaning gentleman bas spoiled some excellent So-and-So, and Mrs. and Miss Somebody, these volumes are,
But, springing upwards from the sluggish mould, He strides and stamps along with creaking boot,
As when the dying vicar will not die!
sort (2) All but one poor dependent priest withdrawn, Ye, who aspire to “build the lofty rhyme,” (3) (All! too regardless of his chaplain's yawn!) Believe not all who laud your false “sublime;" Condemn the unlucky curate to recite
But if some friend shall hear your work, and say, Their last dramatic work by candle-light,
“Expunge that stanza, lop that line away,” How would the preacher turn each rueful leaf, And, after fruitless efforts, you return Dull as his sermons, but not half so brief!
Without amendment, and he answers, “Burn !" Yet since 't is promised at the rector's death, That instant throw your paper in the fire, He'll risk no living for a little breath.
Ask not his thoughts, or follow his desire; Then spouts and foams, and cries at every line, But (if true bard !) you scorn to condescend, (The Lord forgive him!)“Bravol grand ! divine!” And will not alter what you can't defend, Hoarse with those praises (which, by flattery fed, If you will breed this bastard of your brains,(4) Dependence barters for her bitter bread), We'll have no words—I 've only lost my pains Si carmina condes,
Bus terque expertum frustra ; delere jubebat, Nunquam te fallant animi sub vulpe latentes.
Et male lornatos incudi reddere versus. Quintilio si quid recitares, “Corrige, sodes,
si defendere deliclum, quam vertere, malles, Hoc (aiebal) et hoc:" melius le posse negares,
Quin side rivali leque et lua solus amares. Nullum ultra verbum, aut operam insumebat Ibadem, elc. etc.”—why, this is doling out the "sch milk of dedication" Though I no fame or profit gain, in gills,- there is but a quart, and he divides it among a dozen.
Yet may amuse your idle men; Why, Prall, hadst thou not a pull len? Dost thou think six fa.
Of whom, though some may be severe,
Others may read without a sneer? milies of distinction can share this in quiet! There is a child;
Thus much premised, I next proceed a book, and a dedicalion; send the girl to her grace,
To give you what I feel my creed, lumes to the grocer, and the dedication to the devil.—(See antė,
And in what follows to display p. 61.-E.)
Some bumours of the passing day. (1) In the original MS.
ON SOME MODERN QUACKS AND REFORMISTS. “Some rhyming peer-Carlisle or Carisfort," To which is subjoined this note:—"0f •John Joshua, Earl of
In tracing of the human mind
Through all its various courses, Carysforl' I know nothing at present, but from an advertise Though strange, 't is true, we often find ment in an old newspaper of certain Poems and Tragedies by his
It knows not its resources Lordship, which I saw by accident in the Morea. Being a rhymer And men through life assume a part bimself, he will forgive the liberty I take with his name, seeing,
For which no talents they possess, as he must, how very commodious it is al the close of that coup
Yet wonder that, with all their art, let; and as for what follows and goes before, let him place it to
They meet no better with success. the account of the other 'Thane; since I cannot, under these cir
'Tis thus we see, through life's career,
So few excel in their profession; cumstances, augur pro or con the contents of his foolscap
Whereas, would each man but appear crown octavos.'” -(John Joshua Proby, first Earl of Caryssori,
In what's within his own possession; was joint postmaster-general in 1803, envoy to Berlin in 1806,
We should not see such daily quacks and ambassador to Petersburgh in 1807. Besides his poems he
(For quacks there are in every arl) published two pamphlets, to show the necessity of universal suf Atiempling, by their strange attacks, frage and short parliaments. He died in 1828.-E.)
To meliorate the mind and heart. (2) Here will Mr. Gifford allow me to introduce once more lo Nor mean I here the stage alone,. his notice the sole survivor, the “ultimus Romanorom,” the last of
Where some deserve the applause they meet: the Cruscanti—“Edwin” the “profound” by our Lady of Punish
For quacks there are, and they well known
In either House who hold a seat. ment! here he is, as lively as in the days of “well said Baviad the Correct.” I thought Filzgerald had been the tail of poesy;
Reform 's the order of the day, I bear,
To which I cordially assent: but, alas! he is only the penultimate.
But then let this reform appear,
And every class of men cement.
For if you but reform a few,
And others leave to their full bent,
I fear you will but little do,
And find your time and paios misspent.
Let each man to his post assign'd
By Nature, take his part to act,
And then few causes shall we find
To call each man we meet-a quack. *
(3) See Milton's Lycidas.-E.
(4) Bastard of your brains.”—Minerva being the first by Who novels read, and oft maintain'd He here and there some knowledge gaind:
For sucb every man is who either appears to be what he is Then why not I indulge my pen,
aot, or strives to be what he cannot.
Yet, if you only prize your favourite thought, For there his carcass he might freely Ming,
From frenzy, or the humour of the thing.
Budgell, a rogue and rhymester, for 10 good, Belter let him than all the world deridle.
(Unless his case be much misunderstood) Give light to passages too much in shade,
When teased with creditors' continual clains, Nor let a doubt obscure one verse you ’ve made;
“To die like Calo,”(4) leapt into the Thames! Your friend's “a Johnson,” not to leave one word, And therefore be it lawful through the town However trifling, which may seem absurd :
For any bard lo poison, hang, or drown. (5) Such erring trilles Jead to serious ills,
Who saves the intended suicide receives And furnish food for critics, (1) or their quills. Small thanks from him who loatires the life he leaves;
As the Scotch fiddle, with its touching tune, And, sooth to say, mad poets must not lose Or the sad influence of the angry moon,
The glory of thai death ihey freely choose. All men avoiel bad writers' ready tongues,
Nor is it certain that some sorts of verse As yawning wailers fly (2) Fitzscribble's (3) lungs; Prick noi the poet's conscience as a curse; Yet on he mouths—len minutesmedious each Dosed (6) willı vile drams on Sunday he was found, As prelate's homily, or placeman's speecle;
Or got a cliild on consecrated ground! Long as the last years of a lingering lease,
And hence is haunied with a rhyming rageWhen riot pauses until rents increase.
Teard like a bear just bursting from his cage. While such a minstrel, muliering fustian, strays If free, ail fly his versifying fit, O'er hedze and ditch, through unfrequented ways, Fatal at once io simpleton or wit. if by some chance he walks into a well,
But him, unbsppy! whom he seizes,-him And shouts for succour with sientorian yell,
Ile tlays with recitation limba liy limb; ** A rope! help, Christians, as ye hope for grace!"
Probes to the quick where'er he makes his breach, Nor woman, man, nor child will stir a pace;
And gorges like a lawyer or a leech.
Vir borus et prudens versus reprehendet inertes,
l'i mala quein scabies, aut morbus regius urget,
Hic dum sublimes versus ructalur, et errat,
Si quis curei opem ferre, et demiilere sunem;
Jupiter's head-piece, and a variety of equally unaccountable himself with a legacy of two thousand pounds. To this Pope parturitions upon earth, such as Madoc, etc, etc, etc.
alludes: O "A crust for the critics." — Bayes in the Rehearsal.
“Let Bulell charge low Gral-street on my qull,
And wale whate'er be pleasca-except my will."-E. 2 And the “waiters” are the only fortunate people who can * fly" from them; all the rest, viz. the sad subscribers to the
(5) “We talked (says Boswell) of a man's drowning himself.-. | " Literary Fund,” being compelled, by courtesy, to sit out the -Johnson. "I should never think it time to make away with recitation without a hope of exclaiming, “Sic” (that is, by choking forging a will, and sunk linseis in the Thames, before the trial of
myself. I put the case of Eustace Budgeli, who was accused of Fitz. with bad wine, or worse poetry) “me servavit Apollo!"
iis authenticity came on. “Suppose, Sir,' said I, that a man is 15, “Fitzscribble," originally “ Fitzgerald." (See p. 00).-E.
absolutely sure that, if he lives a few days longer, he shall be (1) On bis table were found these words: “What Calo did, detected in a fraud, the consequence of which will be ulter disend Addison approred, cannot be urong.” But Addison did grace, and expulsion from society??--JOUNson. "Then, Sir, let Dot ** approve;" and if he had, il would not bave mended the him go abroad to a distant couniry; let him go to some place maller. He had invited his daughter on the same water-party; where he is not known. Don't let him go to the devil, where bat Miss Budgell, by some accident, escaped this last paternal he is known."" Sec Croker's Boswell, vol. ii. pp. 22). 290.-E. 3!ienlion. Thus sell the sycophant of " Allicus," and the enemy (6) If " dosed with," etc. be censured as low, I beg leave to of Pope! –(Eustace Budgell, a friend and relative of Addison's, refer to the original for something still lower; and if any reader "capt into the Thames” to escape a prosecution on account will translate “Minxerit in patrios cineres;” etc. into a decent of forging the will of Dr. Tindal; in wbicb Eustace had provided couplet, I will insert said couplet in lieu of the present.