ON DREAMS.

AN IMITATION OF PETRONIUS.

"Somnia quæ mentes ludunt volitantibus umbris," &c.

THOSE dreams, that on the silent night intrude, And with false flitting shades our minds delude, Jove never sends us downward from the skies; -Nor can they from infernal mansions rise; But are all mere productions of the brain, And fools consult interpreters in vain.

For, when in bed we rest our weary limbs, The mind unburden'd sports in various whims; The busy head with mimic art runs o'er The scenes and actions of the day before.

The drowsy tyrant, by his minions led, To regal rage devotes some patriot's head, With equal terrors, not with equal guilt, The murderer dreams of all the blood he spilt,

The soldier smiling hears the widow's cries, And stabs the son before the mother's eyes. With like remorse his brother of the trade, The butcher, fells the lamb beneath his blade.

The statesman rakes the town to find a plot, And dreams of forfeitures by treason got. Nor less Tom-t-d-man of true statesman mould, Collects the city filth in search of goid.

Orphans around his bed the lawyer sees, And takes the plaintiff's and defendant's fees. His fellow pick-purse, watching for a job, Fancies his finger's in the cully's fob.

The

The kind physician grants the husband's prayers, Or gives relief to long expecting heirs. The sleeping hangman ties the fatal noose, Nor unsuccessful waits for dead men's shoes.

The grave divine, with knotty points perplext, As if he was awake, nods o'er his text : While the sly mountebank attends his trade, Harangues the rabble, and is better paid. The hireling senator of modern days Bedaubs the guilty great with nauseous praise: And Dick the scavenger with equal grace Flirts from his cart the mud in *****'s face.

VERSES OCCASIONED BY WHITSHED'S* MOTTO ON HIS COACH. 1724.

LIBERTAS et natale solum :

Fine words! I wonder where you stole 'em.
Could nothing but thy chief reproach

Serve for a motto on thy coach?

But let me now the words translate:
Natale solum, my estate;

My dear estate, how well I love it!
My tenants, if you doubt, will prove it,
They swear I am so kind and good,
I hug them, till I squeeze their blood.
Libertas bears a large import:
First, how to swagger in a court;
And, secondly, to show my fury
Against an uncomplying jury;

*The chief justice who prosecuted the Drapier. H.

And, thirdly, 'tis a new invention,
To favour Wood, and keep my pension;
And, fourthly, 'tis to play an odd trick,
Get the great seal, and turn out Broderick;
And, fifthly, (you know whom I mean)
To humble that vexatious Dean;

And, sixthly, for my soul, to barter it
For fifty times its worth to Carteret.*
Now, since your motto thus you construe,
I must confess you've spoken once true.
Libertas et natale solum :

You had good reason, when you stole 'em.

SENT BY DR. DELANY TO DR. SWIFT,

IN ORDER TO BE ADMITTED TO SPEAK TO HIM,
WHEN HE WAS DEAF. 1724.

DEAR sir, I think 'tis doubly hard,
Your ears and doors should both be barr'd.
Can any thing be more unkind?

Must I not see, 'cause you are blind?
Methinks a friend at night should cheer you.
A friend that loves to see and hear you.
Why am I robb'd of that delight,

When you can be no loser by't?

Nay, when 'tis plain (for what is plainer?)
That, if you heard, you'd be no gainer?
For sure you are not yet to learn,
That hearing is not your concern.
Then be your doors no longer barr'd:
Your business, sir, is to be heard.

* Lord lieutenant of Ireland, H.

THE

}

THE ANSWER.

THE wise pretend to make it clear,
'Tis no great loss to lose an ear.
Why are we then so fond of two,
When by experience one would do?
'Tis true,say they, cut off the head,
And there's an end; the man is dead ;
Because, among all human race,
None e'er was known to have a brace;
But confidently they maintain,

That where we find the members twain,
The loss of one is no such trouble,
Since t'other will in strength be double.
The limb surviving, you may swear,
Becomes his brother's lawful heir:
Thus, for a trial, let me beg of
Your reverence but to cut one leg off,
And you shall find, by this device,
The other will be stronger twice;
For every day you shall be gaining
New vigour to the leg remaining.
So, when an eye has lost its brother,
You see the better with the other.
Cut off your hand, and you may do
With t'other hand the work of two:
Because the soul her power contracts,
And on the brother limb reacts.

But yet the point is not so clear in
Another case, the sense of hearing:
For, though the place of either ear'
Be distant, as one head can bear?

Yet

Yet Galen most acutely shows you,
(Consult his book de partium usu)
That from each ear, as he observes,
There creep two auditory nerves,
Not to be seen without a glass,'
Which near the os petrosum pass;

Thence to the neck; and moving thorough there,
One goes to this, and one to t'other ear;
Which made my grandam always stuff her ears
Both right and left, as fellow sufferers.
You see my learning; but, to shorten it,
When my left ear was deaf a fortnight,
To t'other ear I felt it coming on:
And thus I solve this hard phenomenon.
'Tis true, a glass will bring supplies
To weak, or old, or clouded eyes:

Your arms, though both your eyes were lost,
Would guard your nose against a post :
Without your legs, two legs of wood
Are stronger, and almost as good:
And as for hands, there have been those
Who, wanting both, have us'd their toes.*
But no contrivance yet appears
To furnish artificial ears.

A QUIET LIFE AND A GOOD NAME,

TO A FRIEND WHO MARRIED A SHREW.

1724.

NELL scolded in so loud a din,

That Will durst hardly venture in:

* There have been instances of a man's writing with his foot. H.

He