March oe'r the ruin'd plain with motion slow,
Still scatt'ring desolation where they go.
To thee I owe that fatal bent of mind,
Still to unhappy restless thoughts inclin'd;
To thee, what oft I vainly strive to hide,
That scorn of fools, by fools mistook for pride;
From thee whatever virtue takes its rise,
Grows a misfortune, or becomes a vice;
Such were thy rules to be poetically great,
"Stoop not to int'rest, flattery, or deceit;
Nor with hired thoughts be thy devotion paid;
Learn to disdain their mercenary aid;

Be this thy sure defence, thy brazen wall,
Know no base action, at no guilt turn pale;
And since unhappy distance thus denies
T'expose thy soul, clad in this poor disguise;
Since thy few ill presented graces seem

To breed contempt where thou hast hoped

Madness like this no fancy ever seized,

Still to be cheated, never to be pleased;
Since one false beam of joy in sickly minds
Is all the poor content delusion finds.→

There thy enchantment broke, and from this hour
I here renounce thy visionary pow'r;

And since thy essence on my

breath depends,

Thus with a puff the whole delusion ends.

WRITTEN IN A LADY'S IVORY TABLE

PERUSE

BOOK, 1698.

my leaves through every part, And think thou seest my owner's heart,

Scrawl'd

Scrawl'd o'er with trifles thus, and quite
As hard, as senseless, and as light;
Expos'd to every coxcomb's eyes,
But hid with caution from the wise.

Here you may read, "Dear charming saint;"
Beneath "A new receipt for paint:"
Here, in beau-spelling, "Tru tel deth ;"
There, in her own, "For an el breth:"
Here, "Lovely nymph, pronounce my doom!"
There, "A safe way to use perfume:"
Here, a page fill'd with billet doux ;
On t'other side, "Laid out for shoes"-
"Madam I die without your grace"-
"Item, for half a yard of lace."
Who that had wit would place it here,
For every peeping fop to jeer?
To think that your brains' issue is
Expos'd to th' excrement of his,
In power of spittle and a clout,
Whene'er he please to blot it out;
And then, to heighten the disgrace,
Clap his own nonsense in the place.
Whoe'er expects to hold his part
In such a book, and such a heart,
If he be wealthy, and a fool,
Is in all points the fittest tool;
Of whom it may be justly said,
He's a gold pencil tipp'd with lead.

MRS.

MRS. FRANCES HARRIS'S PETITION. 1700. To their excellencies the Lords Justices of Ireland,*

The humble petition of Frances Harris,

Who must starve and die a maid if it miscarries; Humbly sheweth, that I went to warm myself in

Lady Betty's † chamber, because I was cold; And I had in a purse seven pounds, four shillings, and six-pence, besides farthings, in money and gold;

So because I had been buying things for my lady last night,

I was resolved to tell my money, to see if it was 'right.

Now, you must know, because my trunk has a very bad lock,

Therefore all the money I have, which, God knows, is a very small stock,

I keep in my pocket, tied about my middle, next my smock,

So when I went to put up my purse, as God would have it, my smock was unripp'd,

And instead of putting it into my pocket, down it slipp'd;

Then the bell rung, and I went down to put my lady to bed;

And, God knows, I thought my money was as safe as my maidenhead.

So, when I came up again, I found my pocket feel very light;

But when I search'd, and miss'd my purse, Lord!
I thought I should have sunk outright.

* The earls of Berkely and of Galway. H.
+ Lady Betty Berkely, afterwards Germain. H.

Lord!

"Lord! madam," says Mary, "how d'ye do?"—

"Indeed," says I, "never worse:

But pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done with my purse?"

"Lord help me!" says Mary, "I never stirr'd out of this place!"

66

"Nay," said I, "I had it in lady Betty's chamber, that's a plain case."

So Mary got me to bed, and cover'd me up warm: However, she stole away my garters, that I might do myself no harm.

So I tumbled and toss'd all night, as you may very well think,

But hardly ever set my eyes together, or slept a wink.

So I was a dream'd, methought, that we went and search'd the folks round,

And in a corner of Mrs. Dukes's box, tied in a rag, the money was found.

So next morning we told Whittlef, and he fell a swearing:

Then my dame Wadgar‡came; and she, you know, is thick of hearing.

"Dame," said I, as loud as I could bawl, "do you know what a loss I have had?"

"Nay," said she, " my lord Colway's § folks are all very sad :

For my lord Dromedary ||comes a Tuesday without fail."

* Wife to one of the footmen. H.

+ Earl of Berkeley's valet. H.

The old deaf housekeeper. H.

§ Galway. H.

|| The Earl of Drogheda, who with the primate was to succeed

the two earls. H.

VOL. XVI.

E

"Pugh!"

"Pugh!" said I, "but that's not the business that I ail."

Says Cary,* says he, "I have been a servant this five and twenty years, come spring,

And in all the places I liv'd I never heard of such a thing."

"Yes," says the steward,† "I remember when I was at my lady Shrewsbury's,

Such a thing as this happen'd, just about the time of gooseberries."

So I went to the party suspected, and I found her full of grief:

(Now, you must know, of all things in the world, I hate a thief:)

However, I was resolv'd to bring the discourse slily about:

"Mrs. Dukes," said I, "here's an ugly accident has happen'd out:

'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a louse;

But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the

house.

'Tis true, seven pounds, four shillings, and sixpence, makes a great hole in my wages:

Besides, as they say, service is no inheritance in these ages.

Now, Mrs. Dukes, you know, and every body understands,

That though 'tis hard to judge, yet money can't go without hands."

+ Ferris; of whom, see Journal to Stella, Dec. 21, 1710. N. A usual saying of hers. H.

"The