"The devil take me!" said she (blessing herself) "if ever I saw't!" So she roar'd like a bedlam, as though I had call'd her all to naught. So you know, what could I say to her any more? I e'en left her, and came away as wise as I was before. Well; but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man ! "No," said I, "Tis the same thing, the CHAPLAIN* will be here anon.' So the Chaplain came in. Now the servants say he is my sweetheart, Because he's always in my chamber, and I always take his part. So, as the devil would have it, before I was aware, out I blunder'd, "Parson," said I, "can you cast a nativity, when a body's plunder'd?" (Now you must know, he hates to be call'd Parson, like the devil!) "Truly," says he, "Mrs. Nab, it might become you to be more civil; If your money be gone, as a learned Divine says, d'ye see, You are no text for my handling; so take that from me: I was never taken for a Conjurer before, I'd have you to know." "Lord!" said I, "don't be angry,' I am sure I never thought you so; * Dr. Swift. H. E 2 You You know I honour the cloth; I design to be a Parson's wife; I never took one in your coat for a conjurer in all my life." With that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope, as who should say, "Now you may go hang yourself for me!" and so went away. Well: I thought I should have swoon'd. "Lord!" said I," what shall I do? I have lost my money, and shall lose my true love too!" Then my lord call'd me: "Harry," said my Lord, "don't cry; I'll give you something toward thy loss: "And," says my lady, "so will I." Oh! but, said I, what if, after all, the Chaplain won't come to ? For that, he said, (an't please your Excellencies,) I must petition you. The premises tenderly consider'd, I desire, your Excellencies protection, And that I may have a share in next Sunday's collection; And, over and above, that I may have your Excellencies' letter, With an order for the Chaplain aforesaid, or, instead of him, a better: And then your poor petitioner, both night and day, Or the chaplain (for 'tis his trade), as in duty bound, shall ever pray. * A cant word of lord and lady Berkeley to Mrs. Harris. H. A BALLAD, A BALLAD, ON THE GAME OF TRAFFIC. WRITTEN AT THe castle of DUBLIN, 1699. My Lord,* to find out who must deal, Y Delivers cards about, But the first knave does seldom fail To find the doctor out. But then his honour cry'd, gad zooks! For on a knave he never looks Dame Floyd looks out in grave suspense Quoth Herries, fairly putting cases, And could pick up a third. But Weston has a new-cast gown 'Twill just new dye the lining. "With these is parson Swift, "Not knowing how to spend his time, "Does make a wretched shift, "To deafen them with puns and rhyme." * The earl of Berkeley. H. † Paymaster to the army. H. A BALLAD, (54 A BALLAD, TO THE TUNE OF, THE WRITTEN IN AUGUST 1702. I. ONCE on a time, as old stories rehearse, A friar would need show his talent in Latin; But was sorely put to't in the midst of a verse, Because he could find no word to come pat in: Then all in the place He left a void space, And so went to bed in a desperate case: When behold the next morning a wonderful riddle! He found it was strangely fill'd up in the middle. CHO. Let censuring critics then think what they list on't; Who would not write verses with such an assistant? II. This put me the friar into an amazement : For he wisely considered it must be a sprite; That he came through the keyhole or in at the casement; And it needs must be one that could both read and write: * Lady Betty Berkeley, finding the preceding verses in the author's room unfinished, wrote under them the concluding stanza; which gave occasion to this ballad, written by the author in a counterfeit hand, as if a third person had done it. SWIFT. Yet Yet he did not know If it were friend or foe, Or whether it came from above or below: However, 'twas civil, in angel or elf, For he ne'er could have fill'd it so well of himself. CHO. Let censuring, &c. III. Even so Master Doctor had puzzled his brains Pay thanks for the gift, For you freely must own, you were at a dead lift ; And, though some malicious young spirit did do't, You may know by the hand it had no cloven foot. CHO. Let censuring, &c. THE DISCOVERY. WHEN wise lord Berkeley first came here,* Statesmen and mob expected wonders, Nor thought to find so great a peer Ere a week past committing blunders. Till on a day cut out by fate, When folks came thick to make their court, Out slipt a mystery of state, To give the town and country sport. * To Ireland, as one of the lords justices. H. |